|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2021 6:42 pm
Somehow, Cambria had managed to sleep almost a full thirty some hours, now...she knew she had been tired but...that felt more than a little ridiculous. She wasn’t an invalid, just…
Teleporting everyone up to her moon and helping to perform a purification had been...really tiring. Maybe if Lupu hadn't been there...it wouldn’t have been quite so bad but...he had been...and it was quite so bad.
Now that she was fully awake, and having eaten breakfast, even if it was only a bowl of some overly sweet cereal, Cambria felt a lot more like a human...which was great. Everyone should feel human. She pulled out her phone and glanced through the messages she had missed, pausing when she saw Malcolm’s message and frowned at her obviously sleep minded reply.
...Oh god. He must have thought she was drunk...or worse. She had made more typos than clear words and...yikes.
Rubbing her face in some embarrassment, she sent the boy a quick message.
Quote: Hey! I’m so sorry for that, I swear I wasn’t drunk, I think I was just sleep texting you orz Do you want to do lunch? I’m feeling a lot more alive today and I miss your face already. <3
She sent the message and set about getting dressed, just in case Malcolm sent a text back quickly, she didn’t want to miss a chance to see the male.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2021 6:53 pm
Malcolm had spent much of his time since they’d last seen each other in his room, and he had really sort of just planned on staying there--maybe forever--when she texted back. He’d done his best to translate her sleep-drunk text, and from what he’d been able to infer, she was doing well, just sleepy. He hadn’t been worried about that so much, because it was a response that didn’t look anything like ‘please help me’.
Once, he had considered texting his brother to ask if she was alright, but he’d refrained because he didn't want to be clingy or accidentally upset Zac. They had a very slight relationship now, which was mostly ‘Malcolm didn’t engage in him and gave him his space and Zac didn’t go out of his way to harass him anymore’. It had been ages since Malcolm had even been over at the house, but it was better than what they used to have.
He was still in his pajamas, curled up in bed and dehydrated and lethargic.
He saw the first few words in the text. He didn’t immediately open it.
He rolled onto his back a little bit and stared at the ceiling for a full moment, looked down at his phone to see if the text was still there, and then just placed it face down on his chest for a few more minutes.
There was nothing interesting about the ceiling, he just didn’t want to seem too desperate. He was done with that. He was going to be Malcolm, who was casually available for his friends, but not desperate to have them in his life.
Because, that Malcolm was very lame, and very forgettable, and very unnecessary.
Seven minutes after she texted, he opened the text and actually read it. He wasn’t expecting an invitation to lunch; it was already late enough in the morning that lunch could reasonably be at any time, so he texted back:
Quote: I hope you’re feeling better now.
He sent it. But then, that wasn’t an answer.
Did he want to do lunch? He wasn’t hungry. He didn’t have the energy to get up. He sort of wanted to stay in his room for the rest of the week.
He couldn’t say that, though, so he messaged her again.
Quote: Where do you want to meet?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 9:51 am
Cambria sent a string of hearts to Malcom’s messages and took a moment to think. Finally she grinned and began typing.
Quote: There’s a great bakery downtown that I’d love to try. They have sandwiches and really amazing sweets, I know how much you like sweet buns!
She held the phone close and smiled, texting the male a link to the website and a link to the address.
Quote: Meet you there in half an hour?
She finished getting herself ready and headed out, closing her eyes as she let her face turn towards the sun. It was a beautiful day, and she was terribly excited to see Malcolm for nothing more than lunch. Something casual.
...Something she should have been doing for years but hadn’t.
Cambria knew she had been a terrible friend in the past few years, but she was going to make it up to Malcolm. She had the chance to put things right, and she was going to do it...or die trying.
But without the dying, hopefully.
When she made it to the bakery, she took a step inside, smelling the air and sighing in contentment.
There was just something magical about the scent of baking bread.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 10:27 am
Malcolm had passed the bakery a number of times, and more than once he’d been persuaded to venture in by the smell alone. She’d picked a good place, and he did like sweet rolls. At the very least, he could get some extra to bring home with him, too.
He’d texted back with less of a delay:
Quote: I’ll be there, meet you inside
He arrived promptly, because he wasn’t going to seem too eager and he wasn’t going to display bad manners. He was two minutes early, because that was reasonable, and also he wasn’t going to just stand outside in the sun and wait until the exact time to go in.
He saw Cambria as soon as he went in and realized she must have gotten there just a minute before him; she was still by the door, so he didn’t even have to worry about being separated by a line.
“Hi,” he greeted, a little quiet in the bakery but it seemed like Malcolm’s default state was ‘try to stay out of the way’.
He flashed a quick smile. “You look better. I hope you got a lot of rest.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 11:14 am
When Cambria heard Malcom’s voice and turned to see him, her eyes lit up and a grin spread across her face. Quickly, she threw her arms around the male and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I did! I slept...I slept like the dead, Mal. How are you feeling? Are you doing okay? Are you sleeping okay?”
She began to fuss over him, like she used to before everything went to Hell. Quietly, Cambria brushed some hair behind the male’s ear and grinned. “We need to do this more often. I’ve been a foot, and I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve to be swept aside like that...I really have been the shittiest kind of friend.”
All she could do now was try to be better. She’d invite him to lunch, and invite him over more. Text more often.
“Are you hungry…? This is my treat, just so you know. Get whatever you want, and just know that I’ll be buying you like a half dozen sweet rolls to go home with, just because.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 12:28 pm
Malcolm never really seemed to know how to react with physical affection, despite how starved he was for it. His cheeks turned pink only seconds after her lips pressed to his cheek, and he instinctively looked out the front door as if he had to worry that his brother was going to see and come in to give him a hard time--no matter how innocent the gesture had been.
With no sign of Zac, he rubbed his arm and looked back at her, letting her fuss over him however she liked.
“Um,” his brain was scrambled by the brief alarm, and the constantly checklist of ‘stop being needy, don’t be clingy, just be cool about everything’. “I’m okay,” he said, the standard non-committal answer, because when people asked, they wanted to hear that you were fine, and he had not come out here just to overshare and scare her away for another few years.
“You don’t have to buy me anything,” he insisted, “I didn’t come out so you’d feed me. I was thinking about getting one of their little sandwiches. Whatever their seasonal one is. And a few sweet rolls to go,” he admitted. “I’m surprised you remember that, I forgot you knew.” Maybe the fact that he always wound up with a few extra from everywhere he went was a sign, but he wasn’t used to people paying that much attention to him. “Um. I didn’t say you were a bad friend, though. Or call you a foot. Just so you know.”
She’d said he’d been swept aside though, and that rattled around his head and his heart, because he hadn’t really put words to it. He’d blamed himself, not her. Not anyone in the Court, really. “You have a lot of friends,” he reminded patiently, because he’d had to remind himself of that often enough. “If you were a bad friend, I’m sure they wouldn’t stick around. And you made new friends, too. It’s not like it’s a bad thing that you met more people. I know you have a big heart. They're lucky to have you looking after them.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 1:32 pm
Cambria gave a soft, thoughtful hum at his answer and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Well. Maybe you’re fine, but you look tired.” She waved off the protest of her feeding him, and walked a little closer so that they could see the menu better. “A seasonal sandwich for my sensational…” Pausing, Cambria scratched her arm. “...sir? Is there a word for friend that starts with an ‘s’? That you might know of? And I’m feeding you, okay? I asked, so this is my treat.”
Tugging Malcom with her into line, she nodded and sighed softly. “Yeah...I do have a lot of friends, but I don’t want to have you think you’ve been forgotten...you know…honestly I haven’t been doing much outside of the house lately, everyone I’ve been spending time with lives with us...you obviously have to move in. Or move closer. Next door or something. It would do you good. We could be a family.”
And she would have more reasons to get out. More reasons to get out of this bubble she had put herself in...and maybe Malcolm would be better for it.
“Evan and his crew have bought the house next door, or they’re working on buying it...so there would be lots of room for you, Mal…”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 2:17 pm
“‘Sidekick’,” he suggested, but left the thought behind to say, “I’m going to guess you haven’t run that by Zac.”
He didn’t want to tell her why he looked tired, because one of his reminders for himself was ‘don’t be dramatic’ and ‘please don’t overshare just because someone’s talking to you’. He wasn’t in the best of moods, and it’s not like it was Cambria’s fault. He looked tired more than anything, and lacked his usual enthusiasm for their get-togethers.
“Just because he’s not trying to stab me doesn’t mean he likes me,” he said dryly, because maybe if everyone else had forgotten that Zac had spent a good few years hating him, he hadn’t. His brother was, nearly single handedly, the reason he’d dropped out of school--and even if he hadn’t been, the near-death experience of General Sanidine hunting him down and beating him within an inch of his life still gave him nightmares.
Not that anyone needed to know. He’d done his time in the hospital. And done his time at home, recovering. And he had eight different medicines he could take to help him sleep, to help his anxiety, to help the multitude of lasting issues that came from that.
No, if he lived close enough, he wondered if Zac wouldn’t find them and just make fun of him for it. Or swap them out for laxatives or something. But, Cambria loved him, so he didn’t remind her.
“Technically we are family, you'd be my sister-in-law when you guys get married. Did you guys get married already?" he asked, wondering how much he'd actually missed, but he shook his head and shrugged, "Or, maybe he doesn't consider us family anymore. I guess it doesn't matter. Are you inviting me to live in Evan’s old room, or move into his new house with him?” he asked, sliding his hands into his pockets as he kept his eyes trained on the menu.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 5:42 pm
Sidekick? Maybe but...that didn’t have the right ring to it either. Ah well. Cambria was quiet at that...at the thought that Zac didn’t like Malcolm...it...didn’t seem like the truth. From what she had seen, he had been trying. They had been busy, and again...the house was just...everything. And the food truck and…everything but…
“He loves you, Mal...I know that...things were bad with him before...and I know that he was a jackass...but he has mellowed a lot, I think…” She knew she was biased but…
“He’s been trying really hard to improve himself...and I think...you two might get along a bit better if you had the chance to. And Hell yes I’ll be your sister in law! Oh my god, that sounds amazing! Also...in terms of houses, what would make you the most comfortable? Hell, we could build a third house in the middle if you wanted...connect everything by secret tunnels. That could be fun!”
Impractical but...he wasn’t...acting like he used to, and Cambria was honestly starting to freak out a little, though she was determined to keep that fact inside her own mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 7:06 pm
Malcolm was filled with doubt when Cambria said the Zac loved him, and he shot her an uncertain look. He wore a little smile, but it seemed like it was the same nervous little smile he wore when he didn’t quite know what to do with his face. He knew that Cambria saw the best in him--she loved him. And he knew that Zac loved her. He doubted he’d have hurt her, so of course she would support him.
He wondered what he’d told her to make him think he was a jackass; Malcolm couldn’t really imagine him taking accountability for any of it, and Malcolm wasn’t really good at talking poorly about anyone anyway--much less someone he knew was important to her.
He smiled politely because he didn’t really feel like arguing or disagreeing with her; he didn’t know Zac anymore. He knew who he used to be, and they’d spent some time together after everything, but it had been less in recent years, and he didn’t know how much of it was real and how much he’d just imagined.
“I don’t really know Evan,” he said, a little quieter than before. “I mean, in passing. But. He sort of got involved in everything while I was…”
He shrugged. “...Recovering. I think he’s more of your friend than mine. I’m sorry.” He meant no offense, and seemed quick to reassure her, but his brows were knit together and he looked guilty and he had to draw in a breath to force his emotions to mellow out.
