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PostPosted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 6:28 pm


Has anyone eles noticed that after they start to have sex alot.. when you get sick and stuff you start to think.. OMG could I be pg? Cause if you ahve never been pregnant then how would I know what it feels like.. AHH!! Its just so scary and frusterating!!!! domokun
But I do want a baby.. I was thinking This time next year... maybe... getting pregnant I mean.. With My current partner.. I
ll be 19 and he will be 20 and I just want us to start our family....
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 6:58 pm


I don't know about your home enviroment, or your relationship wiht your boyfriend, but I would, as a general marker, recommend waiting until your late 20's or early 30's before having a child.


As for the pregnancy worries, yes. It's just a given. You just have to be very aware of everything that your body is doing, and make sure you don't slack off with the birth control forms you're using. There's always a risk, despite the number or type of birth control you're using, because there is no method of 100% effective birth control.

Lady Roa


LorienLlewellyn

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:45 pm


Lady Roa
I don't know about your home enviroment, or your relationship wiht your boyfriend, but I would, as a general marker, recommend waiting until your late 20's or early 30's before having a child.


As for the pregnancy worries, yes. It's just a given. You just have to be very aware of everything that your body is doing, and make sure you don't slack off with the birth control forms you're using. There's always a risk, despite the number or type of birth control you're using, because there is no method of 100% effective birth control.


I agree. I think 19 and 20 is way too young to be having any babies. Most people have not finished college, gotten a good full-time job, gotten health and dental benefits, and a house by that time. Those are the kinds of things that should be in place before you start having babies, not after.

As far as pregnancy scares go, you really should not be freaking out and wondering if you are pregnant every time you get a little sick. If you use one or two methods the way that they are supposed to be used, then you have very little chance of accidental pregnancy.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:58 pm


The age when one has children is personal. It's no one else's call but your own what the right age and circumstances are. If we all waited for the mythical "perfect time," there would be no more babies, ever. So do what's right for you and don't worry what anyone else thinks about your choice.


I had quite a few scares, but they weren't based on feeling sick. Even on the pill, my cycle wasn't the most regular and my first one had such a low hormone dosage, you couldn't even call my cycle 'spotting' half the time. Once I was on a higher dosage one and my cycles were heavier, I was fine.


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 1:16 pm


I allways have those kinda scares im going through one now but i cant test for another week or so.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:13 pm


Pirate Dirge
The age when one has children is personal. It's no one else's call but your own what the right age and circumstances are. If we all waited for the mythical "perfect time," there would be no more babies, ever. So do what's right for you and don't worry what anyone else thinks about your choice.

That being said, you ought to make sure that you are financially independent, perhaps out of school, etc... first. Babies are adorable, but they are a lot of work, too. If you are struggling through college, or still living with your parents, then that most undoubtably would be the "wrong choice" if you have a choice in the matter.

To the OP - I used to have pregnancy scares. It got to the point where I just didn't want to have sex at all anymore. But since I started doubling up (I use the pill and condoms), I've been feeling a lot more confident. We haven't had a pregnancy scare since.

Akhakhu


lunashock

PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:20 am


Not sure how a simple question got turned into a lecture about the "proper" time to have children. Damn, I'm screwed! xd

I'm 24 and I had my first son at age 20. We don't have a house now (we do not buy but we could get a loan if we wanted), I don't see how being a homeowner is indictive of being ready for a family. Also, not everyone is college oriented and also not indictive of family readiness. I think Dirge meant by her comment that age is all relative and if you are ready in most ways, it's their personal choice, not a reason to go on a lecture on they should wait. It's a bit different being a teenager in high school versus 19/20 on your own. There is no magical number and I, personally, would be past the age to have children if I waited for all these musts to fall into place.

But I've been down this path and I still get at my age and going to school that I should have waited by those without children themselves. I know once I was on the Pill I felt a lot more confident about pregnancy scares just for the fact it regulated my periods so I would know. It also makes it harder when you stress, read all the "early pregnancy" symptoms and it's a cycle. It's really just part of being sexually active though. I know I used to be a bit of a spazz when I was younger and thinking about "OMG am I pregnant???" It helps me having reliable forms of birth control and having a gameplan just in case.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:15 pm


I'm not saying there's a specific age either. Nor am I saying that everyone is going to want to go to college or that home-ownership must be a prerequisite.

