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Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:28 pm


Come one, come all, to Cirque du coeur torve!



User Image


"Nightly she balances
Cat-clever on perilous wire
In a gigantic hall,
Footing her delicate dances
To whipcrack and roar
Which speak her maestro's will.

Gilded, coming correct
Across that sultry air,
She steps, halts, hung
In dead center of her act
As great weights drop all about her
And commence to swing.

Lessoned thus, the girl
Parries the lunge and menace
Of every pendulum;
By deft duck and twirl
She draws applause; bright harness
Bites keen into each brave limb

Then, this tough stint done, she curtsies
And serenely plummets down
To traverse glass floor
And get safe home."



-- "Aerialist" by Sylvia Plath
PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:39 pm


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- Talent/Skill -

- Appearance/Personality -

- History -

- Spoilers -

- Art/Images -

- FAQ -

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:40 pm


Basic Info


Name: Katarina Beate Austerlitz

Nicknames: Kat or Rina

Stage Name: The Amazing Airborne Austerlitz Twins; Katarina merely composes one half of the act. She hates the name, but it was given to her by the ringmaster. If her current ringmaster sought to change it, chances are Katarina would be thrilled. The girls have also been known as "The Dangling Dolls", and should the ringmaster prefer that term, Katarina would be fine with it.

Gender: Female

Race: Human

Ethnicity: Katarina is 100% German. Her mother came from a working class family, and her father was a soldier in the German army during WWII.

Parents: Grete Eberhardt & Dieter Austerlitz

Siblings: One twin sister, Annaliesa. It is possible that she has other family since she does not know anything of her father or mother's current whereabouts, but if she did, Katarina would not consider them related to her in any way, shape, or form.

Age: 21; Katarina appears to be 14-16 though due to the fact that she has an idiopathic disease. Basically, she has some kind of growth problem, but it is unknown what causes it. It is likely that her life long work with gymnastics and stretches bordering on contortion did little to help her overcome this problem either. She and her sister are both healthy otherwise, but they seem to develop very slowly. This is a major source of stress in Katarina's life though it came in very handy when she was looking for free food and lodging back in Europe.

Education: Extremely basic. She can read and write well, but Katarina does not know anything about math or science or any other taught subject aside from random facts she has picked up from other people. She never attended school, and the only reason she learned to read and write was out of necessity. If educated, Katarina might prove herself to be intellectual, but unfortunately, it's a bit late for that. She knows enough to survive, and school doesn't matter much when you're in the circus anyway.

Language: Her primary language is German, but she was able to pick up a decent amount of English from the time she spent in London. Katarina also learned a little bit of Russian from Sven and a little French from one of the animal tamers.

Preferences: Other hard workers, being up in the air, feeling secure, dancing (in private!), bathing/grooming, playing with the circus animals, impressing people, swimming, arranging floral boquets, eating lots of rice, beating people at simple games, her sister, etc.

Pet Peeves: Feeling ignored, her sister, bad table manners, being told no, being laughed at, getting really messy, finding something that she can't overcome, feeling weak, sauerkraut, snakes, spiders, being tricked or lied to, people not respecting her because of how young she looks, etc.

Fears: Failure, the dark, snakes, and being abandoned.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:49 pm


Talent/Skill


Talent: Aerial Hoop

Details: Though Katarina studied several aerial practices, the only one that she was ever taught in detail was the aerial hoop. Her mentor did not use silks (He regarded them as being far too feminine, you see.), and the Spanish web was not something that she had much affinity with due to her small hands. For whatever reason, Katarina moved far more gracefully on the hoop than she did on anything else. Working with her sister, they would turn and bend over each other to make beautiful shapes with their bodies back in Germany. Separate, they could only perform spins and other basic moves, but together, they could pool their strength and perform much more advanced stunts. As she continues to grow, Katarina will get stronger, which will allow her to perform more impressive feats on her own. She is used to being a back-up performer though and will likely need far more training if she is to ever assume a headlining role.

