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 Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:51 pm
With the Halloween contest upon us, and my entry to be turned in soon, I thought I might let loose a teaser, just the first 8 lines which is an introductory poem (then the short story starts).
"Gather round children, sit for a spell,
And listen to the story I'm about to tell
'Tis of a dark night, many years ago
And the death of a young man named Cato
'Twas a stormy night, blacker than black
And the darkness closed in, as if about to attack
Now our story is about to start
A gutwrenching tale ripped straight from thy heart..."
Hope you like it...
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:27 pm
okay, read this aloud and see how it sounds.
The flow is a little off. See, if you just add a word here and there....then it'll be great! I like the choice of the words, and--is that iambic hectameter I sense? Interesting. <(^-^)>
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:36 pm
Agreed with Kirby. There were one or two lines that knocked off the flow a little bit. But otherwise, it sounds like it'll be an interesting story! Which reminds me... I need to start on my entry... Eep...
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 3:47 pm
KirbyVictorious okay, read this aloud and see how it sounds. The flow is a little off. See, if you just add a word here and there....then it'll be great! I like the choice of the words, and--is that iambic hectameter I sense? Interesting. <(^-^)> I kinda noticed that, I'll see what I can do.. I have the beginning and the end, both poems. Now to fill in everything else... lol got to get started soon.
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:26 pm
The flow is thrown off... as has been said. I'm sure you'll have it fixed up and ready to compete with the pro's in no time at all!
I look forward to reading the competition... lol
Mine is started... but it's going the way of The Village and so I have to figure out what to do to change it...
or start over...
Or let my entree fee be a donation... you know... whatever...
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:31 pm
Yay. Cool. Good.
I have no idea what I'm talking about. I just saw my name somewhere.
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 4:37 pm
Yeah the flow will be fixed... hopefully, I want to keep the rhyme scheme without ruining the poem, and as for the iambic hectameter.. I don't even know what that is, but uhm... maybe?
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 5:04 pm
iambic: accented words every other syllable.
hectameter: not sure if that's the word, but six sets of accented and unacented words. Count 'em.
On a side note, in English and in Iambic pentameter (five sets) is supposed to be the purest language on earth. *shrug*
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Posted: Wed Oct 18, 2006 7:49 pm
KirbyVictorious iambic: accented words every other syllable. hectameter: not sure if that's the word, but six sets of accented and unacented words. Count 'em. On a side note, in English and in Iambic pentameter (five sets) is supposed to be the purest language on earth. *shrug* Never tried, but it sounds difficult... I might one day though.
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:55 pm
it really isn't. watch.
Shall I tell you how you mean to me?
Air and sky are nothing more than thee
You and me, together happily,
Walking side by side, forever free.
I just made that up. So you see, it's not hard. It's just structured, is all.
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