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 Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:59 pm
The mattress bounced as Melvin sat down, rubbing the towel through his damp hair as he stared as the closest covered curve. Reaching over, he gently rubbed a hand against the fabric of the sheets and knelt down to kiss it.
"Do you want a cup of coffee. I have a tin of tea somewhere if you want that."
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:32 pm
Lawrence made a quiet little sound from under the covers where he seemed to be hiding when he was touched. It wasn't all that dissimilar to the way a surprised cat responded.
It was followed up by a sigh and an eye appeared at the corner of the covers, visible along with some very messy blonde hair. "Thank you but no thank you. I'm not very hungry. I appreciate the offer though." A short pause.
"Everyone is going to be very upset." he said.
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:55 pm
He looked back at Lawr and leaned back, moving to try and scoot him to his chest. If allowed, he went to stroking his hair to try and fix it a bit.
I missed this.
"Everyone gets upset with anything you do. They are grown ups. As for Rodney....well. You did tell him." He didn't seem all that bothered by everyone else being upset as he stroked Lawr's head.
"Better sooner than later....er...." It had been a while with Rodney. "If you do not want to talk alone, I can come with you. I don't know what would be better. Rodney might not ever want to see my face again, not that he liked seeing it before."
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 3:40 pm
Lawrence as always didn't protest the contact and was very light and easily moved around, he closed his eyes.
"I warned him a lot." he said. "I warned him all of the time. And yet he kept on.." Kept on having faith in him, kept thinking he could be more than he was. "It was going to happen eventually. You never asked anything like that of me. You always understood."
"I'd better tell him myself, I owe him that much, I don't want him to feel ganged up on, and I don't know how he'll react." He knew or at least strongly suspected the other man would be disappointed, beyond that it was impossible to tell. He'd let him down, he'd let everyone down, he'd even let Melvin down.
Melvin could leave him here like this and he'd be truly alone. He was vulnerable, in a limbo between stepping away from one life and having any concept of hope in another. "I'll go...later." and he sighed again in a puddle of pale skinned inertia.
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 3:54 pm
Smiling, he lazily played with Lawr's hair, letting the strands move between his fingers before stretching them out and letting gravity drop them back down.
"Where are you going to live? I'm not allowed at your place." He continued to play with Lawr's hair, his mind distant. Things were too complex, and he indulged in escaping to small, minor ideas. Where he would go as short. Short term was the only way he could plan things now. Anything else was a hope and he knew now that hoping never did him any good. He had to stop that.
"Will you give him back the ring?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 4:07 pm
Lawrence relaxed into the touch lazily. "At home." he said. "I doubt everyone else will stay. You helped with it as much as if not more than any of them. I don't know. We'll play it by ear."
The mention of the ring made his stomach twist. "I don't think so." he said. "I don't suddenly hate him, the ring was part of an honest statement of care and an intention to do nothing but the best for him. I still care about him, just as I still cared about you when things went the other way."
If Rodney asked for it, he'd give it back, but he didn't think he wanted to otherwise. "It's all too much to even process right now."
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Posted: Tue Apr 11, 2017 4:11 pm
He paused in his petting to look down at him. It twisted inside of him that Lawr felt so much for Rodney, but as Melvin was still here, still chosen, it had less of an affect on him.
"If he still wants to be with you. If he compromises. I won't mind. As long as I remain." He informed him before turning himself around so he could curl up against Lawr and kiss into his neck.
"Stay as long as you want with me. I just want to touch you. Hear you. Make up for the silence and lacking of these months. I missed all of it."
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:37 am
"You won't leave again, you frankly never did. I've never had anyone like that before really, someone who doesn't ask too much but gives everything in return. I couldn't really believe it but I do now." Rodney had given everything too but he'd had impossible terms. He wanted them both, he wanted a family that included everyone, but in the end if it had to be someone it would need to be the person he didn't hurt just by being himself. Melvin understood his limits.
Lawrence let out a sigh and relaxed alongside the other man.
"I don't even begin to understand why you'd take something like me back again, but I won't lie, I'm glad you are still here." Malkam was going to be furious too, and Mik. "It'll probably be a lot quieter from here on out."
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 10:52 am
"I have too many people who continue to ask me why I take you back. I don't need you to be one of them. I am too tired to care. I don't want to explain my feelings when they don't make sense to me. I don't want to rambling trying to figure it out because I know even if I had a million reasons not to, I still want it. I don't want to hurt myself more thinking about this." He leaned to kiss Lawr's shoulder.