Strengths: Katarina is much more flexible than she is strong so the beginning of her act tends to involve a lot of acrobatics on the floor that lead up to her finally getting into the aerial hoop. At first, she is only capable of certain hangs and spins on the hoop, and she finds a lot of trouble when hanging by one hand. To fix this, Katarina tries to stick to foot hangs or one-legged spins to keep the pressure off of her arms. Throughout her time at Cirque du coeur torve, she will struggle with this issue, and ideally, she will begin to overcome it little by little. For the meantime, she will rely on her showmanship to get the sparkle in the eyes of the audience.

Weaknesses: Katarina has taken a lot of falls from the aerial hoop because she tries to execute moves that she has seen others do on a regular basis. Still, she doesn't seem to be any more afraid of a fall each time it happens. She is driven to no longer be a "novelty" act; she wants to mystify the crowd with her feats of strength and flexibility instead. The stationary hoop is far easier for her to work on, but the act that draws crowds involves a quickly moving hoop, one that turns and sways as she moves on it. That is always her goal, and Katarina will not stop pushing herself until she gets it, which could eventually lead to a very serious injury or even death.

Example: The aerial hoop in motion!, Simpler depiction of the hoop!, and Yet another aerial hoop artist!

Progression


Stage One: Carnie

Katarina will likely accept a small carnie role in the circus enthusiastically... at first. Chances are she will constantly be seeking opportunities to get up on the hoop and give it a spin, but in the mean time, her jobs around the circus will be anything that she can do to win favor. Though she is not a people-pleaser necessarily, Katarina can work a crowd when necessary, and in that same sense, she knows when she needs to work an employer as well. Having her mother as a costumer, Katarina could help with mending costumes though she is not quite good enough to make one on her own. She also would be willing to help hand out flyers or sell tickets, anything that will show her bosses what a willing and able member of the team she is.

Stage Two: Castmember

Katarina will be eager to find a mentor to help her improve her craft. She is in love with the idea of being on stage, but truth be told, she worries that she will fall behind her sister in skill level with the aerial hoop. Her sister seems to have more of a natural affinity for it so Katarina must work harder to keep up, and that is a constant source of insecurity for her. At first, her tricks will only be minimal, but the gimick that she and her sister have of being these adorable little girls doing these impressive feats on a high flying hoop seems to keep them in the hearts of their fans. At the beginning of their status, Katarina and Annaliesa will have to rely on their charm to help make up for what they lack in impressive skill at this point. One trick they have to dress up like dolls when the perform their act; it seems to go over well with the crowd with its cutesy facade. As Katarina continues to develop in this position though, her act will become more and more difficult as she asserts her talent and skill.

Stage Three: Headliner

Finally! As a headliner, Katarina will seek to spice up her act more and more each time. It will quite likely get to a very dangerous point as she tries to top herself again and again. Also, the fighting between her and her sister at this point could potentially cause a rift with the twins. Separate acts? Perhaps! A new partner? It's possible! This stage is one that will change very drastically if I get the chance to RP Katarina out as one never knows what could happen as her character develops.

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:52 pm


Appearance


Hair Color: Platinum blonde and curly; Katarina's curly locks only serve to make her look younger, especially when she ties it off with ribbons as she is prone too. Off stage, she likes to keep it up and out of her face with a ponytail or braid, but on stage, she uses hair spray to make the ringlets even more defined, often added many trinkets and baubles to catch the light. As she grows, her hair will begin to get a little less platinum blonde, but the vain twin will be quick to bleach it back to its original color.

Eye Color: Blue; She is a picture of the Aryan race.

Skin Color: Fair; It looks as though Katarina doesn't spend much time in the sun though her skin is far from porcelain. Truthfully, she avoids it as she thinks freckles are childish and pale skin is much more womanly, but her skin has more of a light beige hue to it, which she is quick to cover in ivory for performances.

