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 Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 9:40 am
My father is terminally ill and coming home on Hospice this week, which is a wonderful program to help comfort people who have a short period of time to live in and choose to die at home. My mother and I, as a result, are feeling very depressed and want to keep his spirits up for what time he has left. As a Buddhist, I would like to know if anyone knows of any particular funeral rights or comfort I can give to my father? He used to be a Christian but he really enjoys Buddhism now that I practice it. I just didn't know how Buddhist handle family members dieing and such, and what comfort they find. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 1:54 pm
I'm new to Buddhsim, so I don't know much. However, I just read a great book called the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I'm not a Tibetan budhist, but it was filled with practices and ideas of how to prepare for your own death and the deaths of others. It was very inspiring. These are some important ideas that I remember:
- Don't try and hold the person back before death, just try and accept the impermenance of their life. This includes after death as well, because sometimes a person can get stuck or enter worse rebirth because of their attatchment to their weeping and grieving family members. However, this DOES NOT mean you should not grieve, but to work hard to recognize the impermeance of life and not to dwell on the past.
- They described a certain practice called phowna, or some word like that, where you imagine the person being engulfed by the pure light and compassion of the Buddhas. I don't know if you would feel comfortable doing that, but if you knew any Tibetan Buddhists they could do it for you.
Those are all I can remember, but there are more in the book. Anyway, I would just suggest being with you father, trying to have compassion for him and his needs, and try and resolve any problems or such that could hold him back or cause negative feelings when he dies.
I wish you support in this hard time. heart
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 3:05 pm
It's also traditional to read passages from the Bardo Thodol aloud. You're supposed to do this for forty-nine days after death, but no one would stop you from beginning before it even starts, as there is some interesting stuff in there.
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 5:12 pm
Thank you for your help, I will take both of your suggestions into consideration. I appreciate your time.
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Akanishi Makoto Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 21, 2006 11:30 pm
First and foremost, this is probably going to be a frightening time for him, and for you and your mother. Be strong. Remember - death is something we all must go through. There is no immortality for this vessel. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross expounded the 5 stages of dying as denial, anger, bagaining, depression and acceptance. Support him through them. Remind him that his ego may be afraid to die (who's isn't?) but he is a part of this universe, and he will forever be here. There is not an atom in our body that wasn't forged in the furnace of our sun. Think about that. I have faith that your father will do well in his next life. There are a few resources online for you, as well. Buddhanet: Ceremonies.Buddhanet: Caring for the Dying.Buddhanet: Articles on Death and Dying.
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Posted: Mon May 22, 2006 8:07 am
There is a fabulous documentary out there based on the Tibetan Book of the Dead. It goes through the actual ceramonies and is quite fascinating. It also follows a Zen Hospice center... which could be quite benificiary to you and your father.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000YTOZS/qid=1148310368/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-5557819-0509624?_encoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=130
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Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 6:22 pm
My mom passed away last fall and it is still very tough for my family and me.
Jee, so much happened regarding her passing I don't know where to start...
One thing is too look for your father contacting you from beyond, or wherever that is (or isn't). I'm still very close with my mom, her spirit is still very with me.
I wish you and your family the best of luck.
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 9:45 am
Soujiro, if your mother hadn't been enlightened, she probably is already back in this Samsara. There's no way of proving that, I only have the teachings as my basis. Remember, your mother will always live on in your memory and your heart. She was a great sage, remember her teachings well. Once Ma-tsu and Pai-chang were walking along and saw some wild ducks flying by.
"What is that?" the master asked.
"Wild ducks," Pai-chang said.
"Where have they gone?"
"They've flown away," Pai-chang said.
The master then twisted Pai-chang's nose, and when Pai-chang cried out in pain, Ma-tsu said, "When have they ever flown away?"
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Akanishi Makoto Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:28 pm
She wasn't enlightened but in a sence she did "graduate" this lifetime, or that's what I believe.
I'm not sure what to call them, but there are just instances where I truly feel a connection to her spirit.
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