Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Duana Delacroix

Nickname: Cross

Age: 19

Birthday: May 1st

Sign: Taurus

Gemstone: Emerald

Blood Type: AB-

Fav. Food: Blood sausages

Hated Food: Split pea soup

School: N/A

Hobbies:

Free running/Parkour: An adrenaline junkie at heart, Duana takes unbridled joy in testing the limits of her speed and dexterity.

Ghost hunting: The spookier the better. By herself or in groups, Duana likes the risk of haunted places even if she herself, is a skeptic about ghosts. Its still fun to go and just get spooked over dumb things.

Virtues:

Courageous: A woman with her own mind and a determined view of can do, Duana sets her sights high and never aims low. She has confidence in what she knows she can do and is willing and happy to push and test her own limits. Not without a bit of fear and slight caution, but she will try anything once, and encourages others to join her for adventure and thrills.

Positive: Upbeat, Duana is not a ball of sunshine but rather a die hard believer in that if things go bad, you can make them right. A bit stubborn in this, she pushed herself for improvement on the mindset that things can get better and can improve. She refuses to accept a dead end and will work to create new alternatives and show that things can and do get better and so long as one is willing to put the effort into things, you can get something out of it.

Flaws:

Careless: Perhaps not with others safety, but rather her own. Not planning her actions outside of her running, Dauna has a terrible habit of being a 'yes man' when given directions or challenge without thinking them through. Easily wound up and enticed, she is a split second decision maker and that is not always to her benefit or those around her. She does however, have a cognitive awareness of the safety and consideration of her companions, and can be calmed or pulled back from her impulsive behaviors and careless actions.

Not yet Mature: Her impulsiveness is something to be desired, and she often can't quite match up to the more serious matters that come at her. Brushing of things is habit formed from being considered nothing extraordinary and so she rebels against the idea of commonality- which also means ignoring 'problems' and responsibility. Its only when things begin to close in around her that she'll wise up and take control and sort it all out, but outside of these moments, Duana is not one for anything serious or responsible.


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Blind in right eye, left eye is yellow/gold

Hair: Black, long in coiled braid? Uncertain.
Face: Sharp, small nose and small lips

Clothes: Urban parkour ready with a touch of angsty anarchy goth

Hi Vamps! It looks like you've put a lot of thought into your quest here, but there are a few things that we would like to address before we can provide you with a stamp!

For the civ side of things--

We see you've used the last name Delacroix. Is she, by any chance, related to Leonette Delacroix, your Barren Pines character? If that was not your intention in using the last name, have you reached out to SleetTempestSnape to see whether or not you may use it? If not, we would recommend doing so, or we can help you find an alternative last name.

The virtues and flaws look good and she's got some fun hobbies as well!
For her description, we noticed that you listed that she's blind in her right eye. Having blindness of any sort can be a hindrance in roleplay and can affect art. In the nature of fairness due to previous scrutiny of this, we'd like to ask for a little clarification! What sort of injury does she have and did you have anything in mind for how the blindness might be represented on her art? Typically, unless the eye was badly damaged, there is no discoloration so we just want to make sure we understand what you've got in mind before we approve this!

For the senshi side of things--

Could you possibly clarify 'liminal' for us, as right now the magic that you have typed up doesn't reflect the 'between' as we take the meaning of liminal to be. As it stands now, the magic you've written up sounds more like a sphere of teleportation (which is locked as a Negaverse ability).

We believe that a more apropriate magic, given the sphere, would be a sensation of feeling between two places-- like the illusion that you are in this plane but not quite. Your mind tricks you into thinking anything you are interacting with can't be touched/that people can't hear you/etc, or a feeling of uncertainty or unease, being 'in-between' but having no solid grounding. Like the world is speeding around you but you are not in it.

While you consider this, we would also recommend changing the sphere from 'liminal' to 'transition' because, as liminal is an adjective, senshi of 'the liminal' is the equivalent of senshi of 'the slimey', and tweaking the first two attacks accordingly.

For her eternal attack, unfortunately this is not an attack that we will be able to permit as it forcibly expels characters in an unfair manner. Technically it could be adapted to cause a pulse of energy to push them back, but as stated above, teleportation is locked. We also approve magic based on the ability to use it x amount of times-- typically, eternal magic is stronger than 'pushes someone 20 feet away', so pending what comes of our discussion over the sphere/magic, you could potentially have two uses comfortably without the necessity of passing out afterwards.

If you have any follow up questions based on anything above or if you'd like to talk any of our recommendations over please quote me here or feel free to send me a PM.

