Ryan walked into the living room, fresh out of the shower after his run, heading over to his husband and trying to frown when he saw Moon’s picture on his husband's screen. They’re relationship had been a little off since Dmitry realized he loved Moon and as shocked as Ryan felt, it was Dmitry who was more or less freaked out about it. Yes, Ryan was surprised, but mostly he didn't know how to feel. He was grateful to Moon, she was the mother of his three beautiful children, but it really didn't extend beyond that. This wasn’t something he had ever imagined, still he loved his husband, hadnt loved anyone else … hadn't even dated anyone else. He hoped they could work it out.
“Ready to talk about it,” he said, coming around to sit beside his husband.
“Hmmmn?” Dmitry looked up and tried not to get distracted, clearing his throat. “Yeah.” As much as his brain was telling him to just put everything off and take his husband to the bedroom he stopped those thoughts immediately. Talking about this was going to help, was going to solve the issue and then he could think about banging Ryan three ways to Sunday. If anything, he really just didn't want to ******** this up.
Ryan really didn't know what to do, but to wait for his husband to start, not really wanting to prompt him, but to get it out on his own. Still questions popped into his head, that one that was the quietest trickled forward in thoughts. “Why,” he asked, “was I not enough? How? Why?”
He wasn't even sure what he was asking with the second how and why, “she’s beautiful. I can see that. I get that, our kids look a lot like her, especially Silas and Nikki.” And she was Ryan wouldn't deny that, he saw her in them everyday. Maybe even their litter buddying personalities, he wasn't sure though. Dmitry would know more than her.
Oh nononono….
He was going to start when Ryan hit him with his questions first and he fought not to just pull the man into his arms and squeeze till he couldn't. He asked himself these questions all the time lately and the only thing he could come up with was how selfish he is for doing this. He should’ve just kept it to himself and dealt with it, could’ve been happy, Ryan wouldn't have known and then he could’ve taken those feelings with him to the grave. But, here they were and he had to get this done. Ryan deserved to know why and he should tell him. Taking Ryan’s hands into his, he looked him directly in the eyes as he explained, “You are enough Ryan. ******** I…” He sighed, trying to find a way to just get everything out, “I wouldn't be able to live without you, hell I’ll change that to can't. I need you so much and I realized that the moment we had our first fight so long ago.”
As for the how? He did and didn't know. “Something just clicked you know…The only other thing I have to compare it to was with you. You know how I was when we were younger, I never felt a connection with anyone beyond ******** and getting off. That was it. But then I met you and the need to just be around you constantly, to be in your space even when you didn't want me was overwhelming.” There were times he tried to forget about it, tried to go and ******** others but none of them had that pull that Ryan had over him and they hadnt done anything at the time. “It's the same with her. Something just clicked and not only do I constantly want to be around in your orbit, but hers as well.” If Moon decided she didn't want him then he would be able to live with that, but he wouldn't know unless he asked, but he also wanted to make sure this was something that would cause Ryan to just walk and never look back.
Ryan certainly remembered when they first met, he basically just wanted to photograph Dmitry and couldn't stand him otherwise. Ryan had been pretty closed off and didn't care so much for the up close and physical, something that had changed over the years. Dmitry had been extremely annoying, but he also knew Dmitry was a bit younger than him. He originally had no intention of giving him the time of day, now here was feeling slighted.
He gave his husband a confused look, his words registering with him. “So you basically want both myself and Moon.”
He frowned deeply, “and if I say no to this … the feelings you have for Moon are completely your own and I'm not overly keen on the idea of sharing my husband.”
He was being a little pissy and realized he hadn't really processed how all this was actually making him feel.
He figured and prepared for this…Dmitry swallowed, feeling some of that pissy energy that his husband was 100% entitled to feel. Right on the money as usual and just as cutting without even meaning to be. “If you say no then that's it. I won't pursue this further, I'll leave it alone.” The feelings he has will go away in time and then they could just forget about it. This talk was to see how Ryan felt and he would respect the thoughts and wishes of his husband. He already felt like he was being a piece of s**t by even bringing this up in the first place.
He heard what his husband was saying, but he honestly didn't think his husband heard what he was saying. Ryan didn’t want the choice to be his, regardless of what he said their relationship wouldn't be the same. It has already been so stressful in the past few weeks. He sighed and said, “can you really let it go though Dmitry. Love that's really not your strong suit.”
Dmitry still hadn’t been able to successfully give up vaping, Ryan just let it go, because he didn't do it often and never around the kids.
“And what if I was to say yes, Dmitry? How exactly would that work? You asked about adding a third and I'm not interested in Moon like that … this is a mess.”
Dmitry looked away at the first bit. There was a clear advantage to being around someone for almost ten years, they knew you extremely well…But also this was a disadvantage as well…Because they knew you extremely well. “If you ask, I can do it. I don't want to lose you over something like this.” When Ryan asked how this would work, he didn't really get that far. Ryan was amazing and just this wonderful person, but the thought that he would say yes didn't really occur to him at all. “We could just start off slow. I'm not asking to just take her into the bedroom or something right off the bat…That would be messier.” Besides if he were to think about it…Moon would be the newcomer in this territory of theirs and well Ryan had the first claim anyway. Would be disrespectful as well.
Ryan wished he hadn't brought it up at all, but also he said, “I'm grateful you're being honest with me.” He said that before already, but he was grateful because all things considered his husband could have cheated on him and that would have been undoubtedly worse.
He sighed because if he did say yes, Ryan didn’t know if it would work, if he could get past the feeling of being robbed in a way. His life was pretty perfect. He didn't want to say yes, then find out he looked at Moon with resentment or even jealousy. He realized he probably wouldn't say yes, but didn’t really want to admit it.
“How exactly does Moon feel about all this?”
That one question gave Dmitry pause.
Oh god….
He thought that telling Ryan would be the best move so he answered, “I haven't talked to her yet, I wanted to talk to you first. It seemed like the more appropriate thing to do.” Granted, he wanted to talk to them both at the same time, but he wasn't sure how Ryan would’ve felt about her being on the phone with them while they discussed a complicated c***k in their relationship.
Ryan’s expression went from passive to completely unimpressed in two seconds flat and stared at his husband hard. “So all this is a hypothetical … you didn't even talk to her, no…” He frowned and stopped talking. This was good and not good. It made him slightly relieved Dmitry didn't even think to move forward without his approval, but also, this was all for not if Moon wasn't even interested so he was a little annoyed. He was really frustrated with this whole situation and stood going to the front closet grabbing his keys and shoving on his shoes. He needed to let off some of this energy, some of this frustration, think a little bit.
“I’ll be back,” he said, heading out the door to his car in the driveway. Probably not the best way to handle his frustration, but they certainly didn't need a shouting match.
Oh great…
Dmitry sighed, “Ry ********.” He thought he did the right thing, but apparently he ******** up yet again and he wasn't sure how to fix it. Instead of sadness though, there was a surge of anger and rather than find something to break in their house, Dmitry grabbed his vape, his keys and decided to go drive. Destination? Unsure but hopefully it would be somewhere he could tear some things to shreds while he tried to come up with ways to fix what he did.
Kaori_luv
