“What do you want to watch babe, no horror. Between Sy and Livvie this week I think I’ve had enough.”
She chuckled and handed Dmitry the remote while he pulled the bowl of popcorn to himself. He gave his husband a look when he didn't take the remote instead looking at his phone. He peaked over at the screen before poking him with the remote. “Pick a movie babe.”
He got comfortable again, turning to the screen, “isn't that Moon?”
---
Dmitry was glad Ryan wasn't mad at him but that still didn't help the situation or turmoil going on in his head. He pulled him close and shrugged, looking at his phone, “Whatever you want is fine~” He couldn't really focus on anything else at the moment, least of all picking a movie. The poke got him to at least take the remote, trying to figure out what he wanted to put on. He chose Loki and set the remote down, still looking at his phone. “Yeah, it's Moon.” He gave his husband a warm smile and tried to focus on the show. But the conversation with Ashleigh was getting to him. How the ******** did he fall in love with Moon?! When did it happen? Why didn't he see the signs and stop it?! His hand reached for his pocket but the vape wasn't there…Ah, yeah…Its back in it's hiding spot. Great.
---
Ryan started watching Loki, enjoying it for a while, but when he glanced at Dmitry he was still looking at his phone. He reached for the phone plucking it gently from his hand, before pausing the show.
“Why put it on if your not going to watch it babe … what got you so absorbed,” he said looking at the phone, but it was still the same picture of moon, smiling with Emorlai in her arms. He bet the picture was taken right before she gave Emorlai to Ryan.
“You reminiscing or something,” Ryan asked knowing Sy’s second birthday was coming up. “You’ve been really spacey.” He sighed having a not great feeling.
---
Dmitry frowned when Ryan took his phone, “Sorry, just been out of it lately.” He supposed he should try the talk thing again, but did he really want to? The fact that he was staring at Moon’s picture practically answered for him, “Yeah, just reminiscing…” something was telling him to press the issue, to continue, and he just couldn't. Everything he wanted to say was on the tip of his tongue and…Looking at Ryan he just…Couldn't. He leaned his head back onto the couch, covering his face with his arm while the tears just started silently crawling down his face. The only thing that echoed in his head was the fact that he was a piece of s**t, nothing was going to stop that ******** voice in his head, and it just kept getting louder and worse the longer he went on.
Once that wasn't working to stop the tears, he leaned forward with his head in his hands.
He didn't deserve the man beside him, that much was for sure.
---
Ryan frowned at Dmitry, feeling like something was off, but gave him back his hand and turned around. The next thing he knew his husband was leaning forward crying, with his head in his hand and Ryan when from confused to very concerned.
He ran his hand down his husband's back and sighed, “Mitry babe, whatever is going on you got to talk to me. Especially if it's eating you up like this.” Honestly he didn't think hed ever seen his husband cry like this, angry tears sure, but this was something else entirely.
“Talk to me Mitry.”
---
He just couldn't stop ******** crying!
Dmitry turned his red teary eyes to his husband, “I'm such a piece of s**t!” he grit his teeth trying to hold in a broken whimper. Why did he want to be so selfish?! They didn't need a third, he shouldn’t have fallen in love with their <********> surrogate, he should’ve just told Ryan from the get-go, let him handle everything but nooooo…He wanted to surprise his husband! Now he got himself in this ******** mess and couldn't figure out how to get out of it.
“Ryan…I…Im so ******** sorry.” his voice sounded heartbroken even to his ears. “I ******** up, and I don't know how to fix it!” He took a deep breath, biting the knuckle of his index finger while he started rocking back and forth. “I ******** fell in love with Moon and I don't know how! We didn't even ******** do anything!” He felt like he needed to just get up and take off. He hated it when he was this emotional, when he couldn't control his emotions at all.
“She was supposed to be just the surrogate…” he stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth while he just kept mumbling about how shitty of a husband he was, how he didn't deserve Ryan at all, and how he couldn't fix it. “********!” Where was the pen?! Where did he hide it again?!
---
Ryan got the shock of a lifetime in the next moments from Dmitry’s confusing self loathing to the bomb drop that was what he perceived made him a piece of s**t. It was like being hit by a freight train as the pieces fell into place.
The question about the third and the lies. He never expected this was what was going on. In love?!? All that didn't matter to Ryan at the moment because his husband was teetering and clearly hurting.
Ryan went over to him, wrapped him in a hug, pressing himself against his husband. “Calm down,” he said and then sighed, “it's not the end of the world.”
He laid his head on his husband's back. “You know I love you right.”
---
Dmitry stiffened mid pace when Ryan hugged him from behind, trembling while he tried to calm down. “I don't deserve you…At all.” Here he was telling Ryan, his husband, the love of his life, that he fell in love with someone else and all he had to say was it wasn't the end of the world. He leaned back into his husband's embrace, still sobbing but a bit quieter now. “I know. I love you more than life itself.” He hiccupped, “I swear I didn't mean for this to happen…I don't even know why the ******** it happened.” his sobbing was picking up again and he tried to temper it, leaving Ryan’s brace only to get on his knees in front of him, wrapping his arms around his middle crying into his stomach.
---
This was new, this was … well Dmitry never displayed this range of emotions, not … Ryan hadn't ever seen this and he honestly didn't know what to do. He wanted to calm his husband down, but he was wracking his brain trying to figure out the best option for the situation. Sparing was for anger and he didn't think it'd work now, jogging … no … the babies would be upset by their dad’s waves of emotion, so cuddling them was a no go.
He settled for hugging his husband and stroking his hair, humming lightly before leaning over to grab his husbands phone, open up the spotify and playing the newest version he heard of Simply the Best, he’d had stuck in his head. He set the phone down on the table and mauvered himself so he could sit, letting Dmitry hug his lap and petting his hair while the music played.
“You have to calm down love or we aren't going to be able to have an actual conversation.”
---
He was trying!
Dmitry just allowed for Ryan to maneuver him as needed, hugging him tighter. This has been eating away at him for the past couple of years, the twins were two years old, Silas was one. He curled his body around Ryan, “I-I'm trying!” He didn't mean to shout, causing him to sob even harder while clinging to his shirt.
---
Ryan decided maybe it was time to call in reinforcements because Dmitry for all he said he was trying, Ryan thought was working himself up more. He decided to call Yatora, the calmest of their group even more so than Xander and also physiatrist … child physiatrist but still.
When Yatora answered he asked for advice, but trying not to say anything Dmitry might not want him to say. He didn't think, so my husband fell in love with a woman and is now having a mental breakdown, would go over so well. In the end Ryan suggested Yatora and maybe Xander come over and maybe they would help him.
Kaori_luv
