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Relationship Issues

Finding a special someone:
You just found that special someone huh? Now you're dying to meet them right? Or, maybe you're a stalker? Hiding behind the bushes because you're a little too nervous to be anymore close to them? Might want to try a few things that'll help the process of actually talking to them.

Al right, so, here you are. You all of a sudden realized that someone is great for you and you love them to death. But there's a complicated obstacle you have to go through. The ever-so-dreadful meeting them. Oh dear. It is ok and you might consider actually meeting them after this. One thing people do is they usually get their hopes up too fast. The guy/girl is absolutely great and you're dying to meet them now. That's great, but it might not be the best thing to do. You might want to calm your emotions down a bit. Let the feelings go down just a little. When you do this you become less desperate and have less chances of being confused. The more desperate you are, which isn't a bad thing, the more excuses you're going to make even if they're not the right guy/girl. You'll think he/she is but he really isn't. The only problem with that is you're going to find yourself breaking up with them soon after or further into the relationship because you found out that he really wasn't all that great. So, you might want to think about calming those feelings and/or thinking about it more.

Before I suggest the common things people have done that work for them, you're going to want to see if that person is open for a relationship. You know, single. People have gone up to the person and they're dating someone, won't end up very pretty. Nor is it good to confess your feelings to someone that isn't single. It's going to complicate the relationship for them and you don't want to make it worst for them.

If you're thinking about confessing your feelings to a good friend, you might want to consider a few things. You've been with your best friend for a long time and they're the only person that understands you. You get very strong feelings for them and you want to ask them out. So, you do. You find yourself in the relationship, everything's great. Then you guys break up (hopefully not). The problem with that is that it isn't likely that you'll two will stay friends. After that you'll both go your own separate ways and won't talk again. A lot of people make that mistake and are devastated because they now have no one. You might want to consider "not ruining what you al ready have" as most people put it. Staying friends might be a good thing because your relationship is solid. Another negative about asking your friend out is, it might scare them away. They might not be ready for a relationship and will now feel uncomfortable that you have feelings like that for them. Just a few things to consider though. You can always talk it over with them and see what's up.

On to the things that help people:

Psyching yourself out: You know? Just going for it. Not thinking, just go up and ask him/her and see what happens. It's not a bad idea really. Most people find it better that you go up to someone in person and ask them out. The thing you have to think about while you're trying to do this is, to basically not think. Basically, that's what you have to do. When you think about it and you're in the situation of talking to him. You're right near him. A little tension starts to build and you get a little nervous. The bad thing is that you're going to get self-conscience thoughts running through your mind. All of them are most likely going to be pessimistic ideas. Things such as: "He'll just say no!" "Eh, it's not worth it." "I'll be too embarrassed." Countless ideas are going to go through. If you just go up and do it, without thinking, you have more chances of fulfilling the task of asking them out. You're now probably thinking, "I guess I can do that, but what should I say?" That really all depends on how long you're willing to wait for them. You could get to know them first. Maybe say a few Hi's and a few How are you's. Maybe bump it up to a conversation. Then you just simply ask them something like: "So, you doing anything Saturday?" They'll say no and you say: "Want to go see that one movie?" Or "Would you like to do something?" Just a simple little thing. Unless you want to go for broke and say: "Will you go out with me?" But, you don't have to.

A note: The most popular one by far would be the note. Why is this? Well, a lot of people have trouble with face-to-face confrontation. Talking to someone up-front just will not suite them at all. They could never find themselves actually going up to someone and talking to them. Which isn't a bad thing. It just means that you need more time to be around them and get comfortable. When you send the person a note, you don't have to deal with face-to-face confrontation. That usually works for a lot of people. They write it down on a piece of paper and it's a lot easier to say the things that you might have said in front of them. You have more time to think about it and present them with it. You can word your ideas a certain way. Nonetheless, you get your emotions out and can tell them that way. One thing you might want to consider saying in the letter is that you are shy and are embarrassed. That'll help the guy or girl understand your situation. Now, giving the letter to them. How am I going to do that? Well, you can give it to a friend to hand to them. They can say something like, "This is from so-and-so. He/She wanted me to give it to you." Or you can give it to them and do a cute thing like: "Here." And leave. Or you can just look at them and give it to them, see what happens. It really all depends on how you would prefer it.