Facial Structure: Katarina has a very young face with larger cheeks and very big eyes. She wears false eyelashes much of the time because she thinks they make her look older, but when performing, she must use lots of eyeliner instead since the false eyelashes can fall off. Her nose is larger than average, but it fits her face well. She has a rounded chin, and overall babyface, which, again, is something she is not pleased with. As she grows, Katarina will likely lose some of the roundness of her face so that her cheekbones and other features appear a bit more angular.

Body Type: Due to her growth problem, Katarina retains a very girlish figure. She is practically curveless aside from a small bump at her rear and bust. Presently, she is probably barely, barely an A-cup, but Katarina makes it a reality with any necessary padding. She stands at 5'3", but actually has elongated legs considering her height. They are, of course, exceptionally thin aside from a thick slab of muscle that she uses to hold herself in the air. Katarina works hard to keep her weight exactly where she wants it, but she is constantly looking to strengthen her muscles. If she ever expects to reach the skill level that she wants, she will have to work harder on her strength since her flexibility is more or less already up to par.

Distinguishing Features: Other than the doll-like quality of her appearance, Katarina has a tiny scar running diagonally for one-and-a-half-inches across her right cheekbone, toward her ear. It's thin and smooth from healing, and Kat tends to have it covered at all times. She got the injury because her mother struck her with a small animal collar when she accused the girl of murdering Sven.

Outfit: Katarina wears lots of linen fabrics. On casual days, she will wear a cream linen dress to her knee, sometimes adding a vest and leather shoes. If it is a day she will be working, she wears tight brown slacks and a flowing linen tunic over a tight undershirt. The girl doesn't have many belongings, but she takes care of her clothing and has a knack for piecing together many different outfits from the limited selection in her closet. It helps that she can share with Annaliesa too, but her sister isn't always as tidy as she is with her things.


Personality


Generally, Katarina can be a little high strung. She feels strange in new situations, but is always looking to rise to the top. For this reason, she tends to maintain a strong front when around strangers or those who don't know her well, but is shy to say much for fear of sounding stupid or making a mistake. Constantly fighting to earn people's respect, Katarina cannot stand to be laughed at... ever. For this reason, she absolutely hates clowns. She finds them to be completely useless, and for this reason, she is bound to be very disrespectful toward them.

Katarina sees a weakness as anything that someone can tease you about and know they affected you. She is sometimes scared to be in a relationship for fear that she will be teased for admiting she cares about someone in a girlish way. Katarina is petrified that someone might look at her and pity her or think her weak. It doesn't help that she is absolutely terrified of any kind of sexuality, even her own. She doesn't like people talking about sex because it makes her very, very squeamish, but secretly, she is always trying to learn more out of curiosity. With her growth problem, Katarina is a mature 21-year-old woman stuck in the body of a teenager. Among her other issues, she struggles between opening herself up to someone in a more mature way and keeping herself safe from feeling so vulnerable.

Her constant need to impress is the source of both her attempts at perfection (and, therefore, constant disappointment) with her act as well as her meticulous grooming habits. While she is not necessarily prissy, Katarina is always well-groomed and gets very annoyed when she gets grimy or muddy. She tries to keep up her image both physically and mentally. The only person who really truly knows her is her twin. Katarina has just always been guarded, and she has very severe trust issues. Still, she hates when people tell her that she is guarded. She will insist to the contrary even though she knows it to be true.

Katarina is known to bottle up all of her emotions as well, and she exercises it out of her system each day through weight training and practice on the hoops. The only emotion that she seems free to dispense is anger. This is mainly focused at her sister, and should an onlooker witness the two talking, it would be hard to feel bad for Katarina. She is short-tempered and volatile when it comes to her sister, but when asked why, she refuses to comment. The two always seem to make up shortly after, but they will no doubt be fighting again the next day.

