[R] All your Ghosts unearthed to Serve My Joy (Alb x Helio)

[Shiningamisgirl]

The whole 'yanking people outa their lives thing' had ever so slowly gotten easier, and easier, and --- Heliodore didn't belong to *him*, per-say. Wasn't his to order, or boss, or -- and it wasn't like it was something he did normally, even if the guy had been his! Albite wasn't one for flaunting rank or abusing the whole system of hierarchy especially when it came to 'the yanking', not when there were other ways to communicate.

He was in a rush though, felt some unseen crush of time on his shoulders, n figured it was an important enough matter to use his eternally granted powers of yank, just this once! To curl at air like it was hefty chain, thread the power therein and *pull* -- he was speaking before he finished dragging the other man through. Clipped, quick, unfinished thoughts that were voiced carelessly.

"Heliodore! Hun, heeyyy--lissn, you're good with ah --- likeee..." and he sat amidst a tablet, pen, phone, scattered papers that looked surprisingly like invitations. A list casting back in bluescreen reflection across his face scrolled endlessly -- paused only occasionally enough for him to consider, to reconsider -- before focusing back on Heliodore again.

Cause he knew he'd been saying -- something? Oh, yeah!

"Sorry, I'm just -- it's been -- busy, yeah! Busy is definitely a word for it, but I was thinking, you know Ei? Right. Like, you know him well enough from *before*. I've thought of asking people, other people, really I have, but every time I think about it...I just...." stressed consonants and a puff of air, finding breath and blowing out stress all at once. Of note besides the mess of carefully folded card stacks, a singular ring - black, red, embossed in flame - so contrasting to Albites usual colors that might as well have been a brand of flame round his ring finger instead of a simple adornment.

"This isn't me pulling a rank thing, either, it's just that you're the easiest one to ask? Like, I trust you to know him enough to help me -- not -- ******** this up." which he had to admit he was liable to do. Especially with how he could barely contextualize the nebulous 'what' into something worded properly. He hadn't realized how nuanced planning a wedding would be. That there would be guest lists - requests to sovereigns - knew that food was the easiest thing to settle on with what little he'd gotten out of Ei', but having extra perspective seemed like a smart thing to do.

"So just - have a seat. Anywhere. Floors free, chairs, tabletop -- don't mind the bird if he shows." he didn't know where Cerbs' vanished off to; offered the warning secondhand and just in case the thickly plumed nuisance made a show.  

[Kolina]

Heliodor slipped away from the alleyway leaving behind two sleeping forms of a man and woman who had stepped out for a smoke or perhaps some intimate time with each other. Helio really hadn’t cared their motives, just that htey had presented two perfect targets. His quota for the week was surpassed at this point, but a bit of extra certainly wouldn’t hurt.

Wanting to make as much distance between himself and the site, Helio used an emergency escape to reach the roofline and…

He felt the pull and his forward motion had him nearly tripping into the table that Albite sat sat. “What the hell.” He cursed angrily. “Albite?” He pushed away from the table that he had nearly collided with and looked around the room as Albite began explaining his objective.

“You could have sent me a message or something before just yanking me here.” Heliodor was quite obviously upset by the situation. “You’re damn lucky I wasn’t in the middle of anything important.” By important he meant doing something non-powered, but let Albite take it as he wished.

His golden gaze shifted from Albite to the table stacked with papers and other stationary. Stationary that clearly were designed with the very obvious colors and mark of a specific fiery General. Perfect, now he had to deal with this whole wedding situation from Albites side. It felt like someone was enjoying rubbing this whole situation in his face.

He took a deep breath trying to settle himself. It didn’t help.

“I don’t know what you expect me to help you with.” Helio said as he reluctantly pulled out a chair opposite Albite and lowered himself into it. Sitting stiffly, he eyes the stack of stationary that could only be invitations. “I would think you kno whim well enough at this point?”

“shiningamisgirl

Albite gets to deal with a prickly Helio.

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Prickly little points Helio was making, and Albite paused to stare - carefully set down the blackened bit of embroidered parchment and ream of holographic stickers he'd had waiting in hand.

"You're not happy about it? N I don't mean me dragging you in here from your coulda been important stuff..." all very 'sorry not sorry' for the coulda, shoulda, woulda' ways he might have done things differently in order to be a bit kinder to the Super. Now that Helio'd asked? Next time he'd text him, for sure, if at all it was in his power to do so beforehand. He could make himself promise that.

