After she turned off the ignition, Mei glanced over at Delilah. ”C’mon. You can’t stay in here,” she began, only to reach out and place her hand atop her friends to get her attention. “This is as much for you as it is for her. There’s no rush.” Though her voice remained calm and almost motherly, Mei brought her hands up in an almost defensive manner as if she expected the woman beside her to voice an argument.
“There’s still a few hours left before visitation ends. But you do need to go in there. If you want I can wait in the lobby.” The creme haired woman offered. It is the best she could do since she definitely wouldn’t be allowed in the room but several of the nurses that had been caring for Hannah at least knew Delilah by name since she was there for so many days waiting for her friend to wake up.
Sitting in the passenger seat had made the drive feel three, no, four times longer than it really was. Moments played through her mind of the days of Hannah’s disappearance. Over and over again she would tighten her fist and then release them. So much haze clouded her thoughts that it was not until Mei reach outed to her that Delilah even realized where they were.
Inhaling slowly, Delilah held that breath before it whistled through her teeth. ”Mei, I adore you but right now, I really don’t like you.” There was a weak attempt at a smile as she looked over at her friend.
Hand shaking, she reached for the door handle. She stopped when it touched. “Why did it have to be her…”
----
Mei offered her friend a rueful smile. She knew Delilah didn’t actually mean what she had said. Angry, frustrated, confused; so many things going on without adding worry to the mix, she really couldn’t hold it against the raven haired woman beside her.
Resting her hand on the others knee, jade-pink eyes drifted downward in contemplation. Though she knew it was likely a rhetorical question, she felt the need to reply regardless. “Because if it wasn’t her then it’d be someone else and then another person would be sitting where you are wondering the same thing.” Whether it was Hannah or not it didn’t negate the fact that had she not of been taken, someone else would have in her place; someone who might not survive whatever unimaginable things the captives had been subjected to.
“You know, she’s really lucky to have someone who cares about her as much as you do.” The lengths Delilah had went to in order to find her friend, no... sister, was both terrifying and inspiring at the same time. You don’t really see that kind of devotion these days. “However,” she continued “I can’t help but wonder if she feels the contrary since you haven’t been by since she woke up.”
“Delilah, it is one thing to keep tabs, but another thing entirely to see for yourself. Take it from someone who doesn’t get a chance to see their brother very often. You’re not only hurting yourself by staying away.” She had only met Hannah, while she was powered up as the Senshi of Prayer, once. But that’s all Mei needed to see in order to get a pretty good grasp on the close sibling type friendship the two shared.
“Come on.” Her voice was gentle as she tried to coax the other out of the vehicle. A reassuring smile lifted the corners of Mei’s lips as she pulled the handle and opened the door.
In one fluid motion she got out of the car and closed the door behind her before walking around to the passenger's side and opening Delilah’s for her. “Let’s go inside okay?” She asked with an outstretched hand to help her friend out. The two of them may not be as close as the bond she shared with the girl inside the hospital, but so long as Delilah needed her, Mei would be there to support her till she was ready to go in alone.
---
Slowly, and shaking every inch of the way, Delilah reached out her hand and closed it around Mei’s. It wasn’t hard to see that the woman who came out of the car that moment was not the same strong woman she was over a month ago. Her perfectly done nails were chipped. Her make up had not truly been done in weeks. Her hair had been in a ponytail for how long now? Oh how her stylist would kill her if she knew.
But still she slipped out of the chair and rose up, meeting Mei’s eyes. “You aren’t going to let me go home until I see her, are you?”
With a sigh, Delilah brushed some of her loose hair back behind her ears with a free hand. “No, no you shouldn’t. You are right. I have been living with this guilt for too long. She doesn’t deserve this….”
“But you are going to have to drag me. Otherwise I might make a beeline for the bus…” She was only half joking.
----
“Alas I didn’t bring any handcuffs to keep you from bolting.” Mei jested with a reassuring wink; one that said not to worry I’m not going anywhere without you.
Side by side, the two women exited the garage via the sky bridge then weaved their way around the hospital labyrinth of confusing hallways till they found the lobby waiting area where Hannah was staying. The entire walk was done in tense silence, understandable since she kind of sprung this on the poor young woman beside her. Every so often Mei would side glance over at Delilah to make sure she was okay and not about to have a panic attack all the while maintaining a firm hold on her shoulder just so her raven haired friend knew she wasn’t alone in this.
“Hi.” Mei was the first to speak when they approached the desk.
“May I help you?” The nurse behind the counter looked up from her current task and smiled. Stunning green eyes with lack of bags beneath them; there must have been a recent shift change, nobody looked that awake at a hospital setting without first chugging several cups of coffee.
“Yes, we’re here to see Hannah Carrington. Well...” Mei paused then clapped Delilah on the back; gently of course. “She is at least. I’m just the chauffeur.”
With the attention now on the silent bystander the nurse rose an eyebrow expectantly. It had been a good month since the girl had come to visit her friend, but for security reasons she still had to ask, “Name please?”
The clap on her back caused Delilah to stumble forward, grabbing onto the desk for support. “Ow.” Delilah played, in a half a** look towards Mei. She knew this nurse and also knew that for there not to be any bags under her eyes, the pot of coffee was empty and her new baby was at her parents.
A long sigh came out of her mouth and she looked into the green eyes. “Delilah White. Here to see Hannah Carrington. Is she awake?”
Her breathing was shaky. Even as her words came out level, Delilah was fidgety. “And is the community coffee pot on?” She added realizing the level of bags under her own eyes.
There was a look of mirth in the nurse's eyes, nodding her head she pointed to the table on the other side of the waiting room. “Feel free to have some from the coffee pot or pick one of the Keurig cups and brew something else.” To be more accommodating to their younger patrons the hospital got one of the single serve machines with a carousel full of tea, hot chocolate, and apple cider.