The internet: Seems to be a rising resolution for people. Again, people are shy so they don't want to do face-to-face confrontation. When you're on the internet, it has the same basic idea as the note does. You feel a lot more comfortable presenting your feelings and emotions to them. All you have to do is look at a keyboard and type them out. Say what you actually feel. You still might be nervous but it's a lot easier because you aren't up with them face-to-face. I would recommend that you do tell them that you are a nervous person and that's why you're doing this because it's hard for you to get your feelings out. Tell them your thoughts and emotions on the subject and see what happens.

Having a friend ask them for you: Not a very popular one among people. It will work because your friend will say something like: "Hey, you know that one girl? *Enter here* Well, she likes you a lot and was wondering if you'll go out with her?" Things will spark from there and a relationship might start. You might want to consider getting a reliable and trustful friend so they won't say anything you don't want them saying as they ask him. The reason that it's not popular is because people get "turned off" you could say from the idea. They would prefer the person going in person to ask them out. There's nothing really wrong with it if you are uncomfortable. As long as you show them or tell them how you feel. It is an option and a lot of people have started successful relationships that way.

If it really comes down to it, just do it. Rejection is a hard thing to deal with for people. But you know what? You like the guy/girl. Fight for them. Overcome that fear that you have and just do it. Maybe get a little background information on them before. Ask a few friends about them. And just do it. The odds of them actually saying no are slim. If they say no, so what? Just means that person wasn't the right one for you. Keep trying and you'll find someone out there that's good to you.

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Breaking up with someone:
Just break up with someone? It must be hard right? You probably get that lonely feeling in the pit of your stomach right? Well there are a few things that you might want to consider doing:

Starting an online and/or offline journal: A lot of people feel lonely when they just break up with their partner. It's hard for them and they feel as if they can't tell anyone. Their parents wouldn't say much about it and they wouldn't dare tell their friends. When you have a journal you can vent (write about) these thoughts. Usually, they'll be all up in your head, twisted, and confused. If you write out your situation it makes the person feel a lot better. They got the ideas out of their head or at least off their chest. A load of stress is released sometimes. Makes them feel better because they're more relaxed. The difference between having an online and offline journal is that offline people have more of a chance to see. When you have one offline you can have the option of setting your journal to private. This will only allow the creator of the journal to see, in short, you'll only be able to see it. There's more of a security and people feel a lot more secure about ranting when no one else can see there thoughts. As long as you put your thoughts and feelings on the subject, put some heart into, the odds of it working are extremely high. A few reliable sites you might want to look at: Xanga, LiveJournal, GreatestJournal

Listening to music is the second most popular idea to take upon: When you're listening to music you get a sense that someone cares sometimes. Or, you get a sense of feeling that you're not alone. You could even say that there's someone there with you when you listen to it. It usually helps to know that someone is there caring for them when no one else is. It's also a popular choice to listen to your favorite genre/artist/song because you can relate to the lyrics or just having the song on will give you a good feeling. Most would recommend that you listen to whatever makes you most happy in that situation. Whatever you prefer. Certain people have certain types of music they prefer for certain types of situations. Whatever you prefer would work best. Not many people suggest it, but it is a good idea for most people. Putting some heart into the music and singing along to it. You know? You have your favorite song and you sing your loudest and you feel a little better inside. Basically like doing that. Music soothes the soul.

