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 Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 1:39 pm
I've decided to back off from Buddhism. At least for a while. This is a very difficult decision for me to make, but I have to make it. I live in a place where there is no Sangha, and there are no qualified teachers. Everything I read mentions how important these things are.
I cannot leave here, because I have obligations. I also cannot join the monkhood because I have debts that will take decades to pay off. So I have to abandon my dreams of ordination. I also can't bear to read anything that expounds the benefits or importants of having a qualified teacher or a Sangha. Every time I do, it's like a slap in the face. It's like a dangling carrot.
In a way I feel betrayed or abandoned. Even though no actual betrayal or abandonment has taken place. This is the nature of attachment. I don't discount the wisdom, authenticity, and truth of the Buddha's Dharma. I just can't possible continue when I'm missing such large pieces of the religion.
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Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 4:23 pm
Hi Jizo Bosatsu! I am in the same situation as you but only I am thinking about backing off from Buddhism for a while. But my reasons are different though. I dont know what I did wrong to do this. But there is one thing Buddhism has taught me though, to have respect...well actually I could have learned that from anyone but I am not going to be ignorant towards Buddhism like I was in the past and such. Anyway, I hope one day your debts can be cleared and if you enter the monkhood you can help hopeless beings like me and teach us more about the path out of this samsaric cycle. Jizo Bosatsu Every time I do, it's like a slap in the face. It's like a dangling carrot. Let's start a support group and call it "Former (dissapointed [in my case]) Buddhists" then we can talk about all the problems that we faced during our path practice and such xd Take care and may you be well.
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:12 pm
Shokai Jizo Bosatsu Every time I do, it's like a slap in the face. It's like a dangling carrot. Let's start a support group and call it "Former (dissapointed [in my case]) Buddhists" then we can talk about all the problems that we faced during our path practice and such xd
I can't go for Refuge anymore. I tried last week, and I just couldn't say the words because everytime I came to "I take Refuge in the Sangha" by gaze fell to the floor and I just reflected on how utterly alone I feel.
We should start a support group, but I don't have enough gold to buy a new Guild. Perhaps Makoto-san will be kind enough to allow us to discuss these matters here, as they are relevant to Buddhism still.
In any case, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. I appreciate the commonality muchly.
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 3:18 pm
One of the things I was thinking about last night was Buddha-nature, about how all beings have the potential to become a fully enlightened being. It's just that not everyone has the opportunity. Those who do have what is called a "precious human life."
I realize that this term is not meant to indicate that everyone who doesn't have a precious human life isn't precious, but the implication is impossible to avoid.
I emailed a prominent teacher of Zen who resides in Toronto about this problem I'm having, and I asked if he had any advice or solutions for me. His response was kind and expressed sympathy for my situation, but it wasn't very helpful. Essential I was being told to suck it up.
I emailed three other places, but they all ignored me. Maybe that's why I feel abandoned.
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 6:13 pm
I to tried e-mailing several places and no reply. Perhaps maybe whoever is in charge can create a sub-forum for this kind of matter...no need to spend gold. For the subforum, thats if its ok with the moderator and its his/her decision for whoever is in charge in this guild.
I am sorry if there is not anything I can do to help, as right now I feel as if I am starting to recover from what I call damaged spirituality (it did damage mine) little by little and it is a slow process at the time and I still feel sad and dissapointed too.
May you be well!
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 9:37 pm
I had the same problems when I started. It's very discerning. No one ever replies to the emails, no one returns phone calls, you can't find a tutor even online!! It sucks!
I recently moved to Houston and am now in a much better place. There's all sorts of Buddhism stuff here. Even though the resrouces are aplenty, I'm still taking my sweet time. My mom took her refuge vows after following the Budhhist path for 2 or 3 months, and she's still devout Mayhayana. I've been wandering all over it for over two years.
Some things take longer to digest. But there should be a sub-forum for AT LEAST distressed Buddhists or former Buddhists, as long as the convo is friendly I'm sure it would be a big hit!
-Namaste~
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:45 am
[ Jizo Bosatsu ] I've decided to back off from Buddhism. At least for a while. This is a very difficult decision for me to make, but I have to make it. I live in a place where there is no Sangha, and there are no qualified teachers. Everything I read mentions how important these things are.
