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 Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:55 pm
A Pitch Black Dream
The sound of a child screaming,
A quick look at my pitch black dreaming,
These feelings I've never felt,
Like a bad dose of ecstacy I was delt.
~*~
My eyes start to blur,
I start to see images of her,
So many things, I want to scream,
But I'm stuck inside my pitch black dream.
~*~
Mind where nothing makes sense,
I wish to find the truth of why I'm so dense,
I blocked out these feelings for so long,
I listen to the record, a never ending song.
~*~
Gashes, none with meaning,
I lie awake at night screaming,
A never ending song of torture,
A missing piece, is my soul's lecture.
~*~
Crimson hands, in a dark room,
What was done? What did you do?
A child that will never scream again,
A pitch black dream, that will never end.
This poem is copyrighted...... so fear my wrath ^-^
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 1:21 pm
that's brilliant i love it..
bravo!
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Posted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 6:46 pm
blaugh yay ^-^.... DRAMA LAMAA TIME!!!!! dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama dramallama
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Posted: Wed Aug 09, 2006 8:24 pm
come on people!!!! rate!!!!!!
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 4:03 pm
heart . heart
i love it 4laugh
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Posted: Thu Aug 10, 2006 7:48 pm
kitty-tay heart . heart i love it 4laugh thank you ^-^
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 9:02 am
I'd give it a 9/10.
Great job! Lots of emotion in it. And at the same time a sort of lack of it.
I'd love to see more of you're work sometime.
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 11:37 am
choklit_teddi I'd give it a 9/10. Great job! Lots of emotion in it. And at the same time a sort of lack of it. I'd love to see more of you're work sometime. thanks ^-^
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Posted: Sun Aug 13, 2006 4:23 pm
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Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:19 am
life is much more precious, when you take the leap, but get a look at life, through anothers eyes.
last night.... i tried killing myself.... and I learned that -.-.....
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Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 6:10 pm
Schizophrenic Angel A Pitch Black Dream
The sound of a child screaming,
A quick look at my pitch black dreaming,
These feelings I've never felt,
Like a bad dose of ecstacy I was delt.
~*~
My eyes start to blur,
I start to see images of her,
So many things, I want to scream,
But I'm stuck inside my pitch black dream.
~*~
Mind where nothing makes sense,
I wish to find the truth of why I'm so dense,
I blocked out these feelings for so long,
I listen to the record, a never ending song.
~*~
Gashes, none with meaning,
I lie awake at night screaming,
A never ending song of torture,
A missing piece, is my soul's lecture.
~*~
Crimson hands, in a dark room,
What was done? What did you do?
A child that will never scream again,
A pitch black dream, that will never end.
This poem is copyrighted...... so fear my wrath ^-^ i like it. i give it 10 pieces if charcoal out of 10
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 5:04 pm
It's awesome! And not gay in any way! I like it. cool Kudos!
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Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 8:23 pm
Schizophrenic Angel A Pitch Black Dream The sound of a child screaming, A quick look at my pitch black dreaming, These feelings I've never felt, Like a bad dose of ecstacy I was delt. ~*~ My eyes start to blur, I start to see images of her, So many things, I want to scream, But I'm stuck inside my pitch black dream. ~*~ Mind where nothing makes sense, I wish to find the truth of why I'm so dense, I blocked out these feelings for so long, I listen to the record, a never ending song. ~*~ Gashes, none with meaning, I lie awake at night screaming, A never ending song of torture, A missing piece, is my soul's lecture. ~*~ Crimson hands, in a dark room, What was done? What did you do? A child that will never scream again, A pitch black dream, that will never end. Okay, I'm going to try to give you really specific, really detailed concrit. First off, your poem left me with mixed feelings. I really liked some bits of it, and some bits really grated on me. I'll start with the good points. Good Points: You have a really good concept. The repetition of the "pitch black dream" is also very effective. The use of slant rhyme also pleased me, as well as the rhythm. Most people don't even give token respect to rhythm and rhyme in their poetry, so what they end up with something that has no rhythm at all and when it rhymes it really grates on one's nerves. What you have is a lot better than the example I've given. I can honestly say that it was a pleasure to read this. However... Bad Points: You have many spelling and grammatical errors. This isn't even nitpicking. An otherwise good poem is dealt (note the spelling of that, by the way) a very serious blow when it has basic mistakes that can easily be fixed. I suggest you look through your poem and catch those errors, or get someone to do it for you. You have only one type of grammatical errors as far as I can see: Comma abuse (fix it, please; it really ispainful). In some parts your poem makes no sense whatsoever (I'm serious. Just plain old "What the heck did that part just mean? It's not even meaningful in the abstract." kind of stuff. Here's an example: A never ending song of torture,
A missing piece, is my soul's lecture. Seriously. What on earth does that mean? What is a soul's lecture and how can the never-ending (that's a hyphenated word, by the way) song of torture (that means screams, I'm assuming) be a missing peace of it? As for the actual mistakes, I'm sure you can find them easily. Whew, I'm done. Sorry if I was a bit too harsh in some places. I'm really pretty open about lots of different kinds of poems, but I also have high standards. Tell me if you were offended and I'll apologize most profusely.
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Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:02 am
a never ending song of torture,
a missing piece, is my soul's lecture.
I got abstract with that ^^, yes you were right about the screams, but as for 'a missing piece, is my soul's lecture', well that means that I'm hiding a piece of me from everyone else, and my heart tells me, that I should just let them know, but I keep it in anyways. ^^..... ya most peoplewouldn't catch that... and sorry for the comma usage XD..... I'm not great with comma's and such, but I try my best... ish XD
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Posted: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:35 pm
oh woahhh! amazing rhyme and rhythm... @_@!! awesome poem!!!
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