Isolder threaded tiger lilies through the flower frame he had bought specifically for this purpose. The specific flower reminded him of his mother's drive to survive, she had cared for all of her boys in the wake of his Father's cruelty. He still remembered though his family were all grown and spread far and wide. Older wise brothers, younger ones to be cherished and the most wonderful mother ever, she had been their guiding star, love in a sea of emptyness. Now he wondered how he could make her proud. He had found no woman to love, he added another flower. He had tried, many times but nothing seemed to stick...perhaps there was no one out there for him. Another flower threaded through the others. Tears began to fall as he remembered her warm touch.

She had been a force to be reckoned with, not for her great strength or loud words no, for her quiet purserverence in the face of all that came her way. He was sure that she would still be alive today had her pregnancy not gone horribly wrong with Issaly.

It was in Issaly that he saw a lot of their Mother, but also in the older boys too. It was a quality that was hard to explain..he didn't know how much of it he had gotten..perhaps it showed in his endless search for his brothers after they had scattered to the four winds but then again wouldn't any brother have done that? He patted the flowers experiementally, they stayed snug.

He walked to the shoreline and walked in the wreath held at just above hip hight. He remembered. Her voice played so many times in his head that it seemed to have worn holes in it. He wished he could hear her voice again, ask her what he was supposed to do with his life. He felt the heaviness of loss settle over him deep..like the ocean.

He walked slowly out, each step reviewed by a memory of her. The first time he pinned a brother and she congratulated him..it had been an older brother but he forgot which. Another step, the flowers getting closer to the water. Her giggle as she played with him and Isaris. Another step, his foot shifting off a sharp shell. His father screaming at them, his mother stepping between and taking the verbal abuse for them. Another step, his cheeks were wet now.

How could he honor her memory? He asked himself as he held the wreath gently between his hands. He was alone, he had no progeny. He wanted to give her lessons on to the next generation but had no way of doing that as a berserker aimed class. One wouldn't really want him teaching their children.

He sighed and slowly pushed the wreath over the waves to drift out to sea. "I miss you mother, somehow I will honor you it is time the world remembered your glory, quiet though it was.

He stayed in the water for a long time, watching the wreath move away from the shore, from the earth, like his mother had done so long ago. He missed her so much it hurt and his salt tears traveled down his chest to join with the salt of the sea.

She was there with him somehow. He closed his eyes and he could feel her there, a gentle hand rubbing at his tears. Her voice whispering in his ear. Her arms enfolding him from behind like she used to do when he was little.

She had his sister with her. The sister he had never gotten to meet but who had shared the womb with him. The tears flowed deep and freely. They were here, they were here he was not alone. Isolde...Mother.. Isolde. He would never have been alone had Isolde lived. But she hadn't and he didn't know why.

He hoped it was not because of him..perhaps he had taken too much nutrients..why hadn't he been taken and she would walk the earth..perhaps then she could have helped Mother with Issaly and they would both still be living.

Instead they floated around him, trying to comfort him with his horrible grief.

"What do I do now? Who am I without you?"

He thought he heard a voice say. "Find something to live for." He blinked..something to live for. He could not live for a memory. He needed something real, something living something concrete. His heart was empty..so he would fill it.

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