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 Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:55 pm
The following posts are copied directly out of my LiveJournal, which is a friends only Journal... at least I've made it as such. Some heavy things are happening in my life and I need some help and advice to deal. Please... if you have any thoughts or comments, let me know.
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:56 pm
Pondering.... Sep. 4th, 2006 | 10:57 pm mood: pensive Between yesterday and today, I've done a fair bit of thinking about moving out of my parent's house. Yesterday Jared made mention of his brother moving out (yes, Jared still lives at home as well) and that his mom was going to reclaim the master bedroom, which will be good for her. I was puzzled when she took one of the small bedrooms. Anyhow, he brought that up to pretty much invite me to move in... of course I'd have to pay rent, but Jill wouldn't charge me more than I could afford and anything would be more than what Derek was paying. I told Jared that my mom would flip if I moved in with him, but that she would have to get over it if I did decide to move in. Though I did tell Jared that I would prefer to be at least engaged before moving in. This brings me to this evening's conversation with my parents. Mom's dying for me to go back to school so I can get my teaching license which, at this juncture, I have no desire to do. My stepfather brought up that since I was out of school that their bargain with me was over and that I should start paying rent. Their condition, as is most parents' condition is that so long as I was in school I could live here for free. I assumed that so long as I graduated that this bargain would be upheld until such a time that I was able to move out on my own. I suppose I was wrong. He also mentioned that it may be time to push this little birdie from the nest. Truthfully, if I'm going to pay rent, I'd rather do it at a place where I'll be happiest. Home life here is not the greatest as I have to kiss my grandmother's a** and put up with her demands as though I were still a child. So, if Jared really meant his invitation and if Jill doesn't mind... I think I'll be moving in the near future. I'll have to beat into my mother's head that I'll have my own room and that Jared and I will hardly see one another as we have almost completely opposite schedules... he working third and me working, for the most part, first. I'll be spending far more time with Jill than Jared if I move in. Maybe it is time for this little birdie to fly...
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:57 pm
Update on the possibility of moving out Sep. 8th, 2006 | 12:03 pm mood: excited I was texting Jared last night and worked up the nerve to ask him if he was serious when he talked about me moving in and he said he didn't think his mom would mind. He just doesn't want me to do anything I can't afford or that would cause drama for me at home. I replied back that we'd have to talk to his mother... together. As for the drama here at home, it will be unavoidable no matter when I decide to move out. So we might as well get it over with. As for more than I could afford, I told him I was going to apply for a new job, which if I get it, will pay more than I could dream to make working at the 'Coast. Speaking of, I need to get ready!
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:58 pm
I need some suggestions Sep. 10th, 2006 | 08:34 pm mood: worried Another moving out update! Jared's mom is cool with me moving in ^_^ Derek's most the way out so that could speed the process along nicely. What I need a suggestion with is... how should I bring this up to my parents? Jared would like to keep me moving out as aimiable as humanly possible. I'm thinking that he and I should sit down and talk to them... he really doesn't want to be there... coward. I know that the big point to be brought up is that he and I will NOT be sharing a room. We're on totally opposite schedules afterall and living in the same room would disturb one or the other at various parts of the day. Other friends of mine say my parents wouldn't believe that despite how true it would be. Note on my parents: They are Christian and by being such believe that man and woman should not live together until after marriage. However, they lived together before they were married. Also, having grown up in the 60s, they did stuff that I would have never thought about doing in my wildest dreams. But I think that bringing up these facts would only make them angry. But I do want to bring up the fact that they lived together. True, it was only a few months before they were married, but they hid that fact from the church and they did "stuff" way before they were married so.... yeah... HELP!!!!!
