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 Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:29 am
Honoes. I'm whining again!
Actually I could really use some input on this situation... because it just has me absolutely baffled.
First a little history: Meg and I have been friends quite a while..a few years. She knows I'm not good with people. I am bitter and hostile. Duh. You'd have to be bloody blind not to see it. All my friends know this.
On to the situation.
We, the two of us (and a number of other people), play this mmorpg together. Everything is going great, and then Meg meets a new friend. Knowing full well that I /hate/ people, she proceeds to repeatedly push me to make friends with this guy. So finally I gave in and tried, JUST for her, to befriend this person, Pedro. He annoyed the bloody ******** out of me. I told her so. I told her so, believing she'd turn around and tell Pedro that I did not like him. I just didn't.
She continued to try and push me to make friends with him, and then some other people. I continued to try, just for her. But whenever she was around, I just could NOT get along with these people, so I gave up. A few days later I took it upon myself to message Pedro. I apologized to him for being a b***h, and I let him know that I didn't hate him. I explained to him how I am with people, and how I have trouble. He understood, and asked me to play with him, without Meg around. Surprise, surprise! Pedro and I get along great, because there is no one pushing us to play nice.
Meg was ecstatic... which is what I wanted. I wanted her to be happy. A day or two later, I am playing with Meg and Pedro - we're getting along just fine. Then one of my new friends comes online. I figure, it'll be a great opportunity. I made friends with Pedro, maybe Pedro and Meg could make friends with Tom. So I asked Meg and Pedro if it was okay that Tom played with us. They both said it would be great.
So the four of us are playing, when Meg messages me and tells me she thinks Tom is a cockmonkey and neither she nor Pedro like him. So I told her, politely, if she and Pedro are not having fun they should leave, and go have fun. I don't want them to be unhappy.
She says, about Tom, "Oh but he'll die." Now, I took that offensively because in the game, she and I are both healers. That was like a huge slap in the face, saying "You suck, you can't keep him alive." And I told her that's how it felt. She started bitching at me, and then she and Pedro left.
I said to Tom, "I don't think they like you so much, and now she's pissed off at me." he asked why, so I told him that Meg had told me she found him to be cocky, and what she'd said about me not being able to keep him alive. And then I told him, that she'd also just been in a really bad mood lately and she'd probably give him a second chance.
Tom went and spoke to Meg, and suddenly I'm the bad guy because I answered Tom's questions honestly about why she and Pedro did not like him.
Meg called me a selfish c**t because I felt hurt by the fact that I had gone out of my way to make nice with one of her friends, and she turns around and calls one of MY friends a cockmonkey, and I told her so. She called me a selfish c**t because I answered Tom's questions truthfully.
Now, I want your honest opinions.
Is there some line that I crossed, in being honest with Tom?
I'm extremely upset over the fact that she's willing to throw away years of friendship, because she is saying I "betrayed her trust" when all I did was answer someone's questions.
Another horrible offshoot of this situation is this: Pedro is now miserable. He and I have become pretty good friends, now, and he wants to play with Meg and myself at the same time, but that just won't happen. If I go anywhere near Pedro, Meg leaves.. not that I particularly want to be around her, anyways. I don't want to come between Meg and Pedro because, goddess forbid, I don't need her yelling at me for stealing a friend. So I try to push Pedro away... and when I have become friends with someone, I hate pushing them away. It kills me.
Also: Meg's boyfriend, Brian, has been my friend longer than Meg has. Our friendship is suffering now. He won't join my guild in the game, because I won't have Meg in it - not that she'd join anyways, because she thinks I'm a c**t. What the hell does he expect me to do, bow down and let her walk all over me? Sit there and allow her to call me such nasty names?
AUGH. I am so frustrated I could just /scream/.
Sorry this is so long, but damn.
Honest opinions, please.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:35 am
From what I can tell, the only one in the wrong here is Meg. No, you were NOT being selfish, you were being honest, as well as compromising.... you did a favor for a friend, and then asked for the same in return... one hand washes the other, tis simply the way of life.
