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 Posted: Fri May 19, 2017 8:06 pm
Evan had one of two bed time habits; either he made a spot for himself in bed with Cambria and Zac or he stayed awake all night on the couch. Sometimes he could sleep and sometimes he couldn’t; tonight, he didn’t think he would. He had some coffee next to him; he’d already had too much to drink and was a little jumpy but it made him feel like at least then he could blame on sleeplessness on caffeine and not nerves.
He had a nest set up on the couch; before Zack was Zac, he’d gone out and maxed out as many credit cards as he could. Evan might have felt guilty about it if Zac hadn’t bought so many nice things for him. He had a new computer, a pile of pillows and blankets, and—among his favorites—a 3DS. Evan had never really played a lot of video games before, but Zac had one out of his way to give him something he could do at home to make him feel like he was interacting with people.
And, it helped, in its own, strange way. He was working towards befriending a town full of people while exploring the intricacies of farming maintaining animals. He was nestled snugly into his nest; the television was on and a nightlight across the room. He hadn’t yet pulled the curtains closed; he kept telling him ‘one more day’ in his game and then he’d get up, but he hadn’t moved for two hours and was already planning to put it off for another day. Occasionally his eyes would flick up, just to make sure everything was okay, but for the most part, he seemed content in his own, safe, little fantasy world.
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2017 9:29 pm
Airi huffed as he stuck to the shadows. Damn cat.
Why couldn't she have been more telling. He'd know cats were aloof and secretive but hell, she had told him next to nothing.
"Find this house. Look for a young man. You'll know him when you see him."
When Airi had originally asked why. Iolite shrugged, saying that beat moping about in a small cave, waiting for someone who wasn't coming back. She hadn't been the least bit startled when he snarled at her in response. Only added that he should trust her, and that he should see it for himself.
So here he was, wandering the shadowy city streets like some... well. He felt more like an idiot, then the big, black dog he was 'suppose' to be. With a sigh, he turned a corner and finds the house as instructed. However, there is no young man within sight, so he searched . He pawed carefully at a door before opting to stretch up and peer in a window. It's only then that Airitech realized that Iolite was right.
There he was, curled up in a nest of pillows and blankets, much like the one back in the cave. While he'd never met the boy before, he'd seen him. The bangs were different, but Airi recalled the picture. He wasn't about to ask how or why. It should be impossible. But there he was, and all Airi knows is that he wants him. Wants to get back to him.
Evan
The wolf yelped at the window, desperate to get his attention. They are followed by whines and keening noises as he pawed at the window, clearly agitated.
Kyuseisha no Hikari When you forget how to properly write....
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2017 10:05 pm
The first noise at the door made Evan freeze; his eyes lifted and stayed rigid, listening carefully for any other noise. His mind immediately rushed to assume the worst—the Negaverse, a youma, a robber. It could have been any number of terrible things.
He thought about screaming for Zac, for Cambria, but his voice died before it ever reached his lips and he was frozen in place.
And then, suddenly, there was a dog in the window, barking.
A different alarm flushed through him; his eyes shot to the window and suddenly he was afraid of the noise waking Zac or Cambria. It wasn’t immediate, but he recognized the dog.
For a moment, he just stared blankly and then, frantically, he tried to push himself from the blankets. It took a few ungraceful seconds and he discarded his game before carefully moving over to the window.
His mind had shut itself off; he wasn’t thinking clearly. If he was, he might have called for help. He might have just buried himself under his blankets and stayed there. He might have just had a heart attack and died.
Instead, he unlocked the window and pushed it up slowly, careful not to let it squeak. He’d lost some of his memories of his time as a youma, and he’d done his best to forget some of the memories he still had, but this one, he couldn’t forget.
“Airi,” he hissed. “What are you doing here?”
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 10:04 am
When the boy scrambled towards him and not away, Airi whined again, though this time it was happier, lighter. Airi licked at fingers that lifted the window up until there was a sizable gap, where he shoved himself through without a second thought. His paws barely registered on the floor with a dull thump before he was pressing himself up against Evan, whining quietly. He spoke the boys name like a mantra, the question unheard. Evan might have been bigger then he once was, but Airi was still bigger. He wrapped himself around the boy as best he could before nuzzling his face against any part of Evan he could reach. "Evan..." He said quietly, the mental mantra broken.
Then, just as quickly as it had started, Airi stopped moving all together, and seemed to draw in on himself, ears folded back.
"...I thought I had lost you..."