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:59 pm
GAH! Sep. 11th, 2006 | 12:32 am mood: anxious I'm going crazy! I'm back at my parent's house. I'm now refering to it as that since, hopefully soon, Jared's home will be my home. I love my mother, I do. She and I have always had a great relationship. I guess I'm feeling some separation anxiety. That and I'm afraid to tell her that I'm going to be moving out. I'm afraid what it will do to our relationship... the awkwardness that will follow when it's decided (which is pretty much is as far as I'm concerned) that I am moving out, but still sleeping here as I begin to pack things up for moving day. I'm just a ball of confused emotions right now... I'm excited to be getting out of this place that has driven me to the point of breaking, yet sad to be leaving it at the same time. Christmas will feel weird this year as it will be my first not being under the same roof as my parents. I'll have to make an appearance here and then hopefully see Jared's family (if they do Christmas on Christmas) and then I hope to go to my father's family for a change. I suppose change is what I've always tried to dodge because of the circumstances that normally follow them, but change is necessary. When things change, the tend to change all at once for me which does nothing for my anxiety attacks. I'm hoping to have a new job and new place of residence by the middle of November... here's hoping I survive it.
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Posted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:00 pm
Well, so far that's it... please, help me crying
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:21 am
Jiyu, hun, I know about Christian parents. Richard's mother is one.
However, you need to do as you feel it is right. If moving out is what you feel is best, then do it.
I am currently living with a friend Nik and his sister. Richard's mother isn't happy that I'm living in a house with another guy, but though she doesn't like it, she said that the situation that I am in must go with it.
Moving out is important, and I say, go go Jiyu. Just bring it to their attention at a time when you feel right and do it gently.
I mean, what's the harm in it? If you're both good and aren't happy li'l bunnies...(trying to keep it PG-13) then it shouldn't be an issue.
However...by all means, don't take advice from a person who isn't so great at making her own decisions.
heart Do your best.
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Posted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:45 pm
Jiyu, *hugs* You know I am here for you when you need me.
I think you should do what you think is right. I know parents can be very nerve racking, to say the least. I also know what you have gone through. I believe this is a good idea for you. I'm not sure as to the advice on when to tell your mother and stepfather.
If you need help moving and such, just let me know. You know I will be there in a heartbeat. Or at least as fast as my bike can take me.
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Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:56 am
get outta there gurl!
at least your parents wanted to wait till you graduated... I've been working off rent in the form of heavy labor and hours at the cafe my whole life.
and I dont mean lundry and dishes, I mean putting up fences, and laying sidewalks, and cuting down trees for firewood>.>
anyhow, you feel right with it, do it.
like you said, seperate rooms, so its more of a boarding house
if your step is acting like that, sorry to say, its cause he wants more attention >.> my moms boyfreinds used to say I should be sent away to boarding school! (as though we could afford it) so they could have thier own family, insted of raising another mans kids--0
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Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:17 am
Thanks for the support guys! **glomples** crying
I think I've decided on telling them next Saturday or Sunday... it all depends on whether or not I think that Bolweevil/Jared should be with me when I do it. Good news is one of my best friends offered the services of her hubby and their ambulance to help move should my parents decide not to help. heart
If we need an extra pair of hands or if I need help boxing up before the big moving day I'll let you know, Neko. Thanks!!!! **uber glomps** whee heart
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:00 am
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Posted: Thu Sep 14, 2006 1:10 pm
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Posted: Mon Sep 18, 2006 7:29 pm
Doesn't have to be all girl-talk, Zen biggrin
Update!
I've decided to tell my parents this Saturday evening. I'm taking them out to dinner.
1. It will hopefully force them to be rational and not cause a scene.
2. It keeps my grandmother out of it. I know if I were to tell them at home that they'd fly off the handle and my grandmother would get involved.
Wish me luck!
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Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 11:27 am
good luck. I'm here for you.
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:58 am
Jiyu Update! I've decided to tell my parents this Saturday evening. I'm taking them out to dinner. 1. It will hopefully force them to be rational and not cause a scene. 2. It keeps my grandmother out of it. I know if I were to tell them at home that they'd fly off the handle and my grandmother would get involved. Wish me luck! Good for you. I suggest starting with: "I think it's time for me to really be an adult and take on adult responcibilities. Since part of being an adult is being independant from your parents, I've decided I should move out." Or something to that effect as it seems to make parents more willing to listen. They like hearing you're doing it to be an adult. If I were you, I wouldn't take Jared and would say "I'm moving in with Jill" not "I'm moving in with Jared". Because, otherwise it might come off as you running off with your boyfriend, rather then you taking responcibility for your own life. But these are just my opinions. Follow your heart girl and Good luck. *hugs*
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