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 Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2018 8:57 pm
Virell realized, while they were picking up pizza, that it would have been a bad idea to bring Eric back to his place. His modest, poorly furnished, not fit to entertain guests, apartment. He didn't know when the last time he'd vacuumed was, and he couldn't recall if he'd bothered picking up any of the clothes on the floor. He'd been making idle conversation about Destiny City while they walked, but he was privately suffering as he tried to figure out how to get out of explaining a messy, borderline impoverished home.
Oh, ********, he had papers all over the floor--math, schematics, diagrams.
Usually, he disliked the rain.
Only, today, when the crack of thunder first rumbled in the distance, it was a life saver. He was able to work up a slew of new escapes to avoid going back to his apartment. They could dip into Starbucks, they could stop under a pavilion--before he could suggest any of them, Eric had idly mentioned that he was surprised he could see his apartment from this street corner. Virell had jumped at the opportunity and suggested that, in light of the oncoming rain, perhaps they could stop at his place instead.
Eric had been amicable, and Virell relaxed as they adjusted their course to his place. The complex was nicer than Virell's, but he didn't mention that. He was oddly self conscious of the perfect trees and the well groomed lawns, and the nicer cars; those were things you didn't quite see at his apartments. Though, he had been living in the same apartments since he'd left foster care. A creature of habit, he had never really considered moving--even if he had a bigger budget, now.
Something to consider, at least.
He let Eric guide him to his apartment, complimenting the little things he saw away. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was a bit excited to see the inside of the man's home. They had spoken some, and Eric had painted a pretty picture of where he'd come from, and it was just enough to make Virell yearn to hear more. He had been to plenty of hotels before, but it wasn't often he got to go to someone's house.
To be invited into their home.
He rocked on his heels a bit as he held the cupcakes carefully. "You've finished unpacking, haven't you?" he prompted, still making light conversation as he waited for Eric to unlock the door.
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2018 10:08 pm
Eric smiled, nodding and opening the door for the blonde, holding a hand into the apartment for him to enter. “I’ve finished unpacking, yeah. I think it’s a pretty nice place. A little smaller than my place back in Vermont but.” He shrugged and walked in behind the blonde, closing the door.
The apartment was bright, and the living room held a squashy looking leather sofa and a large television on a table against the wall. Above the sofa there were several artful pictures, one for each of the seasons.
Gently, Eric took Virell’s hand again and led him to the sofa, gesturing for him to take a seat. “Do you want something to drink? I have water, some diet soda, wine…I have some alcohol and can make a really nice mixed drink if you’re into that. But, I can see why you wouldn’t want to get drink in some rando’s apartment.”
He chuckled and gently took the box from Virell’s hands, walking over and placing it on the island that separated the kitchen from the living room.
“How many slices do you want, Vi?” He slipped into the kitchen and drew down two plates and two glasses. “And…I know we bought cupcakes, but I had bought myself a little cake too, we can over indulge if you’re in the mood…and…since you confessed you haven’t eaten recently, I think it’s the best day to be in the mood, honestly.”
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Posted: Fri Oct 19, 2018 10:25 pm
Virell entered, unable to resist scanning the room and taking in every little detail he could manage as quickly as possible. He was jealous almost immediately, but relieved that they had come here instead of gone back to his place. In comparison, his own apartment looked like he was still moving in.
...God, this place was cute. They said where you lived was a reflection of who you were, and here was this cute, cozy, colorful little apartment that just felt so welcoming and wholesome.
...And his own apartment was so empty and barren.
He kept a small smile on his face regardless of his thoughts; he let himself be lead to the sofa and sat down with minimal prompting.
"I'll drink whatever, you don't have to fuss over me. I'm not picky. Water, wine. A juice box. Anything. You bought yourself a cake?" he asked, little smile on his face. "That's cute. I suppose you haven't made enough friends in town yet for one of them to buy you one?" It was an open ended assumption that he was prepared to be corrected on. "Is this your first birthday away from your family?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2018 11:00 pm
“Well.” Eric suddenly looked almost uncomfortable and shrugged, turning and getting a container of apple cider from the fridge and filling both glasses. It was almost the time of year when such things could be enjoyed after all.