Could smile for it too! Because if anything? Knew damn well how most Generals just frankly didn't adhere to caring about the daily social doings of the people under them, not when they had a real need at least.

Guy shoulda been glad he wasn't pulled mid shower, s**t or shave. Mid f---

"Cause I do, and I can, but so do you? N who the ******** would want to do any of this completely alone anyhow -- when the whole point is 'togetherness' -- like family, n friends and..." let the words trail off unto death as he felt Helios gaze more acutely, felt how it set his hackles up, suddenly nervous that Helio was mad for a whole satchel-full of reasons just beyond the edge of his knowing.

Couldn't have that.

"Did Eion actually talk to you -- about alluvthis? Er, any of this?" he wondered if Eion had told Helio about him, specifically? If Helio had seen the rings and been informed as to the reasoning - the specifics of what sorta shindig was about to transpire all over the castle. Albite knew damn well what he wanted help with as far as invitations n flyers went, simple s**t that was probably a lot closer to being grunt work; which Helio was likely beyond being dragged down to do.

He was better then that. Deserved more. Except the nature of the benign task wasn’t the point. Getting it done. Doing it together…

It mattered, somehow, that they do it together.

Kolina

Delicious prickly pear~

 

[Kolina]

He snorted. "What I am happy about doesn't particularly matter at this point." He remarked cooly, eyes leveling with Albite's as he crossed his bandaged hands and arms against his chest. What the hell had Albite wanted in the first place anyway? A buddy to chat to while the Eternal worked diligently on invitations for his wedding with the General? Helio could think of a multitude of other things he could be doing that would be far more productive. Not to mention would require less prying from someone who outranked him.

"Talk to me?" Helio gave Albite an owlish look. "Hardly." Unless talking included nearly burning his subordinate, Helio and Faustite had not broached the subject. To be quite honest, Helio had been doing his damn hardest to avoid the General and any talk about the upcoming event. "To be frank, I am not sure it's something I want to talk about. Like I said, it doesn't much matter how I feel about it as long as the two of you are happy." He shrugged, bitterness oozing from the gesture.

"And if I am going to be honest, Faustite made it very clear to me that speaking my own mind, isn't very welcomed, even when invited." He waved his hand, spotted with bandages and salve. The whole damn situation had caused him to loose work too as he damn well couldn't show up to shoots with burns. Thankfully it would only be a few weeks of healing and little to no scarring. At least nothing that a little make-up couldn't hide if needed.

"So excuse me for not wanting to chat about it or be invloved."

shiningamisgirl

If this is too much of a shut-down post, lmk. I can edit it.

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

This was definitely important.

Albite suddenly felt very much less guilty for his impulsive snatch n grab of Helios personhood. Noted all the hallmarks of little hurts he'd missed in his initial scan, the way it was tricky to tell injury from 'Senshi attire'; though not from this close up, and what his eyes hadn't told him, the smell did. Familiar scent of healing goop and flash of wet wrapped over palms.

He could wince for that, share some sympathy for a pain he knew all to well -- except his was chosen. He reached for all that hot, unerringly, every single time. Picked fights with fires and paid his dues with flesh; so much of it grafted, slimed, given room to breathe until healed. Then occasionally painted over with fresh new ink. The ones that didn't end as cauterized scars or cute little sworls of clawed prints embedded along the backs of thighs, n set along his flank.

That Helio assumed he didn't care? Now, worse, that his happiness didn't matter? That bullshit needed to be squashed, quickly.

"Oh wow, n here I thought we'd met properly? Leme try again!" the fancy letters n envelope stuffing were long forgotten, they became a scatter as he straightened himself properly, fingers splayed over the heart of his barely there bodice; cleared his throat and aimed for cordial layered over a 'customer's always right' grin, "I'm Waruhiu Araullo Ushindi. I.E Eternal ******** Albite, Senshi Of Course I care whether your happy or not! Seriously, Heliodor? You think I dragged you out here to piss on your pain n have myself a laugh..." and the mock grin fell like a curtain call on a wonderful performance, left standing on the stage of Albites face pained incredulity.