Finding support in other people: This isn't going to work for a lot of people because they don't feel very open to letting people in on their problems. You might want to consider it though. It has the basic idea of the journals--you confide into someone. Tell them all your problems and your feelings. The only difference about that is that you have someone there with you. A shoulder to cry on helps people because they have someone to care for them. Someone to let them know that they still do exist and can be cared for. The feeling of someone hugging can be extreme in situations such as this also. It is ok if you don't choose to do this. But, if you don't, just make sure you go over the people you have to consider. Maybe someone very close to you: a best friend, a cool teacher, an awesome adult? Just remember that there are people that care for you out there no matter how much you don't think they do. They do.

A hobby: You're probably thinking why would a hobby help me? It's just another suggestion that you might want to take up. Something that you like doing and can continue to do. If you like going to the movies and it relaxes you for a few hours. It can help you through the troubling time. Anything that might relax you is worth doing. Maybe you like crafts? Sewing. If you like to sew, maybe sew a little more than you do. If you like doing something, it'll make you feel better or less stressed. When you do something that you don't like (for example: work) it makes you more frustrated every day. More frustration isn't good in any situation nor is it great in this one. Relax yourself and do something that you like to do.

Crying: Most people would cry in these situations but feel like they shouldn't cry. Al though, crying can help this situation very much. When you cry, it relieves stress and gets emotions out that you have in you. Think of it like this. You're head stores a bunch of emotions and they're flying all around your head in a chaotic motion. Then you cry. Think of crying as a slide to let the emotions slide out of. If you keep doing it they'll be less and less of the emotions flying around in your head. When you cry it's like that. Releases emotions and makes your thoughts more clear. A lot of people seem to think that you're weak for crying. Not exactly. It is a matter of opinion, but everyone cries. The toughest of the bullies have to cry every once in a while. So, you're absolutely fine if you have to cry. If you don't want people to see you get emotional you might want to go to a secluded area. A locked bathroom, your bedroom, the park. Whatever works best for you.

All of these are suggestions to help a process called time. Your best healer is going to be time in this situation. A lot of people like to call it the "getting over" process. Getting over that special someone that you were with. These activities help a numerous amount of people everyday in the "getting over" process. Try them out and see if they work. You give it some effort and the odds of them working are extremely high and in your favor. Just remember that people do care for you.

Long Distance or Online Relationships:
There are three major issues that come along with having a relationship like this. They are:

Trust - As any relationship you should be able to trust your partner that you're with because it can be a vital part in your relationship. The reason that trust becomes a bigger issue in long distance or online relationships is because when you're not with a person there can be a lot more insecurities going around. You might not be able to trust the person because you can't see their reactions to certain things in person. A lot of people can't trust the person that they're with (mainly in online relationships) because it's a lot easier to lie in a long distance relationship. It's more known and easier to lie on the internet because all you have to do is type down some words and make it sound convincing. Which is why you might want to consider them calling you, sending pictures, so you know it's actually them and such.

Communication - This plays a vital part in a relationship because if you have no communication you can't really have a relationship. You have to keep up communication in a relationship and sometimes it becomes very hard to do so with the means that you have. Usually you only have three main ways of getting a hold of each other in a relationship like that: internet, phone, writing a letter. It's kind of limited and depending on your situation you might only have so much time to do certain things. You might only have so much time on the phone because it's long distance. You might get caught up in the life that you have and start to slowly drift from the person because it's becomes a hassle to talk to them.

Physical Contact - I'm not just talking about sex or anything sexual nor am I really talking about giving hand jobs. Just your average kissing, hugging, holding hands; and seeing each other and being able to be with the person that you're with. This becomes a problem because in a long distance or online relationship you're not going to be there with the person. You're going to be there by yourself and all you can really do is talk to them. Depending on how far both of you are you might not see each other for a long time because you might live very far away. You might want to consider this before you go into a relationship like that.