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 10:40 am
When Airi came in Evan seemed to get nervous; he paled a little and his breathing had picked up. He couldn’t leave the window open—not if something that large could get in, who knew what else could squeeze through?
Promptly, he closed and locked it; he forced himself to hold his breath for just long enough to make sure that everyone else in the house was still sleeping before he drew the curtains tightly and turned to Airi.
“Shh,” he said quickly; his hands were trembling but he was trying to force himself to be calm. The last thing he wanted to do was pass out right now.
“I’m here,” he said, but didn’t seem to know what to do with Airi. He was torn between backing up and trying to pet him, so he settled for something almost in the middle and instead just stood there, frozen. “What are you doing here? –How did you—who knows you’re here?” he asked, suddenly sounding desperate. “They’re not coming, right? –The Negaverse? Airi, you can’t tell them about me, you can’t let them know. I don’t want to go back to—” his breath hitched; his voice faded and blackness felt like they were washing over his mind.
It was like fighting to get out of a dream that just wouldn’t let go. “—I can’t,” he said weakly; his heart was pounding harder now and he reached for the wall behind him to help keep himself up
He couldn’t go back to being a youma.
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 11:08 am
Airi quieted when Evan asked for it. "You're here."
He murmured, repeating Evan's reply, as he once again nuzzled at the boy,
ears perking up just a bit. "Iolite. She told me to find this place... To look for a boy. She didn't tell me it was you... Just said I'd know them when I saw them."
She was right.
This time though, it was him doing the silencing. "Shh," He murmured, tucking his muzzle under Evan's jaw and gently nuzzling at his throat. "Just Iolite.
She hasn't told anyone but me. I don't think she will. I won't either." He rumbled quietly, akin to a purr in an attempt to sooth Evan's fears. "No one is coming for you. I won't let them touch you. You know that." Atleast, he hoped Evan knew that, remembered that. His ears flattened again when Evan spoke, wearer this time. "Shh... I know. You won't. I promise you."
You are where you're meant to be. You're just without me.
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 11:25 am
Evan had still bristled but either Airi’s words or the sensation of some soft, fluffy thing he could hug pressed close to him had allowed him to relax, even if only just a bit. “Well, that was rude of her,” he muttered. “You’re taking this better than she did, though. She thought I was something awful. I just. I just got fixed, that’s all.”
He swallowed, afraid to say much more than that. He couldn’t talk about Zac; the Negaverse couldn’t know about him, either. He was suddenly self conscious to know that a youma was in the same house as a Knight and a Senshi—but there was no way Airi could know that.
He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to force himself to relax. It didn’t work, not really, but he tried. He didn’t know why he was still talking; his mouth felt dry and he had to force the words from his throat. “It’s been weird. Running into Iolite was a total fluke, I don’t even like to go outside. I just—have you been okay?”
He wasn’t sure what questions to ask, or if he was even supposed to be talking to Airi right now.
But everyone had been telling him he needed to get out and talk to more people, so…this almost counted, right?
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 6:31 pm
Airi hummed in agreement, still rubbing his muzzle against Evan. Then, he jerked back looking like he'd just got caught with his paw in the cookie jar. "Um..." He mumbled sheepishly. His ears flattened again as he winced. "Honestly... I haven't been. I think that's why she told me. Iolite probably got tired of me sulking and moping around."
The wolf snorted at Evan's next comment. "You weren't broken." He snapped, tone a bit harsher then he meant it to be. "You just... You just had..." Airi sighed. " 'Got fixed' implies you were broken. You weren't... At least, not to me. I knew you didn't belong there. But you were never broken." Never broken.
Never damaged.
Airi uncurled himself from Evan, trying to give the boy some space to breathe. He settled for licking and noising at Evan's hands, keeping some form of constant contact. It slowed though, when Evan had asked about how he'd been. "I.. I told you. I thought I'd lost you." He repeated. "You just... disappeared. I thought something had happened. Thought someone had gotten to you and I feared the worst. I thought you had di-" Airi cut himself off, unable to finish. "I went looking for you a few times... I even looked for Sanidine but." Airi shrugged in an attempt to cover the eye roll. "I couldn't find him either." Go figure. "I've just been staying at the cave. I couldn't.... I didn't want to leave. I didn't want you to find it empty if you came back." Airi hadn't been ready to leave. He wasn't ready to move past Evan. Even if it seemed now that Evan was ready to move past him.
