Are we but a thought... | Page 1 | Poetry and Lyricism | Guild Forums

Gaia Guilds

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

This is a writer's guild where all can gather for feedback and advice on all mediums of writing. Plus it's a great place for conversation.

Tags: Writing, Writer, Writer's Block, Critiques, Friends

Poetry and Lyricism

Are we but a thought...

VirginSnake

2,850 Points

Offline

Posted: Sun Nov 12, 2006 2:08 pm

This is something I wrote around october 5th... I was watching "what the bleep do we know" and they where talking about how in the mind it is like a storm.. and showed a picture of the brain and a thunferstorm.. I had to pause the movie...

Are we but a thought?
Are we but a storm in the mind of a greater being?
Are we the fantasy's and dreams of a lower?
Are we but a creation yet to fall to the full detail of an unlived life?
Are we unmoving to a time, save our own, that watchs and pauses altering the life we know?
Can we ever truelly know what lies ahead?
Has it already played out in some one elses head?
Are we but a thought?
Are we but a storm...
In some one elses mind...

Posted: Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:56 am

The idea behind this was good, but the flow from one line to another was a lil hard to move with. Maybe trying to order the questions a little differently and try to shorten them (some of them are a little on the wordy side). Also keep in mind about those dreaded typos. They get the best of us. Not much we can do but fix em.

The way you ended this piece struck me though. Always a good way to end a piece with a powerful line such as that. To leave the reader to contemplate what they have just read.

Tak-Jak
Vice Captain

Offline

_Shiloh Filia_

Offline

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 9:43 am

I love when people ponder in a poem like this...it makes the reader ponder too. It looks as though this poem was meant to have certain amount of syllables for each line (like a Haiku fore example). But if that is not the case, then I'm afraid I must agree with Tak Jak here about being on the "wordy" side.

Otherwise, great thought, great imagination, keep writing!

wink pirate

Poetry and Lyricism

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

Infinite possibilities-A writer's guild

Quick Reply

More Information