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Gevaudan

He was unsure how this all worked. Faustite had told him about the item pulling memories and he had to be assured that he wouldn't lose them. He had already lost half of his memories that those of Wolframite were the most precious to him as they were all he had. Still, he was worried if they would be damaged in some way. Ever since his purification he grew to feel as if the removal of chaos from his starseed had not only been painful but had also damaged his mind in some way. He didn't need to lose more of who he was to any more magic.

“Okay.” He said tentatively.

So why had he agreed? Faustite was still in the Negaverse and those remaining knew nothing of the long sordid history of their side. The ones who build up the army they knew were not honored but not even known by name and many did not see the triumphs and the downfalls of their Chaos-aligned world. If Gevaudan really did lose more of his mind, who would be left to remember them then? Of those who deserved to be honored.

He sat straighter but tense as the bejeweled claws rose over his head. What memory was the best he could offer.

He should go back. Somewhere early.

He closed his eyes and tried to think.

It was cold. Snow fell about them as the collective force of dozens of senshi were all around them. Most were distracted gathering but soon turned aghast at the scene in the middle of the Town Center.

Pressed in the snow Castor rested and there over him was Tanzanite. The woman was a wild beast of a figure with long purple hair and fitting uniform but what stood out the most was the scales on her one arm that grew into a massive, vicious claw. Wolframite held Castor's arms as Linarite struggled to look. Then, as if deciding, the captain moved to sit beside Tanzanite.

“I wish you could see it Castor. It's beautiful.” She said as she held his starseed in her hand. Her face was that of childlike awe as she tenderly held the warm starseed in her firm grasp.

“I'm going to give you a gift, Castor. I'm going to show you what it's like to be one of us. I'm going to let you suffer, as we've suffered, so that you can understand. I'm going to give you this gift, Castor, and then...”

And then I am going to kill you, Senshi of Hail!” And she squeezed.

Wolframite struggled to hold Castor's arms as he concluded, breaking into an unholy scream that pulled at his vocal chords to their limits as his ice-blue eyes shot wide. All around them, the distracted senshi turned and paled in horror at what they were seeing before them and in the still quiet of falling snow it felt as if all of Destiny City shook with the sound.

But soon they retaliated. Screams of attacks rang out one after the other with quick desperation to save one of their own.

Linarite looked pained as she spoke. “Forever, Castor.” It was quiet but heard.

As the attacks came, Tanzanite gave the starseed a final squeeze before tossing it to open the arm in front of Linarite, protecting the General. Scales and spines blasted off into the air to fall into the snow as sick get muscle was a pised in chuncks from the blast. And the mouth at the palm of Tanzanite's youma arm yowled in pain.

Warn them, Castor, because I am done killing your kind.”

Tanzanite rose, her body weak but her voice strong and radiating power over the crowd of Order closing in.

“Let this serve as a warning. We will not tolerate interference any longer. If you choose to fight us, to defy our Queen, not even death will be there to comfort you. Everything you hate in us. All of that darkness. All of that pain. We will spread it like a plague. We have Vivianite. Hel. Spinel. Tisiphone. Nova. We have turned your comrades against you and I promise you…..We will turn your hearts to darkness, and we will watch as you kill everyone you love.”

Tanzanite took his hand with her human one as the youma arm wrapped about Linarite.

And then they teleported away. Wolframite was in Tanzanite's dark apartment with Linarite.

The memory faded.

Gevaudan

He should have worried about his chest. An agent, especially one who survived on starseeds, could easily take his. He made no motions to guard himself and in the time it would take to summon his weapon, he would already be a vegetable as his starseed rested in Faustite's hands. He knew that and he wondered if he was being stupid. He had wondered that a lot since asking Faustite to meet him again. He had thought of Hawa yelling at him for associating himself with a youma after he purified and that it was dangerous to trust anyone from that side. That they were traitors and owed the Negaverse nothing. That they needed to move on. Past this. Past them.

But Hawa was wrong.

He couldn't put into words why he dared to do this. He never hated his comrades. The Negaverse had always been his home. He left out of necessity and revenge. Death by Metallia or letting the dmc grow and thrive. He had spent a long time debating his purification and even now it didn't feel like an answer he could say was right.

But Faustite owed him no promises to ensure his well-being. They were not comrades by definition of their auras. If anything, he would be congratulated for killing a traitor.

