Welcome to Gaia! ::

Vonetta woke up, for the first time in years. No, she hadn't been physically sleeping, but she might as well have. She was breathing and existing but.... Well that was the problem.

As the year had ended and this one was beginning, she'd realized that anxiety, depression, and just the very act of breathing had made her forget that she wasn't really alive. She'd been pulled under for so long that she didn't know who she even was anymore without anxiety or depression determining all her choices and thoughts. She couldn't remember a life where they had not been the determining factors in her life--how she made her choices and how she existed.

Vonetta took several deep breaths trying to steady her nerves. Her resolution was to change that. She wanted to be better Wanted to do better. She just didn't know who she was anymore. her body was just waking up. Did she still like to tell stories? To compose them? A long tme ago, she'd been a write. She'd loved to study the nuances of others faces and write what she thought they were thinking. Sh liked to tell sotries of their motivations ans wheret hey were going with that. Vonetta had liked getting down to the nigtty gritty of who a person was. Did she still like that? Did she still enjoy getting to he truth of the matter and the motivations behind it?

She thought she did. It mattered to tell stories that talked aabout a basic truth and what it meant. She also like to tell stories about missing treasures and pirates. She didn't think that had changed.

Did the same things make her laugh? Had humor and circumstance changed who she was at her very core? For the first time in years, she felt eager to know herself. This new year, felt like a new year--one tome make new decisions and choics. When was the last time she was happy? She couldn't really remember, not like the happy she'd felt when she was younger.. Was there something about growing up that did that to you? Was there a certain reason why the beginning of the year made you want to make new choices and resolutions? Maybe it was because the year was new and with it came infinite posssibilities.

With these new choices, she had to think about the ones she called friends. Which ones of them were supportive? Which ones of them were there for her instead just faking it? And how many of them were secretly in pain like she was. It was hard to say, especially the hurts that others were going through.

It changed you. But it was time for making changes.

First, she was going to pull herself togetther. Decided what she still liked to do. What she still loved. Take away all the things that she did just because she was in a habit of doing it. That was a good start to figuring out who she was. She would keep making a list, a little at a time so as no to overwhelm herself. She'd check off a few things at a time, figure it all out. Just breathe and enjoy becoming this new person. Enjoy the rebirth that was happening. Maybe it was trite and over used but she was tired of being a caterpillar hiding in a cocoon, she was ready to emerge and become the beautiful butterfly she was meant to be.

And maybe with that, came the courage to tell the one she had loved for so long that she really loved them. Maybe it was time to come completely clean. Blank slates and all that.

Vonetta smiled, really smiled for the first time in ages. Maybe she wouldnt' even stay here, but move on? Did she even really like this place anymore? Did anything about this place still make her happy? Maybe it was time to pack up and go. Maybe not far, she didn't want to be too far from those she considered to mean something in her life.

It was okay to grow out of things, even others. Sometimes others didn't grow at the same rate as you did (and that was alright). But sometimes others just didn't grow at all. Vonetta watched the dawning of a new year with peace in her heart. This year was going to be the one, it was going to be when she finally figured everything out. She was going to make her own happiness and be her own self.The sun crested over the horizon and light flooded the world all around her. Everything was bright and beautiful and new.

She had finally woke up.