“Actually, yeah. It’s my first birthday away from them…my parents were killed in a car accident back in March and…well. So far it’s been a lot of firsts without them…but. I’m coping pretty well…I think.”
It had been so much easier since selling the house. Not having the blatant reminders of them day in and day out…he missed them terribly but…there was nothing to do but move on. They were gone.
“I’m trying to, at least. It’s one of the reasons I moved. Being back home. Seeing all of the places and things we had done together…it was getting more and more difficult not to just…sink into some sort of shell. To just get swept up in the wave of grief…and…so I sold the house and moved here and…so far it’s been all right.”
He knew there was no reason to be prattling off to Virell like this but..he had been honest about his own unhappy feelings…it was only polite for Eric to do the same. He walked over to the blonde and handed him a plate with two slices of pizza on it and a glass full of some quite delicious apple cider. “Here you go, Vi. I hope you’re hungry. Because…I know I am.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 6:45 am
A fair bit of Virell's enthusiasm deflated when he heard Eric's answer, and he looked apologetic immediately. He accepted the cider and the pizza with a soft word of thanks, but he didn't touch either for a moment. "I'm sorry to hear that," he said, finally. "About your loss."
He could piece enough together to know that he shouldn't ask if Eric had siblings, or if he missed his home, but it didn't really give him any idea of what he should be saying. He pursed his lips and glanced down at the food; in the silence, his stomach grumbling was a horrible, intrusive noise, and it served as a loud reminder that he did, in fact, need to eat.
He lifted the pizza to his lips and took a small bite. He chewed, swallowed, and then said, "I didn't mean to drag up any bad memories. Are you sure you don't want the Superstar campaign? I just--I feel bad. You came here for a fresh start, and...I feel like I've put a damper on that with my fit."
He had still worked hard for it. He still felt like he deserved it. But he felt bad taking it from such a sweet kid and, even if they'd already talked it over, Virell didn't know what else he could do to convey any sort of compassion except offer it back to him.
"I mean--I don't know. You've been very kind to me so far. It's strange. I'm not sure what to do. Usually I skip the niceties and wind up right in the bedroom. Sorry if it's too much information," he said, but he just seemed tired. "Do you want to talk about them? You don't have to, not if it hurts. But. They must have been really good people to raise a son like you. You're...different. From most of the people you find around Destiny City. I can't think of anyone else in the business who would have offered anyone that campaign to someone, and definitely not for something like morals."
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 9:11 am
Eric noticed the sudden subdued manner of Virell and as he got his own food and drink and plopped next to him on the couch he smiled. “Hey. I appreciate it. I…I miss them, of course but. I do like it here. I’m excited to move on. And yes I’m sure that I don’t want the Sueprstar campaign. That was made for you, Vi and I would pale in comparison.”
He pressed his lips against the blonde’s cheek and cuddled close to him, enjoying the physical contact.
“You haven’t put any damper on anything, I liked your spunk. And you made me want to get to know you…you have a fire in you and it drew me and…well. Look at where we are now.”
Taking a bite of his pizza, he closed his eyes, still resting against the blonde. “I feel comfortable with you, and I’m hoping that you saying that normally you would have gone right to the bedroom means that you’re at least a little attracted to me and…” He swallowed. “I would like to tell you about them someday. But…I’m not really ready to talk about it all that much, if that’s okay? I just…it’s easier right now for me to pretend like everything is okay and going the way I wanted but…you were so open and honest with me, it didn’t feel right to keep my feelings a secret from you…so…”
The compliments Virell was saying about his parents, about himself…almost made him lose the mask that he wore but he managed to keep a smile on his face. “…They were pretty great though…I won’t lie. I think they would have liked you too, you know.”
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Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 10:29 am
The warmth was nice; Virell was a creature who seemed to refresh in the company of others, but he'd been so down lately that he hadn't been able to do anything that wasn't almost outright self destructive.
