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[l] Introduction [l]

Hello Guild,
I'm sure some of you have heard of BDSM before, but I'm not sure many of you really know what it is. I'm bringing you this guide to show that this taboo lifestyle isn't really what it seems.

I'll keep the intro short.. So with that said.. I give you..

The best guide to BDSM... ever!




[ll] Basics [ll]

To begin, BDSM is not abuse. The main rule is SSC which stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual, or RACK which stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.
The entire lifestyle is based around safety.. and during any play the main concern is everyones health.
BDSM is broken up into 3 main parts and I will go into each part in more detail. Basically, the lifestyle is an exchange of power.
You have one partner who is in control, and one (or more) who gives up their control.. giving another person full (or semi-full) power over them.

Now, BDSM isn't necessarily the "extreme" sexual activity that most people think it is. A lot of people bring BDSM into their sex life and really have no idea they're doing it.
Ever blindfold your partner/allow your partner to blidnfold you? (Or fantasize about it?)
Ever tie your partner down/allow your partner to be tied down? (Or fantasize about it?)
Ever run ice over your partners body/allow ice to be run over your body? (Or fantasize about it?)
These things all fall under BDSM play. No, it's not hardcore, but it's still BDSM.

Now, just because BDSM is made up of 3 parts, doesn't mean that those who participate necessarily are involved in all 3.
Some people may just enjoy being tied up, but not enjoy being whipped, or giving up control.
Some people may love dominating but aren't really into inflicting pain upon their partner.
The people who bring BDSM into their sex life are as different as the activities they do.
There is no one way to do things. It's all about exploring YOUR fantasies. Exploring what turns YOU on.

That fact that its exploring YOUR fantasies, is what seperates BDSM from abuse.
Everything that happens, is completely consensual between the participants. There is always the oppertunity to stop at any given time.

Please note: Even though there is the use of safewords, and BDSM is consensual.. There are people who abuse their power as a Dom/Master/Mistress. Just like there are regular people who rape, there are people in BDSM who do the same thing. They take it too far and thats when it goes beyond BDSM and into rape/abuse.
Real rape and real abuse is NOT BDSM.
Whenever you get into a BDSM scene or relationship you must make sure there is trust. Trust is the foundation of all BDSM play. Don't get involved with someone you can't trust because your life will be in their hands.

[lV] Domination & Submission [lV]

Domination and Submission is the second of the three topics that make up BDSM.

Domination - Is to take control over someone else.
Before I begin, it's important to remember that a lot of what I talk about involves one important thing: a relationship. BDSM is more than just finding a person, telling them what to do, and earning instant respect just because you think its cool. To be a Dom is to earn respect and have a relstionship with your sub.
I'm not saying there aren't times where the relationship is short-lived, such as at a play-party, but no matter what there is still a relationship.

A Dom is someone who is respected greatly by their sub. But that respect isn't just granted instantly because they decided dominating is fun. Respect is earned and given by the sub. A BDSM relationship is not all about the Dom. Its a mutal relationship that needs to meet the needs of both those who are involved. A Doms responsibility is to take care of the submissive. The sub is there to please the Dom, and the Dom to make sure the Sub is ok at all times.
Like I have said before, safety is the number one concern. It must be taken into accounts AT ALL TIMES!
A Dom is not there to sit on his/her throne and boss the sub around. In BDSM both people are getting sexually fufilled. A Dom gets off on power, the sub on pleasing and having a loss of control. Of course the Dom is in control and gives the orders, but that isn't all they do. Like I said, its all a relationship and you need to give that relationship time and effort.
There is a deep bond between a Dom and a sub who are together for awhile. The trust level between them in incredible because all of BDSM is based on trust.
Without trust you will never be able to go anywhere within this lifestyle.

Now, even though I basically covered this, I will still do a bit more..

Submission - To give up power and control to another person.
This topic I am a lot more familiar with. Within my sexual life, I am a submissive/part-time slave.
I will try and keep my own personal experience and opinion out of this as much as possible though since the experience of being a sub differs greatly from person to person. Everyone Dom is different, so what you experience is varied.

Anyway, to be a sub is to get off on giving up your control to someone else. Being a sub means you desire being able to please whoever controls you. You want to be able to do whatever it takes to make your Dom happy and if you ever disappoint them you truly regret what you did.
Now, to be a submissive does not mean giving up constant control, which can be a good thing.
A sub is someone who is sexually submissive, someone who gives up their control when it comes to sexual matters.
A slave is someone who has loss of control at all times and is owned by their Master/Mistress.
There is also someone called a Part-Time Slave who gives up more control than a Sub, but still keeps some aspects of their freedom within their life.

