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 Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 7:31 am
Virell had been pining for three days. He’d wanted so badly to call out from work, to just stay in bed and process his emotions, but something in the back of his mind had been smart enough to tell him not to.
So, he’d caked on his makeup, wore a convincing enough face, and pushed through his fourteen hours days. He didn’t power up, he didn’t do anything fun, he barely even ate.
He just went through the motions and hoped no one was foolish enough to get involved in his business.
Or, that’s what he told himself. Realistically it only worsened his mood when he didn’t have anyone to ask if he was okay or to check up on him.
Nick texted a few times and Virell forced himself to text back but there was no one else.
On the fourth day he had a short shoot, noon to five, and he’d passed out on the way upstairs. It occurred to him that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast the day before so, sitting on the stairs of his apartment complex, he’d had to call for the fastest pizza he could think of. Slowly, he made his way back up to his apartment. He managed to wash off his face, change into something more comfortable, and then collapsed atop the couch while he waited for food to arrive. He kept his phone next to him on the loudest setting he could manage; even if he fell asleep he was certain it would be enough to wake him up.
Disappointed by the silence in the apartment, he turned the television on for noise and leaned back against the couch. He rested the back of his head atop the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling.
Waiting was hard.
Everything was hard.
As if suddenly inspired, he lifted his phone to check it but there were still no notifications.
He let his arm flop to his side and went back to waiting.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 8:34 am
Carlee had been wondering if she should go to visit Virell…or text him, and while she was excited that her brother was going to finally get to be happy…when he had let it slip that Nick had broken it off with Virell…she knew she had to act, and the next day she went over to her friend’s apartment, knocking softly, and finally just trying the door, pleased to find it unlocked.
Pleased and a little worried.
She slowly tiptoed into the apartment, and when she saw Virell on the couch, she managed to smile a little, and finally threw herself at the blonde.
“Virelllll. What are you doing? Your door was unlocked, so I just let myself in, I supposed I should have called or texted you…but I didn’t want you to run away or hide from me if you knew I was coming.”
Carlee climbed onto the couch and wrapped her arms around her friend, squeezing tightly. “How are you doing? Are you okay? I…I heard about what Nick did…and I’m sorry…is there anything I can do?”
She looked down at him, frowning, worry and compassion in her eyes. “You’re one of my best friends, Virell…why didn’t you call me? Or text me? I should have heard this from you!”
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2018 8:47 am
Ordinarily, Virell might have been startled to see Carlee there, but combined with his hunger, tiredness and mood he didn’t even seem that surprised. He picked his head up to look at her and blinked.
“Oh, hi Carlee,” he greeted, torn between feeling awful that she could see him like this and happy that he finally had someone to talk to.
…Even if he couldn’t quite talk to her because she was Arias’ sister after all.
She was smart, though; if she’d called or texted, he might have just hid. Or maybe not, it sounded like so much effort.
He didn’t make much effort to move but neither did he try to pull away from her in the slightest. He tried to smile when he saw her but it was disappointingly short lived and faded when he began speaking again.
“I thought you’d already know,” he answered. Arias had to have told her about the engagement; she had to have had an idea of what that meant for him. “Didn’t seem like it was worth making a big deal out of. Especially since I’m sure your brother’s happy about the engagement. Why would I want to take something like that from him, or you?”
Of course, being petty and vindictive sounded like it would probably be really good to soothe the hurt he was feeling, but it sounded like too much energy. That, and he didn’t want to actually lose Nick and Carlee.
Nick had said he wanted to stay friends.
Carlee said he was one of her best friends.
Virell could cling to that and hope it was true, even if it was just to make himself feel a little less hollow inside.
He didn’t answer any of her other questions; he could lie and say he was fine, but Carlee wasn’t stupid. He didn’t know if there was anything she, or anyone could do.
Vaguely, he shrugged.
“I’m waiting for a pizza. Have you eaten recently? You can stay, we’ll share.”
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 8:25 am
Carlee frowned slightly and flopped against the blonde with a little more force, wriggling her arms so they slid between him and the couch. “Your feelings are worth making a big deal of. Don’t talk like that. Yeah my brother is happy, but I don’t want to see you unhappy by any of this…”
She didn’t really feel…happy to be with Virell right now, but she felt content to be snuggled up against him, her face buried against his chest. She could help him from here…or at least she could see that he was doing…at least somewhat okay. Okay-ish?
He was alive at the very least…but she knew he wasn’t okay. Not really.
“I haven’t eaten for a while…pizza sounds good. Maybe we could watch a movie too? Maybe I could spend the night? I already told my parents I wasn’t going to be coming home, so they know I’ll be out, though I bet they think I’m staying with Ciel…but I’m not.”
Sighing at the very thought, Carlee wiggled closer, closing her eyes for a moment and squeezing Virell tightly. “You know I love you, right Virell? I think you’re one of the coolest people in this city, you’re someone that I really look up to, and I really do want you to be happy…so clearly we have to find you a boyfriend that isn’t a stupid cheater…”
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2018 8:59 am
Virell offered a tired smile when she said his feelings mattered, not because he was particular bitter about any of what she said but because he had never been able to think like that. His feelings were important, to him. Not necessarily anyone else. But, here she was, checking up on him.
