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 Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 7:50 am
I love Charlie so much, but we seem to argue over the same things all the time (when the wedding should be, our money use, etc.). Even when we're trying to play together, we fight, because I don't want to play his way. I can't spend any time with him without having a little tiff. Is this normal?
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 4:45 pm
It's completely normal. The more you spend time with someone, the more you tend to tire of each other just a bit. The real test is whether you still love them right through it all or whether it's so much you can't stand it anymore. Every relationship/friendship has little tiffs and trials.
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 5:51 pm
It's important though to look at what you're fighting about. If you fight because you won't play his way then you need to sit down and have a talk about compromise because one of you-- or even both of you-- is not being flexible.
If you're fighting about money-- which, admittedly, is one of the things couples fight about most-- its time to sit down and do some serious thinking and talking. Do not let the issue go until you've reached an agreement-- an agreement that you feel is a real agreement, not a sacrifice you're making for the good of the relationship. (By which I don't mean don't leave the table until you're done-- by all means, take a break if you need it or come back to it another day but don't just drop it. If you need that break say something like "Let's take a step back to calm down and to think. We'll talk about it again tomorrow." THEN DO SO.)
I have to say that while no one gets along all the time, fighting "all the time" when you're engaged does not sound good. Maybe you guys are just nervous. In any case, talk (preferably as a couple) with someone you trust, a parent, a bishop or maybe even a marriage counsellor to work out any issues you may have.
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Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 10:33 pm
Love is different for everyone. Maybe one or both of you has some deep rooted subconscious reason to fight with the one you love. Maybe you're incompatible and you'd be better off expanding your horizon a little before committing to marriage.
From my own personal perspective, it seems like you guys really just don't see eye to eye. My husband and I fell for each other hard and fast and got married within six months of meeting. Now I'm five months pregnant, and we've only been married for six months. He's so cute and sweet and humble, and we're so open and honest with each other and we get along so well, I can hardly imagine us ever having a fight at all.
To us, that's bliss. But we're both very non-confrontational, and a little sensitive, and a little neurotic. So even though it doesn't sound right to me to fight all the time, I understand that people are all different, and that requires people to have different types of relationships to be happy.
I guess the important thing is to decide for yourself if this is the kind of relationship that will make you happy?
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Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 3:47 pm
Going by the fact that she's asking for help/advice, I'd say she's not happy with the fighting and this is not an aspect of their relationship that she's enjoying.
I don't know. There are lots of fighting couples in books and on TV but I've never met anyone for whom it was an important part of the couple's dynamic. I think they need to do a lot of serious thinking and talking about why they're fighting.
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