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There were moments where Nembus was tempted to just simply stop powering up at all, to live her life as Delilah, to book a plane ticket and travel in some random remote spot in the world where maybe the Negaverse would not think to trace her down.

But then the logistics of that reminded her it would not be possible - that there were people who cared about her - there were people who cared about her as an asset to the Negaverse - the Negaverse was inescapable, worldwide, possessed things even such as hospitals and schools and -

The thought was buried as she sat on top of a roof, her legs dangling off the side, flicking through the notes she had taken on one Albite, her supposed underling of the moment.

Well.

If there was one thing for sure, she and Faustite had been correct in their assessment that he was a terrible fit for Information -

The sensation of an Order aura caused her back to straighten, and it straightened yet further when she realized it was an equivalent level. She felt her heart jump into her throat as a combination of thoughts hit her; was it someone here to kill her? Was it someone here to destroy her? Was it someone here to perhaps say hello? Was it Sedna? Phaethon? Kurma? No, it couldn't be Kurma, his aura hadn't felt like any others she had confronted before --

She quickly closed her tablet, tucked it into subspace, and braced herself for someone sweeping up to her in the most unwelcome way possible.

She had learned her lesson about approaching randomly.

The aura grew closer just as she expected, and her back stiffened further as she waited for the inevitable blast of magic that was going to hit her. Or perhaps she would get lucky? Perhaps it was one of her friends, and no one was here to end her pitiful-

Well.

it was tense, but there was a greeting, not a blast of fire or ... something.

Definitely a senshi in white, but none she knew. Meant she couldn't really relax.

"Ah, hello," greeted Nembus in turn, voice shallower than it should have been.

... Great job of projecting any confidence. The senshi wasn't attacking her, but Nembus couldn't tell if that would last. Maybe she could convince her to leave her alone and let her go back to scrolling on her tablet. Maybe if the senshi left her alone, she would just dehenshin and run away. Actually, that might be the better idea-

"I'm not draining anyone. Or," she swallowed, "seeding anyone. Promise."

The white-clad senshi in front of her seemed to believe her, but she also didn't relax. That was not exactly promising for Nembus' wishes to become one with the air and simply disappear.

Unfortunate.

Her shoulders slumped at the alright, but she didn't relax either. What she did look was resigned. She did her best to bury it once more, swallow it down, sit with her back a little straighter so she didn't look like such a mockery of a strong super senshi of the Negaverse. Hard to say if it worked.

She did let out an airy chuckle at the senshi's words.

"White Moon," she offered, glancing toward the unknown one speaking with her, "the Negaverse does plenty more than gather resources. We're everywhere. Just biding our time."

It certainly wasn't an answer. She felt the boost of confidence she usually got from praising the work of the Negaverse, but there was a strong ring of dissonance she could never quite ignore. Praise be Metallia. Remember what Sedna said. Remember what Kurma promised.

"That's what I'm doing. Biding my time."

She had powered up to patrol. Felt wrong. Ended up sitting on the roof, hoping that maybe she'd come across someone who knew her aura.

Cybele. Sounded familiar.

Nembus had been looking over the new entries to the Database when she had felt the press of Cybele's aura nearby, had been wincing a bit at what Albite had figured proper to submit - might have to make sure Faustite knew that was not her suggestion; they had both mutually agreed Albite was a poor fit for Information - and had come across another entry. Super Sailor Cybele. Also: traitor.

Ah.

Like her, taken away from their original side, probably losing all their memories in the process. Someone like Sedna. Someone like Amazone. Someone like her. Someone like Sedna, fully, in that she had made it back out of the Negaverse, that she had lost a level just like Sedna had. Probably the destiny awaiting her if she ever decided that the jump into the unknown was better than remaining where she had the occasional delusion of agency.

Interesting that they would cross paths. A relief, too; perhaps she would sympathize and be less likely to attempt to take her out.

"Negaverse isn't fond of idleness, no," she confessed, her body slumping once more. "Used to be Infil. So much of our duties are civilian-based that doing more nothing powered could occasionally be excusable. But Info now." Probably should have been Information the whole time. It was what had gotten her promoted by Marcasite in the first place; she had gathered so much information for her.

Nembus paused, evaluated, and then continued, "But yes, you're in the database. The general who I presume corrupted you updated your entry." Kill her now. "I probably am, too. Name's Nembus." A heavy sigh. "Also conscripted."