Once people get to know her, Katarina does loosen up a little. It is just hard for her. She is constantly torn between wanting to be emotional and open and wanting to feel protected and self-sufficient. She funnels all of this energy into achieving her goals, but she is in desperate need of a good time. Friends who make her laugh at herself will be the closest to her, but she seeks others who share her work ethic. At the same time, she needs someone who will make her test her boundaries and do something a little foolish. Ultimately, Katarina would like to be a bit more laid back; she just doesn't know how.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:07 pm


History


Greta Eberhardt was not ready for a child.

Working as a seamstress in a factory while Germany fought to throw itself into an industrial revolution, the woman barely had enough time for herself as it was. She was only 17, nearly a child herself, and yet, her father had grown increasingly displeased at her inability to find a suitable husband. So, when a visiting soldier showed her the slightest bit of attention, Greta fell for him instantly, giving herself to him fully and expecting to be given the same in return. She thought they would be wed soon so, upon realizing her pregnancy, she was fool enough to tell him. Greta never saw that soldier again.

Thrown out of her house as soon as her pregnancy began to show, Greta roamed the streets looking for any kind of work she could manage, and after days of fruitless searching, she finally found it in the most unlikely of places. A visiting circus was making its rounds through her hometown of Hamburg, Germany, and in a fit of desperation, the financially strapped girl promised to work for free as a costume mistress and make-up artist; all she asked for was a place to live and support for her child. The ringleader accepted her offer and immediately sent her off to work on a costume for their newest headliner, a Russian aerialist.

Greta Eberhardt had not been ready for a child. Yet, she had two.

After three months with the circus, Greta gave birth to twin baby girls as she lay in a hayloft beside the animal tamer and two clowns. She named the first Annaliesa after her favorite singer, and the second she named Katarina, the name of her dead mother. Greta swore to herself that these girls would have a good life just as soon as she could afford to leave the circus and send them to school.

But that day would never come.

The girls grew up around the circus, finding themselves the “kids” of an entire troupe of performers. They lacked the structure of a school or any kind of realistic training. While other children learned to play nicely, the twins learned how to tie the proper knot to hold the safety net in place for the tightrope walker. While their peers were practicing mathematics, Katarina and Annaliesa were practicing somersaults and cartwheels. All the while, Greta tried to sway the ringmaster to give her a proper salary so that she might save up money, but he continuously refused her, reminding her of the deal they had made. Besides, he saw in her girls a great opportunity.

As soon as they were old enough to walk, the Austerlitz twins were put to work. Hearing of the quick profit there was to be had from a sideshow spectacle, the ringmaster dressed the girls in a single costume and coined them as Siamese twins. They filled this role for much of their younger years, smiling and waving at gawking sightseers, until the girls grew old enough to make their own demands. During one performance, Katarina refused to participate in the charade, and in front of a crowd of onlookers, she pulled herself free from the costume and marched out of her stall. Furious though he was, the ringleader knew he could no longer claim to have a set of Siamese twins as word spread about the lie.

So, he moved them to a new act. Around the birth of the twins, a Russian aerialist by the same of “The Soaring Sven” joined the circus. His act, impressive as it was, had remained unchanged for a long time. Hoping to add a much-needed fresh element to his act, the ringmaster dropped the Austerlitz twins in Sven’s lap, telling him that these would be his new assistants. Over the next ten years, the girls would become his prodigies, dangling on twin aerial hoops behind him, but Sven would always be the star. As he flew through the air executing acrobatic stunts with ease, the girls were told to look cute doing simple lifts and spins behind him. He used them to bring props to him, to get the crowd excited for him, and sometimes, to get his dinner for him.

Then one day, he was found dead in his trailer. He had been poisoned. A murmur filled the circus for weeks surrounding his death. Who would kill him? Why would they want him dead? The source of his poison had been his nightly cup of coffee, and every night, it was brought to him by the same two people: the Austerlitz twins. The other performers screamed outrage to the ringmaster, but he was powerless to do anything that night. In the morning, the circus was set to perform for a group of Nazi soldiers, and nothing could go wrong. The twins were rarely seen in the days leading up to the performance. They kept in their trailer together, though they could sometimes be heard arguing with each other late into the night. Their mother, too, seemed deathly out of sorts. She moved around like a ghost, speaking to no one and refusing to answer any questions. Greta would only turn her head mournfully, clutching a cheap tin ring in her palm.

