Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Teen Sex, Pregnancy and Puberty Guild

Back to Guilds

A guild for teenagers covering topics centering around teen sex, pregnancy, puberty, and other aspects of teen life. 

Tags: teens, puberty, sexuality, pregnancy, life issues 

Reply Parenting Subforum
Relationship and a child

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Is it ok?
  no
  yes
  i dont know
View Results

SoldierGirl87

PostPosted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:53 pm


I would like to say first of all I have a boyfriend whom I love very much. He is my everything. My best friend had a baby boy on Easter. His name is Holden. She is about to divorce her husband because he is not a good father at all. She has asked me to help, and as a female wanting a child, but with a very childish boyfriend who will never commit, I would like to take her up on her offer and be there as a "parent" figure. Is this wrong? Can two females successfully raise a child as long as their is a male figure present?
PostPosted: Sat Jun 10, 2006 12:58 am


My mother raised me largely by herself.

If one mother can do it, two mothers can do it better.

And don't believe all this stupid stuff about needing a good male "role model" around. Just plunk the child in front of Star Trek: The Next Generation and let him bond with the single best pseudo-father I've ever had - Jean-Luke Picard.

Honestly, though, there are tons of kids in this world who grow up with a single parent or gay/same sex parents. They do not grow up "broken." As long as the child has someone there to love him, provide for him, worry for him, care for him, he will be just fine.

Akhakhu


Kyra_uk

PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 11:52 am


My mum raised me and my brother mostly by herself, with some help from my grandparents. My dad left before I was born, my brothers dad was in and out of his life until about two years ago, and my mum has been a great person in raising us. My brother is a bit on the rebellious side, but I don't think in any way my mum did anything wrong in how she has raised us (my brother is 12 by the way, so still some raising there)

I had someone tell me (he was American and the only reason he told me this is because I refused to netdate him and went back with someone I used to have a lot of complaints about, but we're now just great) that my mum should've raised me 'better' just because I fell pregnant at 16, and kept the child. His sister (or so she says) also goes on about how badly my mum raised me (yeah, I could tell you a LOT about how her parents raised them and how they've both turned into complete whores, but I wont wink )

I feel my mum has done her best, even better. Sure, I didn't finish school and I have a child at the young age of 17 (almost 18, Kyra's a year old now) but that doesn't mean she didn't raise me right, does it? If she hadn't raised me right, I would've ended up in a bad relationship, doing drugs, having God knows how many abortions before I was 16, and probably near enough killing myself. Or I could've gone and had sex with different people, not knowing about STDs or pregnancy.
A family isn't always a mum, dad and child/ren. A family is having people who love and care for you. A mum can raise a child on her own, or a dad can raise a child on his own, and the child will turn out great. If you want to help her out, do so. But don't try to take the fathers role. It's not fair on the child, and it's sure as hell not fair on your partner.

Just a question, I take it you want children someday. Is your partner ever willing to commit? And how old are you both? (if you're young, then it might be that he doesn't want to commit fully just yet, but may in the future) Most women have the natural insticts to want to reproduce, it's a way to carry on our race. Men don't always have the same ideas in mind.
My partner was 18 when I fell pregnant. True, children were the last thing on our mind at the time, but he has been a great father and it was partly his decision to keep Kyra as well as mine.

I will say two things, that may sound harsh. One, don't get too attached to your friends baby which means you're with her and the child more than you are with your partner. Second is don't try forcing him to commit. Perhaps he might be ready someday on his own, but don't try forcing him else you'll push him away.
You can also try getting him involved a bit with your friends baby, so that the child has a male rolemodel, even if your partner isn't turned to the idea of having a child with you. It's a great learning experience for men as well, before, if ever, they have their own children.
PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 4:27 pm


Kyra_uk
My mum raised me and my brother mostly by herself, with some help from my grandparents. My dad left before I was born, my brothers dad was in and out of his life until about two years ago, and my mum has been a great person in raising us. My brother is a bit on the rebellious side, but I don't think in any way my mum did anything wrong in how she has raised us (my brother is 12 by the way, so still some raising there)