None of the words a denouncement of his own deserved happiness, he would've been happy no matter what; if the sky fell, if his world burned, if his hard work all went up in smoke n cost him a thousand nights of sleep. He woulda felt all his damn feelings n then? Dredged up some bright, shiny, new pin-point of joy.

"Though it's kinda funny that you think you're uninvolved," funnier still that Helio dreamed Albite, of all the people on the Earth, wouldn't absolutely demand a conversation now that he knew something'd gone wrong. He'd learned that lesson too many times, everyone that took their feelings n bottled them up beneath belligerent quietude, n soft slow smiles, until something broke in the worst possible way. He didn't need acrid acceptance that bled into bitter defection, he needed noise, proof of life, "Funny, but not unsurprising, because it's been a minute for you n Ei, hasn't it?"

He could see it in his minds eye. A conversation going wrong, flames licking the ceiling, ash flaking the air; except he would've thrown gasoline on the whole thing. Burned out what he knew he couldn't smother.

"N you're so outta the loop that getting back in's gonna take calling his bullshit, burning, and not bitching-out the second you get burnt," and he was tempted to reach for those hands in order to asses the damage there, ********, he found himself doing so. Couldn't help wanting to know the degree of which Faustite needed talking too, the degree of which either of them needed consoling, "because your thoughts aren't unwelcome Aelius -- I need you present, in the know, and not as some pissy reanimated corpse who, just, takes it. You don't get to do that here."

Albite forgot, sometimes, the way it was for others playing with fire. That no matter how careful they were with it, no matter how contained n tamed it may have seemed to him? That it was still ******** fire. Agni was prone to outbursts, cause Senshi we're straight up snacks, n Faustite always had a temperature of a temper.

Kolina

Never! It's perfection, a post so nice you made it twice!! Let Helio go hard as he desires, Albites all for it heart

 

[Kolina]

Albite’s placating attempts and display of camaraderie and friendship did nothing more than ranckle the super who honestly was tired or words. Tired of the whole ******** situation he had thrusted himself into in the hopes that things might be better. Could be better. Instead he found himself knee deep in s**t that he was quite certain he could do nothing but bite his tongue about. The dead faced expression he threw at Albite said exactly that.

“I am as involved as he lets me be. Like it’s always been.” He scoffed. “One toe out of step and I learn why I should just keep to my damn self and say ******** it all. ******** him.” He turned his eyes away, not even wanting to look at Albite. To see what he had originally wanted to be standing there unknowingly mocking him. “I am convenient at times and when I am not well…” A bitter laugh. “I don’t know why I expected more, honestly. I thought maybe time would have made a difference. It seemed like it did. At first, anyway.”

Helio let Waru look at his hands. What did it matter? He could still feel the fire from Faustite’s attack. Could feel it raking up his still healing, aching back. The way those fingers had grasped, pulled and effectively held him there at the mercy of the flames until the smell of burning hair signaled his freedom. He and the General had gotten into many arguments but never, not ever had they ever escalated to the point of a straight out attack. Worst of it all, that whole conversation felt like it had been a trap. A set-up to see Helio fail.

And immediately Helio went from angry to pure rage at Albite’s taunt. “Bitching out?” He ground out between teeth. “I am sorry, but I am pretty damn sure you have no clue what you’re talking about. I came back. If I wanted ot b***h out I’d still be living in my small flat in London cruising along with a branch that honestly didn’t even need me there. I chose the harder road. I wanted to be here. To be with him.” His voice cracked as he stood. “And what the hell do I get for it?” Gingerly, he shifted his fuku to slide the material over his shoulders as carefully as possible while he extricated his arm from the sleeve. Finally freeing one hand from the fabric he turned and let it fall to put on display the half assed bandage wrapped around his chest. The greasy aftereffect of his ointment could be seen on the white gauze along with the tell-tale signs of a wound still attempting to heal.

“Don’t talk to me about bitching out. You have literally no ******** clue what you’re talking about and the s**t I’ve dealt with.”

shiningamisgirl

hahaha! I dunno how I even posted that last one twice.

