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 Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:24 pm
Chapter one: (Will be coming in parts...)
There are many misconceptions about the War in Heaven. When it took place, or that it isn't over yet for example, and there are many others. But it did happen. And the consequences of that first battle are finally beginning to draw to a close.
The day was perfect. The sun hid behind clouds that held snow, or rain, that hadn't begun to fall yet. The wind that could not move the heavy clouds tumbled dead and dry leaves across the pavement: blew her hair across her face and around her neck.
A perfect day.
She stared into the river beneath her feet. Far beneath her feet. Far enough anyways.
She took a deep breath to stay calm and steele her resolve. She had made her decision, cleaned out her locker, cleaned her room. She had the note at the bottom of her shoe. In a plastic baggy so it would still be legible when they pulled her out. She stepped up onto the guard rail, it was an old bridge with cement railings and crumbly around the edges with age. Small bits of sand and rocks fell from under her toes and into the water far below. The ripples made by the current and the froth around the base of the old bridge erased the ripples made by the stones before they had even begun.
"Just like my life."
"Over before you started?"
She jumped and spun around, stepping off the rail, at the sudden voice. Back on solid ground again, and without the pull of the river beneath her gaze, she was suddenly too afraid to do it. Again.
She glowered at the man standing a few feet from her. He was a priest. Catholic by her guess, which was well educated since she had been raised in a Catholic home, but a guss nonetheless as the clothes were... odd.
A long black cassock with no adornments save the belt and the rosary hanging off it, black shoes that looked as though they had been made for walking long distances, and a round hat that had a dome. He looked like a priest out of a historical movie. He had a gentle smile on his face though, for all that he looked odd.
"Before what started." A statement, there was no question in her mind that she didn't have a life.
"So young, and so sure of her fate? Interesting. You must have foresight." He held out one hand. "Call me Briel."
She stared at the offered hand in distaste; but she had always been polite. She took the hand and stared at her hand in his as they clasped hands. A tingle moved up her arm from her hand and through her whole body. When it had passed she felt calm and... peaceful. Like when she had been a child and one of the priests had been chanting in the sanctuary.
She transferred her stare to the man in front of her. He just smiled at her and waited, clasping her hand in a way that was friendly and not forcing her to hold on to him.
"Briel is an odd name."
He smiled. "It is at that." He kept smiling at her and an expectant, slightly humerous air seemed to settle over them.
"Oh! I'm so sorry! My name is Maeve." All at once her depression and hatred of life in general lifted. For the first time in a long time, and with an almost total stranger, Mischa laughed at nothing at all.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:25 pm
I would appreciate all comments. There's more to this chapter. I'm just beginning to lose my ability to concentrate. I need to find food.
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Posted: Tue Oct 24, 2006 7:51 pm
ooooooh.
Funny, how the first bolded paragraph has no connection with the rest of it...mayyyybe. I like it.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 11:20 am
Chapter One:..... continued from up there... with a name change...
As their laughter danced off with the leaves in the wind Maeve looked into the mans eyes and smiled. He had perfect teeth.
"Maeve, I'm new in town. Where can I invite you for a cup of coffee or tea? You seem like you need a friend."
Normally this would have angered Maeve to no end. Some total stranger assuming that they could be a helpful friend because that's obviously what she needed. But this was different. This... was a sincere offer of friendship. Someone Maeve knew she could never doubt this man or the words he offered.
"There's a little cafe down the street that way. It's a little expensive though. There's also a coffee shop a few blocks in the other direction. But it's always so busy."
"Then let's go to that cafe. I have no reason to worry about money."
"A rich priest?"
Briel laughed. "No. But God will always provide. If we need coffee, I will have money for it. And if we need some dessert or something to nibble on, I will also have money for it."
"And if there's a movie playing that we want to see?"
"That is where the difference between want and need lies I'm afraid. Why? What's in Theates that you want to see?"
"Nothing really. I just like the popcorn they have there, and they stick it past the ticket booths so you have to get tickets if you want the popcorn."
"That's a little ridiculus. People should temper their greed now before it destroys them."
The two companions stepped off the end of the bridge and continued towards the cafe. A comfortable silence had fallen between them as the wind played with his cassock and her hair. She thought of many things she could talk to him about on the walk. And each time she decided to break the silence something would touch the back of her mind and stil her voice in her chest. So she kept her peace, and when they reached the cafe so chose a booth that was tucked into the back of the store and hidden in it's alcove by a shrub that had once been only decorative and now was sheltering.