The kiss was a strange sensation; he didn't dislike it, but it was different from the flirting or fooling around he came to expect from the people he met in bars or on whatever dating or hookup app he was on for the night.
Parents were an odd topic for him, though; he didn't quite know what to say so he didn't say anything of them.
"You keep buttering me up," he said after a few seconds, taking another bite of his pizza. "...It's sweet. The last model that tried to be friends with tried to sabotage me. I guess she was jealous of my hair. We went out partying and she tried to cut my hair. I could have murdered her," he said, seeming thoughtful. "...Well." He shrugged and took another bite. "She moved, though. So we're not competing anymore. But she was a brat. Watch out for them. The ones that pretend to be your friends, and then just try to get things against you? The ones that take your secrets and spread them around, try to chase you out. The ones that gossip. They'll take someone as sweet as you, chew you up, and spit you out. So before you go doing anyone any favors, talk to me. I'll give it to you straight."
He looked at Eric. "You can't go around, giving away good jobs. You can't go around being sympathetic. The only way to make it in this agency is by looking out for yourself, so you're going to have to remember that."
He was quiet for a second and then shrugged. "Well. Maybe I'll look out for you, too. I owe you one, after all. And it's your birthday, so I should give you a present. But that's all I've got right now."
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:07 pm
“Your hair is stunningly beautiful, I won’t lie. But, I’ve heard of people like that…it’s why I always keep mine pretty short.” Not to mention the one time he had tried to grow it out it had curled so much and been such a mess…no. His hair was perfect the way it was.
“I’ve always envied people with straight hair though. And yours…one day I want to get my hands in it. I want to style it and just…maybe spend the day just massaging your scalp if that isn’t too strange. I think playing with people’s hair is so utterly soothing.” Not to mention the fact that he wanted to be close to the blonde. Wanted to get lost in the spell of the smell of his shampoo and the silky strands of gold slipping between his fingers…
Quietly he glanced at the blonde and gave a warm smile, his eyes lighting with happiness. “You’d…really watch out for me? And, please. Stop trying to make me try to take back the ad, it’s yours for the hundredth time. I believe in hard work and you worked hard. I’m not being sympathetic…I mean, it helps that you’re so damn attractive and I kept thinking about you, but still.”
Eric grinned and leaned up, kissing his cheek again and once more letting his lips linger for just a few seconds too long. “I want you to look after me. The thought makes me feel quite safe. No bitches are going to cut our hair, because I’ve got your back too. We can be partners in this if you want. Two is always better than one, after all.”
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:08 am
He blinked; he was quiet for a long moment, mind racing over everything Eric had said. His hair was beautiful--well, yes, obviously. But Eric wanted to touch it? to style it, to massage his scalp. He was excited to have someone looking after him, he kissed his cheek. They could be partners.
There was a strange, hopeful longing in the pit of his stomach. Honestly, he didn't know much about Eric. He was in his house, he'd had lunch with him. He'd made a fool of himself very early on in their meeting, and he was sitting here, looking like garbage, and Eric was being sweet to him.
He hadn't gotten all dolled up, wasn't wearing his usual persona. He had made some dry jokes, some honest statements. Virell was a needy person, driven because he needed to be wanted, needed to be needed. He couldn't find value in himself, so he had to find it in the eyes of other people.
He needed his picture splattered on ads, on billboards, he needed his phone to light up with texts from people who lusted for him, he needed to have all eyes on him while he was out.
Because, when he looked in the mirror, he saw the same, stupid little thing that nobody wanted to take home. Until he started caking on the makeup, doing his hair.
He became the Virell that everybody wanted. Something they craved, they coveted.
Not someone, he recognized dully, as he sorted through his thoughts. Something.
A disappointing thought, that he couldn't even find value in himself as a person and not some thing, even in his own mind.
A pretty shell, but little more. It's why no one loved him the way they loved other people. It's why he'd been on his own since he got out of the foster care system--not that it was a topic he'd almost ever brought up. It's why his 'boyfriends' were one night stands.
