Humourous Tales Entries
Jaft's entry: Two nuns were taking a stroll through the park at dusk when two men jumped then, ripped off their habits, and proceeded to rape them.
Sister Gregory, bruised and battered, looked up at sky and said softly, "Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he does."
Sister Theresa looked over at her and said, "Mine does."
1.Little Jimmy was on the playground one day when he heard a bigger kid yell something at another kid. Jimmy has no idea what this word means so he goes to ask the teacher.
"Teacher, teacher! I heard the a big kid on the playground say a word and I don't know what it means so I came to ask you."
"Okay Jimmy," the teacher says, "What's the word?."
Jimmy tells her the word and she immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE! GO TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW!"
So Jimmy is waiting in the principal's office, with no clue what the word he just said means other than it's a really bad word. Eventually the principal walks in and sits at his desk. "Jimmy, do you know why you're here?"
"Well I was on the playground and I heard a big kid say a word and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the teacher and she sent me here."
"Jimmy," the principal says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get sent to my office?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's already gotten me into trouble once..."
"That's okay, just whisper it in my ear," he says. So Jimmy whispers the word in his ear and he immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE! GO HOME RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE EXPELLED!"
So Jimmy walks home and when he comes in the door his mother asks him, "Jimmy, why are you home so early?"
"Well I was on the playground today and I heard a big kid say a word and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office and the principal sent me home."
"Jimmy," she says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get sent home?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's already gotten me into trouble a few times..."
"That's okay, just whisper it in my ear," she says. So Jimmy whispers the word in her ear and she immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE! GO TO YOUR ROOM AND WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!"
So Jimmy's waiting in his room when his father comes through the door and asks, "Jimmy, do you know why you've been sent to your room?
"Well I was on the playground today and I heard a big kid say a word and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home and mom sent me to my room."
"Jimmy," he says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get sent to your room?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's already gotten me into trouble quite a few times..."
"That's okay, just whisper it in my ear," he says. So Jimmy whispers the word in his dad's ear and he immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE! GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW AND NEVER COME BACK!"
So little Jimmy is walking dejectedly down the street and its starting to get dark when a police car rolls up beside him. "Hey, kid, what's your name?"
"Jimmy."
"So, Jimmy, why are you out so late?"
"Well I was on the playground today and I heard a big kid say a word and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, when I got home mom sent me to my room and when my dad came into my room he kicked me out of the house."
"Jimmy," he says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get kicked out of your own house?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's already gotten me into lots and lots of trouble..."
"It's okay Jimmy, I'm a policeman you can tell me." He smiled.
Jimmy shuffles his feet, "Well I don't know...
"C'mon, just whisper it in my ear, it's alright" he says. So Jimmy whispers the word in the policeman's ear and he immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE!" and he arrests Jimmy on the spot.
So Jimmy's in court standing before the judge. "For the record, Jimmy, do you know why you're here today?"
"Yes sir, I was on the playground the other day and I heard a big kid say a word and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, when I got home mom sent me to my room, when my dad came into my room he kicked me out of the house and then a policeman arrested me and now I'm here."
"Jimmy," he says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get arrested?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's already gotten me into lots and lots of trouble..."
"It's okay Jimmy, I'm a judge you can tell me." He smiled.
Jimmy shuffles his feet, "Well I don't know...
"Jimmy, we really need this for court records."
"I still don't know..."
"You can whisper it in my ear, it's okay," the judge says. So Jimmy whispers the word in the judge's ear and he immediately yells, "JIMMY! THAT'S HORRIBLE! I'M SENTENCING YOU TO 20 YEARS IN MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON!"
So 20 years later Jimmy's finally getting out of prison in a few days and a new guy is deposited into the cell next to him. Curious, Jimmy asks, "So what'd you do to get in here?"
"Oh, I brutally stabbed my wife. You?"
"Well about 20 years ago I was on the playground and I heard an older kid say a word that I didn't know the meaning of so I asked the teacher, the teacher sent me to the principal's office, the principal sent me home, when I got home mom sent me to my room, when my dad came into my room he kicked me out of the house, then a policeman arrested me and in court the judge sentenced me to 20 years here. The worst part is that I still don't know what it means."
"Jimmy," he says, "What word could possibly be so horrible that you'd get sentenced to 20 years in a maximum security prison?"
"Well I don't know if I should tell you," replies Jimmy, "It's really gotten me into a shitload of trouble by now..."
"It's okay, you can tell me. I mean, c'mon, I brutally stabbed my wife 50 times."
Jimmy shuffles his feet, "Well I don't know...
"What have you got to lose?" so Jimmy discreetly whispers it across to the guy in the next cell and cringes, awaiting the expected response. Instead the guy just says, "Well, I have no idea, but there's a guy who lives just across the street from here who can tell you what it means. He's in the big yellow house."
Jimmy is relieved to finally at least have some peace of mind after all these years of suffering and when he gets out in the next few days he makes a bee-line for the house across the street when suddenly, while he's in the middle of the road, a bus hits him and he dies on the spot.
