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(1/10)

It was amazing the sort of comments you could let slide in the moment. Innocuous little statements that, on their own, seemed a little strange or sad but ultimately nothing to be too concerned about. But in the days after they took shelter together from the cold, Morain had begun to think more on the little bits and pieces about Kani that he'd put together over their months together.

Kani made no secret of the fact she had run away from something, back in Matori. She spoke like a refined lady; reminding him a bit of Asa and the way he'd taught his kids to speak, all educated and fancy. She'd never traveled, never been on her own, and was so innocent that she'd joined a random man's company all by herself seemingly without a worry.

Kani was friendly and kind, saccharine sweet and quick to offer her warmth. But when she was rejected, or thought herself rejected, she closed up abruptly, apologies readily on her tongue, often for things that he'd never consider apologizing for himself. She was willing to work hard, but blanched at perceiving anyone going through an effort for her, sometimes startled when offered often simply kindnesses. And, most recently, she'd been shocked to think someone would want to marry her someday, had somehow thought that she was impeding on MORAIN to even consider it the thought, despite the fact he'd been the one to suggest it in the first place.

There was a natural self deprecation to her at times, an innocent shock when things were going a bit too well, as if Kani half expected the world to fall apart at any time. Like happiness was a temporary experience that was doomed to end eventually.

Morain's steps had naturally slowed until he was a few paces behind Kani, watching her hair gently bounce with each step, considering her. Then, he stopped, idly adjusting the chain jewelry where it drape over the bridge of his nose. "So ... have you thought about what ship we'll take?" He asked, conversationally. They'd brought it up before - the options were Belrea or Yael. ... Or, of course, Matori, though they'd danced around that option before. Now though...

(2/10)

EITHER region, she'd said. So that meant Matori was ruled out completely? Morain hummed in agreement, but was distracted, deep in thought. Should he bring it up? It wasn't as if he was entitled to know about her past, and yet this wasn't the game of piecing together the mystery of Kani that he'd once made it out to be. Now, as time passed and he saw the fragile pieces of her, he wanted to know more, to know what had made her so tentative and careful. Like now! Now, with her gently touching his arm with open worry on her pretty features.

Morain smiled immediately, though the expression was a bit strained. Still, he shifted so they could clasp their forearms, fingertips curled gently against the crook of her elbow. "I think far too loudly, don't I?" Morain admitted with a soft laugh, guiding Kani to the edge of the worn road they'd been following towards port.

"I keep thinking about what you said, the night of that winter storm. Something about it has stuck into my brain and I can't get my mind off it. I'm not very well read though so I have no idea how to bring it up, without just blurting it out like a fool."

He spoke in a rush of explanation, gesticulating with his free hand - a 'us' gesture swished between their chests, then an almost dismissive wave of the hand, then finally a 'this or that??' weighing of his palm that was almost as frantic as his words.

That was... oh. Morain gazed at her, his heart breaking as panic took her over, eyes raking over his face. "Oh, love." He breathed, abandoning his grip on her arm so he could instead reach to cradle her cheeks, gently, fingers half buried in the thick curls by her ears. "Of course I'd tell you. IF there was ever anything 'wrong'. There isn't." He rushed to add, dipping in to kiss the tip of her nose.

"That night, you said... you said I wasn't 'stuck' with you. I can't wrap my head around where that thought came from, and now I - I realize I've never asked you about your life? What it is you are running from."

(4/10)

Morain offered a small smile as he accepted her hug, wrapping his arms around her. He hoped she felt safety there, encouragement as she considered whether or not to tell him. She was tense in his arms, stress palpable as she spoke, and he wanted to interrupt her to reassure her she didn't have to tell him but - that was a lie wasn't it? He needed to know. He didn't think he was ... entitled to her story, or deserved to hear it, but he felt he needed to nonetheless.

A sister - so she had siblings. And a student... that wasn't exactly a surprise, she was so intelligent and curious by nature that being someone of learning made sense. But his heart ached to think she hated herself at all. He held her a bit tighter just for that, heart hammering in his ears.

His own breath hitched at her next statement - though not for the reason she may have expected. She wasn't his first love - though she was the first he recognized as Real love, and not simple infatuation mistaken for the thing. But fear? What did she mean by that? Was she... afraid of her first love? Were they awful, cruel?

He kissed her back, chaste and careful, and let their faces remain close as she got the courage to continue on. The revelation though made him jolt, fingers trembling where he held on to her. Oh. That was - oh.

Morain had a blessed life, free of the turmoil his older siblings faced in their childhoods. But he'd heard bits and pieces from Sol and Ygraine, seen enough resentment towards Oba and fear of traveling through it from his parents to be wary of the place. What sort of things could have happened to Kani in such a world, when she was so vulnerable? "Your parents were... and you too?" He asked, confused by her phrasing. If it was before the war, she must have been right? "That must have been - oh, Kani." He breathed her name, drawing her close again, one hand buried in her thick curls so it could cradle her head close to his neck and shoulder.