There are other issues that come with these types of relationships but most of those are the every-other-day relationship troubles. If you want to participate in a relationship like this and you find it worth it to keep up the troubles that come with it, then I think you should do it. Not every relationship is going to be like that because those are just general ideas, yours could very well be a lot different. You shouldn't have to feel bad about dating someone online even though people think it's a bad idea. A lot of them think that way because of their personal experiences; yours don't have to be the same as theirs.

Not everything about those types of relationships is bad. There are a lot of people that are happily married and they met online. You can have a good relationship online; however, in order for the relationship to progress into something more, you're more than likely going to have to meet the person. You should meet them when you're ready to do so and when you both have the means to see each other.

You really might want to watch out though with your personal information until you can really trust the person. You never know who's out there trying to get people. Better to be safe then sorry sometimes.

[ Message temporarily off-line ]

Suicide, Depression, Self-harm

Coping Methods:
Starting an online and/or offline journal: When people become depressed, feel suicidal, or self-harm they usually have thoughts in their head that they would like to get out. It's hard for them and they feel as if they can't tell anyone. Their parents wouldn't say much about it and they wouldn't dare tell their friends. When you have a journal you can vent (write about) these thoughts. Usually, they'll be all up in your head, twisted, and confused. If you write out your situation it might make you feel better. They get the ideas out of their head or at least off their chest. A load of stress is released sometimes. Makes them feel better because they're more relaxed. The difference between having an online and offline journal is that offline people have more of a chance to see. When you have one online you can have the option of setting your journal to private. This will only allow the creator of the journal to see (or the ones with the password), in short, you'll only be able to see it. There's more of a security and people feel a lot more secure about venting when no one else can see their thoughts. As long as you put your thoughts and feelings on the subject, put some heart into, the odds of it working are extremely high. A few reliable sites you might want to look at: Xanga LiveJournal GreatestJournal

Listening to music: When you're listening to music you get a sense that someone cares sometimes. Or, you get a sense of feeling that you're not alone. You could even say that there's someone there with you when you listen to it. It usually helps to know that someone is there caring for you when no one else is. It's also a popular choice to listen to your favorite genre/artist/song because you can relate to the lyrics or just having the song on will give you a good feeling. Most would recommend that you listen to whatever makes you most happy in that situation. Whatever you prefer. Certain people have certain types of music they prefer for certain types of situations. Whatever you prefer would work best. Not many people suggest it, but it is a good idea for most people; putting some heart into the music and singing along to it. You know? You have your favorite song and you sing your loudest and you feel a little better inside. Basically doing that. Music soothes the soul.

Finding support in other people: This isn't going to work for a lot of people because they don't feel very open to letting people in on their problems. You might want to consider it though. It has the basic idea of having a journal, you confide into someone, tell them all your problems and your feelings. The only difference about that is that you have someone there with you. A shoulder to cry on helps people because they have someone to care for them. Someone to let them know that they still do exist and can be cared for. The feeling of someone hugging can be extreme in situations such as this also. It is ok if you don't choose to do this. But, if you don't, just make sure you go over the people you have to consider. Maybe someone very close to you: a best friend, a cool teacher, an awesome adult. Just remember that there are people that care for you out there no matter how much you don't think they do. They do.

A hobby: You're probably thinking why would a hobby help me? It's just another suggestion that you might want to take up. Something that you like doing and can continue to do. If you like going to the movies and it relaxes you for a few hours. It can help you through the troubling time. Anything that might relax you is worth doing. Maybe you like crafts? Sewing. If you like to sew, maybe sew a little more than you do. If you like doing something, it'll make you feel better or less stressed. When you do something that you don't like (for example: work) it makes you more frustrated every day. More frustration isn't good in any situation nor is it great in this one. Relax yourself and do something that you like to do.