I am merely stating that IF you are in college and struggling with time, and IF you are struggling to make your bills, or IF you are not financially independent - making a conscious choice to get pregnant and have kids is not a wise idea. This is especially true if you are 20 and have plenty of time. It's not going to kill you to wait until your situation stables out a bit.

As someone who is a parent, I'm sure you would agree that, given the choice, there certainly are some wrong times to choose to have a kid.

Akhakhu


LorienLlewellyn

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 3:59 pm


Kukushka
I'm not saying there's a specific age either. Nor am I saying that everyone is going to want to go to college or that home-ownership must be a prerequisite.

I am merely stating that IF you are in college and struggling with time, and IF you are struggling to make your bills, or IF you are not financially independent - making a conscious choice to get pregnant and have kids is not a wise idea. This is especially true if you are 20 and have plenty of time. It's not going to kill you to wait until your situation stables out a bit.

As someone who is a parent, I'm sure you would agree that, given the choice, there certainly are some wrong times to choose to have a kid.


I agree. I am not saying one has to have a Ph.D. or own a house as opposed to renting one or anything like that. I am saying that people should have somewhere to live before they have a baby, and I do not think Mom and Dad's house counts in most situations. I think college is wonderful, and I wish more people would go, but I know that not everyone needs it to get a good job. My job isn't great, and my friend with a Ph.D. is having touble finding one at all, so we are proof of that. I think that people should have stable, decent paying jobs before having a baby though. I don't mean that they have to make $200,000, but I do think they should be able to support themself and the baby. It's not necessarily about age. Some people are 40 years old, and I certainly wouldn't let them around my children if you know what I mean, it's just that younger people are often less likely to have that job that can support at least two people and a stable place to live.

I only like to point those things out because I think young people often get caught up in ideas without knowing how it really is. For example, have you heard a teen plan to live on their own? Some can do it, but many can't even plan for it realistically. There are often bills that the kids aren't even aware of when they are planning it out. My mother's boyfriend's son is in the process of planning to live on his own, and we can't help but snicker a bit, as mean as that sounds. I am moving, and he wants to buy my place. He is 18 and not very aware of what bills there are and how much space people realistically need. He is one of those kids who can't pay the bills on his own, so he thinks it might work if he crams as many of his friends into here as possible so that they can split the bills. I think the same thing happens with babies. I think many people fail to realize just how much time, money, and energy it takes. I think many young people (certainly not all) don't take all of the bills, and diapers, and sleepless nights, and an increase in laundry, and health insurance into account when they think about having a baby.

I had a Baby Think It Over in high school. I think that is completely idiotic. All it did was cry and sleep. It did not stink, or drool, or spit up, or need new diapers, or cost money. If one is not aware that babies cry, and the Baby Think It Over changed their mind, that would indicate a serious problem to me....
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:31 pm


Honestly, I don't think ANY first time parent gets a full concept of the work, money, and time of children. It hits us all, but we learn. Hell, I'm going through it again with my second one and I'm having to relearn all the steps. Although I will say I'm the type who likes to live my life no regrets and I would not have my son later in life if I had the option. I feel my steady, dependable job was being a stay at home mother. I know plenty of people of all ages that have dealt with many of these issues.

I'm sure intentions were well meant (I'm guilty of going off topic here). I can understand the mention of trying to have some things in order before trying, but it's really a personal thing to figure out for yourself. I was just pointing out that it wasn't known about the particulars of this relationship and 30s doesn't really mean jack in readiness.

