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 Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:38 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 12:06 pm
Oh, so much to read - what with Jaiye's work as well! I must persevere!
Looking good! I shall endeavour to read this when I feel less tired... wink
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 1:39 pm
A very good opening I have to say. You have done a brilliant job in describing Nick whilst still leaving him in a shroud of mystery. However a description of the main character Karina would have been good.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 2:10 pm
I agree with Andy!
But other than that i think tis a really good start! ^_^ At least i can have something i can understand when i read it now. smile
*Aimed at Si and Owen*
Go you! I'm waiting for more.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 4:35 pm
The discription of Karina comes later and is not all found in one block the way Nick's is. I try to seperate things so the reader doesn't get too bogged down with description in some places, and then want more in others.
I think Nick ended up much different toward the middle of the peice than I imagined him in the beginning, but I also think I'm the only person who can tell, because the difference is really in my mind's eye. Just a thought. You may or may not see what I mean later on in the story.
I'll post the second installment when Nebelstern is ready for it.
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Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:50 am
Good for you not to bombard the reader with needless information *sticks tongue out at others*.... Also, it helps to build the wall between the main subject, and the more rudimentary characters. By giving Nick as a blanket charactor and then showing how he changes, you can show the reader what the situation is doing. However, by building up Katrina slowly, the reader feels more intimate with her, leading to a greater understanding (or possibly a greater suprise) of her descisions later.
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Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 4:17 pm
You know I like your explanation of that, and even though that's not what I intended, I think, after reading that, that you're right.
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Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:09 am
I like the way the character is developing. If it continues through you have the makings of household names in them.
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Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:14 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 7:06 am
I have not read it yet but I assure you I feel assured that it will be a great read.after I have read it of course.
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Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:28 am
Well done so far...
What I will say is perhaps give a little more description into character thoughts and feelings. I have a suspicion that you are saving this for later somehow...
Otherwise, please post the next installment! 3nodding
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Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 12:00 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:16 am
Awwuh... no one read it YET?
I'm so impatient!
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:42 am
Apologies, I have a lot of pressure from many directions and have been hard-pressed to find time to read most of the prose pieces / poetry pieces.
Please, go ahead and post the next installment and I shall comment on both if you are tired of waiting.
From skimming through the above installment, I think that it has been well planned and written...
Shall write more detail later... 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 9:18 am
I think there was great detail, after finally haveing time to read the whole of the two installments. I can't wait till the next installment. The description of the event leading up to the fight was amazing.
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