Crying: Most people would cry in these situations but feel like they shouldn't cry. Although, crying can help this situation very much. When you cry, it relieves stress and gets emotions out that you have in you. Think of it like this. Your head stores a bunch of emotions and they're flying all around your head in a chaotic motion. Then you cry. Think of crying as a slide to let the emotions slide out of. If you keep doing it they'll be less and less of the emotions flying around in your head. When you cry it's like that. Releases emotions and makes your thoughts more clear. A lot of people seem to think that you're weak for crying. Not exactly. It is a matter of opinion, but everyone cries. The toughest of the bullies have to cry every once in a while. So, you're absolutely fine if you have to cry. If you don't want people to see you get emotional you might want to go to a secluded area. A locked bathroom, your bedroom, the park. Whatever works best for you.

Other forms of self-harm: Usually when people start to self-harm they go to the extreme ones such as cutting and burning. Well, if stopping right away isn't what you had in mind or you would like another form of self-harm then you might want to try these. You might want to consider punching yourself rather than cutting yourself. When you punch yourself you're not going to be puncturing skin and you most likely won't bleed, depending on how much you punch yourself. So, it might be better than the harm that you're giving yourself through a knife and such. It is actually pretty affective and can wear yourself out while causing a considerable less damage, and you won't get scars or long term stigmas. A lot of people that try to stop cutting say a rubber band helps the best. You just apply a rubber band to your wrist and whenever you feel that you need pain, you just snap it or whenever you would like to snap it. If the rubber band isn't working you might want to consider snapping it harder or finding a different type of rubber band. Even though you might not think it'll work, a lot of people find themselves feeling a lot better after they exercise. Usually this is done in a vigorous matter. For example, sprinting or pumping weights very fast. Whatever exercise they pick they tried to use their emotions to their advantage to keep going and get the emotions out.

Professional help (councilors/therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists): Depending on what type of person you are, this may or may not work. For this method to work, you have to want to get help with the problems that you're having. If you really didn't want to get help then you wouldn't talk to them, you wouldn't want to be there, and this would prove pointless. It does and can help you to talk to a professional. Yes, you might have heard a lot of things about them but they are paid to do this and they did go to school to study what they're doing now, so they might not be all that bad. When you go to a councilor, you basically just talk about your problems and they try and help you with them, whatever those problems might be. If the councilor that you get isn't working out for you then you might want to find another one, because there could be a lot of reasons why they don't work including: they just don't know the right way to help you, you can't trust them, you don't like them, you can't open up to them truthfully and comfortably, etc.

My friend is thinking about suicide and/or self-harming, what should I do?
Well, I think there should be a few things for you to consider before you do anything:

- Try and act like you're on their time, not like they're on your time.
- Try and act sensibly and reasonably about things.
- Try and remember that it's about what they want, not what you want.
- Try and remember that, in the long run, it's not really going to help them unless they want to do it or want to change.
- Even though, for what ever reason, you might be pissed at them, try not to be mad at them.
- Try and act understanding and accepting of what they're doing.
- Support whatever decision they make.

Most people in this situation panic and try to do everything that they can to get the person to stop because they don't want their friend to leave this world or they don't want their friend to be in any kind of harm. In the process of this a lot of them betray their friends (usually by going against their word), or they tell someone (usually the parents) who makes them go to counseling, which they don't want. Yes, your intentions for doing so might have been fine; however, it can cause your friendship to crumble since you betrayed them or made them doing something like that.

With that said I think you should have a talk with the person that is having thoughts like these or is committing self-harm acts. If they would not like to talk about it at the time I think you should be understanding of that and accept that they don't want to talk to you. You might want to bring it up at another time. If the person is willing to talk about it then I think you should let them know how you feel about the situation. Maybe bring some facts and statistics with you about people that have done this, what's happened to them, maybe ways to deal with it (you might want to consider reading the above information). Just have a chat with them.

If they want to get help for their situation, then I think you should get them the proper help that they want. For example, if they only want to tell you and confide in you about your problems then you should only do that. If they want to go to a school councilor, but they don't want to tell their parents, you should do that. If they choose not to do anything about it, then you should respect that and not do anything about it. Whatever they might choose you should respect and support (they're most likely going to like you more for it).