"I thought I had failed you. I thought I had let you get hurt and die when my back was turned. When I wasn't paying attention. I should have... I should've tried harder. For you. I should have done so much more. I'm sorry."
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2017 7:32 pm
Evan instinctively flinched when Airi responded so sharply. His brow furrowed only slightly but his lips pressed together tightly. It seemed like his own instinct told him to avert his gaze but instead he forced himself to hold Airi’s eyes.
Even with the gentle signed of affection, it took a moment before he seemed to return to his previous demeanor and relax again.
The idea of ‘broken’ was a complicated one, and not anything Evan was brave enough to discuss with someone else. He felt fixed, when he’d left that youma shell behind. Or, at least, he’d felt more human. More like himself. Now, he wasn’t quite right, but he was closer
“I think,” he said instead, “Maybe…you don’t know about that part of me so well. I’m not…as well adjusted as I think you might think I am, Airi.”
He drew in a slow breath; there had been so much that he hadn’t been able to communicate when all he could do was chirp and whine and pray that someone could make sense of what he was saying. “Some Senshi fixed me. They found some way to make all the messed up Chaos leave my starseed.”
His hand raised to rest over his chest and he felt a dull ache; he tried to rub it away. He knew it was in his head by now, but it felt so real. “I would have told you I was okay if I knew how to reach you,” he insisted, but truthfully he didn’t know what he would have done if he knew how to get in contact with Airi. He’d been so focused on distancing himself from trouble, from anything that might remind him of his time with the Negaverse, that he’d probably have been too afraid to do anything.
“But I’m okay. I’m well taken care of, I’m staying with some friends. Uhm—I can’t help you with the whole Sanidine thing, though. I don’t know what happened to him.” There was a firm lump in his throat just thinking about it so he shook his head and combed his fingers through his hair to try and dispel the thought. “But—I’m here, for now. You don’t have to apologize for anything, though—I didn’t die. You didn’t have to do anything to try harder. I don’t know why you’d need to apologize—everything turned out okay, right?”
He forced a smile, but in reality he was still anxious. He had been a different person—figuratively—when Airi had known him.
He might have been Evan, but Airi had never gotten to know this side of him. The real side.
Evan was suddenly gripped with the fear that this Evan might not be good enough to warrant the comfort and care Airi had offered the other one. Uncertainly, he returned his gaze to Airi’s and awkwardly slid his hands into his pockets as he waited.
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Posted: Mon May 22, 2017 9:34 pm
"Sorry." Airi muttered seeing the flinch. "I didn't mean to scare you." That was the last thing he wanted to do to Evan. "True... I may not know everything about you but..." Airi paused, as if mulling over his words. "I think... I think I still a bit about you." The youma inched forward, placing his head in Evan's hands and nuzzling against fingers. "You are kind and loving. You are exceptionally sweet and understanding. You give forgiveness even when someone might not always deserve it." Was that a dig at Sanidine? From Airi? No. Never. "You are loyal to your friends." His gaze flicked to Evan then. "You decided to trust and believe in me when I gave you no reason to." He nuzzled his face against fingers, letting them comb through his fur as he once did to Evan. "Love you..." He murmured quietly.
Airi chose to ignore the continued use of 'fixed'. "I didn't know that was possible." He murmured softly, turning his head enough to scratch his ear against Evan's fingers. "I wonder how that was possible.. Maybe because youw ere human before hand?" Last he had heard... if a got to close to a senshi, some real damage could occur.
"You're safe now..." He rumbled. "I'm glad you have someone you can stay with. I just wish..." Airi's ears twitched before drooping. His statement was left unfinished. It was probably better that he let the Sanidine thing drop. He knew how Evan felt about their clashes. "I suppose it did..." He mumbled.
"I miss you." Airi admitted quietly. "Everything's still at the cave. I could bring it next time if you want? Your blanket..." When Evan's hands left him, he whined lightly. His ears twitched again as if sensing Evan's sudden discomfort. "Evan? What's wrong Sweetheart."
Talk to me.Kyuseisha no Hikari IF THE RANDOM POST FORMAT ******** UPS COULD STOP HAPPENING THAT WOULD BE GREAT
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Posted: Wed May 24, 2017 12:51 am
Evan’s mouth was dry and he seemed to be faltering for an answer. The world was spinning just slightly and he could feel a sharp throb in his head every other heartbeat. It didn’t help that it felt like his stomach had flopped upside down and he wasn’t sure if he was going to pass out or vomit—or maybe, both.
