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 Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 6:27 pm
Truthfully, Kayden’s mind was still ringing with the words that Asher had spoken. Words that…he loved her.
Loved her? Wasn’t that a little fast? Though…
Perhaps it made some sense…perhaps it..perhaps…it was a better thought than the fact that they were crazy. Giving up anything for the…vague threat of…well. Of Kayden removing his starseed…but. Still. She wouldn’t have done it. Maybe.
Though, as she looked at the hand in hers, walking Asher back to her apartment, Kayden couldn’t stop the question from just pouring out.
“...How can you love me so soon? What do you love about me? You don’t…you don’t know me…”
They would. They would know her but…now? Now…they were simply strangers. Who had kissed. And crossed an uncrossable line between enemy and ally. Or…not even ally. Enemies to lovers? Is that what the younger generation would call this? She had seen such a thing online once or twice when attempting to find something to make her feel better but.
It wasn’t supposed to be a thing that existed.
“...My apartment is messy, that is just a warning that I’m giving. Sorry.”
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 6:44 pm
It was maybe not surprising that she had questions. Asher knew that they would probably not believe themself, in her position--someone who barely knew them claiming to love them? They were a little surprised with themself for the words that had tumbled out, but they didn't necessarily feel they weren't true.
"I love that you're clearly stubborn, and I love your fight, and I love that you have been knocked down again and again, and have kept getting up." They exhaled. "I think that given time, I will find much, much more to love about you. But the feelings, I think, are already there."
It was foolish. Rushing into things. Opening them self up in a way they were usually loathe to. They had meant, at first, to dance around things, but that plan had long since failed.
"Anyway, I'm a doctoral candidate. My apartment is constantly a disaster. I don't have time to clean." They laughed, a joke. "And, I think, someone's mess can tell you a lot about them."
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 7:26 pm
She was quiet, mulling over his words, and finally she sighed. “...I’ve wanted to give up. A lot lately. Getting up has been far more trouble than it’s worth most of the time, and there have been days where I simply hoped I would drink too much and as I blacked out…I hoped I wouldn’t wake. I…”
Kayden fell quiet for a moment, and finally shrugged. “I’m not…exactly stable, and I hope I don't frighten you away. If I do…well. I’ll just…I don’t know. Find you again and drag you back with me…creepy threat intended.”
She squeezed his hand and attempted a smile. “...Do you think that the food will still be good when we get to my place? Now that…this is truly happening…I’m starving.” There. That was a much safer subject. Much easier subject. Much more…gentle subject.
Pausing, Kayden looked at them again. “...A doctoral candidate for what? How badly will this set you back…?”
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 8:21 pm
Asher inhale,d tensely. They had an idea that Kayden wasn't exactly stable--knew that they were getting themselves in deep. But it was one thing to know, abstractly, and another to know, concretely.
"But you have kept getting up," Asher pointed out. They took a breath. "Kayden, if we're going to do this--I think it's going to be very important that we look to get you help. And I don't mean that in a condescending way. I've....had ot do a lot of work on myself, over the years. But drinking like you do...it's going to kill you someday, and I can't sit back and let that happen."
It was a lot to dump on her, but Asher needed to be honest. They couldn't just enable her in wallowing in her suffering.
The change of subject had them blinking, but they nodded.
"I think it should be fine. It's all pasta--so even if it's cold, I think it should warm up well." And the question about their schooling made them sigh. "It's a folklore PhD; this will....set me back several years, depending on a myriad of factors. But I have quite a lot of work already done, and if I bring it with me, I can start up much quicker. Do you know much about the Negaverse's process of establishing new identities for those that come over? I know I won't be Asher anymore, but not much about what happens after."
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 8:33 pm
Kayden paused and nodded. “...I know I have to keep getting up…my cousin is going to help me look into therapy so…I…I do want to be better…I…”
She swallowed, then remembered that she had worked hard to change the subject and nodded. “I’ll help you however I can but…I’m not sure. You can bring whatever you want with you…I don’t know what the Negaverse can do…I’m truly not the greatest at what I do but…I know that my Captain, Larimar would know. Larimar’s very smart well. More knowledgeable than I am, at least.
Not that such a thing was difficult but. She knew where her loyalties lay now and.
Her eyes slid to the fingers laced through hers and Kayden couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. “...We’ll figure it out. And I’ll do whatever I can to make sure that…you’re still wonderful, even if you aren’t Asher. I’m sure I’ll still fall for you quite quickly.”
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Posted: Tue May 03, 2022 9:13 pm
"I'm glad," Asher said. It was good that they wouldn't be the only one they had to lean on, and thy had to admit, they looked forward to meeting this cousin of hers. A thing to pursue when they had their new life fully in order, not while the old was coming apart.
They nodded at her explanation. Good, there was someone on the other side that was guiding her--a new Captain, it seemed. Someone to make sure she wasn't totally alone. They hoped that Larimar would be better for her than the ones she'd had before. The ones that had let her wander around drunk, risking getting killed.
"I'll have to go by my apartment, then. Get all my research notes together. And, ah, handle transferring my money." They looked a little rueful. "My parents...died, years ago. And left me a sizable inheritance." Bitterness crossed their face. "The only decent thing they did for me."
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2022 8:09 am
Kayden paused and took a moment to squeeze their hand. “...we’ll go together, if you want me to come with you. We’re a team now, you and I…a pair of…well. It’s almost sounding like we’re a pair of wayward souls who have found one another…”
…and hopefully this finding. This joining would cause healing and not…some large explosion but. Only time would be able to tell with that.
“I’m sorry that they weren’t the kind of parents that you would have wanted. Mine cut me off when I was seventeen. I thought I could trust them enough and I came out to them and. Well.”
…She wasn’t doing so badly. Hadn’t been doing badly. Luckily she had already been going to a University on a full scholarship so…her housing was covered. What extra money she had was put towards living expenses but.
“I’m sorry that yours weren’t decent, Asher.”
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2022 2:32 pm
"I'd like that," Asher said. It would be nice to have a second set of hands, if nothing else. There was much to do in packing...they could already imagine it would be quite the ordeal.
A soft sigh. A smile.
"And I'm glad we did find each other," they said. It felt like a lucky twist of fate, like something they had stumbled into together, but it was something unique and wonderful.
They sighed. "I'm sorry yours weren't decent, either, Kay. It isn't fair, but we make our own circumstances." They smiled wryly. "Mine weren't exactly happy with me, either; they wanted a butch son, and that simply isn't what they got." They shrugged. "On...any count, really. But we've made our own lives, haven't we? Away from them."
They leaned over. Kissed her cheek.
"Let's go inside and have dinner. We can sort out everything else in the morning."
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2022 3:00 pm
Kayden swallowed, though nodded, feeling almost better. This was a new start. Asher was here. Asher was staying...they could sort it all out in the morning. They would have forever to sort everything out now…and that? That was a wonderful feeling.
She nodded, squeezing their hand. “Yeah. We’ll sort it out later. Come on.”
And with that, she unlocked the door to her apartment and let him up, pleased and a little overwhelmed with how this had turned out. But…there were also the beginnings of happiness again.
…And she liked that.
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