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[Q] Chihaya Lockhart Lieutenant Inesite

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Stump_Fairy

Magical Girl

24,765 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Protector of Cuteness 150
  • OTP 200
PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 12:01 pm


Name: Chihaya Lockhart

Nickname: Chi

Age: 14

Birthday: October 13th

Sign: Libra

Gemstone: Tourmaline

Blood Type: AB

Fav. Food: Sushi

Hated Food: Hot dogs

School: Crystal Academy

Hobbies:

Collecting Stuffed Animals – Chihaya collects many stuffed animals that she considers cute which range from cute creatures too strange abominations for some reason she seems to be primarily fond of Frankenstein-monster-like stuffed animals. She's been collecting longer than she can remember, she has a whole room set up for them but that doesn't stop her from having a stuffed animal in almost every room of the mansion. Only her oldest stuffed animal, a bear who has been through several patch jobs, has a name Mimiko. Chi doesn't doubt her mother gets tries to get rid of stuffed animals as fast as she can collect them, Mimiko is the only stuffed animal Chi would raise hell over if anything were to happen to her.

Music - Chihaya being a rich young lady was forced to play an instrument. While she chose piano she mostly plays the instrument to appease her mother. But other than the piano she seems to enjoy other types of music as well and frequents music shops when she can get away from her babysitters. The music that Chihaya likes would certainly break most people's image of a girl from high-class society, she listens to rock and alternative music and likes to sneak away to those music shops that fit the right atmosphere to listen to it.

Virtues:

Inteligent -- Chihaya picks up information quite quickly. She's quick to try and apply things she has read to the real world... which is awkward when it is from a romance novel. Usually, doesn't need to be taught something twice. While she knows a number of various things it doesn't take long for Chi to become bored so most of her knowledge is only partial.

Calm, Collected-- Chi is an analytical thinker and is usually able to plan things out in stressful situations. This stems from the rich lifestyle not only from social events she has to attend but the countless kidnap scenarios that her mother threw her into as a child. Yes, her mother would randomly have her 'kidnapped' and make her figure out how to either remain calm or escape. Most people would say this is abuse but for Chi it made her think that one time she did get kidnapped seem like a walk in the park. For the most part, she is able to keep her mind on her task, unless she finds something or someone more interesting than her current task.

Flaws:

Apathetic -- Chi is primarily a soft monotone speaker. She comes across standoffish and sarcastic to many people she meets for the first time. This also comes from the fact that her face always looks bored/exasperated... there is even an urban legend the one time she smiled it scared another student for life. Chi herself is unsure if its true. It's the reason why she tends to tune out conversations and speak in the short straight to the point sentences. For example, she may mean to say 'The bear is cute.' But will just say 'Bear' instead.

Short Attention Span -- Chi seems to be constantly on the lookout for something interesting to do. It might be because her life is primarily routine but she likes to find things or even people who interrupt the structured way her day is supposed to play out. Chi likes trying things her mother typically doesn't want her to do which may be seen as rebellious but its more of she wants to try it once and then move on.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION


Old Art refrences?
old art refrences
Eyes: Because of her albinoism her iris appear violet with red accents her pupils also appear to have a red shine. example

Hair: Pin straight white hair that roughly reaches her back.

Face: She has a round face.

Clothes: Chihaya might be her mom's dress up doll but she can primarily be found wearing dark or black clothing. She actually doesn't like her crystal academy uniform because it washes out her complexion.
PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2018 12:02 pm


Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Inesite

I checked the list but wut do I know.
Challenge: Die... I guess?

Uniform:

I don't have anything locked down but I kinda want something lolita inspired...
something like this for the base.

Weapon

I want to grow to a scythe but I'm having some trouble with the details

Lieutenant Weapon: plastic garden trowel plastic

Captain Weapon: Hoe?

General Weapon: Old scythe design that can be recolored and fixed like changing it to black and pink.

Stump_Fairy

Magical Girl

24,765 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Protector of Cuteness 150
  • OTP 200


iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps


Trash Husband

PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2018 12:34 am


hello im here w/ crit

my advice is to perhaps give her a group activity as a hobby to help enable her to meet others. It's neither a here nor there, but a small thing to possibly consider when planning for future plots and the like.

Virtues-
At 14 years old, when you say 'Almost everything' well- everything is a lot. She know quantum physics? topography, geology? point-Using 'absolutes' or 'catch all' turns of phrase make a character come off as over the top. This is a trait I'd suggest writing a bit more in depth and place into the context of her age/schooling/upbringing. It's perfectly fine to have a smart character but to pull this as a personality trait, it needs to reflect how this shapes her interactions and day to day relationships with others.
IE: 'Chi is a fast learning, and is quick to engross herself into new things she finds interesting. As a result, she picks up facts and retains them well enough, giving her a general if somewhat eclectic knowledge of topics. She uses her smarts to her advantage when faced with confrontations and isn't afraid to back up her words with facts.'
^ Giving a bit more depth, adding a context to enforce how the trait itself forms and functions makes it much more believable and workable!

Calm,collected: This also needs a bit more fine tuning but also a bit more because you have Chi as willing to argue in her prior trait. This also has the pitfall of the 'absolutes' i mentioned earlier. Something like 'Chi is able to maintain composure when put under stress to a high degree, but when X, Y or Z happens she can snap. However she can recover-"
To make a trait like this have a lot of impact and be heavy, having key actions or events that 'break' the trait make it a more cohesive and rounded one. No one is calm and collected all the time, and in such a trait its good to point out when it's not! Doing so helps enforce that yes, this is a regular thing, but also, that it's not always forever with no exception. Sprinkle in how this shapes her inteactions and relationships with others and it'll be A+!