Maybe Gev felt he deserved that or maybe it was better to let his guilt play Russian roulette via the youma to judge him if he was worth living. Whatever the case, he only held his chin up and looked at Faustite as he pressed his hand to his chest.

Considering that both his corruption and purification had been painful, he had braced himself for pain, but when none came he was surprised. The first sensation was simply of touch. A hand not much larger than his own against his uniform and the pressed weight of it there. But it was also a rolling heat from the palm that moved in and washed over him like a sudden fever. It moved into his head and made him feel heavy in his limbs and groggy, like being in a square of sun in a closed room. It was harder to think to the point he couldn't think at all and he could only focus on the warmth and the pressure of the palm against his chest.

When it left him, he nearly fell forward and pulled himself up from the fog of his mind. Everything swam into focus and the crisp air felt unbearably cold suddenly. Groggy, he stared up as his skin felt warm and cold at the same time, and he brought his arms up to rub his shoulders. It felt like a long time for his ears to process what he heard but when he registered Faustite's expression and the name his eye went wide. “Y..you saw her?” He said, amazed and instantly feeling a pang of jealousy and excitement. “Where? What did you see? What happened?”

Gevaudan

Gev listened as Faustite retold the tale and brought to him a memory so many years ago he hadn’t even considered it one that the youma would find. His mind had only just started cycling to the past and he was amazed that it could dig that deeply into his mind to find something he almost forgot.

“Christmas eve! I remember that.” He said, amazed that he could remember that, and just being able to recall a memory without hitting a wall like he did every time with Torin brought a sense of excitement to him. That he remembered something.

“We all managed to jump in and help Tanzanite. Castor must have thought we would be too busy with the other senshi. I managed to get a few hits in. It was - It was great. Oh, but Tanzanite got so hurt by it. It’s a shame we couldn’t kill Castor there. After that we went to her place and -” He froze and then touched his head.

The memory stopped. Another blank. Another moment where he could remember them helping her before it all went dark.

He must have changed to Ladon.

“...something.” The excitement and more energetic tone vanished with it as he was stripped of more memories of Tanzanite. “I forget.” He must have known her as Ladon. He must have learned many more things about her but he wouldn’t ever know now. They were gone, and the old pain of his lacking memory came fresh.

Settling, he nodded to Faustite’s question, the smile small on his face. “I loved her. Many of us did. She was a good friend. A great leader. She looked out for you but would not hesitate to beat you and call you on your bullshit. For the longest time I wanted to do right by her. I wouldn’t be alive without her. She was a dear friend. I always worried for her and she gave so much to the Negaverse. Everything she could she would offer to help our side. She made a great Youma Queen.”

Gevaudan

He was quiet for a while.

“I don't remember anything from when I was a person. The person I was born as. When I was told what my real name was it had no significance. Nothing registered when I heard it. Nothing after I purified did. The clothes I had pack could have been picked by a stranger. I left a note and had to write beside it just to confirm I wrote it. I didn't even recognize my own writing. I never wrote as Wolframite. There was no reason.” They had communicators after all.

“They warn you that you'll lose your memories but they don't mention that you change. I don't remember if I know how to ride a bike. I don't remember who I grew up with. I don't remember my mother or father or sister. I don't remember who I was even close with….dated….slept with.”

“It might be fine if they were strangers but those people who remember you are strangers that expect something. They expect you to act like you did before. That you will perform the same way without interruption but even functioning becomes exhausting when every moment you wonder how you know something or IF you know something and can't recall anything. “Do I know how to drive? Who taught me? How young was I? Is that a dog? Did I have a dog? Am I allergic to dogs? Does this person love me? When? How?’”

His eyes became unfocused and pained at this as his hands balled into fists in his lap.

“It's a brick wall that you cannot pass and the shadow of it is always there reminding you of its existence.”

He went quiet again for a moment as he struggled to regain his composure.

“I took someone with me when I purified. Someone that had to be dear to me.”

The guilt and pain welled up in him.

“We tried to resume our lives after the purification but - the funny thing is -” He smiled quick struck by the cruel joke for just a moment. “- is how you can't remember what normal was but know things aren't that way anymore.”

“When you take a person and split them in half. You aren't the same. I remembered Wolframite. They forgot Wolframite. They remembered me as Ladon. I forgot that person. I forgot them as who they were outside of their uniform.”

