Backdated to mid-December 2017
Yuuri knew he had problems. He knew, and he did nothing about those problem. In fact, no one had done anything about his problems. It helped to give his family a reason to name him unfit to continue in his father’s footsteps as a businessman.
Thankfully, it wasn’t something Yuuri ever wanted to do with his life. He felt like it was a good thing to be declared unfit, and thus had no reason to try and fix something that got him out of having to do something he would hate.
Archery was supposed to be something to help calm him, to give him something to focus on instead of his moments of mental instability. It helped. At least when he was younger. He was pretty good at it, too. But not good enough to do anything with it.
Yuuri used to wonder if it was less to do with his apparent lack of skills and more his family trying to keep him out of any kind of spotlight. It would reflect negatively on them for having a failure of a child, and open old wounds and controversies.
Now, he didn’t care.
He didn’t have many friends growing up. He was made fun of for how he looked, not being full Japanese. The crueler of his classmates often discussed whether he dyed his hair black so he could hide that he was of foreign descent, and if his long lashes were fake, or that he probably used mascara. They teased him with the nickname nezumi-chan for his timid and skittish nature.
But kids were going to be mean. They were not as horrible as the adults who knew better and did nothing to stop it.
So Yuuri learned early on that nothing he really did mattered. He was just responsible for going through the motions of living, while trying not to inconvenience those around him. For a while, he thought being sent to boarding school in another country would be good for him. Maybe he could actually make friends there, but it was all the same. One way or another.
Yuuri knew he had problems, but no one had tried getting him to do something about those problems. Not from his family, not from his teachers, not from his acquaintances. Nothing. And he was used to that. He expected that.
Why try helping someone you barely even knew? Someone you weren’t responsible for? No one had actually looked at him and recognized that he needed help. Desperately needed help.
Until now.
He’d spent all of the winter break at Lauri’s warehouse, mostly curled up under blankets and trying to stay out of the way. There were a handful of times when Lauri had to leave for one reason or another that Yuuri got spooked, and found that hiding in the corner of Lauri’s closet did a lot to settle his nerves. He even made himself a nest of blankets and pillows.
Lauri didn’t seem to mind. At least not openly. Yuuri was sure there was frustration and annoyance about having to deal with Yuuri on top of everything else that was going on. It wasn’t as though Lauri wasn’t busy and had his own life to worry about.
After following through with his long made up decision to break up with Adrien, and his subsequent learning that Wolfeite had been following him around the whole time, Yuuri had been reduced to nothing but a wallowing puddle. He was incapable of taking care of himself, and lacked the will to try.
But Lauri had always been big on the pack and insisted the pack was everything, so Yuuri considered himself lucky, very lucky, that Lauri seemed to want to take care of him when he could have easily kicked him out, order to watch over him or not. He brought him food and water and made sure he didn’t need anything. It took several days before Yuuri was able to force himself to even get up to do anything on his own. And he had every intention of repaying Lauri for his kindness.
Even Tiberius had shown him a softer side and curled up with him while he cried and was an anxiety ridden ball of misery. He was sure the cat would find a way to tease him later, but for now he seemed to realize that Yuuri just needed a quiet place to hide.
It wasn’t until the new year when classes had started and Yuuri was back at his dorm for most of the time that Lauri informed him that he was setting up appointments for him; that something had to be done about his anxiety at the very least.
Yuuri had thought it was some horrible joke at first. It would have been more believable as a joke if it had been Tiberius suggesting it. But it wasn’t long after that Yuuri found himself sitting with Lauri at the warehouse, filling out paperwork as a new patient.
Thanks to Lauri’s suggestion to say that he was Yuuri’s boyfriend meant that Lauri was able to stay with him throughout the whole ordeal. Which was good, because Yuuri probably wouldn’t have been able to do any of it without him there.
In fact, the moment he entered the waiting room, Yuuri had tried to turn around and escape, saying he changed his mind about all of it, but Lauri had taken hold of his hand and lead him to sit. He was almost certain Lauri wasn’t able to feel his fingers as Yuuri gripped it as he first went to the primary care physician for a physical and blood work and other various tests to check on his all around health.
Lauri did most of the talking too, or at least rephrased questions Yuuri was asked so that he could nod or shake his head in response. Most of the time there, Yuuri was distracted by how incredibly charming Lauri was to the staff there. And to him. It left him in a strange state of awe to see Lauri like that. And there was guilt too, for wasting Lauri’s time in the first place.
When it came time to take his weight, Yuuri did his best to hide the reading on the scale from Lauri. A sad one hundred three lit up on the screen, and Yuuri quickly stepped off the scale the moment he could. The expression on Lauri’s face indicated that Yuuri hadn’t been able to hide it as he’d wanted.
He was later instructed by the doctor to try to gain and maintain at least twenty more pounds to not be considered underweight for his height of five foot seven.
His packmate played the part of the concerned boyfriend very well, and stayed by Yuuri’s side the entire time. It made Yuuri both relieved and sad, because while he was glad Lauri was there to keep him company and make sure he got the medical attention he needed, his breakup with Adrien was still fresh in his mind. And also because he knew it was just an act for Lauri.
But that didn’t stop him from hiding his face against Lauri’s arm and squeeze the life out of his hand as he got shots and blood drawn.
The blood work and lab tests came back negative for anything to be too concerned about. Yuuri figured a potassium and vitamin D deficiency was a lot better than things could have been for him, and took it as a win.
He was also pleased that it was noted that the likelihood of having an eating disorder was slim, otherwise there would have been more nutritional deficiencies, and wouldn’t need to go back for more testing unless advised by his psychiatrist.
Which he went to next. And which he also tried to back out of. But Lauri was there to keep him from running, flashing his bright, breathtaking smile at everyone who looked their way, while Yuuri kept his head down and tried to remember how to breathe, while also trying not to crush Lauri’s hand. Again.
The diagnosis for his mental health was… unsurprising. And expected. Generalized anxiety, panic disorder, social phobia…
Yuuri couldn’t help but question if listing out the multiple types of anxiety was necessary, on top of depression. He now had a half dozen bottles of pills, both medicine and vitamins, to sort through. Most he had been instructed to take each day, but there were a couple as needed. Part of him wondered if maybe the doctor underestimated how often as needed was for him.
But then again, he’d never tried taking medicine before for everything, and he knew it would take a few weeks or more to see if they did him any good, but it was a start.
He wished Lauri hadn’t been so quick to pay for everything, but figured he would just have to pay him back somehow. Probably starting with actually taking his meds each day as instructed. First he would start some at a lower dosage, and then move up depending on how well he took to them.
It was all rather overwhelming (and Yuuri was sure one of the meds he had helped with that) and distressing to know that he really was such a mess that Lauri went out of his way to try and get him the help he desperately needed. Maybe now he wouldn’t be completely hopeless and one day worthy of being called a packmate.
He knew he had problems, but after almost twenty years of his life gone by, someone was finally helping him sort through those problems. It was a horrible contradiction, feeling both like he might actually be wanted and a necessary burden.
Yuuri knew he had a long way to go before he was finally able to sort through those thoughts that constantly edged towards the negative, but maybe this was the start he needed.
Word count: 1673