One thing many people don't realize about subs is that they set the limits withing the relationship. Everyone assumes that the Dom does it all, but in reality thats so far from the truth.
Even though it's the subs job to please the Dom, the sub has control on how far things go. Whenever a sub is unfomfortable or thinks they've reached one of their "hard limits" they will use a code (such as a safeword) and whatever is happening will end.
Also, the games played and the scenes that are done, usually revolve around some fantasy that the sub has.
This does not mean that the Dom doesn't act out his or her fantasies, what it means is that the Sub sets the limits for the Dom to adhere to. The Dom may be in control, but what happens is in the best interest of the sub. Making sure the sub is alright at all times is the number one concern. I cannot stress this enough: Safety, safety, safety!

Now within Domination and Submission, there are other things besides just those involved.
I will talk about a few symbolic things.

The Collar - I'm sure you've all seen people wearing these before. They have become a wonderful fashion trend. But within D/s they are more than just for fashion.
A collar symbolizes the Subs commitment to their Dom. Some subs will have multiple collars for different occasions. Although other subs may not have a collar at all.
If your D/s relationship is not a permanent thing, and will only be something that you're testing out, a collar is far from required. The collar is given to a sub when they earn it. Why they prove their devotion to their Dom. It is often given during a collaring ceremony. A collaring ceremony is a very serious thing which indicates life long commintment. A collaring ceremony is much like a wedding.

The Contract - This a mutual agreement between a Dom and a sub which is written out and signed by both. The contract outlines the subs limits and what both would like to explore. A contract will also tell what is acceptable and what isn't within the relationship.
A contract is NOT legally binding although it should be treated like it is.




With D/s there does not need to be a romantic involvment to the point where you're "dating".
Sometimes there will be a situation where one partner is intrigued by the BDSM lifestyle and one is a complete vanilla.
This can lead to one partner finding some who also is involved in this lifestyle and creating a learning relationship there.
If you and your partner decide that you having a Mistress/Master/Dom/Sub/Slave works for you both, then by all means enjoy. But don't go behind peoples backs to do so.
BDSM is trust. Without it, you aren't really part of the lifestyle.

[Vl] Online vs. Real Life [Vl]

Online is a wonderful place to start off your quest for BDSM. The internet provides thousands of oppertunities to meet people who are involved in this lifestyle who can give you some answers that you look for.
If you're unsure about BDSM being something you want to really try out, or commit to for that matter, the internet also provides you with the oppertunity of sampling the lifestyle online.

In my life, I'm too young (I'm 16) and too inexperienced to really get out there and try all this out. I have used the internet to provide me with the chance of seeing what all this is about and if it's really for me.
The benefits of an online BDSM relationship are obvious.
1) The commitment is way less. Your session lasts as long as your internet time does. Once you sign off, life is as it was, unless you really take it seriously.
With a D/s relationship, it semi-drips into your real life. You have rules that you must follow even after you've signed off. Of course you could break rules and your Miss would be none the wiser, but if you break rules with your online person, getting involved in this for real is probably not for you. Online means you aren't actually punished. You break a rule in real life and it will result in a punishment.
2) If at any time you decide you don't want to continue, all you have to do is close the convo.
In real life, there is no esc key. You are face to face with this person and whats happening is reallly happening. You better be sure of what you're getting yourself into because you may be deep in a situation before you get scared and want out. By that time you may already be bound, gagged, and in the middle of being tortured. A little hard to hit the esc key then.
3) Online offers more opportunity just to learn. You can have someone just teach you, and not actually get involved in a relationship. This is wonderful if you're new to all this and very curious.

There are a lot of dangers with online BDSM relationships too though.

You have to remember the basic principle that who you're talking to online may not be who they say they are.
Do not trust someone right away.
Do not give out person information.
Do not start sending n***s and getting on webcam for the person.
(As a side note to this one: I was once told by a Dom, I do not require nude pictures nor you naked on webcam. Any Dom who does require this, probably is only in it for themself. Make sure what's happening is what you want.)
This is something you should always think about. What do they want from me? Why do they want it? Am I ok with this?

If you do start an online relationship, you need to understand that real life is much different. Online is just play, it's all fun and games. Real life involves commitment, dedication, trust, respect, and many other things that the internet doesn't really require.

Also, anyone who ever says "I'm a dom, submit to me and obey my every command" deserves to be laughed at. A dom is there to teach you and to help you. Not to make a fool of you.

WHERE ARE MY MINIONS?!??!

You know I have never, ever gotten a post in here..




Sucks.

And how am I a liar?