I have too many problems in life right now, is it really worth it?
That really all depends on you and what you think. If you find it to be worth it, which you have since you're still here, then you should stick it out. If you don't think it's worth it and you really desire to end it, you might want to do that. It also kind of depends on what your theory is of what happens when you die, if you go somewhere better, worst, and neutral.

However, despite all of that, to make things better in this life, in this realm, and such, you're going to more than likely have to solve your problems. More than likely you want things to be better in your life. Not to be so stressful, not to have problems, to be happy, and all of that awesome stuff. Well, in order for that to happen you have to make it happen. You most likely have issues and/or problems going on in your life right now. Well, even though it might suck to have to deal with them, you might want to consider doing that so you can be happy. Even if the issues might take a certain amount of time to solve, you should really consider trying to solve them because most people feel happy when they have no problems or when nothing's bother them.

How do I stop cutting?
The only way that you're going to stop cutting for good and in the long run is if you want to stop cutting. If other people are telling you that you should stop cutting you and are forcing you to stop cutting, then it's not really going to work in the long run unless you don't have a desire or will to cut anymore. So, make sure that you really do want to stop what you're doing.

With that, you should direct yourself towards "Coping Methods" above.

Self-harm Safely:
If it really comes down to it and you still want to self-harm then you should at least try and make sure that you're safe about it. For example, if you're cutting, you should cut with a clean blade that is sterile. To sterilize it you should wash it in hot water. You should do this rather than using a rusty or dirty blade.

This doesn't mean that I'm saying you should cut, that's a whole different story. I feel that, if you're going to cut, you're going to cut. Better to teach you to be safe about it so there are fewer chances of you getting hurt rather than you being unsafe about it.

What is depression?

Masturbation
- May contain mature content.

Masturbation is the act of touching one's genitals, usually to achieve orgasm.

Ling was PMed about a Masturbation How To and if it was acceptable or not. She said that it wasn't. Sorry, guys/girls, we tried.

However:

Jackin World provides a site that has an indepth how to for men.

Clitical provides a site that as an indepth how to for women.

Is there such a thing as too much masturbation?
Yes, there is such a thing as too much masturbation. When you masturbate too much your sexual organ can become sore or you can become tired. This would usually mean that you're masturbating too much and you might want to cut down for a few days. This doesn't mean that certain things can happen to you that will harm you because you were masturbating.

Is it bad or wrong if one masturbates?
I don't think there's anything wrong with you if you masturbate, usually masturbation only has good effects such as: lessening chances of getting prostate cancer in males, relieving sexual tension that might build up, relieving stress (any stress), making yourself feel better in general, and many other reasons. Really, the only bad thing about masturbation is if you do it so much that you make your sexual organ sore. If this happens you should cut down for a few days and I'm sure you'll be ready to get back in the game.

Most people that masturbate feel a certain guilt about performing this action. A lot of the times they have no reason to feel any guilt, however it's still there. One of the better things that you might want to do is try not to worry about it so much. There's usually nothing wrong with masturbation. Try to also think about how many people are performing this act on themselves, you're not the only person doing this.

If your religion is against this act then you might want to consider if you really want to do this. You might be going against something that you don't want to go against. If this is something that you would really like to do, though, you should do it.

Where can I masturbate?
You can masturbate where ever you feel is necessary. Most people would prefer to masturbate in private and alone. Common places for this activity to go on are the bathroom and your bedroom. Usually people like to have the door locked which is why they choose the bathroom because more than likely it's going to have a lock on it. You can go where you think no one else will go, makes people feel safe.

How can I make masturbation more pleasurable?
You can try going to these sites to figure out tips on "how to" masturbate or ways to make your masturbation more pleasurable. Learning the "proper" ways to do it can help a lot. These sites will also provide substitutes for male and female organs: Jackin World - Male masturbation - Mature Content. and Clitical - Female Masturbation - Mature Content.