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Jean felt like he was still half not there. He was more firmly grounded than before, but he often lost chunks of time when he ran on auto pilot.

When he realized it was after Valentine’s Day and he’d done nothing for anyone, it was enough to send him spiraling again. The lanky man sat in the living room that was empty, on the floor, his back against one of his couches. He took in the state of his dress, the feeling of his skin and just rubbed at the back of his neck with the realization he lost time again. Despite wanting to be here, wanting to live, to live in the moment, his memories and head were fighting tooth and nail against him.

Slowly, Jean pulled himself up off the floor and headed to the bedroom. He’d gather clothes and his phone again and shut himself off in the bathroom without bothering to see if anyone was even in the house.

Even after the shower, the dark skinned man felt sensitive. Hypersensitive, actually. He wore his softest shirt, large enough it goes down to his knees, torn in places, and falling off of one shoulder, and his favorite pair of lounge pants with a cuff at the ankles. Winter was still here in Destiny City, and he always did catch a chill.

It was now that he was standing in the kitchen, blinking owlishly did he call out to see if anyone was here.

“Hello?”

The need to reply was there, but the will to wasn't. With a sigh, Jean followed the voice he heard and then turned the corner to the room and found Derek there. When did his hair get that long...? There was an ache in his chest and he rubbed at it through his shirt as a look of hurt came across his face.

His hands moved, knowing Derek would follow the signs. Something everyone sort of learned since Jean had problems talking.

'Hi... You look different.' Jean looked away, green eyes focusing on anything else for a moment. He calmed himself down before looking back up. 'What day is it? Where is everyone?'

As he signed, Jean came closer and then when he was done reached a hand out to push some of the stray hairs out of the way. It felt like he was starting new every time he came around. He needed to relearn them all. It always left him needing reassurance, a bit of time to adjust.

Jean smiled at the questions, at the options given. Instead of replying, he just pulled the younger man into a hug, keeping him close for a while. He just squeezed him, rocking them gently from side to side. Jean's head tipped and he kissed the other's temple before pulling away to sign again, getting his attention.

'You can talk. It's okay. Just...' A hand came up to his throat and he shrugged. 'So he took them out today. Okay. It's a good different. Your hair is really long now and I just didn't realize it, I guess.' There was a soft laugh that came from him as he signed, eyes crinkling with his smile. He seemed to be in a good mood despite everything.

He looked around the room again before motioning him to follow, signing that he was thirsty. And when he stepped into the kitchen, he realized he didn't know where anything was anymore. Something flickered, Kazuo rearranged or something so he could get things without help?

'Uh, actually. Could... would you make some coffee?' He turned, looking to Derek with a sheepish look. He'd have to watch and see where it all was.

'Just some sugar. One spoon.'

He watched Derek, thinking about what he said about his hair. Green eyes took in blond locks and he shrugged. Jean followed the other this time, nodding a little to himself as he actually thought about what he was going to say.

'Your hair is pretty, but it's just hair. If you want to cut it...' he nodded, giving a thumbs up and an OK symbol before smiling again.

With that said, he would turn to look around, seeing what's changed since he last focused on his surroundings. It was odd, feeling like he was a new person every time he 'tuned back in'. It's a good thing he hadn't felt the need to power up since he switched sides. He wasn't sure if he could anymore.

Though, that thought scared him, and he looked back to Derek with a slightly panicked look, making a noise to get his attention before starting to sign rapidly.

'Are they okay? They're not in danger are they? Not on a mission? River's with them, though...." It seemed like the more he thought about it, the more sense it made that they were fine. River wasn't someone who fought, not someone awakened. So it made no sense they were on a mission.

Crimson colored his cheeks and he just signed 'Sorry' again and again before rubbing his face and sighing. "Damn." It was a spoken word, growled out with a huff. He licked his lips and then straightened up, looking back at Derek with a huff, hands going up to sign. 'Sorry! I... freaked myself out. It's okay. I'm fine. Promise.'

As he was scooped up, Jean froze for a fraction of a second. He hadn't expected that type of response. Still, his arms went around the shorter man and pressed his forehead to Derek's shoulder, listening to him, to the sound of his voice and then nodded.

Lying to River sucked. He hated it a lot, but there wasn't much they could do about it.

River was someone that had to be protected at all costs.

So, Jean allowed himself this comfort for a moment before he pulled back as Derek signed and then seemed to want to be doing anything other than just standing there. He started poking around the slightly ajar cabinets to see what went were. Everything was a lot lower.

There were a few dishes, looked like from breakfast, but the place was clean. Guilt crept in. He'd been doing nothing and life went on. Bills were paid, cleaning was done. He just kind of existed for them to take care of.

He paused at that thought, reaching for a cup and then withdrew his hand and shut the cabinet.

No good things come from that. Jean thought to himself. The man gave himself a visible shake, and then looked back at Derek.

'About that coffee...' He would give his boyfriend a little smile, trying to get back to the good mood. It hadn't left, just flickered a little. 'Uhm, later I can try to make lunch. Something easy.'

He was relaxed as Derek made the coffee. He still almost felt like a stranger despite knowing he was safe, knowing this was home, but it wasn't a bad feeling, over all. There were many mental notes made on where things were, and Jean hoped he would be around mentally to actually make use of them instead of disappearing again.

Just as his thoughts drifted that way, Derek spoke, said he loved him, and Jean's green eyes snapped over to him before giving a little, almost shy smile and then a nod.

That pang was there whenever someone mentioned him mentally checking out like this. It never felt good, coming back, realizing what he missed, but they said they loved him. Who was he to believe otherwise?

Doubt did creep up in his mind. Thus the way of the beast.

Still, he moved back over to the blond and leaned over to press his lips to Derek's forehead before putting a hand directly over the other's chest. The beat of that heart, steady and strong, did a lot to anchor him. His lips moved right next to Derek's ear so he would hear him before speaking.

"I love you." It was a crackled whisper, like he was choked up on emotion and just generally an unused voice, but he meant every word.