Now, I would guess she was probably pushing you into a friendship with Pedro in an attempt to expand the circle of players on your rpg (at least partly)... which is fine (well, not the pushing, but trying to expand the circle). But then when you try to do the same by getting her and Pedro to be friends with Tom, she gets mad? No. Nuh uh, doesn't work that way. Sorry, but unless she's just recently been named Queen of the World, she just can not expect everyone to do what *she* wants without having to show the same in return. After you tell her several times that you are having issues with getting along with Pedro, she kept pushing... yet she gives Tom ONE chance and bails? This evens things out... how??? confused
As to her being mad about you telling Tom the truth... what did she expect, for you to lie for her? She's probably pissed because what you said made her look crass and shallow, and how dare you not cover and make her look like the Shining Angel of Goodness and Light! (can ya feel the sarcasm? wink )
As to Brian and Pedro... sorry, I have no ideas there. This is one they'll have to work out... after all, it seems Meg is forcing them to choose... which, might I add, just proves who the selfish one is, does it not?
Oh, and if you really want to play with her head.... next time she calls you a c**t, smile and say "Thank you!" Why? Because that is actually a huge compliment. Little known fact: the word 'c**t' is derived from Kunti - an Ancient Indian mother-goddess who's name simply means "woman" (she was later displaced in worship by newer goddesses). As societies shifted to Patriarchal rule, her name was shortened (to the modern "c**t") and used as a word of ridicule for a woman - especially a strong, wise one. So, in essense, when someone calls you a c**t, they are calling you a strong, wise woman and like unto the Ancient mother-goddess Kunti. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:14 am
I have to agree with Phaedra. Meg sounds just a bit childish and self centered. What will be, will be. I wouldn't stop being friends with Pedro though on account of Meg, you put the effort into becoming friends, and I doubt Meg's going to be happy despite anything you do. I would also remind Brian that this tiff is between you and Meg and not him, and that you two were buddies before Meg and before all of this happened and will continue to be friends from your POV.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 10:16 am
Blind Insight I wouldn't stop being friends with Pedro though on account of Meg... I would also remind Brian that this tiff is between you and Meg and not him, and that you two were buddies before Meg and before all of this happened and will continue to be friends from your POV.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:56 pm
Phaedra Lycoris Oh, and if you really want to play with her head.... next time she calls you a c**t, smile and say "Thank you!" Why? Because that is actually a huge compliment. Little known fact: the word 'c**t' is derived from Kunti - an Ancient Indian mother-goddess who's name simply means "woman" (she was later displaced in worship by newer goddesses). As societies shifted to Patriarchal rule, her name was shortened (to the modern "c**t") and used as a word of ridicule for a woman - especially a strong, wise one. So, in essense, when someone calls you a c**t, they are calling you a strong, wise woman and like unto the Ancient mother-goddess Kunti. 3nodding
I was talking to a good friend of mine, over this situation, and when I told her what Meg had called me, she told me to say something along the lines of, "Why yes, I DO have one." but.. feh, it just isn't worth my time or energy to argue with her.
Thank you both for your replies. smile <3
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 4:47 pm
Meg seems like a lost cause, at least directly. You've repeatedly tried to explain it to her, and she just yells at you.
I'd explain the situation as best you can to Pedro and Brian and maybe try to get them to talk some sense into Meg. Maybe she'll be less defensive if it's coming from somebody else.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 5:24 pm
Brian knows the whole situation. He saw our conversation, it went down in comments on her LJ. I kind of wish I'd saved the conversation, but her journal is friends only and she took me off her list, obviously.
Megan and I have had our fights, before, and it never affected my relationship with Brian. But this time, I'm absolutely sure he's going to stand behind her, and that's fine. S'what a man should do, I guess. I don't know. Half the time I shout "Friends come first!" and the other half I'm all about people standing by their girlfriends or boyfriends.
Pedro.... he doesn't speak much english, so he's kind of hard to explain things to. I've tried to explain it the best I can. He doesn't seem to understand anything past the fact that Meg just /will not/ give me a second chance, and I'm tired of asking for one - especially seeing as I don't believe I'm in the wrong, here.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:55 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:38 pm
I have nothing else to add myself, I completely agree with Phaedra's post in particular (imagine that biggrin ) but I do have a question Cerebral.
