Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Kakure Mae Jameson

Nickname: Souls, Soule, Dawn (Kakure is Egyptian name meaning “Souls Dawning”)

Age: 14

Birthday: September 30th

Sign: Libra

Gemstone: Sapphire

Blood Type: O-

Fav. Food: Seasoned Quail

Hated Food: Pork Grimes

School: St. Mags

Hobbies:
Self-Defense – Kakure enjoys practicing Self-Defense on a daily basis – it keeps her fit and healthy, and purges her of difficult emotions. Difficult emotions that would make her life unhealthy. Emotions like Anger, Rage, Abandonment. Self-Defense also protects her, as she's had to use it one or twice on guys who won't take no, or think no means yes. It also helps to socializes more; with girls and guys who are in the class.
Reading – Kakure makes frequent trips to the library, where it's quiet enough to do some thinking and reading. She loves to read, mainly historical fiction of ancient cultures. Her favorite is Ancient Egypt, but there's no chance she'd turn down Victorian England, or Incan Empire or Aboriginal Austrailan, as long as there is a good story involved. She can spend long hours holed up with a good book, and has often ended up forgetting to do her homework, or nearly getting trapped the library after hours, because she had her nose in a book.

Virtues:
Courage – Kakure Mae has many fears, and a lot of self-doubt due to being abandoned at the age of two, in the park. But everyday, she finds the courage to rise up and overcome those fears- by simply getting up in the morning and facing each new day. She finds and supports friends who also have self-doubts. Her courage helps her to simply push through the unknown each and everyday, not knowing who among her closest friends and foster family will betray and/or abandon her next. Yet, she has the courage to learn to trust once more.
Integrity – Kakure has a lot of integrity. She will not lie, cheat or steal. She will not stand by and let others lie, cheat or steal, not that she's a tattletale (she will only report if she believes there is danger to life, body, property, and/or serious injury to emotion). However, she will try her hardest to convince others not to lie, cheat or steal. This is not because some adult says it is bad; it is partially because of the guilt felt, and damage done after doing so; however, the main reason is that one small offense can have life-long consequences.
Flaws:
Blunt – Kakure isn't the easiest person to have around. She doesn't have a lot of politeness. Not that she's into insulting one right and left, but she says whats on her mind, and she tells you it straight without any cushioning. If you need a reality check, she's the one to go to. If you need someone to say “it's okay” and mushy stuff like that, she's not the one you are looking for. She'll tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help her, god.
Easily Distracted – Kakure has a short attention span (except when it comes to books). She'll been given a task and five minutes in, something will catch her eye. Her response is, “OO!” And she runs over to it. Especially, if it is a book. And if it is a book, she'll be distracted from the time for hours, until she finishes the book – kind of how she nearly got locked in the library overnight. In school, her concentration is awful – most of the time, she is staring out the window daydreaming, or looking at the “pretty birdie”.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Almond -Shaped, Dark Blue Eyes

Hair: Dirty Blond color, shaved close to the head

Face: Darkish Fair skin, Oval, light freckles, small ears

Clothes: Student Uniform

Hey Hawk! Let's work on getting her stamped!

I really like Kakure as a civi. She sounds like she will be alot of fun to play and interact with. I bet she's also the reason people go back and double check the library now when it's closing time!

On her senshi side, there are a couple of things we need to work on to get her ready to go!

First off, would you please link the senshi name to the space body the name is drawn from? Just to verify and double check!

For her senshi colors, to be on the safe side, I would list them as black and gold. This way it is just the colors and you can reference the leather look as you have done in the physical description of the attire as well as the designs you are going for in the gold. Maybe just Black and Metallic Gold for the colors. Keeping them simple there helps the artist out in the long run by giving them a general idea since something like 'leather' and 'design' can to have different colors. (It still amazes me how I have two black leather jackets that are two different colors....>.<)

Now, for her attacks! The ideas are good and I believe I see where you are going with them! However, I have some thoughts for you.

For her Basic and Super, as these are related to each other, the first thing is the wording on 'spiritual'. Because of the religious connotation, I would recommend using the wording that it was an 'ethereal' Falcon that appeared and was absorbed by the body of the target. For example, on the base attack, An ethereal Falcon circles above Horus then dives from the air to boost the strength of its intended target. The Falcon appears to be absorbed by the target giving them a faint golden glow as long as the boost is in affect'. So something like that. >.<

The other aspect of the base and super is the boost itself. At the base stage, the boost should only enhance one of those things. Such as a boost in strength. At Super, it could either gain a higher boost strength or the ability to boost more than one thing (such as now strength and agility).

It should also only be about 25% to 30% of a boost at base. The 50% is more in lines with that a super would have if boosting one trait. This is because the larger jump in numbers is putting them on pair with the higher ranks. A higher rank should always have a bit more of an advantage over a character below their stage.

I also would like to ask about the number of targets. For super, the 1 is perfect. I would like to clarify though about if she uses it on the same person. The attacks should not build (meaning if one person has a boost, they should not get another boost until the first one has run out). So I just wanted to make sure about that please!

Also with the super, three targets for 2 uses is a bit high. In traditional settings, three people would be the entire battle (including the opponents). If you would like to keep it at three targets, then the uses would need to drop down to 1. But to have 2 uses, I recommend going to two targets.

For Horus' eternal attack, I am unclear at the moment if you are looking for 3-5 ethereal falcons or 3-5 humans with falcon heads (like how Horus is traditionally shown). If it is Falcons, 3 would be fine and I would please ask that you go into giving a bit more of an idea of how they attack or who they go after.
If the idea is more the humans form, that adds more complications especially as this is steering away from the idea of Falcons and more into the idea of Horus as a god. While a neat idea, it does not go with there sphere you are proposing. For the Falcon sphere, I would have to strongly recommend you go towards summoning three falcons that attack like the birds of prey they are. (Ouch!)

Please let me know if you have any questions! I can't wait to take another look!

Hey Hawk, Again, sorry for the delay.

Anyway! That does look much better!
One quick thing on all three attacks though: Range. How far away can the targets be from Horus for the attacks to work?

I would recommend a radius around them (something like 5ft for the base, 10ft for super and the eternal could go more like 15ft to 20ft depending on the second part of this)

For the eternal, outside of the range, two quick questions to help it:
1. You have three falcons. Are they attacking the same target or multiple targets? If the same, you could do a larger range. If multiple, smaller.
2. Please describe a bit what the falcons do. Do they just dive bomb and strike with their beaks? Are they using their claws? Is there are particular area they are attacking on the body?

Thank you! <3

Everything is looking good! Just a couple of small details and we should be good to go!

Super attack: you have 'The ones Horus indicates'. I figure this means two different people because of the two falcons but for ease when using the attack, would you mind adding '2 people each time' like you have in the regular attack? Some people scan and don't want them missing that!

Eternal:
Multiple Targets does need to be stated as a number for clarity. This can be done by saying that they each can attack a target up to three different targets or anyone within the 15ft radius may be attacked during the 20 seconds of the diving birds. Your choice! smile

That looks good! A GM will be by shortly for one more look over!
Thank you for putting up with me and my crazy work schedule >.<

Looks good to me!