He wrapped his arm around her. “Mm, you can stay. And we can watch any movie you want, as long as you do all the work. I’m really tired,” he confessed. His stomach growled almost immediately afterwards and he sighed heavily before putting his free hand over it as if to silence it.
The last thing he needed was his body betraying him by making such a fuss.
He pulled Carlee a little closer and pat her back.
“You’re always so sweet to me.” Except when she found out hat he was dating her brother’s boyfriend but that aside. “I’m not completely innocent though. Ive dated all sorts of people, and I knew some of them were taken. I just get lonely,” he sighed. “And desperate. And it’s my own fault, all of this. Nick isn’t a bad guy. We weren’t supposed to be anything serious, I just fell for him.”
Almost pathetically, he mumbled, “Hard.”
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2018 9:27 am
Carlee sighed, snuggling closer to the blonde and opening her eyes again, enjoying him rubbing her back. “…What kind of pizza did you order? Did you get a lot? Did you get cheesesticks?”
She didn’t know what to say to comfort him. She wasn’t good at this…she felt like a useless lump right now and she wasn’t sure where to begin with things. There was still a small part that resented him for trying to steal Arias’ boyfriend but…but at the same time…it was all Nick’s fault so…
Love was just really, really confusing. And annoying.
“Nick is a charmer…he’s a really nice guy and he just…doesn’t know when to say no to his feelings or something. I don’t know. I don’t understand you guys. But…I know you’ll find someone even better than Nick. I know you’ll find someone who makes you feel fifteen times as happy and excited as he did…and you’ll fall for this guy even harder…and he won’t already have a boyfriend. He’ll see you, and his whole world will be turned upside down and he’ll realize that he never lived until the moment he set his eyes on you, and the two of you will get married and I’ll be your maid of honor and it will just…it will just be perfect Virell. I just know it.”
There. That sounded like half decent advice…she just hoped…
She just hoped he would believe her.
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Posted: Tue May 22, 2018 10:56 am
Virell smiled tiredly and combed his fingers through Carlee’s curls. “That sounds nice,” he said, because it did, but he just didn’t have any faith that something like that could happen to him.
With him.
“I don’t know,” he finally sighed, “Nick was really special. So your brother is lucky to have his undivided attention. And I’m just sorry I got in the way.”
Sorry he fell so hard in the first place.
Really, he couldn’t blame anyone but himself, but pointing singers didn’t bring any relief. He wasn’t even mad that Nick had decided to get serious, he was just hurting because there was a void in his heart and he didn’t know how to fill it. He felt lonely, and his mind started to wander and that was the real problem.
No one had said it, except for the voice in the back of his mind. He felt empty. A pretty shell of a person who had no consistency, no mass, no appeal. He wasn’t brave, not smart, not creative in any way but dressing people up to look better. He didn’t have impressive skills—modeling, really? He wasn’t so stupid that he actually thought his modeling was a hard skill to mimic. Anyone could do it.
He wasn’t anything special.
And everyone who knew him must have known that because he couldn’t think of a single person who had gone out of their way for him. But then, he hadn’t really gone out of his way for them either, so it was only fair.
Carlee was the exception, but she was young and probably too pure. Virell wondered how alike she and Arias must have been but it wasn’t long before his mind shut him out of that thought process and instead returned to the only thing he couldn’t twist into some self-loathing internal commentary.
“I ordered whatever we got the last time you were here for pizza.” He has been too tired to pick anything out and jus told them to pull up the last order. He couldn’t remember what it was anyway, even if he wasn’t exhausted.
Nothing about him radiated his usual confidence; he didn’t have anything left. Maybe food would help, but if he didn’t have that he didn’t know what else he could rely on. If the only cure was a new boyfriend, he might be waiting for a while; no one was biting and he didn’t have enough patience to keep going out for one night stands and all the regrets that followed.
He didn’t want an awkward silence, or for Carlee to think too poorly of him, so he mused, “I should get that app up. There was a bug in the code. It should be an easy fix but I just didn’t have the time before. I guess I have more time now, though.”
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Posted: Wed May 23, 2018 2:47 pm
“Well good, that’s the best kind of pizza…and we had cheesesticks so, good move, Virell. It’s like you knew I was coming over.”
Carlee seemed interested at the mention of the app. “I can have Julienne come over and we can work on it together if you want! Since it’s for the senshi phones, I’m not sure that you can just…I mean…I think you’d need some magic as well as coding.”
There was a knock on the door and the girl jumped up at it, grinning. “The pizza is already paid, yeah? I’ll go and get it and you and me can keep talking. Or snuggling. Or just…whatever, Virell. I’m not going anywhere today. Or tomorrow, even if you don’t want me to.”
Virell needed company…and she was going to be the one to give it, for as long as he wanted her to be. It wasn’t his fault that he had fallen in love with a huge jerk…who was finally trying to get his life together.
…Love was so stupidly complicated.
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