He removed his glove and pulled off the ring. If Faustite had a good eye, he would know the stone was the same kind found only in the Rift. It had been carved into a circling wolf. Gev pulled it off and stared at it. “I took someone with me only for us to change into 2 different people and become strangers to each other.”

But Faustite wanted to know about the Negaverse. Not his ******** up issues. He was just venting. Letting the pressure seep out in bursts and had an audience that he hoped wouldn't air it around. He was here giving Intel in secret so what was one more given without the need of a magic item.

“Metallia takes. Charonite and Nealite were great leaders too. They brought Queen Beryl to life. They gave up their whole world for the Negaverse and then Beryl turned around and encased them in crystal and called them traitors. Good leaders are good until they aren't needed. There is always a soldier eager for a promotion. We all want power.”

“I often wonder what the Negaverse would have been like of they had still been around to form it.”

He glanced over at Faustite. “What about you? Why aren't you trying to be a Youma King?”

Gevaudan

His expression darkened. “I would have had no army if I stayed. After being made an example, the rest fell back in line. The Order members were a shaky alliance at best. Morale drops when you have to plan a second attack. I knew that risk.”

He put the ring back on just to stare at it for what it was. Just a ring. “Everything else doesn't matter. It's all dead. Me. Him. Us. I can bury it like I did the others. It's always the first ones that are the hardest.” He put his glove back on.

“I can kill Leto. I saw it possible. His goals remain unchanged. I remember Wolframite and he remembers revenge. That is precious to me. Remembering. It's what I do still have. And when that is done….well, maybe I'll let Metallia see to me as it wills.” He settled his hands in his lap. “Or maybe I'll go back to killing senshi. Castor didn't die that Christmas Eve. I'm sure a few more nuisances will need cleaned up. The Negaverse has its many hands tied up in politics. A loose stray can bite in their steed. If they want taxes - they always had all of me. Then. Now. Take what they want. Strip me to bone. Suck out my marrow. I'll be a skeleton biting.”

He hadn't thought of the physical ramifications of promotion. Now he felt a fool for not thinking of it sooner. “Oh...of course.” He had seen Tanzanite change from the vicious arm with a maw to emcasing nearly her entire body. Youma didn't just change uniforms. They changed bodies. “I'm sorry. I'm still ignorant about you and youma.. I should have noticed that you might change instead of just in uniform.”

He felt embarrassed by his own lack of knowledge. “I don't think that they would let you die so easily. They don't like to see a loss. Wasted soldiers and energy if a promotion went badly. If they made you a Youma King then that would mean they felt you deserved it and were needed. An officer of that level of importance isn't one they would see die if they could manage some way to ensure success.” It was logic. “They invest starseeds in you because they know you are an asset.”

But the imagery of the pipes bothered him and he stared at them with renewed focus. Faustite suffered and he wondered if he suffered now.

“For what it's worth, I hope that doesn't happen. I know each day we risk our lives for these goals. Any day we could die. Seems silly to wish for longevity in any way, but I do hope that when that day comes you remain.”

I don't know if you are suffering from your form. I hope whatever one you take doesn't cause you such a painful existence.

“Do the pipes...the smoke .. Do they cause you constant pain?” Did he want to know? And if then, what could he do about it. He had no healing magic and he felt any he had would be worse on a man-creature of Chaos.

Would he be upset again for prying. “You don't have to answer that.” He corrected and yet he wasn't sure if he hoped he wouldn't.

“Where is that from? The animals in the house?”

Gevaudan

“I spoke with Metallia. When I planned the White Phoenix attack and it was stopped. It….was not happy.” He rubbed his arm, still feeling sick and nauseous from the memory.

“Metallia still wants to preserve its safety and gain power. That fails when a agent doesn't listen and makes themselves an example that it's acceptable and tolerated. They keep a tight ship. Why expend energy and power on an agent who fails to listen?”

It came with surprise that Faustife answered him and he frowned at knowing Faustite was suffering in his own body. “I would have thought water would harm you.” He admitted but was glad that if Faustite eas ever tossed into a fountain or caught in a rainstorm that he would be fine. Well, fine as long as any lightening did not become attached to those pipes.

He made a note of the book. “I'll look into that book. Thank you.” It was nice to know Faustite's hobbies.

Moving away from the tree, he looked up as the first sprinkles of rain started. “I'll give you any memories you want. All of them.” He looked away from the sky back to the youma.

“Let's meet here again. Same time. Okay?”