The circus practiced all day in preparation for their powerful audience, and this was all the more hastened as the headlining act had to be changed. “The Soaring Sven” had been replaced by “The Amazing Airborne Austerlitz Twins”, much to the whispering of the rest of the troupe. The girls took the stage in matching platinum blonde ringlets, twirling and spinning on hoops before their militant audience. They received a standing ovation from their crowd who looked at the bright blue-eyed girls as if they were some beacon of innocence in the grey of the city.

Then, that night, it all fell to pieces. It was found that the ringmaster had been harboring Jewish families in the circus tent, helping them escape out of the country as the circus moved from town to town. The Nazi soldiers returned with torches and guns that night, demanding that the entire troupe be seized and the tent burned. Many of the performers resisted, but the soldiers were not patient. They attacked any one who proved to be a problem, killing when necessary. The Austerlitz twins, hearing the commotion, ran to their mother, begging for her to hide them. Greta looked coldly at her children, telling them not to move. She promised to return with their belongings so that they could escape.

She did not come back.

As the soldiers were burning the trailers, one kicked open the door to the small room where the twins were waiting. He glared for a moment, but his eyes softened when he saw them in the light. The two were the picture of perfection of the Aryan race, and having seen the performance the night before, the soldier knew they simply could not be responsible for the treachery that the others had allegedly taken part in at the circus. Stepping aside, he pointed out the door, telling the girls that they had to leave now before he changed his mind. Katarina and Annaliesa immediately ran for the door, sneaking around to the front of what had once been the main circus tent. Their bright blue eyes poured across the rest of the performers who had been lined up out front to be taken away by the Nazi soldier, and then suddenly, they realized something.

Their mother was not there. In fact, she wasn’t anywhere in or around the circus. Greta wasn’t at any tavern or shop in the whole town. She had left them there, all alone, and had left to save herself. Katarina cursed into the cold night air as the twins finally gave up the search in Munich, dragging Annaliesa by the hand as far as they could go. What were they to do now? Their livelihood had been in that circus, and now, it was gone. For the next two years, the girls traveled as far as they could to get out of Germany. Annaliesa had suggested they go to London or Russia where they could find another circus to join, but travel was hard on the two girls. They had no income to speak of, and with the war raging around them, life was becoming more and more dangerous for the pair.

Upon finally making it to London, the girls found themselves in the thick of war, and their German accents did little to help them in their plight. It was there in London that they caught wind of another circus, one that could whisk them away to someplace free of war where their reputation would not follow them. So, having no other option, Katarina and Annaliesa came to Cirque de coeur torve, ready to audition and start over in a new place with a new life.

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:08 pm


Spoilers


The Truth of the Murder
When "The Soaring Sven" first turned up dead, the entire troupe of performers knew it had to have been the twins who did it. Though he was rude and arrogant, no one really had any qualm with him, aside from Katarina and Annaliesa. It was obvious that the girls grew frustrated with how he treated them, and everyone knew that one of the twins would bring him coffee right after they served him dinner each night. When it turned up that the posion had been in the coffee, it had to be one of them.

And it was.

Though the entire troupe suspected both girls were murderers (And who could blame them? The girls did EVERYTHING together. Why should a murder be any different?), the truth was different. Katarina, the more vocal and stubborn of the two, had nothing to do with his murder. She had, yes, joked with her sister that their lives would be better if he was gone, but she never actually intended to kill him. Still, if anyone who knew the twins had been asked which they thought had been the real villian, they would have all said Katarina.

Instead, it was sweet Annaliesa who had done it. She, too, was frustrated with how Sven treated her and her sister, but that had nothing to do with the murder. For many years, Greta, the twins' mother, had been madly in love with Sven, and as she grew more in love with him, she paid less attention to her children. Greta became obsessed with Sven, and she would do anything to be with him. So, when Sven announced that he would be leaving the circus at the end of this trip, Greta swore she would go with him.

