 Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 7:43 am
Saido stretched her wings out wide, their muted colors brightened by the sunlight. She loved his time of day, when the sun was high and hot, and it seemed to just seep into her, making her want nothing more than to stand around all day in it and doze. That was rarely an option, but today, it seemed like there was a distinct lack of the hapless hordes who asked for healing, as though she could heal them all without killing herself, and still fail some. She didn't feel anger toward them, or hatred that they demanded so much of her time and energy, just a mild sort of resignation, knowing that wherever she went, if there were others there, someone would need healing.
And since healing was who she was, it was a call she could not refuse.
Most of the time, anyway.
Still, days like this, where she was free to close her eyes and tilt her head up to the sun, and just be... they made it all worth it. Sai loved what she did, loved helping people, it just... dragged her down, sometimes, when there was always more injured than she could heal, when everything she could do was still not enough, when hopeful pleas turned to angry, bitter, grief. When it dragged her deep enough, she always found a quiet place to rest in the sun.
Perhaps she should feel guilty about these days, disappearing basically from the face of the world and depriving those who could need healing of her gift, but she never did. Sai needed these days, these peaceful moments, to reorient herself, find that spark in her that drove her forward, to heal everyone she could.
Even her familiar left her alone on days like this, off watching for the type of injury that a days delay would mean death. That was the only reason she would break her solitude, and her hawk knew that.
It actually became easier to relax on these days, since Xethoriasma joined her, knowing that she could rest and her familiar would watch the area nearby for anything fatal.
Breathing out a deep sigh, she tipped her face to the sun and soaked up the warmth. It was marvelous how such a simple thing could bleed the tension from her, piled up from days and days and days of working to heal the wounded, or the sick. Healing for healing's sake, one might say. And it was fairly accurate, she had no motive aside from an unrelenting desire to heal others. Maybe one day that would change, she would find a purpose other than this, but for now, it was enough. It was enough to just be able to help. That didn't mean she didn't get lonely, even with her familiar close, standing in a sea of Soquili who wanted her for her gift, but couldn't be fussed with knowing her. Who she was, not just what. Maybe one day... there might be someone who cared about who she was.
Word count: 504
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