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 Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 7:13 pm
Tobias had been confused when he first saw the news report. He had been feeling more and more guilt from the press conferences and had been wracking his brain to try to figure out just how to talk to his parents…to let them know that he was alive. And fine…and happy…
But now it was too late.
That had been five days ago, and since then, Tobias hadn’t left his room for much other than food and the occasional cuddle with Evan, but even those were kept short.
His chest perpetually felt tight and his eyes were burning more than they were feeling normal…and he just felt so tired. He wasn’t sure what to do…and now that the obituary had been updated with the funeral date and location…he really didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t want anyone to know what was going on, least of all Evan…he wouldn’t understand and honestly…Tobias worried that it would make him miss his own family…even though they were pretty much trash but…
As the teal haired male sat in bed, tears welling in his eyes once again as he looked at the picture that had been chosen for the obituary, he realized that he honestly really didn’t know what to do, and that he had to do something.
…But at the same time. He couldn’t quite grasp the fact that they were gone.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 7:24 pm
Evan had noticed something was wrong with Tobias days ago, and at first he was fine to give him space. Well. Not fine. He tolerated it, albeit poorly.
By the second day, it was harder.
By the third, almost impossible.
Zac and Tobias got along for the most part, but it was mostly because Tobias made Evan happy. And, right now, Evan wasn't happy. Earlier this morning he'd been so distracted that he'd burned the whole right side of his hand, and he'd been gloomy both before and after; Cambria had elected to take him out to try and cheer him up, but there was a mutual understanding between she and Zac that it meant he had to go find out what was going on with Tobias.
It didn't matter if the door was closed, it didn't matter if Tobias wanted privacy.
Zac waited fifteen minutes after Evan and Cambria had left and then knocked on the door.
"Tobias," he said, trying to keep the tone as nonchalant as possible. "Open up, I need you for a minute."
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 7:34 pm
Tobias jumped at the knock and paused at the voice. Honestly, he had been expecting Evan…but…
Quickly he wiped at his eyes hard with the back of his hand, trying to erase any trace of tears and put his computer down beside him before getting up and unlocking the door, looking rather confused and more than a little surprised. “…What’s up, Zac? Is everything okay?”
Maybe he just needed someone tall to help with…cleaning or putting something away. That would make sense. Maybe.
He was quiet for a moment and then rubbed at his eye again, annoyed that it was burning still. He didn’t want to be so unhappy but.
Right now he wasn’t sure how to shove it all away.
…If he could just talk to Laurence. If he could hug his brother…tell him it would all be okay…
That would make all the difference but…but he couldn’t.
He couldn’t do anything anymore. And so Tobias swallowed the noise of pain that was trying to weasel its way up out of his chest and waited for whatever Zac needed. He hoped it would be quick. He didn’t want this guy of all people to see him cry.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 7:44 pm
Zac knew.
It was obvious on his face the moment he looked at Tobias, he knew. Evan had tried to lie to him too many times for him to be oblivious to the wet look in his eyes, and all the other telltale signs of crying.
For a moment, he just looked at him, and then, either out of guilt or uncertainty, or just becuase he was bad at being comforting to most people, he rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.
He wasn't going to beat around the bush, he wasn't going to draw this out for any longer than he had to.
"Did something happen between you and Evan? He's been acting weird. Probably because you've been acting weird. So spill. We got some time before they get back, and I'd really appreciate if you just made this easy on me. Tell me what's going on."
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 7:54 pm
He frowned, confusion washing over him, and a little shame at the fact that obviously Zac realized what was going on. He didn’t like that.
“Something with me and Evan? No? I just.” Tobias shrugged. “It’s just been a few days, that’s all. I…”
The male turned away quickly, shrugging and walking back over to his bed. “My parents died. That’s all. I’m not really sure what to do. How to cope with it. I’m worried about my brother. I want to go to the funeral but…he won’t know me. They wouldn’t know me. I hate myself for leaving…I…”
The hated tears had started to well in his eyes again and he lifted a hand to cover them, trying to get rid of the damn things before Zac saw.
“I’m just not myself right now…” He muttered, drawing in a shaking breath.
