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 Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 6:28 pm
When I was thirteen, my sister was pregnant with my now almost three year old niece. I spent her last two months of pregnancy with her, because her husband worked long hours and it was during the summer anyway. And in that time I read every single pregnancy book known to mankind. I learned every little icky detail, as well as long chapters about how strong bonds between mothers & children are. And how, no matter how much pain you're in, through the pregnancy and in labor, you won't remember or care about it once your baby is born. (Forgive me, I'm long-winded, but I'm trying to make a point, I swear.)
All of this was lost on me. I weighed the pro's and con's in my head. It didn't match up. I figured, why should I go through all that pain, just to have an offspring that just might grow up to hate me? Especially when there are thousands--probably millions--of babies out there who are born and then just cast aside. Left motherless and alone. Why let them suffer just to have a 'fruit of my loins'?
The reaction I get from most people is disbelief at first. My own sister said "yeah right, you'll end up wanting babies of your own as soon as you get married."
After that, complete rejection. I've been called selfish on many occasions, unnatural even. Unnatural, maybe you could plead a case for, even though all throughout the animal kingdom, orphan cubs, kittens, pups, etc are taken in by other parents.
But selfish? I don't understand. sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 9:47 pm
She might be right she might not some people just dont have maternal instinct. Believe the books about the bonding though, it was the most pain I have ever felt but at the same time the most love. I dont think you are freak of nature, but if you ever by some chance have a baby by some means I hope you realize what a wonderful thing it is.
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Posted: Sat May 21, 2005 10:08 pm
Yeah I'm not sure where they are getting selfish...
It is possible that your ideas may change but if they don't there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are doing what makes you and your partner happy and it feels right then there is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you good luck in what ever path you choose.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 9:54 am
Chalda Yeah I'm not sure where they are getting selfish...
It is possible that your ideas may change but if they don't there is nothing wrong with that. As long as you are doing what makes you and your partner happy and it feels right then there is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you good luck in what ever path you choose. I agree 3nodding Besides, how can it be selfish??? neutral I mean, it is YOUR decision whether or not you want children. It's not like when your baby is born, you're planning to kill it. I think this is better to rethink about after your marriage ((and talking with your husband)). But seriously, there is nothing selfish about not wanting to get pregnant; the only selfish thing you can do is leaving or killing the baby ((the baby deserve to live)).
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 10:06 am
Some people just don't want children. It's that simple. It doesn't make them wrong, or unnatural, or selfish. It's partly an opinion thing. It's your life - live it how you want to.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2005 10:34 pm
Rinaqa Some people just don't want children. It's that simple. It doesn't make them wrong, or unnatural, or selfish. It's partly an opinion thing. It's your life - live it how you want to. Agreed. I have friends who don't want children at all, and friends who are considering having kids one day, and friends whom we (my friends and I) agree shouldn't have children. When I was younger, still in elementary school, I decided I didn't want kids because of the massive amounts of pain from childbirth. When I grew up a little, I admitted to myself that one day I'd like kids of my own, but not for many years to come. And that's my current position today - I personally want kids one day, but not at this point in my life when I'm still really young. I would never call someone who wants no kids selfish. Better you worry about yourself and enjoy your own life, than getting pregnant with a kid you don't want and then having to worry about abortion/adoption/keeping an unwanted baby, no? And of course you may change your mind again when you're older, but if you don't, then I still wouldn't call you selfish or anything like that. 4laugh
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 8:46 am
You know, it's a popular belief held by many right now. "There's tons of kids, why do I need to contribute?" If you don't want to have kids, don't have them. You're under no obligation. Of course, hopefully your partner will feel the same way, you know? Children aren't for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with you deciding they're not for you.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 9:07 am
No it isn't selfish. I don't want kids either. You shouldn't have to have them if you don't want to. Seriously parenting is only for some people.
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 10:24 am
I can see where your comming from...You sound like you'd prefer to take someone's baby, who's be cast aside, and adopt them, give them a good home rather than bring another life into this world. That's actually a pretty good thought....But your sister could also be right...Maybe when you do get married you'll think of having children of your own....but you can still adopt a child when you've had your own....I would think. I kinda want to do that...Have my own kids but also adopt a child from another country.....or take someone who was abused into my home......Kinda sounds fun...
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Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:49 pm
there is no such thing as not wanting to be pregnant being selfish.... many people don't want children [not me I want lots XD -has very motherlike instincts and is VERY much a family dood/romatic dood- but that's just me... O:] and many want them. It's not unnatural nor selfish. When you're married, I do have a feeling you will want kids.... but if not, who cares? Lots of people die with no kids or even a spouse. Good luck <3
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 12:47 am
For the longest time in my life I never wanted to have children of my own. At first I wanted no children, then I tought maybe I should just adopt if I ever want kids. But now that I have my fiance and we've discussed things openly, we both came to realize that we both want children of our own later on in life. Not alot, just 2 and hopefully boys ^^;
But I'm all for adoption. If you find that you don't like the idea of having your own, and the thought of people giving away their kids is sad, yet you still want children do adopt. If I wasn't so hellbent on birthing and raising my own kids in the future, I would most definately be adopting. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 12:53 am
Some people don't get urges for children until later in life. Like, in their thirties. Just because some of us know we want kids while we're teenagers doesn't mean everyone should. Plus if you marry and have a husband who really wants children you could adopt. And maybe you'll get urge from that - you never know. But you're definite about it now. That's fine.
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 1:20 pm
I don't want children, either. I don't understand where people who call that "selfish" are coming from, although I too have heard it before.
If anything, I think people who want children are selfish, seeing as this world is already overpopulated and, as someone already said, there are tons of unwanted children already out there. Hm. I might get in trouble for saying that, though. 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 4:29 pm
There is nothing wrong with not wanting children. I look at some kids, and even some of my friends, and just think why the hell didnt they tie that womans legs up? If you don't want to be a parent, then either something will change your mind, or you'll never make a very good parent. Sure, you can provide a roof over their head but if your not into it, they can tell, and will still feel neglect and suchnot and soforth. Besides, we need people who give their kids up for adoption, for those people who really want kids but cant have them on their own. You arent selfish, your thoughtful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 1:46 pm
BloomingBlue When I was thirteen, my sister was pregnant with my now almost three year old niece. I spent her last two months of pregnancy with her, because her husband worked long hours and it was during the summer anyway. And in that time I read every single pregnancy book known to mankind. I learned every little icky detail, as well as long chapters about how strong bonds between mothers & children are. And how, no matter how much pain you're in, through the pregnancy and in labor, you won't remember or care about it once your baby is born. (Forgive me, I'm long-winded, but I'm trying to make a point, I swear.) All of this was lost on me. I weighed the pro's and con's in my head. It didn't match up. I figured, why should I go through all that pain, just to have an offspring that just might grow up to hate me? Especially when there are thousands--probably millions--of babies out there who are born and then just cast aside. Left motherless and alone. Why let them suffer just to have a 'fruit of my loins'? The reaction I get from most people is disbelief at first. My own sister said "yeah right, you'll end up wanting babies of your own as soon as you get married." After that, complete rejection. I've been called selfish on many occasions, unnatural even. Unnatural, maybe you could plead a case for, even though all throughout the animal kingdom, orphan cubs, kittens, pups, etc are taken in by other parents. But selfish? I don't understand. sweatdrop ok look its not selfish to not want kids and hey mabey you may change your mind but for now just relax have some fun it doesnt matter whether you do or not rigt now and if anyone really cares all that much tell em to go suck a lemon
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