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 Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:45 pm
I'll try to update this regularly. You're probably best off not reading them.
As I posted earlier, herpes lasts forever. But so does chicken pox. My theory: we should give everyone who's ever had chicken pox some herpes, so the two can duke it out and kill each other off. We can throw polio in there too. AIDS is disqualified, since it cheats.
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:49 pm
I think we should make flaying an Olympic sport. Think about it: teams of six of each nation's finest non-professional flayers each competing to see who can tear off a cow's skin with the most speed and style. Can you think of anything more fun to watch?
I also think we should make grilling an Olympic sport, and hold it after the flaying. That way, we can reuse the cows for burgers and PETA won't get mad.
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 2:53 pm
My current theory is titled "God Hates Bush."
Here's why:
1. God creates B virus (which I shall refer to as "monkey herpes")
2. Lots of monkeys get monkey herpes.
3. Cave men evolve. Some like hairy women, while others prefer smoother women.
4. Some of the cave men who like hairy women confuse them with monkeys.
5. Some of the cave men with monkey wives catch monkey herpes and die.
6. Over time, the percentage of cave men who like smooth women become more prevalent in society.
7. The result: today, female hair grooming is considered a good thing.
That's because God doesn't like bush.
What, did you think I was talking about the U. S. president?
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:38 pm
Funny man. Funny man but I'll always pick the music stick of my own hero, mister wierd al yankovic.
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Posted: Sat Oct 28, 2006 3:56 pm
We could really control the rat population if they started serving it in restaurants. Really, with modern cooking techniques we could really get rid of all the diseases they carry, and I'm sure the Iron Chef could make 'em taste quite good!
Feed the poor! Eat rats!
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 12:38 pm
Why do they even bother to make mild salsa? I mean, what the hell? If you can't take the heat, go eat tomato sauce instead. (Not that I'm knocking tomato sauce, but it's no salsa.)
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 11:38 pm
Naughty or Nice...?
Mooby...... What are you on, and who is your dealer? Cuz I want some of whatever is f***ing with your brain
... You decide, click here!
------------- 
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:01 pm
why does nobody ever really think about the ergonomics of bathrooms? there design is so poor that the soviets could improve on it without any problems. The only pardonable object in most of the is the towel rack. Tubs should be sunken instead of raised because that way you dont have to step over a tallish stumbling block. Bathtubs kill old people! Toilets are uncomfortable! I demand better bathroom engineering!
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:23 pm
jeoc why does nobody ever really think about the ergonomics of bathrooms? there design is so poor that the soviets could improve on it without any problems. The only pardonable object in most of the is the towel rack. Tubs should be sunken instead of raised because that way you dont have to step over a tallish stumbling block. Bathtubs kill old people! Toilets are uncomfortable! I demand better bathroom engineering! If you sink tubs, then it'll reduce balance getting into them as the floor of the tub is not even with the floor of the room, and coming out of the tub will be harder because you'll lose leverage as you'll have to step up. Thus, there's a greater chance with old people falling into a sunken tub than a normal one. I think the obvious solution is that we just take old people out into the yard and hose 'em down once a week.
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 1:32 pm
You know how some people are arguing nowadays that we should make the elderly retake their driver's test after reaching some age or another? I think that's a terrible idea.
Imagine this: you spend every day of your life as an underpaid government employee watching spoiled, stupid 16 year olds hit the curb while parallel parking. Then you listen to them cry when you tell them they're too stupid to drive. That has to be one of the most depressing jobs in the world.
Now, are you really going to tell me that you're going to ask these women and men to get into the car with OLD PEOPLE? There's only so much one person can handle.
In conclusion, passing such a law would more than quadruple the number of psychotic serial killers out there.
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 2:06 pm
After many years of pondering, I have discovered the meaning of life. All you have to do to have a fulfilling life is to push a handicapped person down a flight of stairs.
Now, I know you're thinking, "That's horrible!"
However, have you ever actually tried it?
I'm guessing no, as those who have tried it aren't the ones shouting, "That's horrible!" In fact, they're not even reading this post, because they're too busy looking for more handicapped people.
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 2:09 pm
=Just.Wing.It=
Naughty or Nice...?
Mooby...... What are you on, and who is your dealer? Cuz I want some of whatever is f***ing with your brain
... You decide, click here!
------------- A little bit of everything.
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 1:37 pm
WHY I'M AGAINST THE ATHEIST MOVEMENT
Atheists, in general, seem more concerned with opposing Christianity than with forming a cohesive identity of their own. As the majority of Christians identify themselves as conservative, many atheists consider themselves liberal. Conservative Christians hate abortions, so atheist liberals feel every woman should have a choice. Conservative Christians favor the war in Iraq, so the atheist liberals oppose the war. Conservative Christians were appalled by 9/11, so the atheist liberals called it a government conspiracy. Conservative Christians are highly patriotic, so the atheist liberals are always criticizing America. Conservative Christians speak of sexual morality, so the atheist liberals say we should be in touch with our bodies.
Now, can you think of any other similar group, one that opposes America and takes the opposite stance on every issue just to piss us off, is in touch with their bodies, and avoids battle at all costs?
That's right. It's the French. Now you know why I'm Christian.
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 3:42 pm
well my politics are semi-french then. Now I'm off to find another handicapped person or four.
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Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:46 pm
You know that feeling that you get when you lick the toilet seat?
.... yeah....
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