“Nurse Kimple just left her room about fifteen minutes ago. To my knowledge she should still be awake. Just make sure your quiet when going into her room just in case she fell back asleep okay?” The brunet slid the visitors badge across the counter along with a clipboard for Delilah to sign her name and document the time of her arrival.
With the same lack of lady like grace she had before, Delilah took the pen and turned the clipboard to face her. Gazing at it for a long while, she felt her hand shaking. Logic said she needed to do this. Her heart was still breaking.
One look back at Mei however and she put her name down on the form and took the badge. “I’ll be back.” She said softly, nodding at Mei before heading through the double doors towards the rooms.
Her walk slowed the farther down the hall she got. Each step seemed to get heavier until she came finally to the room with Hannah’s name on the slip. Her eyes flickered over it and her fingers came up to brush against the nameplate. “I’m sorry….” She whispered again before going to the door. Slowly, with a prayer on her heart, she pushed it open and slipped inside.
“Hannah?” Her voice was just a whisper as she gazed towards the bed.
Sitting upright, the girl in question seemed unresponsive to the quiet voice calling her name. Her gaze set far off into the distance as she stared out the rain beaten window Hannah continued to listen to the the audio book Quenton had preloaded onto the Nano he had given her a few days ago.
Motion along the wall adjacent to the semi reflective surface caught her attention and though she couldn't tell who walked into her room courtesy of the rivulets of water running down the window Hannah silently hoped it wasn’t her nurse returning because she needed ‘one more thing’. The CVC under her hospital garb made the visits a bit more bearable since she could avoid being jabbed in the arm with any more needles. Still, it did little to ebb the feeling of dread when her visitor stepped inside.
Hannah removed the earbuds, only after first pausing the small Nano so she didn’t lose her place in the story, then turned her attention to the other side of the room. Who she saw standing by the door gave her reason to pause before letting out whispered question of her own ”Delilah?”
Delilah’s face flickered. From caution, to a deer in a headlight to a very weak, edge of her mouth flicking upward smile. “Hi.” Her voice came out weakly as her hand bent at her elbow to give a half wave. Red eyes flickered from side to side. She was trying not to stare as she then brought her hand up to her messed up hair and brushed it behind her ear. “Um...so...um..well…” She struggled out only daring to look towards Hannah once and looking away.
She was embarrassed. Mad at herself and full of guilt.
But how could she ever even apologize. In a way, she felt Hannah was in her complete right to throw her out of her room! “So...how’s the food?’
For a moment Hannah looked at her with a confused expression before noticing the empty pudding cup that got left on the tray beside her bed. “Pretty bland,” she shrugged “nothing new. Dad snuck me in a burger and fries earlier.” Not the healthiest thing in the world but at least it was something with flavor, more of a comfort food really but she wasn’t going to complain.
How he didn’t get stopped was beyond her but she was glad that nurse Kimple turned a blind eye when he walked by or rather pinched her nose pretending she didn’t smell anything. She was a nice lady like that as long as it didn’t happen too frequently.
The pregnant pause that followed Hannah’s statement filled the room like a thick muggy mist clinging to the air. Distracting and making it hard to breathe let alone maintain eye contact overlong. She felt embarrassed, ashamed, and in truth didn’t really know what to say to break the non physical sheet of ice that spanned the distance between them.
There were several opportunities when Hannah could have picked up the phone and called her friend but each time she contemplated it she hesitated. A debilitating fear that had no name that whispered cruel words of doubt stayed her hand forcing her to remain isolated in the room save for the company of music as she stared outside or slept.
‘She has new friends...
A new life…
She has moved on…
...No time…
No time to worry…
She does not deserve this….
She does not deserve to deal with you..
No time to worry…
She does not deserve this….
She does not deserve to deal with you..
Let her be happy…
Let her believe you’re ok…
Let her move on…’
Let her believe you’re ok…
Let her move on…’
‘But… I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want to lie.’ her heart all but cried out in its response.
‘It’s never been about what you want...’
The realization of how selfish she’s been hit her like a ton of rocks. How did that saying go again? If you love something let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be?
Hannah swallowed thickly as she struggled to smile; it was clumsy but she managed it nonetheless. Delilah didn’t deserve the hand she had been dealt with regards to their friendship; to worry constantly or have to make time to visit her when she ended up in the hospital which seemed to happen more often than not. She shouldn’t have to stand there feeling guilty or scared to come in. ‘When did we become such strangers?’ She wondered despite having a fairly good idea when things began to change.
We use to be like family… Hannah’s heart wrenched in the most unforgiving way making it impossible for her to maintain eye contact overlong.
It felt as if there were a feral creature trying to claw its way out of her chest; digging sharp nails into her heart making it hard to breath. “I’m sorry you came all this way,” her voice had become quieter as she swallowed thickly. “I’d ask you to sit,” brick by brick the walls were being rebuilt even higher than they had been three years ago. “But... right now’s not a good time. It’s been a long day and I’m pretty tired.” It wasn’t a complete lie as she had her blood drawn about an hour prior, but it wasn’t the complete truth either.
A long silence fell between them which was only broken when a nurse walked past her room on their way to check on a neighboring patient. Finally eyes the color of the ocean depths looked up and only then did Hannah see how her words had affected Delilah. Shock mixed with disappointment, perhaps something else; she really couldn’t differentiate any one emotion from another.
“Perhaps we can talk later?” Again Hannah attempted a half smile and after a brief farewell she heard the soft click of the door shutting as her friend closed it behind her.
“Good bye,” she whispered knowing full well that ‘later’ would never come to be. Hot tears fell from unblinking eyes as a heavy weight settled upon her chest causing her body to feel numb. It’s better this way. At least she’s free.
