Idirian held a bouquet of pale violet chrysanthemums, his mother’s favorites, as he stepped onto the well-manicured grass. He hadn’t visited in a while, and he needed to make up for it. Finding the one he needed, Idirian bent to replace the flowers in the purple vase that sat to one side of the white headstone. A small angel sat on top, a representation of the sister he would have had if the cancer hadn’t taken them both. Once the mums were arranged to his liking, Idirian took a seat in the grass.

“Hola, mamá,” he started, his voice thick. “I miss you.” Every day. There was always a few minutes every day that he thought about his mother and wished things could be different. Not too different. He just wanted his mother back, and healthy. Garrett and Gina could stay in jail, and Ainsley would stay the same. He wished she could meet Noa and her soon to be grandson.

“I met someone.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, a soft smile on his lips. “She’s incredible. I really wish you could meet her. She’s beautiful, inside and out. Ainsley loves her. She’s everything I never knew I needed. Her name is Noa, short for Naoko. She’s half Black and half Japanese. Short,” he said with a soft laugh. His mother had been on the shorter side as well.

“I think you would like her. She keeps me on my toes, and doesn’t let me be a hermit. She actually helped me make a friend.” He was quiet for a long moment, his eyes beginning to grow glassy. “I told her about my past. Everything about Dad and Gina. And she didn’t run away.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly as a tear slipped free.

“I asked her to move in with me and Ainsley and she said yes. Don’t cuss me out, but… She’s pregnant and it’s mine. A son. No, we’re not married yet, but she could be the one, mamá.” He paused again, brushing his cheeks dry. “I can’t lie to you, mamá, I love her. So much that it scares me sometimes. And there’s a part of me that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, because how can she be so perfect for me and feel the same way I do? Life hasn’t ever been that kind to me.”

A smile crossed his lips and he chuckled softly. “I can still hear your voice in my head, mamá. ‘Life is what you make it, mijo, so go make it a good one.’” She had said that every time he’d had a bad day, and they were some of the last words she had spoken to him.

The others were ‘Te amo, mijo.’ I love you, my son. More tears slipped down his face as he remembered that day. Maybe one day soon he would bring Noa for a visit.

There was more he needed to tell his mother. “I met your sister, Selene. She sent me a letter, explaining why they never got in contact before. I’ll admit, I almost burned the letter. In all my life, they couldn’t have snuck one single letter or email past your father?” He shook his head, still a little salty about it.

“Noa’s the one who talked me out of it. She convinced me to give Selene a chance. Turns out I have cousins that are Ainsley’s age. I’m trying to figure out a good time for us to go meet everyone. Me, Noa, and Ainsley even though she’s not actually related to them except through me. Selene said they would accept her, too. I’m glad of it, for Ainsley’s sake, because we have no other family on Garrett’s side, and Gina doesn’t have any family, either.” His sister had never complained about her lack of family aside from her brother, but it felt good that his mother’s family would accept them both.

“I wish you were here. I wouldn’t change anything else, just you mamá.” She deserved to have her family back, and to be there when her son gets married. To meet her grandchildren. He shook his head; he was getting too far ahead of himself. Not that he didn’t want those things with Noa, but he couldn’t assume she would want those things with him. But he wanted everything with her. For the first time in his life since his mother died, he could see a future that was bright. He had love, and he had family. If he was lucky, his family would only grow.

He wanted to share his traditions with Noa. The big ones were coming up soon: Dia de los Muertos, Thanksgiving, Christmas. And Ainsley loved Halloween. This would be the first year he let her go without him. Her soccer friends were going trick or treating as a group this year and a couple of the parents were driving/chaperoning. It was the first time he felt comfortable enough to let her go like this. It had to be Noa’s influence. The thought made him smile.

That was the other thing. “I haven’t smiled or laughed this much since before you died, mamá. I almost lost her once, because I was afraid and the idea of an actual relationship with real emotions involved was ******** terrifying.” He winced, knowing his mother hated cursing.

“Lo siento mamá,” he said quietly. “I feel so lucky to have her.” A flicker in the corner of his eye had him turning his attention to a lone butterfly. His mother’s favorite. If she and his sister had lived, that’s what her name would have been. Mariposa. The butterfly lingered, landing on his jeans for a moment before hopping up to land on his hand. The butterfly opened and closed its wings as it rested and Idirian got the oddest feeling.

“Did you send her to me, mamá?” The butterfly lifted off of his hand and fluttered up to his face, landing on his nose for a second before flying off, as if leaving a kiss.

Like his mother used to when he was younger. He smiled, his eyes growing glassy once more. “Thank you, mamá.” It was just like her, he thought. Sending him her love and taking care of him even from the beyond.

“You would love her,” he said, “And she would love you.”