...Or taken men, with fiance's. People he couldn't have, who had already carved out their perfect little lives, and all he could do was watch and dream and pretend that they were planning a future with him.
But he was a dirty little secret, and a pitiful little nothing.
...And he was sitting on Eric's couch, listening to how the man was so excited to know him, to have his back, to play with his hair.
Virell wanted to blurt, 'Don't you know who I am? Don't you know what I am?' but the words never came. He just regarded him with a silent curiosity.
Finally, he smiled. It was a soft, weary little thing.
"Eric, I'm flattered," he said, and wondered if he had the mental capacity to choose his words as carefully as he wished. "...But I'm worried you give me too much credit. I'm worried you have an idea of me, that might not be who I am, not really."
He was a model. It was his job to fit whatever role he was being paid for. Most of the time, he tried to fit the role he thought people wanted to see. The happy, desireable, pretty thing they could enjoy for a few hours and let go, no strings attached, no commitment. Most of the time he was happy with that, happy to pretend that things were more.
"...Truthfully, I don't know if I know who I am these days. You seem like a really sweet guy. It's really not fair to drag you down this path with me. We can be friends," he insisted, and a part of him begged him to say, 'and more', but he couldn't force the words, he couldn't get his hopes up. "But I'm nothing but trouble, beyond the 'friend' thing." His eyes drifted away and he sighed, wanting so badly to rest against him, to take comfort in his warmth. To pretend like they could be something. "...I don't think I'm a likable person," he said, finally. "Much less lovable. I feel like I might have been deceiving you up until this point, and I feel bad about that. So I just want you to know now. Because, you seem very kind, and very sweet, and I don't you to mistake me for anything more than what I am."
Just a pretty face, and a lot of baggage.
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 3:13 pm
Eric was quiet for a long moment, eyes on Virell, a somewhat unhappy expression in them. He let the male talk, and as he did so, Eric moved to put his plat on the coffee table and reached up, taking Virell’s as well, placing it carefully on the table.
Without speaking he wrapped an arm around Virell’s shoulders and pulled the male against his chest, holding him gently. “I think you are a very likeable person, and I am honored to be your friend. And.” He kissed the top of the male’s head. “You’re not dragging me down any path. I’m taking hold of your hand and we’re going to walk down it together. I’m not going to let you get lost in the woods alone. You’ve already said that you’re not where you normally are with things, and I want to help. I want to be there for you and give you comfort.”
His hand softly rubbed the male’s arm as he held him, tucking Virell’s head neatly under his own chin and sighing. “You’re not nothing but trouble. You’ve already said that you want to protect me, so please. Let me help you through this…you don’t have to be alone…and, I know I don’t know you that well, but…heck. I like you. A lot. I don’t think you’ve deceived me at all, and I don’t know how you could possibly think that. Though, if you don’t want to be more than friends, I’m not going to push you, but.”
He shrugged and his lips brushed the top of the male’s head again, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. “But I wouldn’t be upset if that was what were to happen…and I’m sorry for bringing it up, but you just seem like…you won’t be single for long so I wanted to…express my interest?” Eric gave an almost nervous chuckled. “But now I feel kind of like I’m desperate, I’m not desperate I just…you’re just…”
He shrugged again and sighed. “You’re just something special.”
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Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 11:23 pm
The movement was strange; Virell hadn't understood what Eric was doing until it was done, and even then he couldn't quite wrap his mind around why. His heart had lurched to his throat, strangely enough, and he didn't realize how much he'd missed...this?
Had he ever had something like this? He and Nick had always been very physical creatures, but there was a strange tenderness here that Virell couldn't place much familiarity in. He could feel his heartbeat, pounding anxiously, and while he was tense it was only because this was unexpected and unknown.
But...
It was nice, and he was so weak to it that he could feel his body relaxing against his.
He felt like a child, as strange a sensation as it was. Usually when he felt like a child, he felt small and weak, helpless and unwanted. Somewhere, in the faraway corners of his mind, he remembered a hug like this. Maybe it was from when he'd been small.