One night, when Annaliesa was bringing Sven his coffee, she heard her mother telling Sven that she wanted to go with him, but he told her he could not take care of her and a couple of kids. So Greta, desperate not to be left again, promised Sven that she would leave Katarina and Annaliesa at the circus so that they could runaway together. The couple decided that, to stay together, they would do it; they would abandon the twins.

Furious at her mother and scared at the thought of losing her, Annaliesa decided to make sure that her mother would not leave. She killed Sven. When Greta learned of his murder, she was nearly dead herself, but along with the rest of the troupe, she came to the same realization that it must have been the twins who had done it. She confronted Katarina, convinced that it must have been her, but Katarina refused to tell her yes or no. Once Sven was confirmed murdered, Katarina had known it must have been Annaliesa, but she would not betray her sister. Eventually, Annaliesa admitted it to her though, and it is the source of the constant fighting between the twins now.

Katarina blames Annaliesa for all the misfortunate that has befallen them, and she secretly wants to develop an act without her sister. She doesn't think Annaliesa is as committed to the circus life as she is, and despite her love for her sister, Katarina will never forgive her for not telling their mother the truth that it wasn't Katarina who had done it. Now she fears that her mother will always hate her, even though it was not her fault.

The girls can frequently be heard arguing, but they will quickly end the conversation if anyone comes near. They don't want anyone to know that they were going to charged with murder back in Germany for fear of repercussions here with the Cirque.
PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:28 pm


Art/Images


User Image User Image

These are some images of acts on the aerial hoop similiar to what Katarina would be performing.

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

My lovely cohort sketched out this concept art. ^_^ Woo hoo!


[This section is reserved for any pictures I manage to get to help illustrate Katarina and her concept better. I'd like to get a concept sketch of her up, but as I lack artistic ability, I will have to find an artist.]

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:33 pm


FAQ


So, friend, how did you stumble upon this lovely shop?

Well, I was hanging out in the Shattered thread one day when I noticed a charming new addition to Esopha's signature. It was a cute little thing named Wing Ting. I finally got around to asking her where she had gotten it, and she directed me to the main thread. After that, it seemed like all my home threads had someone chatting in them with a Cirque in their signature. At first, I wasn't going to make a quest thread because I don't like getting my heart set on things. The only other time I had a quest thread was for my Fa'e. Still, I really adore the concept behind the shop, and I love how it is Gaia meets the old HBO show about the circus meets roleplay. So, here I am.

Okay, okay. But wait! She's a twin? Where's the other one?

Katarina is only half of the Austerlitz twins. She has a twin sister named Annaliesa who is currently being quested for by the lovely Nimania Sekan. Nim is a friend of mine and a very talented roleplayer. We both fell in love with this shop, and when I approached her with the idea of doing twins, she immediately agreed.

Alright, let's get to the point. You are attempting to get twins. What are you going to do if one of you gets their character hired and the other doesn't?

Nimania and I have both considered this, and we have decided that we will continue with our individual characters. Everyone here is creative so it would not be difficult to explain the reason why the twins split up. Perhaps Annaliesa couldn't take the constant pressure from her sister? Maybe Katarina couldn't stand being in a duo anymore? What if they got split up back in London because of the war? The only change would be that their sisterly interactions would not be present, and instead of being a duo, they would just perform a single aerial hoop performance. Whoever did not get hired would continue to quest, and hopefully, the twins would be reunited eventually. Of course, Nimania and I are hoping that the twins will enter the scene together, but with such a popular shop, there is no telling what could happen.

HEY! There is already someone doing an aerial act! Did you check with them before you made this quest thread?

Yes, I did. I PMed Silverah when I first began thinking about the twins because I knew that her character, Lucrezia, was a future trapeze and aerial silks artist. She was very friendly and approved my use of the hoop. She only asked that silks be left alone, as that is something she really plans to develop in her little carnie. So, yes, I have the go ahead from the established aerialist.