He reached out behind him, trying to find something to help stabilize himself. His fingers brushed against the table but he was too far away for it to matter.
“It’s fine,” he lied, because he didn’t know how to talk about things when they weren’t okay. “I have new blankets now, it’s not a big deal. I’m fine. Not what you described—I think maybe you are thinking too highly of me. I don’t know what anyone told you about me but I’m sort of a screw up. I don’t have that many friends to be loyal to, I don’t really trust people all that much, and I’m not kind or loving or sweet and I’m definitely not understanding. I’m a mess, Airi, and I’m barely holding things together.”
He didn’t talk about love because he couldn’t. Evan didn’t even know if he had it in his heart to love anyone. He cared about Airi—Airi had protected him, had been a good friend, but Airi was doing himself a disservice if he loved Evan.
“There’s not much to me.”
There wasn’t much to love.
“You don’t have to try and say nice things to make me feel better—I know myself. I’m not any of those nice things you said. Not now, not anymore—maybe not ever. I—I wasn’t a great human before and I’m certainly not any better, now. I don’t know what exactly happened but I know it was some Senshi that saved me.”
He was trying to focus on a conversation that he could understand and emotions were just too hard now; he gripped the side of the table tightly to try and force himself to stay focused and on his feet. “It didn’t hurt me so much, but I heard Sanidine scream, and I haven’t seen him since. I’m staying with Cambria right now, she’s asleep in the other room with her boyfriend, so we have to be quiet.”
He looked at the door expectantly, as if he supposed Cambria would be out to see what was going on so far. He was quiet for a moment and then moved to sit on the corner of the couch. He pulled the blankets up around him just a bit. “…It’s weird, being human again. Things that used to make sense, don’t. Everything’s overwhelming. I’m short tempered, I’m cranky, I’m afraid. I’m just trying to figure out what to do. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to lash out or anything. It’s not you.”
Well, not much, at least. He couldn’t help how he felt around youma, no matter how much he time he’d spent with them before.
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2017 7:59 pm
"Oh." He muttered, ears swiveling back as if he'd been hurt. Evan didn't want his things. He didn't want anything to do with the rift or being a youma. Didn't want anything to do with him.
"So?" Airi replied, forcing himself to speak. "So what if you're a screw up. Aren't we all? I don't have anyone either. I've got Fangite and you. I had Natron but I lost him." And now Airi had lost Evan. Airi shifted awkwardly, unsure of what to do with himself. "You were kind to me." He said again. You were all thos things with me. Yes, it was hard that you couldn't talk... but we made it work. I never thought you were a mess. I told you before, let me help you. If you're barely holding things together like you say you are, tell me what I can do to help."
Tell me to do something. To do anything. Please
"I'm saying them because I want to!" He said, flinching at his own tone. Too loud. "Because I mean them. If you aren't those things then tell me what you are. I want to know Evan. When have I ever shown you otherwise?"
Airi's brows knit together as Evan spoke. "What things don't make sense? I know I'm not a human but maybe I can help? I can as Iolite? Or... I don't know, Fang might know something? You know he wouldn't hurt you. I just want to help Evan..." Airi shook his head and flicked his tail. "Of course your short tempered... You're not use to this form... You're learning things you once knew how to do second hand... It's natural you'd be frustrated.. You can't blame yourself for that. As for being cranky, you're tired. You know first hand that youma don't exactly need sleep... Your body is trying to catch up. That's natural too right? As for being afraid..." Airi shrugged as best he could. "I would be too, if our roles were reversed. No one should fault you for being afraid. Least of all yourself."
Airi knew that Evan wasn't trying to lash out. But that didn't stop him from taking words to heart. He fell silent as he mulled things over.
"Do... do you want me to leave?" The words tasted vile on his tongue.
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Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:53 pm
Evan seemed to recoil when Airi raised his voice; it was unplanned and instinctive and there was nothing he could have done to control it. He jumped and fear flashed across his face. He trembled despite trying to stand rigidly, as if the willpower alone would be enough to keep him still and chase away his fear.
But it wasn't.
He didn’t seem reassured to find camaraderie in the fact that everyone was a screw up in some way; his self-confidence had been scraped away with a rusty blade long ago, and the hole it left behind hadn’t even begun to scab. He was a mess, through and through, and he was so out of touch with this world and all worlds.
He could never have been a good youma, and even before he’d been struggling to be a good human. Now?
He was in the bottom rung of both worlds, scrambling for a scrap of anything that made him feel real. He was drowning, constantly, and staring in Airi’s eyes made his stomach twist in painful knots as a strange hollowness echoed through him.
