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 Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:27 am
I have a lot of problems going for me right now, but I figured that the Sexuality Forum was the most appropriate place to put this. I'm in desperate need of some help though, seriously.
First off, I'm 14 years old, and a male. I just turned 14 a few weeks ago. When I was 5, until I was 7, I was raped by a friend of my dad's, every day, for two years. I never told anyone about it, because I'm afraid of ruining my parents' perfect image of me, and because this guy is my dad's best friend, and I'm afraid I'll be called a liar.
Though I'm 14, I'm actually in 10th grade. I was boosted ahead two grades in school. I was reading and writing as early as I was talking. So, that's the "perfect image" I mentioned that I didn't want ruined.
So, when I was in 9th grade, I met a friend of mine who, at the time, was in 12th. He's graduated from high school now, he's 19 years old. And, I'm in love with him. It's love. I can't stop thinking about him, I call him every day to tell him about my day, and just to hear his voice and make sure he doesn't forget me. I talk to him on the phone at least an hour a day, and we hang out a lot too. I love him so much. He doesn't know this yet, but I'm afraid he'll be freaked out if I tell him. And it kills me, not being able to hug him and tell him how I feel.
But, this whole love thing also kills me for other reasons. Someone older than me has ALREADY hurt me. And now, I love another older guy? Did my rapist brainwash me into wanting older guys? Am I becoming exactly what he wanted me to be? Or is this somehow normal? I'm so afraid that I might somehow be turning into something I'm not.
So as you can see, I have a lot of problems, and I need a lot of help. REALLY BAD. I'm so confused, and I feel so alone and depressed.... sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 4:29 pm
I feel so sorry for you. So many people today are so scared of telling their parents anything because they dont want them to be dissapointed. I myself feel that way for other reasons, so i can definetly relate, but only on that topic. And i'm afraid that this guild probably isnt the right place for this post, because i know the only comments you will probably get are going to be "tell your parents, you have totell your parents" which is probably true, but it's not helping you any now is it. So anyway, my advice is to talk to a counselor at school or something. I know this isnt alot of advice, but you have alot of issues (that you already understand, which is really good) and i dont think any forum can help you too much.
My heart goes out to you though, and i really wish you luck on getting help.
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 7:42 pm
I don't want to tell a councellor or anything though. I don't want people knowing about my rapes, or that I love a guy way older than me. I can't tell people in real life. So if nobody in this forum can help me, then...I guess I really am alone.... sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 7:58 pm
your not alone, you just need to find someone to tell this to, someone you trust. A friend that can help you. Maybe try a live journal, that always helps me get things out, which is part of it, but you still need someone to give you advice. I really wish i could, but i dont know what to tell you.. i'm sorry
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 1:53 pm
Can anyone else here help me? Please?! crying
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Posted: Sun Nov 05, 2006 3:07 pm
Fine. I guess I'll just quit this stupid guild then, if nobody in it is willing to help me. scream
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:51 pm
nonononono. don't quit
you need to be patient.
ok so your in love with him..?
First off, I think you should try to tell him. You talk to him every day? Well, first off, are you sure hes straight? If he is, telling him may not be the best idea in the world.
If hes gay, or bi, then maybe try to get "cozy" with him. Confessing your love may be a bit much, but casual flirting can't be too harmful.
And about getting raped, do your parents still not know? You shouldn't be afraid to tell them, getting raped does NOT make you less of a person, AT ALL. Its not your fault, your not to be blamed. And I really hope they believe you.
I hope this helps a little? <33
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:51 pm
Be raped is a BIG oh, DAMN BIG TRAUMA.
you must talk about that with someone, the best will be your parents, or a therapyst... it doesnt make you a bad person...
i was raped, two months after that i tried to kill myself, and i got internated in a psych. hospital, then my parents knew about this, im on treatment, and it doesnt matter if you think "well but this happened a lot of years ago" IT DOESN'T MATTER. there will be always something disturbing you, always, at least you talk and deal with it.
Honey, you must talk with someone, only an expert can help you.
But, from me, you have all my support. and HonestlyDisturbed has reason.
Are you sure he is straight?
is the first step, if he is absolutely straight, you have to ascertain what is his position about homosexuality. then the desition is yours, but first of all, you must talk with an expert about your rape.
is very important, but honey, im with you.
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Posted: Sun Jan 07, 2007 5:32 pm
[[The Look Stapled On Your Face Cries Out For Forgiveness]]...
You're 14. You're presumably exiting the age of physical and emotional development, and you're starting to perceive the world in a more adult fashion. The fact that you're attracted to an older man has nothing much to do with the fact that you've been raped, but more with the fact that he's more sexually available than someone your own age.
So don't think this is some kind of reflection of your past experience. It's just your body telling you that you want to become sexually active, and your chances are with someone older than you.
The fact that it's a guy is up to you to decide why. You can be a believer of the 'you were born that way' or the nurturing option which could mean this derrived from your rape experience.
...[[The One Thing That I Cannot Give]]
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 11:30 am
1. Tell your parents about the rape. I doesn't make you unclean or impure. It makes you, put simply, a victim. And victims always get help, especially from loved ones. If you don't trust your parents, it's about time you did, because as parents, it's their job to protect you, love you, and believe you.
2. Think about what it would be like to have a relationship with an older guy. He could take advantage of you, he could simply lose interest and walk away.
Personally, from your description of him, I don't think of your crush as that kind of person. I was saying just an older boy in general. Don't take it personally, I'm just telling you to keep your eyes open. I would say the same thing if you were a 14 year old girl in love with an older guy.
3. Try to determine his sexuality. Does he enjoy hanging out with you? Has he had any girlfriends? Is your relationship with him slightly more than just friends?
4. Please, don't get depressed about your crush. As long as you can see him and talk to him, everything is good. Get the rape case smoothed out first. PLEASE. I really need you to do this for me. No, for you.
Then start thinking about how to tell your crush how you feel. :] Just trust me. Everything will turn out fine, I know.
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 1:45 pm
((Oh, and your situation kinda reminds me of the Loveless story line. x3 At least the crush on an older boy part.))
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Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 4:43 pm
I am really sorry -hug-. I think that you should tell someone but I understand about how you think that your life will be ruined. Is the guy that you are in love with gay as well? If so then maybe you should tell him. Love is love and if it's true it will all work out. If not, I am not exactly sure what to do, maybe you should tell him anyways and just see what he does.
Good luck heart [.Julie Booly.]
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Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:37 am
[iWonder] ((Oh, and your situation kinda reminds me of the Loveless story line. x3 At least the crush on an older boy part.))
^_^ LOVE THE LOVELESS!!
I dont think you should tell the older guy, your friend, of your desires for him. But instead sneak to his house when he is sleeping and take a bunch of pictures of him, then make a creepy shrine about him and 'accidentally' let him see it and all the artistic yadda you put into it, he'll love it!
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Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 6:50 pm
First off.. uhh you poor thing! Secondly... Does the older guy you like now gay/bi? If he is give him hints that you like him. No, I don't think your rapist made you this way. If you are attracted to another guy there is nothing wrong with that. That is how you feel. You can't help how you feel and you should never be ashamed. You have build up quite a self image with your success. Your parents should love you no matter what sex you like or anything. After all, they raised you. If they can't accept you, then their the ones who are wrong. Since you are so young. Maybe you're bi-curious, but if you honestly think the feelings you're having are real then go for it! First things first... Make sure the guy is gay/bi. If he's not try finding someone who is to get expirence. That way it's a willing possive expirence as opposed to rape. You may or may not like it. I hope I helped a little. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:10 am
i dont know what to say
to help you
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