The spider came back.

The itch, so carefully kept at bay, clawed at the back of his mind. It kept him up at night, tempting him with power. It whispered to him in the days following his decision to join the White Moon with Albireo of his weakness and shortcomings. Of how he endangered his family even more by declaring his traitorous allegiances and choosing the Light over power. It wove tales of glory and retribution, of plunging the world into the guiding hand of Chaos with him at the forefront.

Come, come young man, you know it's the right choice….

If he was being honest, it almost sounded desperate.

Merric kept it at bay as well as he could. A little energy here, a small drain there. He never fed it a starseed, too afraid to see what would happen in this sort of state. It always lingered though, whispering in his mind.

Just a little more Jaro, you know you want to… Come now Jarosite, don’t starve me out here; I'm what makes you the General you are…

Nina's presence helped when the hunger grew too strong. Her gentle touches and words helped to keep him from losing himself to the hunger. It was stronger now, he realized. Before, it simply ached until he sated it. Now… now it tormented him. If this was what starseed addiction truly was - or any drug addiction for that matter - he could see how people fell to it so quickly.

Power… Fame… You could have it all, Jarosite…

It stared with sweet promises of power, coaxing you into eating starseeds. A quiet, slow burn, hoping to get you comfortable with the idea. Have you rationalize it to yourself. It was ok, because it was only once every few months and no one missed the alley drunks anyway. You were doing the city a service even. From there, it made the hunger stronger, until you just needed one more, just one more. Yet it never sated you, not really. Those who could not control the hunger, the lust, fell prey to it within weeks.

It served the same fate as those who forced too much energy through a starseed: youmafication. The severity of the change depended on the amount of energy consumed, he figured, but he couldn’t find much documentation on the process. Only a few notes mentioned the most feral of youma coming from those who consumed starseeds, and only in theory. Eating what essentially were human souls was bound to turn the person into some monstrocity. It wasn’t bound to any sort of rank either. One of the late General Queens had started down that path during the raid on the Rift, hadn't she?

She died for her people and for the Earth, what greater glory do you need….

He counted himself lucky (or just plain stubborn enough) to have held it off this long.

Yet the snarling in his mind, and the shaking in his hands told him his luck may just be running out.