I had someone tell me (he was American and the only reason he told me this is because I refused to netdate him and went back with someone I used to have a lot of complaints about, but we're now just great) that my mum should've raised me 'better' just because I fell pregnant at 16, and kept the child. His sister (or so she says) also goes on about how badly my mum raised me (yeah, I could tell you a LOT about how her parents raised them and how they've both turned into complete whores, but I wont wink )

I feel my mum has done her best, even better. Sure, I didn't finish school and I have a child at the young age of 17 (almost 18, Kyra's a year old now) but that doesn't mean she didn't raise me right, does it? If she hadn't raised me right, I would've ended up in a bad relationship, doing drugs, having God knows how many abortions before I was 16, and probably near enough killing myself. Or I could've gone and had sex with different people, not knowing about STDs or pregnancy.
A family isn't always a mum, dad and child/ren. A family is having people who love and care for you. A mum can raise a child on her own, or a dad can raise a child on his own, and the child will turn out great. If you want to help her out, do so. But don't try to take the fathers role. It's not fair on the child, and it's sure as hell not fair on your partner.

Just a question, I take it you want children someday. Is your partner ever willing to commit? And how old are you both? (if you're young, then it might be that he doesn't want to commit fully just yet, but may in the future) Most women have the natural insticts to want to reproduce, it's a way to carry on our race. Men don't always have the same ideas in mind.
My partner was 18 when I fell pregnant. True, children were the last thing on our mind at the time, but he has been a great father and it was partly his decision to keep Kyra as well as mine.

I will say two things, that may sound harsh. One, don't get too attached to your friends baby which means you're with her and the child more than you are with your partner. Second is don't try forcing him to commit. Perhaps he might be ready someday on his own, but don't try forcing him else you'll push him away.
You can also try getting him involved a bit with your friends baby, so that the child has a male rolemodel, even if your partner isn't turned to the idea of having a child with you. It's a great learning experience for men as well, before, if ever, they have their own children.


I wont force him. I would never dream of doing that. When he is ready it will be fine. I am capable of waiting forever for marriage or kids with him. Im happy how it is now.
If i get involved with my friends child, my boyfriend will take an active role in the childs life. It wont just be me. Im not interested in being in a sexual or romantic relationship with her. I just dont want her raising a baby alone. And no, my boyfriend isnt ready yet. I respect that. We are both 18, so is my friend. Our relationship is fine though, we dotn have any problems other than the 1,000 miles between us right now, but that will be closed soon.

SoldierGirl87


wotfan

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:55 am


I dont believe in the male role model thing at this age for a kid. You do not have to be commited to a man in any sort of sexual relationship for him to be important to the picture. Put the kid in sports and the coach will be that influence, get him a male tutor. There are plenty of options without having a dad in the picture for him to have male influece. You and your friend need to talk it out long and hard what your roles will be, you will be giving the child a large part of your heart and it would not do for her to get jealous and try to shove you out of the picture.
PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:18 pm


There isn't really anything wrong with having to mother figures. However, would your friend want you being another person mothering her child? Perhaps it would be safer for you to take a "aunt" or god-mother type role. As, you are not your friend's partner and it would be difficult to part if your friend remarries. This way the child knows that you and the mother are more in a related type relationship than a romantic type.

Children can most definetly turn out to be wonderful members of society with just a mother and her small community of friends and family helping out. Children do great with same sex couples as well. Good on you for wanting to help her, just make sure she will want the help. heart

Yi Min


Nopenname

Beloved Prophet

8,375 Points
  • Citizen 200
  • Befriended 100
  • Popular Thread 100
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:51 am


There isn't anything that can harm a child about having a ton of people that love them and want only the best for them.

I think ALL kids have "uncles and aunts" you know the people who aren't really blood relations but are pretty much family.
PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 2:32 pm


Nopenname
There isn't anything that can harm a child about having a ton of people that love them and want only the best for them.

I think ALL kids have "uncles and aunts" you know the people who aren't really blood relations but are pretty much family.


Yeah. Their is nothing wrong with what you want to do. Its not wrong with what you want to do, Shes your best friend. Yes, you two can pull it off and if your bf helps you, thats better cause he'll grow up and get experence and know how to take care of a little one when you and him have one together. so yes. this is a great idea

SilverFang Mooncrest

Vampire

6,950 Points
  • Team Edward 100
  • Gaian 50
  • Conventioneer 300
Reply
Parenting Subforum

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum