Life was usually simple for Uxten.
Perhaps her companions hadn't noticed it, on the way back from the Barrens. If that was the case, she certainly couldn't blame them. There had been much to discuss, enough that nods and grunts of interest had communicated all that she needed to say. But still, it rankled.
She'd accompanied Wanderlust knowing that they were not a fighter. That had been fine, she'd thought. She was a skilled fighter, enough that the noulicorns she'd worked with had ensured she was well-equipped to continue in her line of work. And she had been serviceable, when it had come to warding off the dangers inherent to the barrens. But it was clear that it hadn't been enough, this time.
Well, it made sense. Wanderlust dared to set hoof where nouls ordinarily did not, and it was clear that they knew no shortage of fighters. Still, Uxten understood well how to fight, how to figure out the best way to push someone back, and she had faith enough in her companions that she knew to keep going. Noulicorns could come back from anything short of death.
It was frightening to know, though, that Vykeli had once been filled with such powerful species. As skilled as Uxten was, she hadn't stood a chance against one of those crystalline beasts - let alone the multiple who had resided in that cave.
She knew, rationally, that no noulicorn would have stood a chance. Viltalta was a renowned fighter, and from the stories the group had been telling on the way back, even she had been subdued instantly by just one beast. Still, it gave Uxten pause. She knew her niche very well. She didn't like the thought of being inadequate.
Uxten wasn't really the talkative sort, but one of her oldest...well, bedmates...was a Companion. A little chestnut doe with curls that sprung out over her eyes and a soft, soothing voice that could coax any sort of confession out of Uxten. They'd been laying together in the wake of Wanderlust's return, discussing quietly all of the things they'd learned, and her coy laughter had drawn those doubts from Uxten's quiet heart.
It felt frightening to voice them. Uxten had never thought of herself as a prideful noul; she was humbled and awed constantly by the work of others around her. They, not she, did the bulk of the important work for Vykeli. But she'd always had a strong sense of her identity and her place, and it was frightening to know that her very best had not been enough to keep her companions safe. Wanderlust, Xander, Nereida, Arslanian, and later Sicily and Elysia, too, had all had time to get to know each other, whether from the journey or just from being trapped in that unfathomable crystal cage together for so long. Uxten had grown to care for them - even Wanderlust, who she'd only really held awe for before. The thought that she might not be able to protect her companions was terrifying.
"But you are," Uxten's friend protested. "I feel very safe, here with you." It was accompanied by a tinkling giggle, and then a more serious look. "Your line of work is a tough one. I know you admire healers most - and many nouls do, and they're right to admire. But every job in Vykeli is a difficult and a vital one, and you possess an unimaginable instinct for your role." She laid her head against Uxten's, syncing their breathing together. "You've come back from so many journeys out of the Homewood, safe, whole - unscarred, even. And that's not because predators haven't been trying."
Uxten looked away. She'd been telling herself that, too. But it wasn't enough.
"You know, the Homewood hasn't been quiet, all these moons," the little doe said. "The Grandfather Tree has been budding. We've managed to resurrect so many previously extinct herbs, and learned their uses, too. Our craftsmen have been working. And the Lifegivers have brought back cockatrices - you'll love them. They're so bright and beautiful." She leaned back outward, picking idly at a blade of grass by her snout. "What I'm trying to say is...there were surprises, and it's true that there'll be more. But, Uxten - you've always kept your wits about you. You weathered the storm this time, and it'll happen again. I know it."
"I know you mean what you say," Uxten sighed.
"I know that it doesn't always help, too," she answered. "Why not try...something else, for a little while? I've heard the Lifegivers are planning another resurrection ceremony."
This did startle Uxten. "So soon?"
"Homewood really is changing." The doe was grinning, something that made her lovely face even more pleasant. "Look - Brightheart has been asking for nouls to guard these new lifeforms, while they adjust to Homewood. It's not fighting - but I think it's something well within your wheelhouse. You could try it - remind yourself just how much of an expert you are."
At the time, Uxten had said merely that she'd think about it. But the very prospect of attending a resurrection ceremony was exciting, especially when she'd been away from the Homewood for so long. And it was very hard, for Uxten to say no to a doe with a pretty face...
Well, she thought. Maybe it would do her some good to make her next job something with lower stakes.
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