He knew he was weak. He knew he was afraid. These were no reasons to give. He was already in for everything he had. Sometimes you just had to keep going once you reached a point. Maybe he would just have so much taken that he could find sanctuary in dissolving.
Or maybe he could replace and take what he lost.
He kept it to himself.
"You don't do quiet well, Lawr. Just tell me when you start entertaining your boredom.....and maybe wait a little while before you start. I'm very tired and torn right now. None of this whole mess has been easy on me. I feel much too fragile for anything more right now. I just want to be with you and recharge."
He wrapped his arms about him and pulled him close.
Quietly he let a few moments pass feeling him breath.
"Will you ever think of marrying again?"
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 11:09 am
Lawrence nodded. It was a good enough reason for him in the end, he didn't need to hear it all because at the end of the day he probably wouldn't understand it anyway. He didn't understand why people did things, why he could do the same thing time and again to ten, twenty people, and always get a different outcome. The only thing consistent about people was that they had a point where they broke, and what they did when that point came was the thing that ultimately mattered. He'd been convinced that everyone left, but Melvin hadn't. In the face of the truth and of the fact that everything had been a lie, he'd stayed. He'd seen what he was and yet he had stayed.
"Then don't." he said. "Don't do anything that hurts you, why should you? I don't want you to hurt and no one else matters. Rest, that at least I can give you I suppose. For me there's nothing but calm, even right now. I know I'm going to go back to that house and what I'm going to say to Rodney is ..." It would be like reaching in and tearing out his heart. "..it will hurt him." He understood that much. "And yet I don't feel anything about it. I don't want to do it because it's inconvenient, because I'd rather lie and keep you both."
He cut off talking too much about what went on in his head, concerned it might upset Melvin to hear it. "I know what happened hurt you. I could see it, and I didn't like it. I didn't and still don't want to hurt you, but I didn't want to lie to you either and ultimately I can't let you go. I'll try to communicate."
Butch started talking, talking and yammering, louder and louder, stay for ever and ever.
He ignored it, quiet and thoughtful.
"Marriage?"
He'd given up on that nonsense even before he'd gotten to the island, hopeless that there'd ever be such a thing as a family, a life where he was married and loved, where he could be a husband and a father. Dr Michaels tried, and would still try, but his confidence in marriage and its capacity to unite was shattered. It was just another contract, littered with loopholes and good for nothing.
"I'll marry you if you want, sometime." he said. "But honestly, I don't feel it as a concept any longer. It couldn't stop me being me, it couldn't change anything. I need to understand the meaning before I could ever do it again, if I ever do."
Slinking his arms around Melvin he sighed shallowly. "I will help you rest. I am good at rest."
But not so good at boredom.
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 11:29 am
"Might be inconvenient to you, but it will be worse to lie. You are being responsible in telling him. He had his conditions and would appreciate you being truthful after all this time. I know that hurt. I'd rather know then find out in another way. To be deceived by someone you placed your heart in their hands."
Despite the bitterness, Melvin felt cold at the memories of betrayal and lies Lawr had given him and could only empathize to that degree of hurt Rodney would feel.
It would leave a hollowness.
"I do not need that empty arrangement if it means nothing, but could I ask for a memento. A reminder of you when you are no there at my side? So I will be in mind and you in mine?"
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:13 pm
"Yes. It's the noble thing to do." he said with a heavy look of duty. It was hard work dashing dreams and breaking hearts when he could just have taken the easy road. He wasn't sure why people considered hurting others the right thing to do but he'd do it for Rodney.
"A memento?" he said, raising a brow. "That depends what you consider one." He moved to gently bite Melvin's arm. "An injury?" He didn't really do jewelry other than the artifacts he wore. "Because I like you mostly intact."
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:08 pm
He smiled at the n** at his shoulder. "I like being intact but there is a certain beauty and strength in injury." He kissed his earlobe.
"But something we can share. Something that would have meaning and appeal. Is injury what you find beautiful?"
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:27 pm
"Not on myself" he said. "But to an extent on others, yes. It is a human imperfection, and I find it fascinating when it is me who inflicts it, a part of me which isn't part of me at all, something enduring."
He planted a kiss where he'd raked his teeth. "What sort of thing did you have in mind exactly?"
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Posted: Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:09 pm
"A cut....or a piece. A part of me to you or a impression. Not like those before. Not like Horace or America. Something different." He moved his hand across Lawr's chest. "A finger......or if that's too outwardly damaging....internal. Piece of a rib? Unless you prefer the marking of skin? Something that would stay even after my weapon healed." He chewed on a lobe.
"Doctor."
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