The names, Fangite and Natron, meant nothing to Evan; he struggled to recognize them, willed his mind to skim the darkest parts of his memory for some recollection, for Airi. There was nothing there and he panicked.
Again.
“I’m not asking you to leave,” he said, the part of him that was desperate to please others speaking louder than the part that said he should just go hide.
“You don’t know me,” Evan said, one hand going to his chest. “I had a life before we met. I was someone before we met. And all of that someone is as much of who I am now as who I was when I was that thing.” His voice trembled; wetness prickled his eyes.
He did not feel disdain for Airi; that much was clear. He was just terrified of youma. He remembered Airi, remembered the time they’d spent together, even if only in brief flashes.
“I don’t know what you can do to help me. I don’t know what anyone can do,” he said; he couldn’t keep his voice even and he could feel the burning as he tried to shove down his emotions. “If I knew, I’d tell you,” he said desperately, though seemed to realize it was the middle of the night and there were people sleeping. “I want to be okay. Airi, I want to be okay. But I’m not, Airi. I’m so much more messed up than you know. I was before I was a youma, and I can’t just erase that. I wish I could, I’ve wished for years, but I just,” his voice caught and he realized he wasn’t breathing enough. He needed to sit down but the nearest seat was past Airi and he was afraid he might never get up if he sat on the ground. He stood on trembling legs and said weakly, “All of this is really hard for me, Airi. I can’t control how I feel right now. I’m can’t control anything right now. I’m sorry.”
He whispered another apology as if he were desperate to placate the male, desperate to make him understand. He clutched the table behind him so tightly it seemed like he wasn’t ever going to be able to pry his fingers off of it. He couldn’t do so even to wipe at the trail of tears that suddenly began to roll down his cheeks.
He hated them, and he hated his weakness, and he hated himself.
He just wanted to be better.
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:57 pm
"But you want me to leave, don't you." Airi said quietly, ears flattening on the back of his head.
"It's true... that I don't know you as a human.. But is that suppose to change anything?" The youma whined lightly, shifting his position just slightly. "I mean.. What can you tell me, that would change how I think about you?" Airitech didn't think there was anything that could change how he thought of Evan. "You're my friend, regardless of how much I know about you."
Airi flinched when Evan referred to being a youma as a 'thing'. "What... what about me then?" He said quietly. "Am I nothing more then a thing? Am I still, after everything, nothing more then a creature that goes bump in the night? Something that shouldn't exist? Is that really what you think of me?" It hurt, to think that Evan might not want him around because of what he was. It wasn't like that was something Airi could control.
The youma shifted back suddenly, as if crowded and spooked. "So what if you're 'so much more messed up' then I know. I never thought of you that way, even when you were like me. I knew you didn't belong there but I still wanted to make it better for you."
He shouldn't have come. He was only doing more harm then good.
"I... I should go. I shouldn't be here." He was doing nothing but putting Evan in danger
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Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:23 pm
Evan was barely in control of himself; his body didn’t want to function. He had to force himself to breathe, to blink. The gears in his mind seemed like they were grinding against each other, sparking, burning.
“I didn’t say that,” he said shortly, when Airi seemed to take offense. “Y-You said that you knew I didn’t belong there, why can’t I call what I was a thing? It was wrong, all of it. It wasn’t me!”
His voice raised and he froze, eyes darting to the bedroom Zac and Cambria were sharing. He had to hush his voice and continued, “I was trapped in a shell, in a body that wasn’t mind with thoughts that weren’t mine. You said you tried to make it better, and you did, but I don’t think,” he stuttered over his words, trying to catch his breath in great bursts of air, “I didn’t like most youma when I was a youma. They’ve always attacked me, when I was human, when I was youma. It didn’t matter. I—I can’t control this,” he said; he held out a trembling hand, trying to show how little control he had over his body.
He doubted it was anything Airi could miss—the wetness in Evan’s eyes, the way his chest heaved, the way his body trembled.
“I’m not good with people right now,” he whispered, “I’m not good with anyone. Or anything. I don’t want you mad at me.”
He reached up his trembling hand to wipe his wrist across the back of his eyes.
“I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want to be like this. And I don’t want you to be mad at me because I’m worse than before and I can’t do anything about it. I’m sorry. I didn’t have any warning about this, or any time to prepare.”
He was jumpy and hadn’t had the time he needed to ready himself for this situation—and all the emotions that came with it.
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