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Does anyone have any good links to share? It's been nearly 2 months since my son was born and I need help with dealing with my feelings. I dont' want to go on medication as I'm not sure this is entirely 'horemonal' like my hubby would like to think.

If I get overtired, or if Gabe has been having a really bad day, I find that I get frustrated and start thinking very negative thoughts about my son. Some of them have been getting really scary and I want it to stop. I'm going to see my doctor on Wednesday about it (and for birthcontrol) so that's already taken care of. I guess I just want to hear from other moms who might've gone through this and of course get some advice from the knowledgable ladies here.

Thanks for the reply. Does it matter that I know I would never actually hurt him, and just think that way sometimes? Probably not. I haven't shut the door on medication and realize that yeah, I'll most likely be prescribed something, I just really really REALLY hate the idea. I'm the kind of person who doesnt' like to take tylenol for a headache and tried to have an all natural childbirth.

Here's the thing. Everyone thinks dark thoughts. Sometimes when things are difficult you might think, gee it would be better if we ALL (as in the family) got in a car accident and all died at once. Type thing. It's NORMAL. Not everyone admits it and they might tell you they think roses and honey bees all the time but that's BS.

BUT if you are crying constantly and unprovoked, unmotivated, OVERLY exhausted (like wanting to do nothing but sleep even on a rare occasion that you get good sleep), thinking dark things specificially toward someone, having to take more and more time out from caring for your child because of these things, etc. etc. Then it is most likely full on Depression.

Normal "baby blues" that every woman gets when the hormones leave their system should last no longer than two weeks tops. That's because those hormones leave in a WHOOSH! when that placenta goes. Granted you can still feel stressed out and tired and possibly cry but if it keeps going and you STILL feel hopeless and tired everyday it's time to seek medical help.

I probably should have gone in to see someone and gotten a temporary perscription for something those first three months with Bella. I cried, and I kid you not. EVERY SINGLE DAY for two months straight. I was miserable. I would set her down and just let her scream for an hour while I hid in the bedroom with my eldest. I would look at Bella and think "We have ruined our lives. YOU have ruined our lives" I would say out loud "I hate you" and "Shut up!" and would only partially joke "We're going to take you back to the hosptial!"

It took me a long time to really REALLY bond with Bella. I felt for so long that she was an intrusion. I loved her but hated her prescence and disruption and needyness and THAT was what made me cry every day. Because then I had all this GUILT over feeling like a shitty mom. AND I thought "You should know babies are hard, you should just shut up, she's a baby, you're an adult...you already have a kid, come on suck it up already!"

I knew I wouldn't hurt Bella, but I do think sadly that I withheld attention early on. As lashing out on HER, as punishing HER for how I felt (dude see: Guilt above)

Honestly I am so scared to have another kid mostly because of THAT experience. It was horrible. I hated it.

There are all kinds of Anti-Depressants that you can also take while breastfeeding and you may find that you are more free to be loving and giving with him even if you didn't think you were withholding it before.

Ding ding! That's almost exactly how I feel right now! I feel resentful and angry and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. I also feel tightly wound like I'm going to cry or lash out at my hubby any second most of the time. He's responded to my depression by being extra cuddly but it's the opposite of what I need. I need to be able to go to him when I need to, not feel smothered. I know it's just his way of reaching out to me though.

Thanks PirateDirge; I do get out just about every day now that I'm all healed up from my c-section. My mom comes by and we either go out with Gabe in the stroller or I go out by myself even if it's just to the local mini-mall for a rental movie or batteries for Gabe's swing. It's made a big difference so far and I'm hoping to keep it up despite winter threatening to dump it's first big snow any time.

Wel, I went and talked to my nurse and doctor about how I've been feeling and they both think I have moderate to severe depression. My doctor gave me a prescription for Prozac, but I dont' think I want it; some of the common side effects are my symptoms! I dont' want it to get WORSE. That and if I get any less interested in sex my hubby will NEVER get any. xp

(I got my info about prozac from wikipedia incase anyone wants to know. I asked my doctor about side effects and he said most likely a little nausea and not to take it before bed.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression shortly after having my second child (though I suspect I've had some form of depression for most of my life well before then). And I was put on medication for it. I also was diagnosed with anxiety problems and was put on separate medication for that.

I hate medication. Like you, I will stave off even taking a tylenol for a headache if I can. But, I had to take this medication or I knew I'd just turn more and more into a basketcase.

With the depression, I went through several anti-depressants until we finally found one that worked the best for me. I went through Paxil CR and Wellbutrin before finally ending up with Lexapro for the win. All the time having a low dosage of Xanax prescribed for my random panic/anxiety attacks.

So don't be afraid to let your doctor know if a medication isn't working for you. They will work with you to find something better! Never just let these kinds of things go under the radar. You may need a different dosage or a different medication all together, but your doctor will never know if you don't bring it up. And if your doc acts like they don't want to change things up, then drop that doc and see someone else. Depression medication is a fickle thing, so it's rare that you find something that works well on the first try.

Also, Paxil killed my libido as well. I mean KILLEd it. Srsly, I may as well have joined a convent at that time! However, Lexapro did not have those kinds of sexual side effects. So switching to that certainly helped out in that area!!

Also, my husband used to be on Prozac years ago and has told me of how awful some of the side effects are, so you're not alone in that feeling. Many people don't seem to gel well with Prozac (while others do). So do bring it up with your doc as a switch in medication could work wonders for you!

Honestly, if you are dealing with depression, shouldn't your husband's sexual go on the FAR backburner? Your son is only two months old. I know if it came to sleep versus sex, sleep wins handsdown.

Big thumbs up for Loki and Nopen's posts.

Hello. I had sever post partum depression with my second and thrid babies. While prozac may not be the right thing for you rather than just not taking it look into other options like Paxil, effexor, Welbutrin and such They are all a little different. I was on Paxil while recovering from postpartum and it really helped me in combination with support and counseling.

I would recomend you talk to your husband and mom, anyone who is really understanding and supportive of you and explain to them that this is real, it is not just a matter of sucking it up. However many mom's who are going through this are very hard on themselves and tell themselves just that.

Sometimes goping back to work can be helpful for some mom's but others find that the feelings do not improve or go away when at work or even get worse because they feel guilty about not wanting to be with their baby. This is all normal. Sometimes you will feel o.k. and other times you will feel like crap.

The potential side effects of Prozac or Paxil do not affect everyone, some people get them some do not some only get some of them. I could not take prozac because ti affectred me like LSD. But other medications were fine. Keep in close touch with your doctor even if you do nt want to take medication. This will pass but can take up to two years. ( I also found that depo pervera made my PPD worse!)

Anyhow I hope some of the support and good information you have recieved here help. I am now a PPD voulenteer helping other mothers get through what you are going through! It is difficult, but you are a good mom and you will survive this!