...Or maybe he'd been blackout drunk and was just now vaguely recalling something. Or maybe he was imagining it, because he was desperate and pathetic. He slumped against Eric, wondering how long before he started finding the same flaws everyone else did.
"I can't tell if you're a romantic or a fool," he said, knowing the two often went hand in hand. There was nothing malicious or hurtful in his voice; instead, it sounded almost like he was trying to guard himself from how sweet the words had been. With this closeness, how easy it must have been for Eric to feel the way his heart pounded, the way he kept trying to press his body closer without seeming so desperate. A tremor rippled down his spine, and he couldn't fight it; he tucked his head closer and bit the inside of his cheek as he debated how to answer.
Everything about Eric was desireable. He had drawn Virell into his arms, he held him, offered reasssuring squeezes and strokes, the soft kiss on his head...
His stomach flopped in a way that almost made him feel as though he were ill, except the butterflies in his stomach just tickled their way right through his whole body.
He wanted this.
A strange, immediate, desperate need flooded him, and he was glad that he was hidden away in Eric's arms because a layer of moisture had already collected in his eyes. He tried to blink it away and, while he wasn't crying--was he?--he didn't understand where it was coming from.
Had it just been so long since someone held him like this? Said things like this?
Eric had the tongue of the kindest devil he'd ever met, that much was for certain.
"I'm flattered," he said. "...And now that you've made my heart pound like this, I think it would be cruel to deny it." He didn't want to say it, didn't want to admit it because of how pathetic it sounded, but the words were already leaving his lips bef,ore his brain could remind him that he did have access to a filter. "I don't remember the last time someone asked me out."
No one had ever taught him to say no, but still.
How could he?
He didn't move from where he was resting against him, but he was keen to keep his face hidden while his emotions sorted themselves out.
"We could try it," he suggested, trying not to sound as hopeful as he suddenly felt. As giddy as he suddenly felt.
Oh, he was such a fool; what was he expecting from this?
...But did it matter, as long as someone wanted him?
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:12 am
Eric smiled softly as the blonde relaxed in his arms, and he took the opportunity to place a few more kisses in his hair, eyes half closing in satisfaction. “Perhaps,” He murmured softly. “…I am a foolish romantic. It would fit me quite well, I feel.”
His hand moved up and down Virell’s back and he sighed softly, happily. Even if he didn’t want to be together so quickly, Eric didn’t think he’d mind…so long as he got to hold Virell like this often that would be all that…
And then the blonde spoke again and Eric felt his heart stop, then stutter back to life, pumping wildly. “Oh.”
Eric thought his voice sounded far too flat to really convey the relief and emotion he was feeling and he cleared his throat, arms tightening around the male. “You…you’re serious? You…You’d want to maybe try dating? You’d actually consider being my boyfriend?”
It felt like this was a dream, and idly, he thought about just giving all of his shoots to Virell from now on, if it helped him like this…it didn’t really matter. He could get another job.
Virell was prettier anyway.
“You won’t regret this, Vi.” He murmured, kissing his hair with more passion now, with almost a touch of desperation. “I will take such good care of you, I will love you forever. I promise.”
Though…he wasn’t sure that he loved him now. Desired him, sure. Cared for him, sure. But love hadn’t quite sprouted…though.
Eric enjoyed love. And he wanted it.
“…I’ve been lonely.” It was something he hadn’t really admitted to anyone yet. Much less himself.
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2018 1:44 pm
'Love' wasn't something Virell got to hear often, and so desperate, he wasn't one to question it when someone offered. If someone thought they could love him, if they tempted him with it, he couldn't deny it. He was a starved man being offered a buffet, what did he care if it was poison if it filled his stomach?
His heart was pounding loudly; he could feel it in his heart, his throat, his wrists--his fingertips, his eyes.
Was he hallucinating? Had he gone off the deep end? Was Eric just some fantasy sent to soothe his desperate mind? Or, to guide him down a path of despair?