What RPG are you playing, and do you want another fiend, um, I mean friend to join?
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:55 pm
Wow. People suck.
I'm advice'd-opinion'ed out. Meg is being lame, her boyfriend is caught in the middle, Pedro.. well. Find seperate times to be with him? Hmm..
She'll come around, hopefully.
I had a friend like this once. It sucks. I'm sorry.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 8:08 pm
Kekewey Saew I have nothing else to add myself, I completely agree with Phaedra's post in particular (imagine that biggrin ) but I do have a question Cerebral. What RPG are you playing, and do you want another fiend, um, I mean friend to join?
I have been playing a bit with Brian, today. Then he left.. and IM'd me.
[edit] I'm piankhi, by the way.
[19:37] ryukiri: Do me a favor
[19:38] piankhi: yes?
[19:38] ryukiri: You're not going to like it
[19:38] piankhi: What?
[19:38] ryukiri: Apologize to Megan.
[19:38] piankhi: I didn't do anything worth apologizing for.
[19:38] ryukiri: That's not how she feels
[19:38] piankhi: Well, that's how I feel.
[19:38] piankhi: All I did was answer a friends questions honestly.
[19:39] ryukiri: Do me a favor and apologize to her whether or not you actually understand what you're apologizing for
[19:39] piankhi: Why should I?
[19:40] ryukiri: Because I'm sick and tired of being "not caught in the middle of it" and suffering the ******** consequences. I'm tired of this stupid petty little b***h fight that went entirely too far
[19:40] ryukiri: Fix it. It's broken. Fix it.
[19:40] piankhi: I'm sorry, Brian, but I'm not going to bow down just because you're sick of it. I'm NOT in the wrong here.
[19:41] ryukiri: Okay, first of all, you have to step down off your high horse and admit to the fact that you might have done something wrong in the eyes of somebody else, even if you didn't do wrong in your own eyes.
[19:42] ryukiri: Second of all, you and Megan have been friends for how ******** long and now you're not going to talk to each other because of something that would break up a couple of infantile pre-teens in junior high?
[19:42] ryukiri: What the ******** is wrong with the both of you?
[19:42] piankhi: Hey, I was absolutely willing to put it behind me.
[19:42] piankhi: And she went and called me a c**t.
[19:42] piankhi: No.
[19:42] ryukiri: Shut the ******** up, swallow your gods bedamned pride and try to fix the situation if Meg actually means anything to you.
[19:44] piankhi: I am not going to step down just for her, or you. Yeah, she thinks I did something wrong. I don't. All I did, was be honest with someone.
[19:45] ryukiri: You know he sent her a PM essentially calling her a cowardly b***h, right? Did you ever stop to think of how she might feel if you -did- tell Tom what she had said?
[19:46] piankhi: What he said to her, has nothing to do with me. I told him, that she didn't like him - and I said she'd been in a bad mood lately, and she'd prolly calm down again later.
[19:46] piankhi: I had nothing to do with what HE said.
It just went downhill from there. We're still talking.
[edit again] I folded. sad I am apologizing to her, just for him. ******** well.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 8:28 pm
Wow.
He sounds like a real nice guy. confused
Jeez.
You're right. You did -nothing- wrong. He needs to let the two of you work out your own issues. It's really not his place to try and make you apologize.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 8:30 pm
Leviticus can shove it Wow. He sounds like a real nice guy. confused Jeez. You're right. You did -nothing- wrong. He needs to let the two of you work out your own issues. It's really not his place to try and make you apologize.
And I felt very bad for him, being stuck between us. :/
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 8:35 pm
cerebral ulcer I apologized, anyways. I'm just sick of fighting.
And I felt very bad for him, being stuck between us. :/ Well, if you were using him to communicate to her, yeah. He had a place in sticking his nose in it. Butuhhh... yeah. I guess sometimes you have to be the bigger person. I'm to stubborn for that. I admire people that can suck it up and do it. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:43 pm
Leviticus can shove it cerebral ulcer I apologized, anyways. I'm just sick of fighting.
And I felt very bad for him, being stuck between us. :/ I guess sometimes you have to be the bigger person. I'm to stubborn for that. I admire people that can suck it up and do it. 3nodding
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