So, now that you got approved, how would you feel if I quested for an aerial hoop artist?

Truth be told, I really would prefer that no one else specialize in the aerial hoop since Annaliesa and Katarina are making that their focus, but if you want to, there is nothing I can say to the contrary at this point. If I manage to get Katarina hired though, I plan to ask that people steer clear of the hoop for now unless they are willing to work a lot with me on storyline interactions since that would mean our characters would be working together. But again, you are free to do as you please since I am just a wee questor!

What about if my friend and I quested for twins? Mwuahahaha!

I would be perturbed, sure, as I am really attached to that idea, but in the circus, twins, triplets, and large families of performers are actually quite common. So, I couldn't fault you for opting to quest for it, though I will admit that I would be a bit upset. It would just mean more competition for the niche that I am seeking. Anything that depletes my chances at seeing Katarina come to life is bound to annoy me! Can you blame me?

Your concept sounds great, but it really reminds me of [insert current Cirque's name].

Whoops! Please, please, please point out how I have encroached on someone else's territory, and I will do my best to fix it. I have looked at the profiles of all of the current characters, but it is definitely possible that I might have missed something or skimmed over something that I shouldn't have. Don't be afraid to say something though! If you see a problem, it is better that it comes out now than later when it is too late for me to fix it.

Alright, I've read over your concept, and I have a critique for you.

Yay! Thank you! Now, while I welcome all criticisms, that does not necessarily mean that I will agree with all of them. Please don't be annoyed if I don't immediately change my concept based on something that you suggest. Please believe me when I say that I do take it all into careful consideration, and most of the time, chances are I will make a change to reflect that. At the very least, I will better explain why I made the decision that I did so that we can come to a consensus. But seriously, I LOVE critiques. So... fire away!

Thanks for answering these questions for me.

Not a problem. Feel free to ask me more in the future. =D
PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:53 pm


Links and such?

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 9:59 pm


*cuts the ribbon*

THAR SHE BLOWS!





Alright, now, bring on the critiques! <3
PostPosted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 5:05 am


I hereby give this quest thread Silverah's personal approval. (Though you still need cirque approval. I don't count for that.)

Everything looks good, except for your usage of "Idiopathic" in explaining why she looks like a teenager. Idiopathic is a word used to describe a disorder with no apparent cause. It doesn't work as the name of the disorder itself. So while it makes sense that she would look younger if she spent her whole life in gymnastics training (They have to be very light, which keeps their BMI down, some of the stretches can mess up growth plates, both of these would delay the onset of puberty, etc,) using idiopathic as the name is not the right word.

(Sorry. I nitpick.)

Silverah

Handsome Shoujo

11,200 Points
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Cirque du Coeur Torve
Captain

PostPosted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 5:48 am


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APPROVED
PostPosted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 9:01 am


Silverah
I hereby give this quest thread Silverah's personal approval. (Though you still need cirque approval. I don't count for that.)

Everything looks good, except for your usage of "Idiopathic" in explaining why she looks like a teenager. Idiopathic is a word used to describe a disorder with no apparent cause. It doesn't work as the name of the disorder itself. So while it makes sense that she would look younger if she spent her whole life in gymnastics training (They have to be very light, which keeps their BMI down, some of the stretches can mess up growth plates, both of these would delay the onset of puberty, etc,) using idiopathic as the name is not the right word.

(Sorry. I nitpick.)


Would it be clearer if I said "an idiopathic disease"? I could also add a bit on how it was perpetuated by her intense gymnastics training since she was a child.

I basically want her to have a growth problem, but it is unknown was it the actual cause of it. She was not in a time where lots of medical treatment was readily available to the masses, and since she really had no money, she just accepted it as fate.

Akina Tokuwa


Akina Tokuwa

PostPosted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 10:06 am


I editted her age post to better explain her teenage stature at Silverah's prompting.

Also, I added more to her Skills/Talents post. ^^
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