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 Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 2:55 pm
In my years of growing up, I was at a point where I was very very inexperienced in understanding what sort of vibes people were sending me. (You could say I was lacking in my VIBEOLOGY ) Anyways. At first, I thought it was the "straights that are so straight they're gay. So guys would flirt with me in high school, and I would NOT know. My best friend, who I confessed my love to kept asking to see my d**k, and I had NO IDEA what was happening. At that time, my brain was stuck on binaries, there was only gay and straight, which of course is not true. Certain individuals would touch me in weird ways, say lewd things, and I would immediately dismiss it. But of course, sexuality is a spectrum and I'm finally, at the age of 20, beginning to truly understand that with my experience with, specifcally what is happneing with two pals. PAL A) Very, very very curious about the details of my sex life, keeps on talking about his d**k around me, sent me a crotch photo on snapchat mentioning masturbation, mentioned he has a taste in men that is better than mine, said he liked a certain girl because she was interesting, and later on said he liked hanging out with me because I'm interesting. Always brings up my sexuality to make some jokes and disses my tastes in men! AND SAID "If I was a gay guy, id have way better taste than you." HM. PAL B) Compliments my appearance a lot, We cuddled. REALLY CUDDLED all night long. I rolled away from him and made a bit of distance between us to see what would happen, and he closed it and rolled into my arms. In the morning, I bravely offered some head because I was feeling frisky, said no, but kissed me after? Made VERY lewd moaning sounds when I massaged his back once. Rubbed my legs at dinner and asked details about my sex life and what I do with guys, and later on kept moving his knee against my thigh. HMMMMMMMMMM. Now in the past I would have completely dismissed the weird vibes I would get, but now with the advice of my LGBT friends who have had their share of curious people... IT SEEMS. THAT SOME GUYS. ARE A LITTLE... CURIOUS???Anyways, I'm interested in what you guys have to say, and if you have any similar stories that you would like to share!
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2018 5:12 pm
acojosh But of course, sexuality is a spectrum First, I'd like to address this. It may be true for some people, but not everyone. For instance, I am 100% gay. No part of me has any sort of sexual attraction to women. I may be able to understand that a female has attractive qualities, but my sexuality is not a spectrum. This can be the case for a lot of people, so I'd like to just point that out. This leads people to think that a straight guy can somehow fall for a gay man which isn't true the majority of the time. Now, to your situation. I have had straight men treat me affectionately, but I find it's because I tend to be a bit effeminate. It seems like some straight men, especially ones who are confident with their sexuality, tend to treat gay men like women, especially if they are on the more effeminate side. I think this is because we're all wired to treat each other under certain gender roles that society has created, so our brains automatically want to treat the person the way they are perceived. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they want to have sex with me. Here's the rule of thumb I used to go by when I was single: If they say they want to have sex with you, then they want to have sex with you. If they say they don't want to have sex with you, then they don't. I think you have a personal bias in this because maybe you find your friends attractive, so deep down you want them to come on to you. However, if we were to talk to them and get their side of the story then situations where you saw warning signs, may not have been as significant to them. That's just my perspective with my own personal experiences over the years and what I know about psychology (for clarity, I'm minoring in it).