He didn’t come here to make a scene. It was lunch. It was just hanging out. Not being clingy, not being dramatic.
He forced a slightly more convincing smile.
“I can’t really afford my own place, anyway. My parents have been a little overprotective after everything. They still check up on me every hour or so to make sure I’m fine. But, um. I don’t think I could live on my own. And I’m sure Zac would be horrified with me staying here. But it was a nice offer, thank you. I’m okay where I am. It’s quiet, back home. I’m not very exciting. I think I’d just be a wet blanket.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 8:05 pm
Cambria nodded and chewed on her lip for a moment, but thankfully, they made it to the front of the line before she could say anything else, and before Malcolm could stop her, she ordered lunch for the both of them, and a half dozen sweets for him to take home, as well as two for them to share for their own dessert.
She was quiet until they reached a table that was empty, and finally, Cambria reached out and took Malcolm’s hand. “...If you decide you want to...we can figure something out. I would really love it if you could visit some...I miss you. I miss what we used to have...if you don’t want to see Zac...I understand and if you’re not comfortable with strangers, I’ll visit you more. Maybe we can plan a sleepover soon?”
Like they used to. Before…
Everything.
“I miss you. I miss what we had...And I know I’m to blame for it falling apart…”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 20, 2021 8:41 pm
Things had changed. Malcolm knew that, years ago. It had taken him so long to build himself up into something, and winding up in the hospital had unravled all the progress he’d made on himself. He didn’t blame anyone for moving on while he was dragging his feet; he didn’t want to slow them down. It was his own fault for thinking that he’d be able to just go back to the way things were.
But, he couldn’t. He was different.
He wanted to forget what had happened. He wanted to forget nearly dying. He wanted to forget the bad timing. He wanted to forget the hours and days he’d spent alone, as the stretches between visits grew longer.
It wasn’t just Cambria; she wasn’t responsible for everyone and everything, and he’d always cared about her. Even now, when he was trying so hard not to be pathetic, and when he couldn’t figure out what was going on. A cruel voice in the back of his mind told him she was doing this because she felt guilty. A crueler voice said she was doing it to make sure he showed up next time.
He knew she was a good person, he’d never doubted that, so when his mind started trying to sabotage him, his heart just sank too. He sat down at the table and his head hung a bit.
He’d done a poor job of pretending through any of this, and he didn’t even know what he was doing now.
“I don’t think it’s something that needs blame,” he said, still so quiet. “It just happened. Things happened. It used to be you and me,” but then he paused. “Well, no. You knew them before me.”
Some of them, at least. Evan and Zac. He didn’t know, maybe even the others in the Court--the ones he hadn’t heard from in so long that he was certain they wanted nothing to do with him. Or, maybe something had happened. He’d tried to keep in contact but the more they moved on without him, the less he’d been able to do.
He hadn’t made any effort to draw his hand away but he still just seemed a little lost.
“...I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was trying to say.”
He had years’ worth of mixed feelings and thoughts he’d kept buried and private and shoved down, and now he was a thousand unravelling threads, tangling together as everything unwove.
“I don’t want to avoid Zac. He’s my brother. I still love him. I only ever wanted him to not hate me. I know we can’t go back to how we were when we were younger. I’m not stupid enough to think we’ll ever be best friends again. I know he’s different. He doesn’t have time to baby me, he said as much years ago. And I'm an adult, it’s not his job. I’m always uncomfortable with strangers. I don’t know if I could live with people I hardly know, not when home is okay already. I’m not good with change, I--I got settled in my ways,” he shrugged.
“...There isn’t really a ton of reason to leave the house, I mean. It’s safe there. I don’t have to second guess everything I do or say. I don’t have to worry about letting people down, or looking stupid, or getting in the way. I’ve had a lot of time to think about all of those things, and I--honestly, I don’t even…”
He was quiet.
“Why didn’t you kick me out of the Court?”