“I’m not myself and I just…don’t know what to do. So…you can tell Evan it’s not him…and that I’ll be fine. Eventually. No, soon. I’ll be fine soon.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 8:02 pm
Zac's eyes narrowed suddenly, not with anger, but confusion. Maybe sympathy, not that he wanted to admit it. He wasn't good at admitting emotions, not to anyone. Maybe it was easier with Cambria, but even with Evan he was always trying to pretend like he didn't care.
...Even if he had softened significantly in the past year or so.
He was quiet as he stood in the doorway, just watching. A moment might have passed, or maybe only seconds; he didn't know. It was an awkward silence, regardless, that went on for too long.
"I'm sorry," he said, surprisingly genuine considering how much snark usually fell from his lips.
"...Come here," he finally said, a bit begrudging. "Why aren't you telling Evan? You know he'd be better at saying something nice to you. I mean. You shouldn't hate yourself for leaving, I guess I should say that. You had to. And this isn't your fault, so don't find some way to trick yourself into thinking it was."
He debated; he doubted Tobias was going to come to him, so instead he stepped into the room.
"If you want to go, go. Your parents were socialites, right? So who cares, make up a lie or something. Say they sponsored you in something. --Is your brother younger or older?" he asked, wondering if he'd even known Tobias had a brother. Maybe it sounded familiar, but he couldn't place anything, couldn't remember anything about it, not really.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 8:08 pm
Tobias held his breath, trying to force back the new flood of emotions that threatened to overtake him, and finally just shook his head, though nodded a moment later. He didn’t want to get up again. He didn’t want to think that he was being rude either…but he didn’t know how to respond to the apology.
“…I’m afraid of Evan getting upset. I know his relationship with his parents sucks…and I didn’t want him to worry about me…I’m just off kilter right now, I’ll bounce back…this is nothing…nothing big. Really…”
He kept his back firmly to Zack though and continued trying to hold his breath in order to force back the sobs that were working very hard to come out.
“…He’s older. And he’s all alone. And my damn parents were just…they spent so much time looking for me…and bet it was killing him and now he has this…and now he has nothing.” Finally, Tobias glanced at Zac, eyes dim and shadowed with grief. “…You think I should go? What if he asks who I am? What if he kicks me out or what if since they were so rich and whatever…what if they don’t even let me in…I won’t be on the list.”
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2019 8:20 pm
"Stop pretending like it's nothing," Zac said, not waiting for an invitation before he walked over and sat on the edge of Tobias' bed. "I don't know who you're trying to fool, because if it's me, you suck at it, and it's you--" he scoffed. "You're only going to hurt yourself by trying to lie to yourself."
He understood why he didn't want to tell Evan now; Evan had shitty parents and he often regretted that he wasn't a better son. "But Evan's going to worry about you either way, so him knowing just helps him figure out how he can best help you. I'm just saying."
He didn't look at Tobias, maybe out of respect or, more likely, out of awkwardness, but he stayed close to him all the same. Just in case that meant something.
"Go to the funeral. I'll go with you if I have to. I'm pretty good at lying, I'll get us in. Or, if I need to, I'll make a distraction so you can sneak in. But if you want to go, if there's even a sliver of desire, you have to go. You'll never get closure if you don't, and there's a chance you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Don't hate yourself," he said, a bit cautionary. It wasn't quite threatening, he didn't need it to be. But he didn't need Tobias thinking it might be best if he went back to the Negaverse--if he punished himself by going back.
"Your parents died, and your brother's alone. And he's probably thinking he's got no one right now, now that you've disappeared? So. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know you. He's going to be surrounded by--what, your parent's friends? People who cared about them? How much family do you have in the town, how many people do you have that are going to go to take care of him? ...People are weird. Maybe it won't matter if you're a stranger. Maybe he just needs a little bit of comfort."
He drew in a hesitant breath and finally glanced at Tobias, reluctantly reaching a hand over to rest on the man's shoulder. "...Maybe you need a little bit of comfort."
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2019 4:09 pm
Tobias shuddered, closing his eyes and half wishing he could just block out Zac’s words. More than half wishing he didn’t have to think about any of this.