Also, Helio doesn't deserve Albite. He's too good! <3

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

“None,” and he didn’t know, didn’t pry. Not into Faustites past. Not into Helios. He left it all be, tripped occasionally over the shattered shiny edges of those things left scattered all about like so much broken glass. Took Helios scathing look and acidic tone in stride. He knew the man's sharpness had merit, and his doneness? Oh, Albite could see all the why. Heliodore— Aelius, he deserved some retribution. Some sign that it wasn’t all ash n sunder at the end of the day. Most importantly? He needed to hear it from Faustite. That on the other side of the flames was — so so much. That Aelius sacrifice meant something and the initial change he’d felt upon returning wasn’t some fanciful facade…

Faustite couldn’t fake sincerity any more than he could his smiles. Waru loved him for it.

“But I do know that you should get these redone,” and in his tone lay an open ended offer, hands sure and steady while releasing pale wrist and bound hands to boldly touch the edges of the newly revealed wound; to tease the bind and smear the bits of sheen that spoke of fresh salve slathered all over in order to help the healing. More at awe than shock for the sight of it, he wondered if the center would lose feeling while the edges became heightened to touch? How badly it’d scar, if at all. They’d definitely had A Fight, over s**t he wasn’t privy to. Something old, something new? It sounded like — sick sloshing under the skin that needed to be lanced, stinted, cleaned. Something rusty that’d dug so deep it could only be pulled out the one way. There’d be no gentleness in it for either of them — there was too much left unsaid to try for that just yet.

Albites eyes left Aelius own after he looked away, slid to linger on the dressings that would need to be changed again at some point. It’d be painful to do it alone…

Albite let him loose to stand over him and wiped his hands unceremoniously over the green cloth of his barely there bodice, the picture of patience wrapped around a hopeful grin. He could fix this thing! He knew it! Even if he hadn’t quite worked out how.

“I also know that this s**t needs to get hashed out. Properly. Corny as it sounds, Elex is worth the Risk, right? But so are you. You’ve gotta know that too, though, don’t you? Else you wouldn't’ve bothered with any of this, not before, not now.” but Albite knew Helio'd left for a reason. Maybe even many. Got a taste of better, but tastes were never satisfying enough to sooth starving. Albite wanted him to have it all -- to see that Eion he was learning to atone for s**t — to mend it — but not without the need to lash out intermittently as youmas did.

N even if Aelius was done with it all? He couldn't stand having him go thinking he was some 'convenient' ********' trifle.

Neither of them deserved to hurt for hurtings sake, and he knew he handled all that potential for hurting differently with Ei. They fought, bled, ********, and twisted right back around into talking it out in the aftermath. Even if it was more body language, long stares and heady sighs than actual conversation. N of course him pressing mouthy nonsense till his beloved boy caved and gave an answer just so he could save himself from the never ending din of speech that Waru always had ready at hand; his silly mouth an unsheathable weapon forged of love.

"We should call him down."

And even as the idea hit him, fell into the air, he was slipping onto his feet; ready to pull supplies from subspace and drawers. Ready to snatch up his fiance' and put in some work.

Kolina

Helio is glorious, all that justified rage ~ perfection.

 

[Kolina]

Helio deflated a bit at Albites response. Anger still simmered underneath the surface, but a boil over had been avoided. For now, anyway.

It was tiring. All of it. How many times now had he wished the need to return hadn’t tickled in the back of his mind. How he wished an opportunity hadn’t presented itself? His initial return had given him hope and purpose again. No longer was he just skating through life, but actually wanting to participate in something more. What he hadn’t banked on were emotions he had thought long dead and gone. He should have realized. Should have noticed that his interest in returning had been the wish for something even more. How naive. Idiotic. Why couldn’t he just let the past be in the past? ******** he hated himself for all of it and now look where he was?

He sighed, but waved a hand at Albites offer. The man was incredibly kind hearted and forgiving. A pant of guilt hit. Helio looked away from Albite, even as he felt warm hands touch the edges of his new acquisition. “It’ll be better than struggling to change them myself.” He admitted quietly as he sat back down in chair. He slipped out of his other sleeve letting the material hang from the ties at his waist. His half a** attempt at changing them earlier was obvious, but it was damn difficult and painful to wrap a bandage on yourself when injured. He had been content enough to have gotten the salve on most of the wound. He banked on the bandages shifting just enough to spread the goopy substance where it was needed.

Being jealous of this man was both hard and easy. Albite was everything Helio wished he was and everything that Faustite needed. Gentle, forgiving but inherently attuned to those around him. The man seemed like the sort to offer himself up on a silver plate if it meant those around him would be happier or safer for it. Albite may be chaotic at times, but it was oddly endearing if a bit overwhelming.

