Welcome to Gaia! ::

Superbly well done! In some parts, your rhythm/rhyme seemed rather forced, though, so you might want to read it over again and try to smooth out some parts. I particularly liked

Our lives are so very fragile
There’s frailty in flesh and bone
And the thing that’s frailer still
The living, breathing human soul

The first line has that aforementioned forced rhythm, but I absolutely love how it goes on from there. In fact, if you were to end it with that verse, I think it would be wonderful. Of course, the last line of the last verse is a wonderful line to end on, as well.

Gah. Now that I'm rereading it, though, I want to make a list of lines that seem rather forced to me. Please forgive me for doing this, but I really want to. The italicized lines are the ones that I feel have a forced rhythm.

Again I have been proven wrong
When I dreamt to live forever
That we might live, and then grow old
And in the twilight, die together

To once have loved and then to lose
While searching for eternity
I lost it all in my search for hope
And love, that enigmatic entity

While you wait for it to get here
You’ll learn your heart never knows best
And now you’ll be forever waiting
Because forever never seems to last

War is the age of our tomorrow
And the violence grows within our time
Ride off and fight the losing battle
The fight to take back what is mine

That stolen lump of flesh and blood
Which, life to you, it does impart
Just give it back and let me fall
Just give me back my broken heart

Our lives are so very fragile
There’s frailty in flesh and bone
And the thing that’s frailer still
The living, breathing human soul

Perhaps you’ll find it’s truly better
To have never loved at all
Or you could just break yourself again
One last slip deems one last fall

The above lines, I think you could take away the "just" and it will be perfect.

The love that you feel for her now
As blind as a shattered glass eye
That love now forms a cross of thorns
And nails that bind you, crucified

SilverMystic, Thank you very much for the lovely critique. ^^

I know some lines do sound forced. I do that pretty often. I haven't revised this. I wrote it and haven't really looked at it much since. I'll have to revise it and resubmit it ^^

I'd like to see how it turns out.