He tensed when the male’s hand went on his shoulder, but finally he supposed that perhaps…this was the way that the crass male expressed…sympathy. It wasn’t…the best way but…
If he thought about it, it did make him feel a little better.
“No…you’re right. I’ll go. I’ll figure out some excuse…even if I just watch from the back of the church or whatever…I want to say goodbye to my parents…because I didn’t do it properly when I purified and look how broken up they were…all they wanted was me…and Zac, what if they had been out looking for me when they crashed? The…it said it was a car accident but…what if this is all my fault. What if Laurence does something stupid because he’s so upset to have no family…I…”
He blew out a shaking breath and nodded. “When Evan gets home…will you send him into me? I’ll talk to him about what’s going on…I don’t want him to worry…”
Tobias was resigned. He’d go to the funeral…and deal with whatever consequences came of it.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2019 5:27 am
Zac nodded quietly. He had lost his parents. In some way, he knew what that was like. He had a connection with Malcolm, in some ways he could keep in touch. He fabricated letters to them, emails. It was cheating. They always asked why he didn't call and he never had an answer. He couldn't tell them, though, couldn't explain.
But at least they were alive.
"I'll do that," he said softly, in a tone that was usually reserved for when he needed to comfort Evan. "Look. I know we're not the best of friends, you and I, but. I get it. Better than anyone else here, at least. I know what it's like to give up your family. And I at least still have my brother, but. He and I. We tolerate each other, but it's not like we were ever close. And I feel bad about it, but."
He exhaled. "I can't say 'it's going to be okay', because I know you have people here that care about you and are going to do the best they can to make it okay, but I know that you can't just wish everything was better and it gets fixed in the blink of an eye. So I know it sucks. But I hope that if you need anything, you know you can ask. If I can help," he sighed. "I will."
He wasn't good at this. Wasn't even sure he wanted to do it. But even now, sometimes he was reminded of how badly he'd screwed up in the past.
Maybe there were at least little things he could do to help.
"...If you need someone to go with you, I'll go. I can drive, so you don't have to worry about any of that. If you want Evan, he'll go. Hell, if you wanted all of us to go, we would. So I know this isn't the ideal situation, but. You're not alone. And if you need us to do anything for your brother," he shrugged. "Cambria's real good at making friends. She can watch out for him, too. We'll figure something out, all right? Just tell us what we can do to help."
Gruffly, but honestly, he admitted, "We're all worried about you."
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:25 pm
Finally, he looked up at Zac, swallowing hard. He could see that this was difficult for the male, but…it meant everything. It truly did.
“…Thank you. I know you’ve never been my fan but…” Tobias shrugged. “…It means a lot that you’re trying to care this much…even if it is just for Evan…it means a lot. I’ll figure things out. I’ll go to the funeral…I’ve got this…and you all…” He shrugged, looking away again and swiping his hand across his eyes.
“You all will be here when I get back. It’s. Nice to still have a family even though I’ve lost my blood.”
Hesitating for a moment Tobias snorted. “Not…my actual blood just. My parents. Brother. That…that blood. But you’re not stupid. I know you…figured that out.”
He felt so drained suddenly and rubbed once more at his face. “…I’m going to try to nap…when you send Evan in, tell him it’s fine if I’m sleeping. I miss him…and I could use him next to me for a while.”
It was as close to a dismissal that he could give, but he truly hoped that Zac would take the hint…no matter how grateful he felt…he wanted to be alone for now, at least.
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2019 3:33 pm
Zac let out a soft laugh though it was fairly humorless. He gave Tobias one last squeeze on the shoulder and stood up. "I know what you mean. I'll send him in. If you need anything, just yell. I'm not going anywhere. I can't make you the things Evan does, but I can microwave you a hot dog or get you a soda or something."
It wasn't much, but it was all he could do. In his own way.
He was trying, at least, and he could take a hint. He walked slowly, so Tobias had a few seconds to ask for anything, but he didn't drag his feet for too long.
Instead, he closed the door softly behind him, giving him the privacy he supposed Tobias needed.
...It was going to be a long day, he knew it. There was no guarantee Evan was going to have any idea how to handle any of this, but small steps had to count for something.
He took a seat on the couch and started looking up suits.
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