Someone once said that time was the ultimate healer. It was said that time would eventually heal all wounds as long as you had the patience for it. However, some B’alam, the unlucky bunch that are left to mindlessly wander through the darkness of time with no real destination in mind for their pathetic excuse for a so-called life, find that there are wounds that even time cannot or just plain refuses to touch. Instead, sadly, they find that their wounds slowly fester as time moves on without them. They are left to the mercy of the world like a prey that is taken down and then left forgotten. They are left to feel the constant pain of their wound though deep within they feel as if their soul has been stripped from them. They are left to watch as infection slowly grows and takes over every inch of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual being. It infects every inch of who they are until they are no longer recognizable! What was once a cut or a stab wound eventually becomes an amputation, or a chronic disease. Slowly, it comes to take over their life until it becomes their life. Slowly, the B’alam becomes lost to the world and those they knew. They are nothing more than a disease ridden shadow that crawls through the world. They exist, but they do not actually live.
Trevor was finding that such a state of life, if it could even be called one, was a state that no one should be left to exist in. It was not a state that he asked for. It was not a state that he expect to be in. It was just something he woke up and found himself in. The signs, if there were any, were no recognizable to him, and that was one of the scariest parts for him. Truly, this was something that he would not even wish upon his worst enemy.
Day after day he is left to relive the incident that took over the last stretch of his cubhood. He remembered the day to be a relatively normal day. He was awoken by his mother as the sun started to rise, and as always they spent the early morning sunning in her garden. There were talks about an event that would happen as the sun started to fall, but Trevor, being so young, did not understand most of it. He just knew it had to do with his father's work, and that there was a chance at some fun to be had. He never got to see any of it though. Him, the one that Trevor now refused to name at this point in his life, had taken him and his mother away under the cover of all the amusement. Trevor could tell, as they inched closer to the border of the territory, that chaos had erupted and b'alam were sent to track them down, but it was too late. He had only his mother for comfort at that point.
He was swept away from his father, his brother, his home. He was forced into a new way of life that he had never asked for.
Much of his time spent with that b'alam was attempted indoctrination. He remembered the tah spending much time with him during and after the journey. It was very confusing to look upon the b'alam that had kidnapped him and see him act so kind towards him. Never did that b'alam raise his voice at Trevor. Never did that b'alam raise a paw at him either. He just continued to treat him the same way that he had always treated him, and it was just so very confusing.
Their talks consisted of the tah telling Trevor that everything that his father had ever taught him was a bold faced lie. Though he was titled a prince and no lesser than his brother, Alucard, he would never be held to the same rank. Alucard, because of his blood as a Dark b'alam would always be seen as something better, and thus he would always be treated better and be given more privileges simply because he would be accepted as the next in line should anything ever happen to their father.
He was also taught that Dark b'alam were the monsters of the world because of their means of survival. Beings that survived on the life force of others, whether willing donors or not. How could any b'alam look at the tribe and believe it to be a perfectly normal way of life. Yes, other b'alam survived on the meat of other creatures, but those other creatures were never other b'alam.
It was just all too confusing for the cub to understand. Though he was not willing to believe such things a little part of him accepted it, and it was that portion of him that kept him suspicious and confused.
Even now, as an adult, he found no answers. Only lasting confusion and anger. Oh, he held so much anger towards everyone in his life at the moment. He did not even know where to begin when it came to describing it. His anger was a monster all its own.
The Light B’alam needed to clear his head. He needed to get away. But where could he possibly run away to at this point?
Instead, he found himself mindlessly wandering his way through the slightly barren lands that surrounded the Dark Tribe. It was then that he wished he was anywhere but the place he, at the moment, angrily called his home.
The thought of running south towards the Water Tribe, or even the Earth Tribe lands did cross his mind. At least in those lands he could easily lose himself weaving through the trees or hiding in the tall grasses. But no. That was nothing but wishful thinking for now. For how he had to make do with the rocky landscape of the dirt and mountains that created natural protection for the night fliers. But, as far as he was concerned, it was more like a natural prison for those such as himself. Those there were welcomed, but had no real place among the Dark Tribers. Maybe THAT B’alam was right in his teachings.
Shaking his head, Trevor started to space the circumference of his mother's garden. Spring had approached from the depths of winter with little warning, which meant that the garden was getting one of its yearly updates. The grass within was starting to regrow, and Trevor could feel the distinct softness of the new blades beneath his paws.