God, the last thing Helio needed was to start finding himself attracted to another man’s fiancé. A bandaged hand ran down his tired face.

Albite contiNued on with his thoughts. Words rolled from the corrupts mouth with ease and Helio found himself half listening until..

Muscles went taught as brows furrowed. All of his attention turned to Albite, golden eyes sharp. The rest of what was said was lost as Helio tuned his entire focus to one word. One name. A name that had haunted him for months after his corruption. A name he’d been, in all intent and purposes, told to forget about. He struggled for so long. Looked and searched for the boy attached to that name and came up empty handed and now, NOW he was hearing it again in reference to the exact person that landed Helio in this entire mess.

His jaw worked, teeth ground together as his breath intensified. He rose from his seat again with the need to do something, anything beyond sitting still in one place. “How do you know that name? What do you know about Elex?!”

Hysterics were barely contained. He needed to know. Now. This very ******** minute how and why Albite know that name and confirm who the hell hewas referencing. Cause if it’s who Helio thought it was…

Fists clenched. “Where?!?” He yelled, his control and voice breaking

shiningamisgirl

here ya goooooooo

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

The knowledge of having ******** up was written across Albites face, wide eyed pause for being caught out on something he maybe shouldn't have said. He'd never treated his love like a secret though, danced with ghosts and made his bed, happily, next to their flame ensconced forms -- All the ways Eion was, to him, more phoenix than man.

More Elex than Faustite; even if Faustite was his favorite and he knew Elex not at ******** all. Enough so that he'd immortalized it. Needed it engraved in stone. Because no one else would know, right? How could they.

Those moments spent after survival, the aftermath of a hill. That whispered wish of wanting, sweetest ******** ask and he couldn'tve ignored it even if he was the coldest b*****d on the face existence. There'd been no game in saying it, in twisting it into mantra, tattooing it across the back of his mind for the most appropriate of 'whens' in which he could break it out to say...

Now there was Helio, feral looking flash of teeth and rage, pretty. Waru thought he should've had a ring for how he seemed soo---

He'd ask Faustite about that later. Right now?

"Told you, Aelius. We should call him down," though the decision was now well out of Heliodores hands so far as Albite was concerned. The way he reached - not for supplies, oh no, those would wait for *later* - but for that familiar tug and pull of energy that felt like sifting his fingers through freshly ground spice melded with shadows. The way the darkness curled round a flourish of fingertips and coalesced with a crackling snap.

It was an ask of attendance to his boy. So familiar. So full of hope that -- well -- maybe the office needed an exterior wall kicked out? A back wall caved in? Goodness knew they'd grown fiercely, and he wanted side-access to his teams, teams, teams doors ---- Not that he didn't like walking, but ********? If they were going to be a functioning coalition of both Generals and Captains and their hive-like kin. Then energy conservation had to be considered, no one was teleporting all the ******** over the place; was hard enough dealing with the tower the cats lived in. (Hence all the catly accommodations placed in multiple spaces!)

"M'thinking the wrapping can wait till after? No way you're not gonna ******** up by being all -- like this," and he wasn't trying to be dismissive, even as he leaned his a** back onto the glasstop and sighed like a prayer for rain. Nah, but he'd played this game before. Could see the stunning boiling point, the molten gold of Helios eyes spilling over and taking his head, could imagine that the end result of all this would be even messier-- "No way you're leaving without getting it done either."

And that? That was an order. Firm tone as he lost the surprise and doe eyed patience; a reminder that he knew where Helio lived. That Helio was *theirs now*, no takebacks, no uno-reverse s**t.

If he had to pull rank and tie him down to get it done; caus holding still for any kind of medical was torture, but?! Sepsis and fever and chills and -- so many things that could go wrong with burns. Helio wasn't getting out of having a team. No more than his Fiance was getting out of -- explaining this....

Kolina

Strickenized

 

[Kolina]

Helio matched Albites look of warning with one of his own. Right now his only concern was answers. Answers that he would have begged to have years prior when his entire world had been flipped upside down. He had been so lost back then. Grieving for everything and everyone he’d been forced to leave behind. Throughout those first few months he had hoped to find any clue that Elex was safe. That what had happened to Himself didn’t befall his then boyfriend or worse. Just one little morsel of information. That’s all he had wanted and instead he got nothing. Forced to try and forget. What sort of difference could that have made in those painful first months?