(5/10)

That was... that was horrifying. Morain stomach twisted at the casual way she explained it, even shrugging as if it was obvious. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, and thankfully kept his mouth shut, because after a moment she continued on.

Although... her next words were no less harrowing. It was... so much responsibility for one so young, and though Morain could understand the necessity, he felt a burst of defensiveness on her behalf. How young must she have been, if she'd been too young for hard work when they escaped? Then she spoke of her love, and while there was a tug of jealousy in his chest, he mainly just ached for her.

"It doesn't sound like it was anyone's fault - sometimes... sometimes love comes at the wrong time, when we aren't ready for it." Morain said, gently petting her hair in a way he prayed was soothing. He felt horribly inexperienced in this moment, recognizing that his had been a life of leisure and ease, especially when compared to hers. He did scrunch his face a bit when she finished, kissing the tip of her nose with such open disagreement it was more a strangely gentle reprimand.

"If you had left back then, it wouldn't have been selfish. You did what you had to do back then - and now you're doing what you have to do now, for your own sake." Morain's lips moved for a moment, silently, as he considered what else to say. "I can't say I know what it was like to... to go through what you did, darling, but I... I'm here."

(6/10)

Honestly? Morain couldn't blame Kani for keeping it quiet. There wasn't really a natural segue to any of these topics, and honestly if she HAD somehow broached it with him before he probably would have bungled it up. He would have been much more gentle with her, more pitying, and that likely would have insulted her. Now, he felt he knew her well enough to know how she'd want him to react - with understanding, but without changing how he felt about her or treated her.

Her past didn't make her fragile, even if he loved her so much he just wanted her to experience some gentleness and affection. Though - he felt emotions bubbling in his chest when she said meeting him was so important to her. His cheeks heated and his gaze was soft as he watched her rub at her face.

"That... was probably a good call. I uh-- I've always been kind of a shallow person." Morain scrubbed a hand against the back of his neck guiltily and turned his head away so he could avoid her eyes. She'd been vulnerable with him so - so he felt he should offer up what he was most nervous about, to even that scales a bit. Although it was sort of a self centered thing, compared to her painful history. "I wouldn't have treated your past with the respect and warmth you deserve. I feel like - before you I liked people but didn't let myself connect with them? They were companions, or lovers, but never friends - never partners."

His fingers fidgeted with a piece of jewelry, swallowing hard. "I had my family's love and friendship, and everyone else was just someone in a place I was passing through. I uh - I've always been a bit of a cad, I dunno if - if I ever let you know that. Just like that, his biggest fear - Kani finding out how dishonorable he was - was out in the open. "You changed me. You've been through so much but you always let yourself be vulnerable, warm, and kind and - and before I knew it I loved you. As a friend who I didn't want to drive away, and - and as a woman too. I don't care now if it's depressing or dark I - I want to know everything about you."

Now he just hoped she wouldn't resent him for it.

(7/10)

Morain might have stubbornly kept looking down if Kani hadn't nudged at him so sweetly. He almost expected her to be disappointed, to find some sort of moral failing in him. It was, in the end, a shred of that same first impression he'd gotten of her... that she was a Good girl, tight-laced and innocent. It was all just painting her with a generic brush because, in the end, he had been far too startled at her flirtatious turn when she had that first drink.

If he wasn't so hung up on history with partners, and so dead set on seeing her that way, maybe they wouldn't have had that first argument and things would have been allowed to progress more smoothly?

Or, maybe, he'd have gone along with it, then felt conflicted over his feelings, wondering if he was confusing attraction with affection?

Shaking himself from those thoughts, Morain draped his arms around Kani and propped his chin on top of her head, swaying with her in his arms. Her words were a balm, and with how warmly she professed her love for him he couldn't fathom that he'd ever wondered about her convictions. He pulled back enough so he could cup both of her cheeks in his palm and kiss her.

"I love you. And I guess you're stuck with me because I'll have you forever." He whispered back, playfully, dark eyes glittering with warmth and amusement. He swiped a thumb against her cheekbone then kissed her again, just because he could. "I've worried about that since we got together! And just like that you bat it down like a fly. You're really something!"

(8/10)

Morain nodded, his expression softening as she talked. "Then we'll travel, and stop wherever pleases us until we decide we want to travel again."

After a moment just cradling her close, he kissed the tip of her nose then dropped his hand to clasp at her own, gently guiding her to walk again. "That, my darling, is the benefit of my prolific family. We have waypoints across the known world to start with, and from there can spiral off to explore as we see fit!" He beamed at her, relief reinvigorating him from the worries he'd carried since the morning.