Great lengths were also put into updating the garden space's decor. This meant new carvings within the walls, new items carefully set among the flowers and fountains, and other things that Trevor could not be excepted to keep up with. His father was going all out in renovating Marie's space as a gift of her return.
Trevor released a silent sigh from between his maw as he carefully took a seat among the newly planted roses. The shades of reds and pink seemed to blur in his vision. Truly, he was trying to not pay the area much mind, but his mind was doing otherwise. It was taking in every last detail it could, which was slowly bringing Trevor back to a state of unease.
He needed to find something else to occupy his attention. Glaring eyes darting around, his attention was caught by the caterpillars that were recently released into the garden. They were so small and extremely fragile, but it was their cunning and their stubbornness that allowed them to survive and prosper. With time they would soon cocoon and emerge once again as butterflies. Trevor had to wonder if he would ever emerge from his own cocoon. No no no. He should not be thinking such things. Not now!
Usually the garden space was a place of refuge for himself and his mother. It was a place they could escape to whenever the stresses of life got to them and they needed a place to mediate for a while. But for a while now Trevor had to admit that the space was not bringing him any sense of peace, and he did not understand why.
Why was this happening to him? Why did it seem as if he was the only one unable to let go and move on with his life? It just seemed so unfair, which fueled his anger towards the world.
During their trip to the place that THAT B'ALAM had chosen for his hideout, he and his mother had come across a cub that had become trapped in a hole. Marie, heartbroken over the cub's state had chosen to take the cub in as one of her own. Viktor, as they had learned was his name, soon became one of the family, and as time went on Trevor eventually did accept him as a brother. Together they kept each other sane and comfortable as they traveled together and went through their kidnapper's teachings. Together they were eventually rescued and taken back to the Dark Tribe with their mother.
Unlike himself, however, Viktor did not seem to suffer the same mental strain and confusion. Sure, there were members of the tribe that seemed unsure of the new cub and his place within the royal family, but that passed with ease as Gabriel happily accepted the cub as his new son.
It was as if Viktor, with all his mass, could just easily shake off all the horrors that they two of them had been through and just plop himself into his new place within the Dark tribe. And he just fit so well too.
So why could Trevor not do the same? What exactly was holding him back? It was not as if there was another b'alam stepping on his neck and commanding him to be the way he was. Or maybe something like that was going on. Though he was so far away and back home it was as if that b'alam still had a hold on him, and that scared Trevor. He did not want to be led back to that tah. He did not want to spend the rest of his days running and hiding like a mouse awaiting his end. No, that was no life to live for anyone in the world.
One thing he could not deny though was his anger towards his father. Magus be damned, for all his power and influence it seemed as if he took his sweet damn time tracking down Trevor and his mother. To make things worse he never did get answers as to why. It was as if the magus did not want to move on and keep the topic as paw's length.
So now Trevor sat angrily in a small bubble of hatred within the garden. For all the beauty it held it did little to calm his soul.
Everywhere he looked all he could find were traces of his father now. His father. His father. HIS FATHER. DAMNED BE HIS FATHER AND EVERYTHING HE STOOD FOR! FOR ALL HIS POWER HOW COULD HE ALLOW SUCH A THING TO HAPPEN TO HIM!? HOW COULD HE ALLOW HIS OWN SON, HIS OWN BLOOD, TO BE KIDNAPPED LIKE HE WAS!
The light b'alam shook with rage as his claws slowly dug into the dirt beneath him. Though he did his best to hold them back, he could feel tears slowly start to build and roll down his face. There was just so much he was unwilling to confront and release. There was so much he was not ready to touch on due to fear and that fact that he had no idea where to even begin.
Then a memory came to him out of the blue. It was a time when things were so much simpler, but carried so much weight for him.
He remembered it all so clearly. It was a time when he and his brother were just the youngest of cubs. Their father, who back them seemed to tower above them like the moon to a rock on the ground, looked upon the both of them with such love in his eyes. He seemed so proud of their very existence, and always both talked and pawed at them with such care. Anything they could ever ask for was always provided to them, even if their mother was against it due to their mischievous ways. The magus just loved them so. He always promised to protect his family with everything he had, even his own being.
So then why?
Why did he and his mother have to be kidnapped by someone his father put so much trust in?!
Was his father just blind to the lies that must have slipped past his most trusted adviser's maw?
Trevor just did not understand. Or maybe it was just that he refused to understand any of it.
Sighing, the light b'alam slowly look a seat among the roses that his mother had recently planted in the garden. Maybe if he just sat and mediated for the rest of the day he would be able to find some peace, or last least calm himself enough to fake it for now.
[2,219]