I cannot leave here, because I have obligations. I also cannot join the monkhood because I have debts that will take decades to pay off. So I have to abandon my dreams of ordination. I also can't bear to read anything that expounds the benefits or importants of having a qualified teacher or a Sangha. Every time I do, it's like a slap in the face. It's like a dangling carrot.
In a way I feel betrayed or abandoned. Even though no actual betrayal or abandonment has taken place. This is the nature of attachment. I don't discount the wisdom, authenticity, and truth of the Buddha's Dharma. I just can't possible continue when I'm missing such large pieces of the religion. I'm in the same boat - I live in the middle of nowhere and there just aren't any centres. Even in dublin the ones that aren't "generic western buddhism" are hard to get to or have awkward times. I'm still persisting; I know the sangha is important but I have resources to learn from. And boy do I have a lot to learn sweatdrop for the moment I can still read, reflect on what I read, and meditate, on my own. And if I need to talk to people there's here and other buddhist boards 3nodding Don't give up heart
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 8:08 am
I wonder, who was the Buddha's teacher?
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Akanishi Makoto Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 10:24 am
Shokai I am sorry if there is not anything I can do to help, as right now I feel as if I am starting to recover from what I call damaged spirituality (it did damage mine) little by little and it is a slow process at the time and I still feel sad and dissapointed too. satinandsmoke I recently moved to Houston and am now in a much better place. There's all sorts of Buddhism stuff here. Even though the resrouces are aplenty, I'm still taking my sweet time. My mom took her refuge vows after following the Budhhist path for 2 or 3 months, and she's still devout Mayhayana. I've been wandering all over it for over two years. bluewolfcub ... for the moment I can still read, reflect on what I read, and meditate, on my own ...
It just all reaches this point where you see all of these people talking about their teachers, and their communities and groups, and then you go to say the words "I take Refuge in the Sangha" and you find your voice falling away into silence, realizing "I have no Sangha." That one does not have a teacher to "embody the Dharma," to give you encouragement or to ask you about your meditation practice and give you pointers.
Then you reach that point, and there's just nothing you can do, and it all seems so hollow.Akanishi Makoto I wonder, who was the Buddha's teacher?
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 5:17 pm
You are not alone. Nobody said walking the Path was easy, or that it would be without trials on the Journey...
Many of us have had similar experiences (myself included), and perhaps a subforum would be a good place to vent, share, and heal... together. Although not a "sit down and do zazen together" environment, this little piece of cyberspace is a sangha in many ways... and the hardship of practice is part of walking the path.
I hope you find the answers you seek, the solace you desire, and the peace you deserve. Namaste. Peace. Love.
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Akanishi Makoto Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 6:10 pm
Jizo Bosatsu Akanishi Makoto I wonder, who was the Buddha's teacher? It worth a try. Come back soon, and remember, time is of no object to Truth.
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 7:21 pm
Im kind of in a similar boat.
Im really interested in buddhism, the more i read the more i feel its my path. Nothing else makes as much sense to me as this does.
But i live in the middle of nowhere with nothing buddhist in the whole state.
Its really discouraging when the more i read the more i feel in over my head without a teacher or guide.
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Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 9:02 pm
I dunno if this makes a difference, but once I FINALLY found a teacher I was way overwhelmed and haven't talked to him since. I know some day I will want to return to that, but not now. It's too heavy! I'm going through a rough point as it is!
So maybe you think you need a teacher, but you don't? Or maybe you just want a teacher/guide bc you don't have one? Bc it is true, I bet virtually any question can be answered on here. Speaking of, I'm gonna start a thread on who was the Buddha's teacher bc I bet that's something every Buddhist wonders.
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Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 11:35 pm
Sad to say that I too have been wandering from Buddhism. Not belief wise, but practice wise. I feel weak, but these are hard times.
A year ago I carved a Dharmachakra, the Wheel of Dharma. I put a finish on it and promised myself that I'd hang it up the day I decide to fully return, and never take another hiatus. It's still sitting on my desk. I do treat if with respect though.
Thankfully I do feel like I'm coming closer to the day I hang it up. My main problem right now is marijuana, alcohol, and lust. Mostly lust, it seems to be the only obstuction that doesn't weaken a little each day.
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Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:10 pm
By reflecting on this thread, I see how lucky I am to have a Sangha, to have a Lama, and ripening empowerments...
May I become a Buddha to aid all beings and provide them with a Sangha!
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