There were so many new faces, obviously she wouldn’t have any issue recruiting people. She was charming and charismatic, and compassionate and sweet, and loyal and hardworking.
“...I stopped being useful a long time ago. You found better people. You don’t need me.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2021 7:28 pm
Cambria began to frown when Malcolm began to talk, and she looked downright horrified when he asked why he hadn’t been kicked out of the court...why would she ever…
Oh god. She had really messed this up.
Hesitating, Cambria reached out and took Malcolm’s hand, squeezing it gently. “...I wouldn’t kick you out of the court. I need you there. You were always beside me. You were my right hand...I…” She hadn’t realized it had been this bad. Hadn’t realized he was so...so unhappy.
Eyes beginning to burn with tears, she tried to will them away, squeezing the male’s hand again. “If you don’t want to move out, I get that...but please, Malcolm...give me another chance. You don’t need to be useful to be in the court...honestly...I haven’t talked to any of them...I...I’m a lousy leader. Or whatever. I haven’t heard from any of the other three in...ages. I don’t even remember when I last saw them…”
Or heard from them...or thought of them…
“Malcolm...this is my fault. You didn’t do anything wrong...please...please let me fix this. You...I need you…”
In spite of her best efforts, some tears began to leak out, making their way down her face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2021 9:08 pm
Guilt crossed his features immediately, because he hadn’t meant to make her cry, and now he could feel the wetness in his eyes and it was a quick mixture of shame and grief and embarrassment. “Cambria, I’m sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just--”
He didn’t know what words to use, didn’t know what he was trying to say. He didn’t think he was good enough for any of this, he thought this was some pitying attempt for her to do something kind when he didn’t deserve it.
He looked down and was completely aware of the sudden lump in his throat
“I didn’t think you needed me. You’ve come so far without me. You’ve met new people, you’ve done new things. I wanted to be there for you, but…”
But what? But he’d gotten hurt? He’d withdrawn into himself because he didn’t know how to cope and didn’t want to burden anyone? He’d spent years agonizing over everything he did wrong, and obsessing over his mistakes until he was certain that they defined him?
He didn’t try to draw his hand away, but it trembled beneath Cambria’s.
“I don’t know what there is to fix, Cambria, I--you didn’t break anything.”
Had felt like he’d been broken a long time ago and never healed properly. Never got put back together.
And now he was just this and he wasn’t any good to himself, so how could he be good to someone else?
“I should be useful to the Court--anyone in it should be. You should be able to rely on them and depend on them. If they let you down when you needed them most, well…”
Someone could get hurt. Someone might lose the chance to be helped because they couldn't pull through.
“...It’s just complicated, and stupid,” he mumbled, but mostly that was just how he felt about himself these days. “But I--It’s not you. You’re still my best friend.”
Even if he hadn’t seen her in ages, or if they’d grown apart for one reason or another. Even if she’d made new friends he couldn’t compete with.
“I still want you to be okay, to be happy. Please don’t cry. I didn’t want to come here and make you feel bad. I really missed you...”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2021 7:10 pm
“I want us both to be okay...You’re my best friend too. One of my best friends…” Cambria scrubbed at her eyes with her free hand and swallowed. “I do need you, Malcolm. I need you and I want things to be more like how they were…” They could never be exactly how they had been. She knew that. It wasn’t the Lysithea Adria show any longer but...she could reach out more. They could do lunch more. Have sleepovers again.
“Can I sleep over tonight? Do you want to come to my house and grab some things with me and then I can spend the night with you? We have a lot to catch up on, Mal...I’m not...going to waste this.” Cambria squeezed his hand. “I would rather not have a court all together than not have you. You are always there for me, and I know that. Why else did I call you? I knew you’d come. You always come. You have never let me down, Malcolm...never once let me down. You’re not only needed, you’re wanted. I want you in the court, and I need you in my life. I love you.”
She wiped her eyes again and gave a rather watery smile. “We both have our issues...but we have each other to lean on...so...I want you to lean on me again.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