He looked like an angel, in any case. How could he be anything but?
Gentle touches, gentle words. Sweet promises of the future.
It wasn't like Virell hadn't been seduced by them before, and Eric was so sweet now that Virell didn't even mind if this was all just some ploy.
"Me, too. And...I think I'd like to be taken care of," he admitted, keenly aware of the strange weight that he'd been carrying around for weeks, for months, now. He was tired of being alone. It was harrowing, hollowing, and he didn't have much left.
It could have been a lie, and he'd have taken it. With Eric, it was all unknown. Maybe he was just playing the role of sweet, out of town new kid on the block. Maybe he was sincere.
Virell didn't care. Not about anything, really, not anymore. If someone could pretend to love him, it was enough. He didn't care what it took, he didn't care the price. He'd take it.
He needed it.
"I could stand to get out more, to do something other than just work and school. " Ah, no, he wasn't supposed to say that he was in school. It was better than confessing he was a Senshi, at least. "...I'd like to go on dates again. To feel special. To do things."
To have someone to remind him to eat, to have someone support him when he needed, to have someone tell him he was worth it, to tell them that he mattered.
Because, right now, he felt very small, in a very big world, and everything that made him who he was just kept getting swallowed up in the mess of it all.
He wasn't made to be alone, and yet he'd spent so much of his life by himself.
He was coming apart at the seams and there was only so much more he could do to hold himself together.
But...Eric's arms felt so good around him.
Like, maybe they could hold him together. For a little while, at least, until Eric got tired of it.
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2018 4:29 pm
Eric had a stupid smile on his face and he knew it. He was quite glad that the blonde couldn’t see it though, or he knew there would be laughter. No, he tightened his arms around the male just in case and managed to force a soft, kindly chuckle instead. “Then let me take care of you, Virell. I will do so with pleasure. And…you’re in school?”
He sounded interested, and felt a little flutter of pride. It wasn’t often that you found someone so beautiful who already had such a job wanting to go and further their education…it rounded out his idea of the male very nicely.
“What are you studying? Are you going for your undergrad or something higher? I think that’s awesome and if you ever need someone to like help you with anything, I…well I mean. I have my Associates. I went to the local community college back home but never actually went to a University after…you know, I’ve been thinking about perhaps seeing if any of my credits transfer, is DCU any good?”
Eric softly rubbed his hands over the blonde’s back, relaxing now. He had taken a gamble and…had won. And a wave of contentment washed over him. “What do you like to do on dates? Personally, I think my ideal is just what we’re doing. Pizza. Cuddling and maybe some wine and a movie. I just think…there’s an intimacy that you can’t get if you go out…and it just feels…like there’s nothing in the world but you and me, you know?”
…He hoped that Virell knew, because he was keenly aware that he suddenly sounded like a cheap b*****d.
“N-not that I won’t take you out! I love going out too…but just…” He shrugged. “I like staying in more.”
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Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2018 8:43 pm
Virell looked a little embarrassed to confess that he was in school; he offered a slight shrug. "...Just...some math...just...nothing big, just..." He was mumbling, giving half sentences, trying to hide from the fact without lying. "...Masters degree," he mumbled, but cleared his throat quickly, hoping that he'd said it soft enough that Eric wasn't going to think he was a complete nerd and leave him.
"DCU is good," he suggested, hoping for a quick topic change. "I'm on full scholarship. For. For a few reasons," he didn't want to talk too much about him so he just left it at that and cleared his throat.
"--And I don't mind staying in. I mean, I like getting dressed up. I like going out, and having fun, but."
He was quiet for a long moment, and considered all the masks that took. Yes, he liked attention, yes, he liked looking nice. But sometimes...he just liked taking it easy.
"...You get to be yourself behind closed doors. I don't have to...be Virell the model--I get to be Virell, the..."
What was he? Everything he did in private was just pathetic.
"Well. Virell. Just. Me, I guess. The boring me. The one no one would hang out with if they knew, I think."
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