And now he could get an answer. Emotions leapt from excitement, hesitation, anger…dread. With no where else to affix his chaotic energy, Helio focused his attention for one thing to the next. Books stored on shelves, the strewn invitations on the glass table, the chair forgotten by Albite, the corrupt himself as he calmly moved about the room. Helio practically bounced in the location he’d affixed himself to by the chair.

Like a beacon in the pitch of night, Faustite’s arrival was noted immediately. Muscles tightened, fingers white as he gripped the chair back as his focus honed in on the Generals presence. Hair disheveled, expression curious, maybe even a bit guarded? Helio couldn’t help note the flick of attention to the bandages but nothing said. Not unexpected. An apology wasn’t at the forefront of this meeting.

“Sorry to interrupt.” His tone and expression said very much otherwise. “Where’s Elex? And don’t dare ask me who that is or what I am talking about. Don’t.” His face shut down, jaw tight as he stared Faustite down. Be damned rank. Be damned conscequences.

shiningamisgirl

strickenized

 

[Shiningamisgirl]

Such harshness, Albite couldn't help but watch as Helio slowly came undone, found it utterly fascinating -- The play of emotions that flitted over his features before falling into blank severity. The way his body told a story his face didn't. Albite knew that kind of energy, wore it like a second skin in the moments between being held down by one lover or another; all the ways that only the people he cared for the most could earn his pause. His stillness.

"He's got no reason to lie to you Aelius, huh Ei," the customary 'I ******** up' went unsaid, it lived between the lines that creased the center of Albites brow, and the way his gaze was softly apologetic for waking Faustite from what was probably a very nice sleep, "n I know it's early, but our best boy here's having a bit of a time. Tryna sort it all out -- was thinking you'd shown him the rings before? Specially since it's not like I don't want him in our house..not like you don't either, right? I mean, considering all the history you two must have."

And the elephant in the room was more cold blooded serpent than pachyderm. Shaped like death, viperous, with extended fangs ready to strike -- one --- all. Albite couldn't tell who would give it sway first between the two of them. Who would blink. For all that he wanted to reach out and touch; because Eion was so beautiful when he first woke up -- but no -- he kept himself middle ground like a mooring rock, waiting for the opposing seas to crash together and heave up the oceans remains, because he didn't know the history here. Not really. What little snippets of sentences and mildly affectionate innuendo existed wasn't enough in this moment. All of Eions fears whispered in the dark -- lovers who'd died and gone, only not. All of Aelius glances that lingered just long enough on his back to feel like the trace end of a butchers knife.

He didn't want jealousy and moldy moroseness to wedge into the weak joints of an unbuilt house and grow roots.

No. Had to tear that s**t out. With a chisel, with fire.

"As Aelius and Elex."

Kolina

Strickenized

 

[Kolina]

“Stop chasing ghosts?” His voice was soft as he stared Faustite down. “You’re standing in front of me telling me you are…were Elex and you’re telling me to stop chasing ghosts?!” Helio didn’t know which emotion to latch onto. There was too much. Anger was the easiest outlet here. The most readily available.

“Saying that it was to protect me feels like a slap in the face. I am sorry you lost family because of all of this, but I have too.” He moved forward towards the pair, total attention focused on the half-youma who leaned against Albite like a grounding crutch. Must be ******** nice to have that kind of support while. “I lost ******** everything and for you stand there and tell me that you hid your old identity to save me. I ******** looked everywhere for you. I eventually mourned you!”

He spun away, hand moving to his forehead and slowly sinking in to purple locks. Heaving breaths signalled a distress Helio wasn’t even fully aware of as emotions and memories of times gone surfaced.

“Meanwhile you had me. Knew I was looking for you, but never said a a damn word. Nothing. Not even when I nearly killed myself.” His words were soft as fists clenched at the base of his pony tail. The healing wounds stretched under the tension and movement but the physical pain didn’t register.

It happened fast. Those clenched fists left the corrupts hair. Spinning on wooden sandals, Helio turned and swung at Faustite.[/size

strickenized

shiningamisgirl