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2018 8:52 pm
Karmerruk acojosh But of course, sexuality is a spectrum First, I'd like to address this. It may be true for some people, but not everyone. For instance, I am 100% gay. No part of me has any sort of sexual attraction to women. I may be able to understand that a female has attractive qualities, but my sexuality is not a spectrum. This can be the case for a lot of people, so I'd like to just point that out. This leads people to think that a straight guy can somehow fall for a gay man which isn't true the majority of the time. Now, to your situation. I have had straight men treat me affectionately, but I find it's because I tend to be a bit effeminate. It seems like some straight men, especially ones who are confident with their sexuality, tend to treat gay men like women, especially if they are on the more effeminate side. I think this is because we're all wired to treat each other under certain gender roles that society has created, so our brains automatically want to treat the person the way they are perceived. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they want to have sex with me. Here's the rule of thumb I used to go by when I was single: If they say they want to have sex with you, then they want to have sex with you. If they say they don't want to have sex with you, then they don't. I think you have a personal bias in this because maybe you find your friends attractive, so deep down you want them to come on to you. However, if we were to talk to them and get their side of the story then situations where you saw warning signs, may not have been as significant to them. That's just my perspective with my own personal experiences over the years and what I know about psychology (for clarity, I'm minoring in it). Whoa, thanks for the educated and insightful reply! I'm just gonna start off that I'm very aware of that doomed fact that a good chunk of it is a lot of me hoping that they are in some way, open to some sort of romantic and sexual experience. I suppose a lot of which you said can be applied to "Pal A," of course personal bias is gonna appear because of infatuation, but there are some really odd things that pop up that I really just can't ignore. I wouldn't say I'm naive enough to read too much into a compliment an attractive friend gave me, because I've had my fair share of that to feel the difference of a confident straight guy, and well, a guy that is directing something weird at me. But I'm veeeerrryyy confident that something funky is happening with "Pal B". I think it's really great that straight guys are comfortable enough with their sexuality to joke a certain way, but saying things like "would you ******** me? what do you do in bed? do you give or take?" and kissing me when I was not expecting it raises a few too many red flags for me to dismiss it as a guy being friendly, you know? Do absolute straight guys kiss their friends? I honestly have no clue. But I mean, I read it a lot as a cry for attention, or maybe a means to boost his ego, but still, he's REALLY been pushing it. I've, a lot of times have been ignoring any weird feelings I've had towards some guys, even gay guys! I would literally, in the past, not notice that a gay guy was flirting with me HARD. And I think in context, for me at least, I wanna start considering and investigating the weird vibes I feel, especially the two I've mentioned. Because hey, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take right? I mean, now that I think about it, I've had weird feelings for some of female friends from time to time. burning_eyes But yeah, thanks again for your thoughts!
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Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2018 3:24 am
Sorry if my comments came off as "no, they don't want you, absolutely not!" I meant them more to be from an alternate perspective to see how much of it may be personal bias or infatuation and how much of it is actually there. Of course, only you know your friends so they very well could be dropping subtle hints. Pal B could still be in the closet and trying to come to terms with his sexuality. He could also just be bi-curious and want to know what it's like to be with another man. In my experience, and in my opinion, I'd follow those hints and see if that's where it's going. However, if they outright say no then my personal advice is to leave it alone. Even if he is trying to explore those feelings you don't want to push it on him, otherwise, it may ruin the friendship. I only offer this word of caution because I've seen it happen time and time again. When it comes to sex you have to ask yourself: is it worth losing a friend over? Even if the two of you do end up having sex he may decide it was a mistake or not a pleasant experience, and then end the friendship. Even if it's not true, he may feel manipulated by you and put all of the blame on your shoulders. Therefore, it really just depends on what you want out of it. If you are frustrated by his advances because when you push he turns you down, then let him know. Tell him that unless he's interested in pursuing those feelings further that you would appreciate it if he didn't ask those sorts of questions or play around like that. At best, he's leading you on. At worst, he's toying with you. I'm not saying he's doing it intentionally, but that's how it comes across, to me. Sometimes straight guys don't realize what they're doing, but I'm sure if a girl did that to him they wouldn't be happy about it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2018 7:29 am
Instead of questioning it, just enjoy it. I've had similar experiences with both male and female friends (and a few random straight guys). Flirtation is fun, so it's only weird if it isn't enough for you. maybe ten years from now you'll hook up, or maybe you never will. ninja
To me, it's enough to have straight friends who you're that comfortable with and vice versa. Just pretend they're gay and in a relationship: snuggle and joke all you want, but don't push or overthink it.
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