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The p***s wants a Raise

I, the p***s, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

__________________________________

Dear p***s,

After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have raised, the management denies your
request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You dont always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

A skeleton walks into a bar and says: I'll have a beer and a mop please rofl

The Bishop and the a**
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S a** SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S a** OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S a**. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST a** IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS a** FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER a** IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

OK a kid walks into a pet store and goes thir my i buy birthd theeds and the owners goes what and the kid goes thir my i buy birthd theeds and the owner goes come back tomorrow i can't understand you.
So the next day the kid comes back and goes thir can i buy birthd theeds and the owner goes can you come back tomorrow and have your mom write a note so i can know what you want.
The next day the kid comes back and ask thir do you stuff birds and the owners goes yes we stuff birds and the kid goes well stuff this one up your a** it died of starvation yesterday.

A penguin is driving along one day when his car starts to stutter, so he takes it to a repair shop.The mechanic says ill only be about 30mins so He leaves it with the mechanic to go grab an ice cream. The penguin goes back to the shop and says to the mechanic" what seems to be the problem?" the mechanic mechanic replies" well it looks like you've blown a seal." The penguin looking shocked says " excuse me sir but thats ice cream on my face"

This one maybe sweatdrop
A guy walks into a bar and goes to a table with these guys after a while he goes up to the bartender and tells him he bets him 100 dollars he can pee in that shot glass on the bar from two tables away.
The bartender goes alright you're on. So the guy starts peeing all over the place and even all over the bartender.
So he goes i lost and gives the hundred dollars to the bartender who smiles and tells him thank you very much.
The guy goes back to table and talks to the guys and then comes back to the bartender with a big smiles on his face.
The bartender asked him why are you so happy you just lost one hundred dollars to me on that bet.
The guy tells him i bet those guys over there two hundred dollars that i could pee all over the place and even on you and you would be happy about it and even thank me.

Junior asks his dad, "Daddy, how was I born?"

His dad sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!

Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on
"Yahoo".

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button.

Six weeks later your Mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!"