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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 9:51 am
So in our old guild, The Sylithian Knighthood, Lady Sickness's husband started a joke thread. This thread was funny so I decided to go into the depths of our old guild and rescue it to bring it here!
Enjoy!
And aslo feel free to post all your jokes here too.
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 9:53 am
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating
table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers.
Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the a** are interchangeable."
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 9:54 am
The President's Puzzle
d**k Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees the President whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:01 am
A Dell employee got busted for pot in Manhattan recently. President Bush and many conservative lawmakers are surprisingly upset, as they have always pushed the view that marijuanna is a Gateway drug.
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:02 am
There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."
The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"
The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:06 am
Two guys are picked up by cops for drugs and are given the oppurtunity to walk only if they convince ten other guys not to do drugs. They both agree and set off. The first male comes back and says "I got the ten guys, but it wasn't easy". The cop asks how he did it. "I drew a large circle and then a small circle and said the large circle was your brain and the small circle was your brain on drugs." The second male comes back and says "I got 42 guys to quit drugs!" The cop impressed, asks how did he do it? "Well basically the same system as the first guy but I drew the small circle first and said, "You see the small circle is your butt hole before you go to jail and the large circle is after you have been to jail.
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:06 am
Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors
1. Gangrene
2. New Car
3. Burn Victim
4. Dimeatapp
5. Sand
6. Taxi
7. Grandma
8. WD-40
9. Substitute Teacher
10. Cigarette
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:08 am
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!''
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:09 am
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:10 am
What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.
What's grosser than that?
When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:11 am
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town in the South. She orders some chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast, she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford and Buck, two country boys in the next booth, notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out that she launches foward and throws up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck, "You're right,that 'hind-lick' maneuver works like a charm."
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:13 am
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:14 am
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:15 am
A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half.
A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it.
A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Snow White Jinx Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 29, 2006 10:16 am
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.
The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''
The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''
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