What Cybele named sounded about right. Nembus let out a bitter chuckle, in part because she didn't even have the convenience of quite knowing she was taken away from a training event, in part because she could feel the same pain and suffering of being ripped away from something she had known.

"Yeah. Says kill her now in your entry." Nembus offered a wry smile. "Wouldn't be surprised if you have a target on your back. Ah," she glanced to the side, "sorry about that. Negaverse tends to take no prisoners with repurifications, I've noticed."

But yet, she was making no move to recapture or kill Cybele.

Perhaps it was a good thing she didn't feel any general auras in the vicinity.

What did the Negaverse do to you?

It was a surprising question, and something that made the ball of fear in Nembus ease just a bit further. To ask something like that, Cybele must have been safe, assuredly. Was like Sedna. Wouldn't take it out on her for questioning her own existence.

It felt nice to talk to someone who might understand. It had been so long. Perhaps it made her lips looser than they should have been.

"Marcasite never gave me the fullest details," she admitted, finally turning her gaze back toward Cybele. "But enough. Used to be the leader of a White Moon group that was," she fidgeted, "harsher toward those of Chaos. Think I tried to kill her. Think she corrupted me as a lesson to them." Or perhaps as the ultimate revenge; making her serve Chaos instead of simply killing her. It was something that was still hard to reconcile with her views of Marcasite--Jade, her friend, her confidant, the one who had provided her housing, a job--

But none of it had ever been by choice, had it?

And yet it all felt fine.

"Lost all my memories except my name and my birthday. And now I'm here."

Three years later? Four years later? It was hard to process time when it felt like so much of it was missing and when she felt like she was still so horribly young and yet so terribly old.

What Cybele said seemed to become a common theme. Sedna had hinted much the same, what with the way she walked around with an ax and warned that she'd have to do what she'd have to do if they had ever found themselves opposing.

Perhaps that was where she had gone. If that was the case, at least she had gone on her own terms.

... Still a hard pill to swallow.

But she swallowed it, regardless, just like so much else, as she listened to the way Cybele's tone seemed to shift. Seemed more like a conversational angle than the defensive one she had chosen before. Okay. So she did understand. She was like Sedna. The tension eased out of her bones with the concept of someone else who understood the gaping maw of a past, with someone else who understood the confusing murk of a future, with someone who found themselves in the center of an impossible decision with so little context other than what they had been able to gather from --

"Yeah. April 13th," she replied, glancing down at her feet for a moment. "Nineteen ninety-eight. Hard to believe when it feels like I was born," she sighed, "three years ago?"

Had it really only been three years?

How the hell was she supposed to know?

Nembus watched Cybele walk closer, making no moves herself in case the senshi in front of her might change her mind and interpret her as a threat.

The question stunned her enough that she glanced up to Cybele and blinked. Felt like a question Faustite might have asked her, but different. Faustite wanted to know how she was treating the human part of herself, if she felt like a person. Cybele wanted to know if she was happy. Her hands clenched. "Happy?" What was happy? Sometimes she thought she felt the fleeting bits of it. When she was laughing at a ritzy restaurant with Waru. When she had met someone who finally understood. When she had gone to that buffet on her twenty-first birthday with Omorose. When she and Jade had escaped the convention and gone to a hole in the wall restaurant together --

Always dependent on others.

She served the Negaverse because her mind told her she had to. It was all she knew. She sometimes found joy in it, she supposed; the fascination when she had seen the small snowflakes in front of her, the patrols with Stillwaterite, the pride of being told she had done something right-

"No." Nembus finally responded, her voice tight. "Sometimes. Not for the Negaverse." Conscripted was definitely the right word. Few were happy being conscripted. "I feel lost. Pieced together an identity based on books and words and what other people tell me to do and things I've stolen or bought-- But I don't know anything else. This is it. And sometimes it feels okay."

It had been so long since she had talked to another with missing memories who seemed to understand that she felt like a waterfall being held back by a miserable dam.

"Or Chaos tells me it's okay. Another one like us told me --" the phrase had burned into her mind, "I'm telling you about Chaos' influence on your thoughts and actions because it gets worse and more controlling as you advance in rank."