Hi Vamps!

After reviewing your revisions along with the shift to a new sphere, the GM & Mod team has come to the decision that 'Myths' is too broad of a sphere and cannot be used due to the root of so many of the shops senshi and knights in myth/mythology.

That said, there is currently a Senshi of Fairytales and a Senshi of Storytelling, so it is possible to narrow the sphere down to something that could still be useable in play, such as Lore or Fiction, provided that the attacks are set up in a way that there is no overlap with either of those mentioned spheres or Imagination. An example for Lore would be magic surrounding the weaving of the story, perhaps, or captivating the audience. There is a LOT that you could do with this!

I know that may feel as though we're sending you back to the drawing board in the event you aren't interested in either of those things, but the attacks that you had lined up for your original concept of the Senshi of Liminal would have worked with the adjustments we'd suggested during your last critique, along with the tweaking of the sphere. If you saved any of that before changing everything that could be a point to go back to and we'll help you out where we can!

If you would like to toss around any ideas or if you have any comments, please feel free to quote me here or send me a PM!

We took 'Lore' to be the smaller scale sphere, with stories being passed on verbally, and 'Myth' to be the larger scale sphere because, as you said, Myth is made up of many things, including Lore. You can spin a story to create something that would be passed on by word of mouth without being larger than life enough to be considered a Myth.

While we understand what you are basing the powers off of in your interpretation of the word, this is not a sphere or a power set that we are willing to entertain for stamping. As you have defined it, the shop is made up of entirely Supernatural beings and those that have lore and myths behind the. It is a shop of mythical people, each with their own mythical backgrounds and you cannot have a senshi that encompasses all of them (even if that is not where you were going with the powers you had come up with for Utopia). This has been discussed by the GM & Mod team-- and, as you have stated, myths are close to religion and religion is a restricted sphere.

If you feel that Lore or Fiction are equally too broad to narrow down, even with the suggestions made, we would be happy to help you come up with other ideas to fit the the theme that you have for Utopia. Both of her power sets have seemed to focus on fading in and out of existence or shifting from one plane to another. If that's a set thing you have in mind we could also recommend: Fade, Evanesce, Vanishing, Disappearance

Vamps,

I appreciate you working with us to try and get Utopia to a place where we can stamp her and I assure you that this is something that we want to be able to do, especially now that her finished art has been dropped!

That being said, even with the change of the sphere to 'stories' there are still some things that we have to address now in regards to her attacks. Neither the first attack (nor the second by extension, since it just reads 'same as before but...') reads as having anything to do with a story. Some of this could be changed by making an alteration to the flavor-text as follows:



Mind you, this is just an example and you are more than welcome to suggest another way for it to tie in to 'stories' on your own. Or you could leave the first two attacks as they are and go with one of the other spheres that I had suggested in my previous post [Fade, Evanesce, Vanishing, Disappearance].

The duration of the attacks are too long. We would recommend a max of 25 seconds for the basic attack and 35 seconds for the super attack with a 10 ft radius and a 12 ft radius accordingly.

For the eternal attack, three minutes is too long for an attack to last. Max for an eternal senshi is typically 45 seconds which can still be a lot of time to work with when it comes to a fast-paced battle. Much like the others attacks, I would recommend adding a bit more flavor-text to the eternal attack to make it fall more in line with the sphere of 'stories':



With all of that said, I want to let you know that I very much like the idea of a senshi whose attacks make someone feel as though they're fading from existance. I think it has a lot of potential and I see a lot that you could do with it without altering much about your first two attacks beyond the time limit and the AoE. My personal opinion, professional momentarily set aside, is that you should keep them as they are and switch the sphere to something that suits them more and then change up the Eternal attack so it matches whatever sphere you go with from there in the event you're not interested in the tweaks I've suggested above to make things suit a theme of 'Stories' more.

As always, we're here to help and you can either PM me if you've got questions or quote me here again when you're ready to proceed!

The rebalance for the attacks will work. For the eternal attack, as long as everything in the environment turns into an illusion of something that would be befitting of the environment rather than actually physically adapting it, we should be good.

The last thing I still need you to to do before I can drop a trial stamp, however, is tweak the verbiage so that it reflects magic that relates to the sphere of 'Stories' because right now there's still no mention of anything story-related in the first attack. It also probably wouldn't hurt to change Utopia's sphere in the header of the thread!

Quote me back whenever you're ready.

I could have sworn that I dropped this last night, so my apologies in the day's delay, but...

Thank you for the clarification and for working with us on this! Here's a trial stamp. One of the GMs will be by to confirm!