Pokerface- This does not come off a flaw so much as a virtue because of how it's written like a skill rather than a detriment. Having a pokerface and being able to hide your emotions is a good skill- but as a flaw, you need to highlight how this negatively impacts her relationships with others, how it negatively impacts her day to day life.

Lost in translation- I'm not quite sure how this is a personality trait rather than a character quirk. It's also something that sounds more like a speaking disability than a bilingual issue. From what i understand of most native bilingual speakers, they will typically change phrases only in very certain instances or with certain actions, (IE- my father would only start yelling in french if he was 100% pissed at wood crafting. It was only at wood working he'd just switch to cussing in french and it was just what he always did).
This is something i'd perhaps rethink because a speaking flaw is not a character flaw of a personality.

Final note- If she is albino, she will have severe genetic illnesses as a result. The shop itself allows anime hair and eyes w/o albinism so if you do want those color choices they dont need to be tied to albinism. However if she is written to be albino, she'd have the severe genetic defects that come with.

Padparadschas- I don't think this is available as a nega name as sapphire is not allowed and gemstones aren't either. It's got to be a mineral last I was aware!

Stump_Fairy
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2018 6:32 pm


Stump_Fairy


Hello Stump_Fairy!

Chihaya looks like a very interesting character, I cannot wait to see what you do with her in Destiny City. I do have some things to go over with you so we can get her moving onward and upwards! (As an aside, my heart is broken, how can anyone not love hotdogs! ;w; They're trash, but they're delicious trash? Ah well, c'est la vie!)

For her 'reading' hobby - if she only reads because there is nothing better to be doing and doesn't actually enjoy it, it's not really a hobby (an activity done in one's leisure time for pleasure), it's more a "time sink" as it reads, not a hobby. If you wanted to reword it as something she does for enjoyment it would be fine!

With 'collecting stuffed animals' I would maybe expand a little bit on this. How large is her collection? How long as she been collecting? Does she have favorite brands or does that matter at all? Are they mostly gifts or does she pick them herself? Are they named? Do they have personalities and backstories/stories to them? Are they just stuffed animals to her - or so much more? Which one(s) are her favorite(s)?

Piano is a wonderful instrument! With this one, I would recommend changing this hobby to 'music' and then expanding on the types of music she enjoys and keeping in that she plays piano to please her mother. It's a very solid, interesting character point and says a lot about Chihaya being a 'people pleaser' and a 'mediator' type.

Intelligence is a great virtue to have, especially in someone so young! This looks fine to me, and I can't wait to see how her 'book intelligence' lands her in trouble in Destiny City! It's going to be fantastic.

For 'calm, collected' I think you need to expand on how she manages to stay level-headed in stressful situations and how she became such a steadfast person. Also, moving the 'easily distracted' portion down into flaws would be helpful as you need a second flaw (which I will address in a moment).

In the flaws section you have two flaws written down that when described can be attributed to essentially one thing: apathy. It's a fantastic flaw for Chihaya and I believe that's precisely what you were going for, so I recommend combining your current flaws into one called 'apathetic' and then adding a second flaw based off the way that she is easily distracted/bored.

As a person with albinism, Chihaya would potentially have related medical conditions which you may or may not want to explore - this is a magical fantasy shop, after all - and that's completely up to whether or not you would find that sort of thing interesting/enjoyable.

For the powered side, she looks really good! Inesite is currently open, challenge is fine, Uniform is fine with some added military accents to make it fit the uniform guidelines a bit more, and I believe the weapon progression should be fine going from a plastic garden trowel --> hoe --> scythe.

I hope that my critique is helpful in completing Chihaya's profile for stamping! The suggestions I made are just that - suggestions - and you do not have to take them; however, the issues I noted will need to be corrected before she can be stamped properly.

Please let me know if you have any further questions, comments, or concerns and I will do my best to work with you to address them. Feel free to quote me when you're ready and I will come back by!

-Sy

Syrie

Garbage Paladin

14,840 Points
  • Unfortunate Abductee 175
  • Married 100
  • Perfect Attendance 400

Stump_Fairy

Magical Girl

24,765 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Protector of Cuteness 150
  • OTP 200
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 9:52 am


Your crit was very helpful and straightforward! I edited all the things you suggested as well. Probably going to need another once over with the changes! Thanks so much for the help!

Syrie
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 10:45 am


Stump_Fairy


I'm so happy that my crit was helpful to you, and I really love all the tidbits about the stuffies and the kidnapping, it really adds layers to her character! I cannot wait to see all the shenanigans Chihaya gets up to in Destiny City.

Everything looks good to me now, so I'm just gonna leave this here...
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A GM will be by soon~ <3

Syrie

Garbage Paladin

14,840 Points
  • Unfortunate Abductee 175
  • Married 100
  • Perfect Attendance 400


Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

Dragonslaying Dragon

PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:06 am


Stump_Fairy


This looks good to me! I have one small suggestion, only because you mentioned difficulties with the scythe, but if you would like, you could instead change the Captain weapon from a hoe to a sickle? They are similar in style to a scythe but are handheld so have a shorter range; you could even say it is somewhat worn so the blade isn't extremely deadly at this stage. This is completely up to you, so if you want to pursue that option, please just shoot me a PM so we can make sure the details check out, but then you could plug it right into her profile! You don't have to change the Captain stage weapon from a hoe if you don't want to, though, so I'm just going to drop a stamp! Have fun!

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