It felt like another warning, in a way, when Cybele said it. Sedna had warned her that the influence of Chaos only grew stronger, only grew worse, would only enthrall her more as she sank deeper into it. Cybele implied that the influence was intense as an Eternal. When she thought of every little piece of her memories that she could, she could feel the signs of it. Feel how much less she cared about draining energy now. Felt her disinclination toward dealing with starseeds fading. Felt herself swearing to Metallia moreso than anything else she had ever heard to swear to.

"Can understand the numbness," she offered, even though her feelings on it took another angle. Perhaps there was some numbness now on her inability to recover full personhood. However, most of her feelings were mixed up in wanting to feel, wanting to be, wanting to understand humanity, wanting to either be a person or stop being a person, stretching out toward whatever she could recover into a life when all there was before age twenty was a gaping hole she wasn't sure what to do with.

She could understand being kept as a glorified slave, too.

It hadn't felt like that with Jade, not at first. It felt like Jade had forced her and then realized that who Delilah was might have been someone Jade wished to be friends with. For a time, Delilah might have even believed that they were best friends.

But as Sedna said, the one who was closest to them was likely the one they needed to watch out for--

Leaving.

She blinked, her eyes widening. To say she hadn't thought of it, ever, would be a farce. Sedna had suggested it was her choice, but she would be there for her when she did. Kurma had suggested that all she needed to do was accept her planet, come back home to her planet, her planet that was waiting for her on the other side, something that was hers and missed her. She could tell that whenever she met up with Phaethon, his, their, her heart broke just a little bit every time Nembus fled instead of giving it all up.

The concept of it getting the generals off her back made her emit a delayed chuckle, the mention of Infiltration bringing a brief smile to her face.

"Suppose it was inevitable they were going to realize I was useless and move me."

Not an answer.

That took a few more moments.

"Yeah, thought about it. Leaving. Know someone else who did," even if she was now unable to find her, "the one I mentioned before, who told me that Chaos' influence worsens. It's hard, though. This is all I know. I don't want to obey orders until the day I die or some general or youma decides to consume my starseed, but then I do and it feels fine. I know people. They aren't all bad. Some just seem deluded." Albite, that himbo, needed a rescue. She was fairly sure Faustite needed a therapist just as badly as she did. So it went. "Sometimes seems easier just to keep going through the motions."

Going through whatever motions were decided or predestined for her.

Time for herself. Didn't know if that was a fair title for her distance or simply being useless to the cause of Metallia. She did get the communications degree she had been registered for in the interim. Didn't know what she was supposed to do with it. Had no real desire to do with it.

Wasn't sure how much she desired for anything other than solidity and normality she couldn't possibly know the definition of.

"Do I?" asked Nembus, uncertain. "Because it's hard to see what value I could even have as a husk." Other than another starseed, perhaps. Perhaps that was all of their destinies. Perhaps they would give themselves to Metallia's mission to cleanse the Earth of its invaders until Metallia determined they were no longer worthy and either consumed their starseeds herself or had one of her newest followers do so. It was a grim thought. It was her reality. She buried it.

She wasn't sure what use she would have to Order, either, lost and clueless as she was.

Nembus wasn't surprised by the encouragement; was familiar with it, even. It hadn't been the first time she had at least been encouraged to consider it. Sedna had always said it would be her choice, ultimately, but told her of the advantages. Cybele was outright suggesting to leave. Kurma had, too. Just accept her star again. It was that easy.

Her thoughts were spinning like a top until she said I'd have yours, and Nembus looked up with a mixture of uncertainty, genuine surprise, and the faintest edge of nausea she wasn't sure she could name.

Order had resources, too. Made sense that it did, especially if so many were purifying as Cybele had said, but it still was hard to mentally compare what they had to what she knew the Negaverse had. The Negaverse was the path of least resistance. It was what she knew. It was all she knew. It fulfilled her basic needs to some base level, provided her with some occasional joys, and gave context to a life she was fully unfamiliar with.

Path of least resistance -- another phrase of Sedna's bubbled to her mind.

Please don't let it be because it's the path of least resistance

It hurt. It burned. She felt the pinch in her eyes like she had when she had spoken to Kurma. But the concept of others having her back -- of Cybele having her back -- was what stuck her.

"Would I really?" Nembus choked. "Because she said the same thing, and --"

And Nembus hadn't heard from her for longer than she could understand.

But you're not starting from scratch, Nembus. You have me.