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:20 pm
okaaay, good, but I noticed a few things.
This, was a sincere offer of friendship.
Understanding the need for a pause, but you either need an infinitive there (...) or nothing at all. No comma.
There's also a Coffee Shop...
No capitals, chica.
And the last sentence was seriously lacking in flow. There's no other way to put it, really. It was just too abrupt.
But I like the easy conversation between them, and the indication of the peaceful silence...believe it or not, that's hard to do without directly stating it. Nice job. (6^0^)6
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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:08 pm
Fixed, fixed, deleted and thanks!
I do add capital letters all over the place so thanks for catching that. I catch myself a lot... but not always. Thanks!
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:35 pm
The two waited for the waitress, a young woman who dressed in a different way every week and loved to talk to anyone who would sit still long enough for her to finish, and placed their orders. Two coffees. One black, one double double. Briel sat looking around the place and mumbling gently to himself. Maeve couldn't catch the words, but they didn't sound english, and he seemed to be off in his own world for a moment. She watched him over her hands, which she had sitting in front of her face in subconscious imitation of her mother.
When their coffees came, she smiled at the waitress but didn't meet her eyes. That was a sure fire way to get her to start talking. And talking. And talking. Briel smiled at her and sipped his double double coffee. Then he reached to the side of the table where there was icing sugar, cream in a small pot, and cocoa in a sugar container. He selected the cocoa, looked at it a moment, and then shook a very liberal amount into his coffee. He sipped it and sighed a happy sigh.
Maeve laughed. "You look like you haven't had coffee in a long time."
Briel smiled ruefully. "I've been fasting for a long time now."
"What for?"
"My sister was lost to me a very long time ago. A few months ago, while I was speaking with God, He told me that I needed to fast until I met a girl on a bridge. So now I can have chocolate again."
Maeve put her coffee down and raised one eyebrow. "What does that have to do with your sister, and how do you know I was the girl He meant? Nice of Him to be so specific..."
"I'm not sure what it has to do with my sister, but I was praying that I would find her. Maybe in some way you help me to do so. When I hear him, I am often gifted with a vague image in my mind as well. The girl I saw when he told me to find you was dressed the same as you. But I was apparently a little later than I was with you, as she was standing on top of the rail, and not on the bottom of it as you were."
"So it could have been someone else."
"True. But I am going to assume it was you." Briel smiled with his eyes as he took another sip of his drink.
"You won't ask me will you." A statement.
"Ask you what?" Briel looked truly confused as he met Maeve's eyes across the table.
"Why I was going to jump off the bridge. Why I was willing to kill myself."
"I had assumed that it was because you felt that the burdens' life was giving you were to heavy and that you couldn't carry them alone anymore."
Maeve stared at him, forgetting for a moment that lasted a lifetime where she was and what she was doing. She had never heard anyone put the depression she felt into such a small sentence before.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:52 pm
......neeeat.
Coffees is the plural form, by the way.
Iccccck, coffee. But I guess older college people actually NEED it. Unlike bouncy ADHD Kirby. >.<
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:55 pm
She's not college age... almost finished high school... but not done yet. I'm not sure why she drinks coffee... nevermind black... I'll have to figure that out at some point.
Thanks! I'll go fix the spelling now.
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:20 pm
>.<
all teenagers seem to drink coffee. Why it's black...I dunno. I thougth the double was hers.
I HATE coffee. *hiss*
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 4:32 pm
To tell you the truth I thought it was hers too... until he took it and added the chocolate. I'm laughing SO damn hard here because I know all about the both of them and it just fits him so well that he wouldn't take the black!
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:24 pm
...........................................................
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Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 6:40 pm
I'm trying to finish my Halloween Contest Entry atm... I'll get onto this again when I'm done that!! I can't jump between this and that... crying emo
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Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 4:58 pm
Also... when I write I'm not so much making stuff up as I am translating what my imagination does and making it a story.. having said that... I'm not sure where they are going... my head is scrambling to decide what it want's to do for NaNoWriMo
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 11:39 am
I know what I'm going to do, but I really need to think about the beginning...where to start from? ...........
.....................
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