lunashock


Savina

PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:46 pm


I'm glad you all corrected yourselves on the "proper age." There is no such thing.
I had my son when I was 19 and my husband was 21.
Someone who's 19 is just as capable of taking care of a child - well, at that - as someone who's "in their late 20's or early 30's"... it's personal situations, not age that matter.
In fact, I DON'T think you should wait that long usually. Figure this: You want to have 3 kids, spaced a little apart... if you wait until you're 27, that only gives you 8 years to have all your kids until you're considered a high-risk pregnancy and the risk of things like Down Syndome increase significantly. One kid at 27, wait 3 years, another at 30, and you've only 5 years left to go... what if you decide you want more? You're cutting it close.
As my husband's in the Navy, we DON'T own our own house... we get moved too much for that, first in a shitty area we wouldn't WANT to own in, and now to an insane expensive area where for $250,000, we could own a nice... trailer. Seriously. Also, have I gone to college? NOPE! But guess what? My son turns 3 in April, which means in another year he's 4 and in preschool. I'm going to do online college courses and be able to start this time next year, and when he's at school, there's even more free time to do school work. It's not impossible. Sure, it'd be easier without a kid, but all of life is easier without a kid. If you try and hold off on things because a kid makes things more difficult, you'd never have children.

As far as being stable, there's no time when you're "ready" to have a child. You could always put more in savings, find a better health plan, spend more time with your SO, etc. If you wait for the perfect time, well, again, kids wouldn't come.

However, to the OP, I do suggest you wait. I love my son with all my heart and don't regret having him at 19... but what I DO regret is that my husband and I didn't have more time together to do things for ourselves.
I don't know how long you and your SO have been together, but really consider that... once you have a kid, your whole dynamic changes. You no longer can go out on dates when you feel like, or just cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, much less have spontaneous sex.
Also, being married first makes everything a hell of a lot easier, as far as paperwork (which last name?) and insurance go. Also, if you haven't lived together yet, you DEFINITELY need to try that first for a bit. Some people can be together for years, but when they move in together, they find it can't work out.

Adding a kid into the mix is the MOST difficult thing to do to a relationship. You can go from 110% loving, considerate people to screaming at each other and slamming doors... all because of the stress of a kid. So before you throw in a kid, make sure everything else is in place as well.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you.
PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 5:48 pm


LorienLlewellyn
I had a Baby Think It Over in high school. I think that is completely idiotic. All it did was cry and sleep. It did not stink, or drool, or spit up, or need new diapers, or cost money. If one is not aware that babies cry, and the Baby Think It Over changed their mind, that would indicate a serious problem to me....


I had to laugh at this. I had one too. It cried every 4 hours, on the dot. The only time it was even slighty realistic is when I was in the grocery store and it BROKE... it wouldn't stop crying no matter what, so I had to run out of the store, LOL!

Savina


LorienLlewellyn

Quotable Informer

PostPosted: Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:58 pm


Savina

I had to laugh at this. I had one too. It cried every 4 hours, on the dot. The only time it was even slighty realistic is when I was in the grocery store and it BROKE... it wouldn't stop crying no matter what, so I had to run out of the store, LOL!


I thought it was so stupid. Mine cried like every three hours, but you would put the key in and it would stop right away. So every three hours it would cry for maybe two seconds tops. That's not realistic. I think they should have had it cry and cry for no reason on purpose.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2006 11:36 pm


LorienLlewellyn
I thought it was so stupid. Mine cried like every three hours, but you would put the key in and it would stop right away. So every three hours it would cry for maybe two seconds tops. That's not realistic. I think they should have had it cry and cry for no reason on purpose.


Yep, I put a key in the back of mine too. However, you had to hold the key in the turned position for a few minutes, which always made my hands cramp and hurt. It was springed well enough I couldn't rig it either.

What was sad is they had a fake crack baby too. The cry was a real recording and it was hard to listen to, and the "baby" would cry randomly, and the key might or might not work, and it was geared to shake randomly too. Not cool.

Savina


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2006 1:37 am


Savina
LorienLlewellyn
I thought it was so stupid. Mine cried like every three hours, but you would put the key in and it would stop right away. So every three hours it would cry for maybe two seconds tops. That's not realistic. I think they should have had it cry and cry for no reason on purpose.


Yep, I put a key in the back of mine too. However, you had to hold the key in the turned position for a few minutes, which always made my hands cramp and hurt. It was springed well enough I couldn't rig it either.

What was sad is they had a fake crack baby too. The cry was a real recording and it was hard to listen to, and the "baby" would cry randomly, and the key might or might not work, and it was geared to shake randomly too. Not cool.
Tehy should make a more realistic one.

Like...you have to see if it's hungry and even then it might not stop crying or rock it, ect.

But it should also giggle, burp, and things like that.

There's not just downsides to having a baby. There's so many upsides, too!
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